Various

“ Dr. Herd. She's—h'm!—extremely civil and obliging. But I am parting with her, Aline—mainly on your account.
Mrs. Herd. (evades him) . Was it on my account, indeed, Haustus? You have parted with so many young persons on my account—so you tell me!
Dr. Herd. (depressed) . Oh, but this is hopeless! When I have tried so hard to bring a ray of sunlight into your desolate life! I must give Rübub Kalomel notice too—his pill is really too preposterous!
Mrs. Herd. (feels gropingly for a chair, and sits down on the floor) . Him, too! Ah, Haustus, you will never make my home a real home for me. ”

“ But don't you see, Aline, what tortures me night and day is the thought that it might unconsciously have been the pill which——Never to be free from that! To have such a thought gnawing and burning always—always, like a moral mustard poultice! (He takes more punch.)
Mrs. Herd. Yes; I suppose there is a poultice of that sort burning on every breast—and we must never take it off either—it is our simple duty to keep it on. I too, Haustus, am haunted by a fancy that if this Miss Wangel were to ring at our bell now——
Dr. Herd. After she has been lost sight of for ten years? ”

“ House will have its joke, and, if you won't make it, it sometimes makes it round you, using you as lay-figure. Your voice and manner in answering simple matter-of-fact question, were perhaps a size or so too large. But you'll get the hang of the place by-and-by, and will be all right. ”

“ House of Commons, Monday, February 27.—"Am thinking, Toby," said Rigby, just now, "of applying for Chiltern Hundreds. Parliament isn't quite the place I pictured to myself when I fought for a seat. Of course I've done pretty well. To be made Solicitor-General right off, with Waddy around, and Willis still in prime of life and energy, was a fine thing. But House seems perversely inclined to accept me as a joke, and that's not the sort of thing I'm accustomed to at Chancery Bar. ”

“ That Miss Wangel was a strangely fascinating type of girl. Why, even I myself——
Dr. Herd. (sits down and takes some fish) . Fascinating? Well, goodness knows, I couldn't see that at all. (Seriously.) Has it never struck you, Aline, that elderly Norwegians are so deucedly impressionable—mere bundles of overstrained nerves, hypersensitive ganglia. Except, of course, the Medical Profession. ”

“ In the Parliamentary world, Bimetallism supplies part of the Browning or Ibsen cult known out-of-doors. Analogy accurate inasmuch, that whilst mass of mankind are averse to contemplation of topic, the few faithful pass all ordinary bounds in the enthusiasm of their worship. ”

“ Kitty's father is a mysterious person, and she, not being a wise child, for she doesn't know him, does several foolish things, and says several wise ones. Kitty's uncle is a necessary nuisance, but a cleverly and consistently drawn character, while Kitty herself is delightfully made out of good home-spun material. ”

“ Mrs. Herd. Yes, of course; those in that profession are not so inclined to gangle. And when one has succeeded by such a stroke of luck as you have——
Dr. Herd. (drinks a glass of punch) . You're right enough there. If I had not been called in to prescribe for Dr. Ryval, who used to have the leading practice here, I should never have stepped so wonderfully into his shoes as I did. (Changes to a tone of quiet chuckling merriment.) Let me tell you a funny story, Aline; it sounds a ludicrous thing—but all my good fortune here was based upon a simple little pill. ”

“ And then the merry sportsmen didn't give the new Chairman the ordinary courtesy of a fair start and a little run."
"Oh," said Prince Arthur, "if you put it in that way, of course there's something to be said. But all is fair in hate and war. Mr. G. should have thought of that before he got rid of Courtney. Our business is to stop Home-Rule Bill from passing, and after to-night the way is clear, and the goal certain." ”

“ Well, isn't it enough to make anybody, who loves his country, angry when he sees what's going on. Why, the Government's going to turn everything inside out, with some blessed new law about elections. Registration Bill, they call it, or something of that sort. ”

“ The record of the Opposition, so far, is one of wasted opportunities and ill-conceived tactics. They have been beaten, out-manœuvred and discredited by a foe on whom, with proper management, they might often have turned the tables.... ”

“ When larger grown—the face that charms us.
If scoop or scuttle, spoon or spade,
No matter; each of them alarms us.
A Possible Bungler.—Through Reuter's Agency last Friday, we learn that "Bungle Khan is in Afghan territory." Capital man to be opposed to us. We shall be ready to take any advantage of him, as, if Bungle Khan can bungle, he will of course do so.
One for the Other Side.—Mrs. R. cannot understand how Mr. Gladstone can advocate Monometallism in the House of Commons, as, she says, she has always heard that "Words are silver, and silence is gold." ”

“ Dr. Herd. (as if to lead her away from the subject) . Yes, yes, yes, that must have been a heavy blow for you, my poor Aline. I can understand that your spirits can never be really high again. And then for poor Master Builder Solness to be so taken up with that Miss Wangel as he was—that, too, was so wretched for you. To see him topple off the tower, as he did that day ten years ago——
Mrs. Herd. Yes, that too, Haustus. ”

“ The benefits that Sir John Lawes has been able and will yet be able to confer on agriculturists everywhere, including those in his immediate neighbourhood, cause him to be regarded as a living exception to the rule about a prophet in his own country. ”

“ Rübub (has risen, and comes in through glass-door, breathing with difficulty; he is a prematurely bald young man of fifty-five, with a harelip and squints slightly) . I beg pardon, Dr. Herdal, I see I interrupt you. (As Senna rises.) I have just completed this pill. ”

“ On the right a stove, with a banner-screen made out of a richly-embroidered chest-protector. On the stove, a stethoscope and a small galvanic battery. In one corner, a hat and umbrella stand; in another, a desk, at which stands Senna Blakdraf, making out the quarterly accounts. Through a glass-door at the back is seen the Dispensary, where Rübub Kalomel is seated, occupied in rolling a pill. Both go on working in perfect silence for four minutes and a half.
Dr. Haustus Herdal (enters through hall-door; he is elderly, with a plain sensible countenance, but slightly weak hair and expression) . ”

“ Business done.—House declares by 229 votes against 148, will have nothing to do with Bimetallism.
Wednesday.—Hear a very pleasant thing in connection with an old friend. Am told that as soon as Local Veto Bill passes into law, Wilfrid Lawson is to be raised to the Peerage.
"Why not?" asks Squire of Malwood. "On the principle that the Devil shouldn't have all the good tunes suitable for Wesley's hymns, why should the Trade have the monopoly of the Peerage? Why shouldn't there be a Viscount Appolinaris as well as a Baron Bass, a Lord Barleywater to pair off with a Baron Barleycorn? ”

“ No!' rises up. That means I'm to go on with the Bill; but I know if I declare 'the Noes have it,' they'll turn round to the 'Ayes.' So, after standing for moment irresolutely, Bill in hand, I'm not ashamed to say I bolted from table, taking Bill with me. House roared louder than ever. Seem to have discovered excellent joke. But I don't see it, Toby. If this is House of Commons life, give me the dignity and quiet of the Chancery Bar."
APPLYING FOR THE CHILTERN HUNDREDS.
[pg 119]
Quite a procession of new Members took their seats on election. ”

“ This for the original English authors is a dramatic triumph which for the universality of their work is second only to that of Shakspeare.
[pg 115]
BETWEEN THE ROUNDS.
Perturbed Old Party (loq.) "WHICH, ARTHUR MY DEAR, YOU'VE TREATED HIM TOO DELICATE IN FUST ROUND! YOU'LL 'AVE TO PULL YERSELF TOGETHER, IF YOU'RE A-GOIN' TO DO ANY GOOD!" ”

“ Point was that, on supplementary Estimate, you may not debate questions of policy settled when original vote agreed to. Prince Arthur denounced this as absolutely novel principle. Chamberlain kept game up from other side, and for full hour conviction borne in upon new Chairman that life not worth living. Speaker, appealed to to-day, declares Mellor to have been in the right. Report of Select Committee on Estimates. Procedure cited to show Courtney categorically laid down the principle challenged, and systematically acted upon it. ”

“ You can do him, next round, I've no doubt, if you'll only fight up to your form.
Pull yourself well together, 'it 'ard, bustle up the old boy, make it warm!—
Remember wot Johnny Broome's mother once wrote to her boy—mark, and mind!—
"Be sure you make use of your left; keep away from your man till you find
You can reach him in safety, and then—give him pepper. Avoid being thrown.
But give 'im all the bursters you can!" Wich that Ammyzon, who is beknown
To the fistical world, gave her son—as you're mine—werry proper advice.
When time's called, my Arthur, wire in ”