Various

“ To-night, desiring to bring into sharp contrast Joseph's present attitude towards Ireland and the landlord party with that assumed by him twelve years ago, he insisted upon calling the Arrears Bill of 1882 "the Chamberlain Act." It wasn't Joseph's personal possession or invention any more than it was the Squire of Malwood's. But that way of putting it doubly suited Tim's purpose. It permitted him, without breach of order, to allude by name to the member for West Birmingham; there's a good deal in a name when the syllables are hissed forth with infinite hate and scorn. ”

“ And, in the rush of a worldly, frivolous existence, how great a pleasure it is to think we should have aided—if ever so little—in brightening the lives of the poor young fellows, kept, perhaps, all the season through, in or near the hot pavement of Piccadilly, and with not so much as a buttercup to remind them of the green fields, the golden sunlight, the blue sky of the glorious country. ”

“ For a fencer plays you the acrobat, a measure he, poised on a plum-box with jargon-mouth agape for what shall come to it. Is the man unconscious? The worse his fate. For the fact is this. All are Meredithians in dialogue, tarred with one brush abysmally plunged in the hot and steaming tank, a general tarred, a tarred tutor, a tarred sister, aunt reeking of the tar and General's Doubtful Lady chin-deep in the compound, and no distinction. ”

“ Lady Maisie only just suppresses a terrified protest.
Lady Cantire (benignly amused) . My good Sir, there's not the slightest necessity, I am perfectly aware of who you are, and everything about you!
Spurr. (incredulously) . But really I don't see how your ladyship——Why, I haven't said a word that——
Lady Cant. (with a solemn waggishness) . Celebrities who mean to preserve their incognito shouldn't allow their friends to see them off. I happened to hear a certain Andromeda mentioned, and that was quite enough for Me! ”

“ To have helped in so noble a cause as ours is a privilege that made us leave the bazaar with tears of sympathy in our eyes, feeling better and purer men and women. Long, long may the button-hole of improvidence be filled by the wired carnation of judicious charity.
Believe me, dear Mr. Punch,
Yours very truly,
"Jemima the Penwoman."
P.S.—An absurd name they gave me on account of the autograph incident. You remember what "Jim the Penman" was? Of course, but there's no chance of my becoming the Pen-"Wiper" in the bosom of a family. Au revoir! ”

“ Rosebery illustrated his point by declining for his own part to make a speech. Still there was talk; barren speeches for three hours; audience gradually dwindling: only a few left to witness spectacle of Halsbury's blue blood boiling over with indignation at sacrilegious assault on landed aristocracy. ”

“ If you are kind enough to offer me a copy of Andromeda, I shall be most pleased to possess one.
Spurr. (to himself) . Sharp old customer, this; trying to rush me for a pup. I never offered her one! (Aloud.) Well, as to that, my lady, I've promised so many already, that really I don't—but there—I'll see what I can do for you. I'll make a note of it; you mustn't mind having to wait a bit.
Lady Cant. (raising her eyebrows) . I will make an effort to support existence in the meantime.
Lady Maisie (to herself) . ”

“ House of Commons, Monday, July 23.—Quite like old times to hear Tim Healy saying a few plain things about landlords; Prince Arthur replying; Tim growling out occasional contradiction; whilst O'Brien hotly interrupts. To make the reminiscence complete Joseph contributes a speech in which he heaps contumely and scorn on representatives of Irish nationality. Tim reminds him how different was his attitude, how varied his voice, at epoch of Kilmainham Treaty.
Tim has a rough but effective way of fastening upon a name or phrase, and even blatantly reiterating it. ”

“ Buxton is more openly contemptuous, more severely sarcastic, and sometimes, when Ashmead's prattling, of no consequence in the House, might possibly have serious effect when cabled to the Transvaal where they think all Members of Parliament are responsible men, he smartly raps out. Between the [pg 060] two the Patriot—made in Brooklyn, plated in Sheffield—has a bad time of it. Has long learned how much sharper than a serpent's tooth is the tongue of an Under Secretary of State.
Business done.—Second Reading of Equalisation of London Rates Bill moved. ”

“ Lady Maisie. Oh—manners? yes, I—I daresay—but still—but still—not at Wyvern, don't you know. If you like, you can call Mamma 'Lady Cantire,' and me 'Lady Maisie,' and, of course, my Aunt will be 'Lady Culverin,' but—but if there are other people staying in the house, you needn't call them anything, do you see? ”

“ Asquith said that he was informed by the Chief Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police that undoubtedly numerous accidents were caused by bicycles and tricycles, though he was not prepared to say from the cause of the machines passing on the near instead of the off side of the road. Bicycles and tricycles were carriages, and should conform to the rules of the road, and the police, as far as possible, enforced the law as to riding to the common danger."—Daily Graphic, July 25. ”

“ Irish Members, forgetting their own quarrels with Tim as he fustigated the common enemy, roared with delight. A broad smile lighted up the serried ranks of the Liberals. Prince Arthur wore a decorous look of sympathy with his wronged right hon. friend. The Duke of Devonshire,—"late the Leader of the Liberal Party,"—from the Peers' Gallery surveyed the scene with stolid countenance. Joseph, orchid-decked, sat in his corner seat below the gangway, staring straight before him as one who saw not neither did he hear. ”

“ Lady Cant. (waking up) . Well, Mr. Andromeda, I should have thought you and my daughter might have found some subject in common; but I haven't heard a word from either of you since we left the station.
Lady Maisie (to herself) . That's some comfort! (Aloud.) You must have had a nap, Mamma. We—we have been talking.
Spurr. Oh yes, we have been talking, I can assure you—er—Lady Cantire!
Lady Cant. Dear me. Well, Maisie, I hope the conversation was entertaining?
Lady Maisie. M-most entertaining, Mamma!
Lady Cant. I'm quite sorry I missed it. (The omnibus stops.) Wyvern at last! ”

“ Lastly, if you dream that you have decided to give up gadding about on a bank holiday to remain at home, you will see that it is better to follow your fancy, and avoid the risk of making a mistake by adventuring to strange places and pastures new. ”

“ I was saying, my lady, it's too dark to—— (The mass snores peacefully.) Her ladyship seems to be taking a snooze on the quiet, my lady. (To Lady Maisie.) (To himself.) Not that that's the word for it!
Lady Maisie (distantly) . My Mother gets tired rather easily. (To herself.) It's really too dreadful; he makes me hot all over! If he's going to do this kind of thing at Wyvern! And I'm more or less responsible for him, too! I must see if I can't——It will be only kind. (Aloud, nervously.) Mr.—Mr. Blair!
Spurr. Excuse me, my lady, not Blair—Spurrell.
Lady Maisie. Of course, how stupid of me. ”

“ Spurr. (to himself) . Forget I've come down as a vet? The Culverins will take care I don't forget that! (Aloud.) But, I say, it's all very well; but how can I? Why, look here; I was told I was to come down here on purpose to——.
Lady Maisie (on thorns) . I know—you needn't tell me! And don't speak so loud! Mamma might hear!
Spurr. (puzzled) . What if she did? Why, I thought her la—your Mother knew!
Lady Maisie (to herself) . He actually thinks I should tell Mamma! Oh, how dense he is! (Aloud.) Yes—yes—of course she knows—but—but you might wake her! ”

“ Out it goes at whip-end and no remedy, blue, green, brown or bloodshot. Glass can imitate or porcelain, and a pretty trade's a-doing in these, making a man like two light-houses, one fixed as fate, the other revolving like the earth on its axis. ”

“ Two herds of red deer will be turned on to the Heath at different points, and three or four specially procured man-eating Bengal tigers will be let loose at the Flag-staff to pursue them. Visitors may hunt the deer or the tigers, whichever they prefer. Express rifles recommended, also the use of bullet-proof coats. No dynamite to be employed against the tigers. ”

“ House full; peerless Peeresses looked down from side gallery; Markiss in his place; Devonshire in his—not Chatsworth; that going to be shut up; but corner seat below gangway; Rosebery hovering about, settled down at length in seat of Leader. Clerk read Orders of the Day. "Finance Bill second reading." "I move the Bill be read a second time," said Rosebery, politely taking his hat off to lady in gallery immediately opposite. Then he sat down.
Here was a pretty go! Expected Premier would make brilliant speech in support of Bill ”

“ But Black Rod coming to take away the Mace the tumult subsided, and Lord Halsbury went home in a four-wheeler.
Business done.—Budget read second time in Lords.
Friday.—Scene in Commons quite changed; properties remain but leading characters altered. After unprecedented run, Budget Bill withdrawn; Irish Evicted Tenants Bill now underlined on bills. John Morley succeeds the Squire; Irish Members take up the buzzing of the no longer Busy B's. ”