Various

“ Before House knew what had happened, there he sat, smiling and blushing, between those pillars of Law and Order, Joe and Courtney. Never since Parliaments began had British Constitution received such a staggering blow. Sage of Queen Anne's Gate, whilst anxious to see destruction of House of Lords, is not disposed to have stray fragments incorporated with fabric of Commons. Called Speaker's attention to presence in their midst of the Pirate Peer. Asked what they were going to do with him?
An anxious moment. George Curzon tugged nervously at the arsenal scarcely concealed under his frock coat. ”

“ Now the light shallop trembled to the stroke of ASPASIA'S sculls, and the brawny muscles lifted beneath her flannel suiting. Myself so frail, I adore the pride and prowess of womanhood, that moves through the world conquering and to conquer. ”

“ The Grand Young Gardner smiled at the claims of long descent put forward by Rasch on behalf of the tenants of his bon-bon box. "Nothing new in it," he said superciliously. "Known the creature all my official life. Your so-called American pea-bug is nothing more than the pea and bean weevil. ”

“ The story of the man in Wales who trudged seventy miles a day, including the diurnal ascent of a mountain 7,000 feet high, sent thrill of horror through House. Kearley subsequently explained he meant 700 feet high. But that a detail. Seven seems to be this man's fateful number, for his pay is seven shillings a week—a shilling a day, including the mountain.
Arnold Morley, on other hand, showed that the lot of the postman is truly idyllic. Handsomely paid when on duty; booted and uninformed; is accustomed to retire in the prime of life on pension amounting to two-thirds of his salary. ”

“ Doesn't he profess to be even younger than he is? I mean, when he was four, didn't he say he was three? I wonder if he'll come down in a sailor-suit.
Viola. He's quite nineteen. Here are those tiresome Averidges again! I thought I got rid of them for a long drive. (Aloud.) Ah! Here is dear Mr. Averidge!
Mr. Averidge (ponderously, to Muriel) . And how is Miss Vane to-day? Looking as she always does, like a rose in June.
Muriel (coldly) . Yes, Mr. Averidge?
Viola (to Mrs. Averidge and Albert, who are coming up the steps of the terrace) . Alan Roy is coming down, the Alan Roy. ”

“ This sharp confronting of Joseph denying with Joseph affirming would be fatal to some men. To our Joe it is not even embarrassing. House roars with delight. He sits silent, apparently unconcerned, and somebody else will suffer by-and-by."
Business done.—Committee appointed to inquire into case of the Pirate Peer.
Thursday.—The longer Major Rasch lives, the fainter grows his faith in the nobility of human nature. To-night brought down with him a few carefully selected, choice specimens of the American pea-bug. Naturally expected everybody would welcome the little stranger. ”

“ There is only one Parish Council in England which is presided over by a lady. Her name is Jane Shakespeare, and she rules the parochial deliberations of Netherseal in Leicestershire. No doubt it will be found by her councillors that Jane hath a way with her, and thus she will be brought into line with her illustrious namesake.
[At Gamlingay, in Cambridgeshire, Mr. Dew declined to undertake the duties of cemetery superintendent for a salary of £5, and Mr. Howe was consequently appointed to the post.] ”

“ Italian-German opera Lohengrin, with Cosmopolitan Caste, going stronger than ever. House full and fully satisfied. Hard to please if it had not been so, with Albani as Elsa,— (says Wagstaff, affecting a drawl, "Nobody else-a can touch her in this") ,—Jupiter-Plançon as a King, not of gods but men, and Bertran, from La Scala, as a First-Knight Lohengrin. As to intruder Ortruda and Terrible Telramonda, these heavy weights are lifted by Mlle. Olitzka and Signor Ancona. Monarchical Mancinelli treats Time like a dusty carpet, beating it strongly. ”

“ Wish he'd turn into a Parliamentary Havoc. Mention this to Spencer, who laughs, and says, "It's the Opposition who indulge in twenty-five Nots an hour." Believe Spencer means it as a joke. Turn in, and think of Harcourt and Spencer's joke and Twin-Screw Cabinets and Water-veto-boiler Bills. Wretched night!
Portland, Tuesday Morning.—Rather unfair of Spencer. Now he's got me safely on board, he's always trying to persuade me that Navy wants more money spent on it. More money! Refer him to Harcourt, the "inexorable Jorkins." Try to hide from Spencer. No good. ”

“ And most of these are by women for women, and Papa says they are not fit for innocent men to read. And so we have to be content to study dress and the lures that fascinate the other sex. But they—they go forth to fight our battles, make our laws, have their part in the stir and excitement of
[THE BENEFICENT COVER SYSTEM.—You pay your money and we pocket it. No further liabilities whatever.]
the world, while we sit at home and tattle over the tea-things and marry when we're asked. And, à propos, how I longed to tell Aspasia that my heart is hers! But I am a man ”

“ For the grass being short, he makes hay of their balls.
A writer in The Manchester Guardian declares that the main road between Bolton and Bury is in a shocking condition. What is the road between Bolton and Bury? Bolton suggests that he who fights and runs away lives to fight another day, but Bury seems to indicate a path of glory leading to the grave—which things are a paradox. ”

“ Whilst questions still going on George Curzon, with frock-coat lightly but firmly buttoned over a belt teeming with pistols, sauntered in from lobby. Glanced carelessly round House. Accidentally, as it were, placed himself between unsuspecting Sergeant-at-Arms and glass door giving entrance to House. If the armed official attacked Pirate Peer it should be across his (Curzon's) body.
At preconcerted signal Brodrick rapidly entered; bustled down to Front Opposition Bench. Attention of Members thus attracted, the Pirate Peer followed, strode with firm step down House. ”

“ Ran in, as before, under protection of guns of consorts, George Curzon and St. John Brodrick. Lay to under gallery whilst question discussed at large. House never able to keep up interest in this kind of thing over successive days. Novel and exciting enough yesterday; steam not to be got up for second day. Only for Joe, business would have come to conclusion after formal proposal by Squire Of Malwood to refer whole matter to Select Committee. Joseph's interposition led to inevitable row. ”

“ Death; ere thou hast slain another
Good and useful as was he,
"Time shall throw his dart at thee."
Champions.—Sir Edward Grey, M.P., ought to be a great acquisition at a dance if his prowess as a tennis champion is any indication. "The power with which he often finished the ball" was recently highly praised. His opponent, Mr. Gribble, seems a dangerous man among the ladies, having at Cambridge "won the singles." Quite a Pasha among the "Love sets!" But he could only take one single out of the singles he won. ”