Various

“ What beverage beats cider cup—unless it be perry cup? At present the only people at the shows who are allowed to taste the cider are the judges. But the public want to taste, too—give them a taste of cider, and they'll get a taste for it in no time. ”

“ Altogether capital! "One who bows daily [Pg 83] to his Lordship during Term Time" should publish his suggestions in pamphlet form, to be sold at the popular price of a penny.
"A Junior of Fifty Years' Standing" considers that no one should be admitted to an Inn of Court who was unwilling to join the "Devil's Own." He declares that he himself has done infinitely more work as a rifleman than as a counsel. "And yet," he adds, "I found the labour very light. I do not believe I attended more than one parade in the course of a year on the average." ”

“ However much Kentish farmers may grumble about the agricultural outlook, their strop-and-razor colleagues, the barbers of that county, should now replace any grief in which they also may be indulging in reference to their industry, with great gaiety, for there is every prospect of a long and prosperous run of hirsute harvests. ”

“ As I am no mathematician, I cannot compete with Professor Andrews of Brown University on equal terms, but to my non-mathematical mind the only inference to be drawn from the Professor's calculation appears to be that the world is not much more than thirty years old, or, let us say, 301⁄3. In another ten years or so, I suppose we shall have to start work on the columns. ”

“ I mean to keep a supply always on hand, or rather in pocket. Opposition not likely to do anything much yet awhile. But they'll try and form up by-and-by. When they do, I'll show 'em a cordite cartridge, rattle a few of these bullets, with their cupro-nickel jackets, and, poof! they're off just as they were when I defeated the late Government in June. Can't have too much of a good thing. What cordite's done once it may do again."
And the Financial Secretary to the War Office walked off, ostentatiously rattling the contents of his pockets as he passed Cawmell-Bannerman, who visibly faltered. ”

“ Conversely a gala without a fête cannot be imagined. From the presence in your neighbourhood of one of the two you are at once entitled to infer the presence of the other.
I return, however, to Professor Andrews. He proves by a series of elaborate and convincing calculations that if the world started with a population of two, the increase in 3,000 years would have become "two quintillion human beings; viz., to every square yard 3,3331⁄3 persons. Or the earth would be covered with men in columns of 8331⁄3 each, standing on each others heads. ”

“ The suggestions I was permitted to make on a recent occasion concerning the future of "the Devil's Own" having been productive of a perfect torrent of letters, I hope that I may be allowed to reply, before the commencement of the fast-approaching Long Vacation, through the columns of a paper that for more than half a century has been the recognised organ of the Bench, the Bar, and the other branch of the legal profession. ”

“ There is no doubt whatever that a large number of Englishmen abroad conduct themselves in a manner which brings discredit on our country.... Such demonstrations, indeed, are taken to mean that our countrymen desire thereby to show their consciousness of superiority over foreigners.... ”

“ We sor a pig 'aving a ring put froo 'is nose one day. 'E 'ollered out like 'e was bein' killed—but 'e wasn't. An' there was a blecksmiff's, where they put the 'orse's shoes on red 'ot, an' the 'orse 'e never took no notice. Me an' Lily used ter go fur long walks, all under trees. Once she showed me a squill—"sqerl" she kep' a-callin' of it, till I tole 'er 'ow—an' it run up a tree zigzag, and jumped on to another ever so fur. That was when we was pickin' nuts. We went a blackberryin', too, one day.... Na-ow, there warn't nobody dead. ”

“ M'Pherson, as one of the auditors, said the branch accounts in reference to Justice were a disgrace. A great deal was heard about the immorality of capitalists, but a little more morality was wanted in some of the branches in regard to the paying of accounts.
This, of course, is most lamentable. Even a Social Democrat, it seems, cannot alter hard facts or get on without money. And at present nobody seems in want of the particular kind of justice which Messrs. ”

“ Sark, looking round on other quarters of House, cannot refrain from dropping a salt if silent tear. "You call this the House of Commons," he said, bitterly, "and find in it no place for Alpheus Cleophas? One black man may be as good as another, and even better ”

“ An' Muvver, she sez, "'Is Farver'll be sorry, too; it done Jimmy ser much good larst time. 'E can't pay not more nor 'arf-a-crownd a week towards it, but he can manage that, bein' in work jes now." But the lidy sez, "It's this w'y," she sez, "it costis us neelly arf a suffering over what the parints pays fur each child, and we ain't got the fun's fur to send more 'n a few, 'cos the Public don' suscroibe ser much as they might," she sez. "An' so this year we're on'y sending children as is delikit, an' reelly wants a chinge." ”

“ Jimmy (aged eight, to Florrie, aged seven) . No, I ain't comin' to the Reckereation Groun', not jess yit, I carn't.... I'm goin' ter wyte about 'ere till the lidy comes.... Why, 'er as is comin' to see my Muvver 'bout sendin' me fur a fortnight in the kerntry.... Yus, where I was larst year.... It's settled as I'm ter go agine—leastways as good as settled. My Farver 'e've sent in a happlication to the K'mitty, and Teacher 'e sez 'e kin reckermend me, an' Mr. and Mrs. Delves—them as 'ad the cottidge where I went afore—they've arst fur to 'ave me agin—so yer see, Florrie, it's all right. ”

“ And rival makers want to taste each other's products, so as to make their own better. "Cider on tap" is the motto for the shows, and the West country will thus be given a deciderdly useful "leg-up."
Pueris Reverentia!—The advertisement question in tram-cars is "up" again before the Glasgow bailies. The Town Council has banished these disfigurements, but it seems there are still Philistine bodies who long for the good old flaring coloured-poster days. Witness this account of a recent meeting:—
Mr. ”