Various

“ Why, on first night, revive old custom of handing up baskets of flowers, per orchestra, to the heroine of the play and the Star of the Night? Why keep the audience waiting so long between each Act? We are not in Paris, and when we have too much "song," or play, we can't get any "supper." ”

“ THE SCARLET PARASOL. Scene III.—The Hall. A quarter to Three in the afternoon.
Muriel (to Alan, who is just taking his hat) . Oh! May I speak to you one moment, Master Roy?
Alan. Pray do, dear Miss Vane. I am just going for a stroll by myself—to—to develope an idea I've got.
Muriel. If you should happen to be going for a secret drive along the high road with Viola, in a dog-cart from Johnstone's, would you be so kind as to give her this? (Hands scarlet parasol.) She forgot it. And don't let her leave it anywhere. You see her initials are carved round it. And she is always losing things. ”

“ How d'ye do?" said Ritchie, hurriedly returning the Squire's Sunday hat, and taking up his own, which had suffered the rigours of a wet and windy nomination day.
House cheered and laughed. Knatchbull-Hugessen gravely shook his head. "That's all very well," said he. "But a man who would pander to the lowest instincts of humanity by clearing the way for parish councils, would do anything." ”

“ Something always appears to be wrong with the streets of Bristol. I had to notice the melancholy case of Christmas Street last week. The epidemic has now extended to Old Market Street. Here the pitching is so dangerous that horses fall and break their legs, and ladies die from falls on Easter Mondays. A correspondent who calls attention to this matter says that "it is quite annoying on a busy day to have to ask customers two, three, or even four times what they require." ”

“ It is gratifying to find that, in Old Market Street, at any rate, the shopkeeper who asks has an equal share of annoyance.
Then again, Conduit Place, Lower Ashley Road, is not only badly lighted, but its name is practically unknown. "Even shopkeepers in the neighbourhood and policemen on the beat do not seem to know of it, and sometimes lead people astray in consequence." ”

“ Viola. Really not?
Alan (candidly) . It's a great thing to have settled on one's pose, Mrs. Travers; and one can't be always changing—it's so much trouble!
In the Field.
Viola (trying to enjoy herself) . This is lovely! So cool! and the sky so—so blue!
Alan. You have a perfect passion for scenery! (He picks some flowers, and gives them to her.) I have so many things I want to tell you——
Viola. About yourself?
Alan. No, about you. Things you don't know——
Viola (starting) . Oh! Is that someone we know?
Alan. I hope you wouldn't know a man who wears such a hat as that in the country!
Viola. ”

“ Prince Arthur, who so acutely felt, and so bitterly resented, George Russell's recent sneer at the Patriot Knight, was spared the anguish of the moment by that carefully concerted movement which, happily, calls Silomio's colleagues off the Front Bench when he is about to discourse on Foreign Affairs. ”

“ Alpheus Cleophas, always considerate, been thinking over ways of enjoying the holiday. Struck him nothing would be nicer than free admission for M.P.'s and their friends to witness process of vivisection. Put the matter before Home Secretary in his genial way. Asquith very sorry, but has no power to give the desired admission. Alpheus Cleophas a little depressed, but went off with the consciousness that he had at least done his best.
"There is no enterprise in these people, Toby," he complained. ”

“ However, although I am a little uncertain about other bets, I have no doubt in my own mind that coach sweepstakes under certain circumstances should be discouraged. I do not wish to rely upon case law, but would rather appeal to that honest, manly feeling that is (so I have been given to understand) the birthright of every Englishman. When all Nature is smiling, and man (smoking a three-shilling cigar) is at rest, why trouble about mounts and starters and blanks? ”

“ Poor Humanity! It may be news to many that the Chair of Humanity is in the possession of the Northern University. Of course a very large arm-chair, with arms to embrace all mankind. And a very easy chair. ”

“ Is sporting speculative finance illegal? It is not a matter that can be decided off-hand. One must be careful not to interfere with the policy of trade, and do nothing to impede the development of honest industry. I am asked by a correspondent, who dates "From Sheffield," if there is anything undignified in his appearing as a "bookie" in a pink velvet coat, a yellow slouch hat, with blue feathers, and black leather knickerbockers. I can see no objection to a tradesman wearing any costume he determines to select. ”

“ Justice Day is always a bright, never a dull Day. His judicial utterances are like the sea around the Isle of Man, clear and profound. Rarely does he miss a good point; yet so it was the other day when, in a trial of "Legge v." a heap of people (not involving any question of "Legge bail") , Mr. Justice Day observed, "I find now very high rank held by doctors in the Army. ”

“ Tuesday.—Prospect of hearing John William move adjournment of House over Derby Day, and John Leng reply on other side, sufficed to crowd benches. Such encounter of wits rarely delights mankind these degenerate days. Such lightness of touch! Such gleaming attack! Such brilliant defence! In short, such badinage! Such persiflage! Old Members recall earlier conflicts in same field. Young Members look back on clever speech made by Elcho in moving adjournment one year, capped by equally brilliant speech when, in the following Session, he seconded Wilfrid Lawson on the negative course. ”

“ Thursday.—Well for Prince Arthur he chanced to be absent to-night when Cap'en Tommy Bowles hauled alongside Silomio and raked him fore and aft. Kenyon, who knows more than you think when you hear him speak, tells me it is pretty certain when the next Government is formed Silomio will have his choice of succeeding either Edward Grey or Sydney Buxton. Neither office is of Cabinet rank. But with the chief in the Lords, a statesman of Silomio's ability and sagacity can make and keep a position equal in importance and influence to some more highly placed. ”

“ Some tea will cure you. But, Viola, will you and Albert be nice about my engagement?
Viola. The truth is I had such a dull, wretched, idiotic drive with Alan Roy, that I can't be nice about anything.
Muriel. Will you consult Valentine? Dr. Roberts, you know?
Viola. How can you go and get engaged to people called Valentine!
At Dinner. Everyone very cheery, except Claude Mignon, who looks depressed, and Mrs. Averidge, who is unnoticed.
Albert (serving soup) . What is that ring?
Viola. Oh, nothing.
Servant. Please, Sir, it's only Johnstone has sent misses's parasol, that was left in the cart! ”

“ In a typical, melodramatic, "Adelphi villain," there is something almost wholesome as compared with the modern bad man of "Yellow-Book" fiction, who is simply revolting. [By the way, interpolates the Baron, the latest Yellow Book is comparatively quite decorous and without an Aubrey-Beardsley illustration!!] Of course, the hero and heroine of The Holy Estate have to pass through the fiery ordeal of Indian Society; how they come out of it the reader may discover. But as pessimism is the artistic order of the day, they are not allowed to finish well and "live happy ever afterwards." ”

“ At the Bigg Market in Newcastle was recently held what a local paper describes as "a demnostration in favour of temperance reform." "Demnostration" is a delightful word. It seems to express in the most compact form enthusiasm and strong language.
A Question of Police.—A few days since Liverpool set another lesson to London. ”

“ I herd tell the other day as how as some of the Tems Conserwancy Gents had a reglar quarrel with sum of the County Counsel Gents, all becoz of the diffrence that sum on em wants to make in the way in which things is conducted on bord when agoing on their way home. It most suttenly must make a great diffrence weather it is a nice, brillyant, sunny day, and all happy on bord, or weather it is a dull, dark, rainy day, and not room enuff for harf the cumpany. ”

“ No one will deny that the promotion will have been well earned. The Sheffield Knight has, perhaps, been more prominently associated with the conduct of Colonial affairs than with those nominally directed by Lord Kimberley with the assistance of Edward Grey. This is a view strengthened by the circumstance of the honourable title conferred upon him by the emissaries from Swaziland. Actually, Silomio knows quite as much of Foreign Affairs as he does of Colonial. ”

“ Now calls his whilom colleagues "Tiger-Braves."
Well, his own coat bears strange new Party blots,
He is a leopard who has "changed his spots."
Delightful Programme.—We see that Mr. Charles Reddie advertises a morning concert for June 11 at Prince's Hall. The audience will be there, and he will be always "Reddie, aye Reddie." Exhausted after playing, he will re-appear and be Reddie-vivus; and, in fact, there is a perfect store of puns on his name which must have frequently occurred to himself as a Reddie-witted person. ”

“ Rowing and cricket are more closely connected than many people suppose. In an account of the Oxford eight-oared bumping races, I read that "New College started at a tremendous bat." This of course accounts for the bawling on the bank by which these races are always accompanied. ”

“ DAUDET! (An old Comic Song re-sung for the benefit of a French Critic.)
["As for English women, their looks and their dress, the less said the better. They have, in M. Daudet's opinion, neither beauty nor taste."—The Times' Correspondent in Paris.] ”

“ On the benches behind sat only Tomlinson, who sometimes wishes Prince Arthur had a little more of Silomio's go; Knatchbull-Hugessen who doesn't think the Knight is quite the model of a country gentleman, but likes to hear him shout at the Government ”

“ Brought his hat with him, as new Members do, since, as yet, they have no peg to hang it on. Placed it on table whilst he signed the Roll. Passing on to be introduced to Speaker, observed with a start that there were two hats on the table. Odd. Was sure he had brought only one. Blessed is the man who makes two blades of grass grow where formerly only one peeped forth. Possibly analagous benison for a man who, planting one hat down on a table, looks and behold there are two. Happy omen; make the most of it ”

“ In fack they seems jist as much opposed to each other as ever, and I, for my part, most truly hopes as how as they will continue in the same noble spirit, and then they will hate each other with the same cordial hatred as so distinguished them in days gone by. ”

“ Diamond opera hat and overcoat of various precious stones. Handkerchief of woven brilliants. Necktie of antediluvian aluminium at £520 10s. 4d. a grain.
[pg 275]
TARTARIN SUR LA TAMISE. M. Alphonse Daudet has gone back to his own country. He is pleased with us on the whole. We have learnt his language and read his books.
We are not so clever or intelligent as the French; but we are more stable of purpose and despise ridicule, and keep ourselves well informed about other countries. L'enfant dit vrai, peut-être! ”