Various

“ Lord Sparkish. "The whole genius, humour, politeness, and eloquence of England" must have gone out with full-bottomed wigs and hooped petticoats.
Lady Answerall. I protest that a neat repartee, or a "smart turn of wit or humour," is the rarest of things nowadays.
Lord Smart. Save among cabmen and costers.
Sir John Linger. Faith, my Lord, your street Arabs and gutter-snipes have a smack of it. They are the true Neverouts and Notables of the time. ”

“ Madame Walewska yielded herself as a victim to a most cruel combination of circumstances; and of this Napoleon availed himself to the utmost. It was in his power to have behaved as a gentleman for once, but he allowed the opportunity to slip. That he appears, on one occasion, to have permitted a poor terrified, artless victim to escape is put forward triumphantly by his apologist as a proof of his magnanimity; but even a satiated animal will refuse food, though if the food be in his possession he will play the dog in the manger. ”

“ There William O'Brien, with wet handkerchief mopping wetter eyes, tells stories out of school of Tim's unnatural naughtiness when good Mr. G. was bringing in his Home-Rule Bill, and upon other enticing occasions. There patriots bang their brothers in pursuit of peace, and hate each other for the love of Ireland.
"Did you ever," I in weak moment asked the unsympathetic Sark, "read The Dead of Clonmacnois, a Gaelic lyric of a time immemorial? There are two verses of the musical English rendering that haunt me when I listen to an Irish debate. ”

“ If it be a question of "Ways and Means," then Ilfracombe offers you "the ways" in the matter of drives, walks, rides, excursions by rail, by sea, likewise by river and road almost ad infinitum, and sometimes by sea ad nauseam. Sea-bathing naturally excellent, but still open, considerably open, to improvement. Still, as the man of no politics replied, when asked why he belonged to the Reform Club, "There is in this world nothing so good but what it is capable of improvement," and Ilfracombe cannot claim exemption from this rule of universal application. ”

“ Well, Sir John, we must admit that the growth of Science keeps pace with the spread of Stupidity. So doubtless the time will soon come when pocket-phonographs will obviate the necessity of individual vocal efforts, and leave men to give undivided attention to their dinners, matrons to their daughters' marriage-chances, maidens to the marriageable men, and marriageable men to their—moustaches! ”

“ He had a tigerish admiration for the deepest tragedy, and abhorred farce and comedy. He could play like a child with the one child of whom he hoped great things. Cad he was always, in his dealings with men and women. ”

“ When a man has seen everything, gone so far, and knows so much as Tommy, he may be forgiven if occasionally he mixes up a name or two, a date, or an episode.
Some uneasiness in ministerial circles last week upon observation of Macartney going about his country's business in white ducks. These are, so to speak, Cap'en Tommy's colours. Always ducks them when he goes on the warpath against the Admiralty. For the Secretary of all men, he the only man, to follow Tommy's example in this respect didn't look well. ”

“ That there may have been appears from the Cap'en's unusually embittered tone when the subject is alluded to.
"Call them ducks!" he cried in scorn. "They were only white drawers. No member of this House should attempt to walk up the floor in ducks unless he is prepared to keep on his domestic staff a man who has made the garment a life-long study; who knows how to wash it, starch it, iron it, and, above all, to fold it up." ”

“ Shaft goes home. L'Hemprer very angry. "A statement that ought not to be made," he says, withering Silomio with direful look. Ministerialists loyally cheer; Opposition lightly laugh; Silomio, buffeted on all sides, comforts himself with thoughts of faithful friends in far-off Swaziland. There is at least one spot on earth where he is appreciated. ”

“ When Hothfield in the Carlton sits enjoying of his game.
I have been reading about the harvest festivals with which the country has been lately teeming. They are all made on one pattern. The interior of the building is very tastefully adorned with fruit and foliage, supplied by friends connected with the church and others. ”

“ An undeviating devotion of sixty years to the interests of the Scotch sport has won for Tom the thankful admiration of all lovers of the game, and it is sincerely to be hoped that Mr. Balfour's appeal will result in a bunker—we mean a bumper—testimonial to the Grand Old Golfic Gladiator. ”

“ From this interesting document, the world learns that the members have derived many benefits from a body that could justly adopt the motto of "Defence, not Defiance." The institution very properly claims for the authoress the right to receive no wrong. ”

“ Kodakers everywhere. Bathing, walking, resting, admiring the scenery, no matter what you are doing, out pops Mr., Mrs., with the Misses and Masters Kodaker, and you are taken in the act. The snap-shooting season is at its height.
***
Startling to see staring advertisement over a shop in the Arcade, "Dark Room for Amateurs." Sounds like a punishment. Bad amateur actor, or entertainer, sentenced to dark room would, probably, deserve it.
***
The visitor to the delightful Torrs can have one penn'orth or two penn'orth of Torrs. Twopence is the top price. Well worth it, as a treat, now and then. ”

“ World must go round as best it may till February next.
ROUNDABOUT READINGS.
In the London correspondence of a provincial paper it is stated that "Lord Hothfield, who recently gave up the errors and heresies of Liberalism to seek security in Conservatism, has been elected a member of the Carlton. ”

“ Explain, tobacconist to me,
Without unduly fencing,
Why those who end in smoke should be
Unceasingly commencing.
Mr. Henry Blackburn has been visiting Manchester and Liverpool, and has confided his impressions of these great cities to the editor of the Manchester Guardian. He admires Manchester for "its admirable tramway, street police, and other traffic arrangements," but there is an amari aliquid in the shape of the Manchester street Arab. Mr. Blackburn has all an artist's tolerance ”

“ According to the Daily Telegraph, this labour, savouring more of peace than of war, enabled the controllers of the cannon to contribute some £40 in prizes to the garrison sports held at Dover on Saturday last. Whether the financial game was worth the athletic candle is a matter that must be decided by military experts qualified to weigh the respective advantages of burning "villainous saltpetre" and preparing that exhilarating liquid known amongst civilians as "fizzle." ”

“ The good Yorkshire Post says the Home may well boast of much honoured names as subscribers,
And Alderman Fortune (appropriate name!) and Savery (two blameless bribers
Of folks to do duty)
Spake up for the Home. Shall poor invalids roam, in pain, and alone and untended,
When at brave Harrogate it may be their kind fate to be doctored, and fed, and befriended?
(By Wisdom and Beauty!)
Doctors Myrtle and Solly, it makes me feel jolly—by sulphur wells made sulphur weller—
To say a good word! Mr. Joshua Whitworth—Hon. ”

“ And I 'ad missed two or three boundary 'its, all along o' this "fare," as 'e floundered and hollered.
"You ain't no sportsman!" That finished 'im proper, for 'e was a deacon, it seemed, out by Stockwell;
And didn't know Ladas from lucky Sir Visto, or Shrewsbury's "cut" from the "drive" of young Brockwell.
Well, I do get cricket-cracks for my fares. How the crowd gathers round with their eyes all a-glisten!
And 'ow big I feel; and lor! wot a temptation to look through the trap for a squint or a listen. ”

“ But, you will observe, the poet studiously refrains from affirming the final extinction of the family of the estimable Conn. 'Many and many a son,' he says, in the red earth lies at rest. One at least is left. ”

“ A. Briefless, Jun., a Testimonial, which it is intended shall take the shape of a bag of money, in consideration of his services to the Bar. It is in contemplation that this money shall be collected from the human race in general, and the British public in particular. ”

“ His characteristic exclamation on entering the club the first time after his election was, 'Thank God, I can now have a quiet game of whist,' meaning I suppose, that his mind was now at rest." This explanation of Lord Hothfield's meaning does credit to the ingenuity of the correspondent. It is a sublime spectacle, that of a Radical peer forswearing his errors merely that he may have a quiet game of whist at the Carlton. Such a coruscating specimen of the wit and wisdom of our hereditary peerage should go far to reconcile even Mr. ”

“ No. III.—SPORT—THE OVAL—GOOD OLD W. G.
Sportsman? You bet! Where's the Cabby as isn't? It's born in the bones of us, somehow, I fancy.
'Ighly improper, I s'pose; but life's dull, and it's livened by something a little bit chancey.
Trying your luck's a temptation to most of us, own it or not. Wy, there's old Billy Barlow
Got as excited at winning a pig in a raffle as though 'e 'ad broke Monty Carlow.
Wot did 'e want with a pig? But 'twas pickings. Fifty-to-one chance pulled off ”