Various

“ When anticyclonic conditions next prevail, and the great smoke-cloud incubates its cletch of microbes, let some 5,000 men, provided at the public expense with a pipe of tobacco and one match each, be stationed in the City, at every corner and along the streets, like the police on Lord Mayor's Day. At a given signal, say the firing of the Tower guns, each man strikes his match. ”

“ There is sech things as 'unger, and yer starving kids' white lips,
And bizness ties, a hempty purse, bad 'ealth, and ne'er a crust;
Swells may swear these ain't Compulsion, but we know as they means must.
Ah! wot precious rum things words is, 'ow they seems to fog the wise!
If they'd only come and look at things, that is with their hown heyes,
And not filantropic barnacles or goldian giglamps—lor!
Wot a lob of grabs and gushers might shut up their blessed jor!
The nobs who're down on workmen, 'cos on "knobsticks" they will frown,
Has a 'arty love for Libbaty—when keepin' wages down. ”

“ Multiplying the men by the seconds (5,000 x 30) you get approximately the amount of the wind, in wear and tare and tret. If this experiment were conducted on a duly extensive scale round London; say at Brixton, Kensington, Holloway and Stepney; there can be no doubt that a cyclone would be established, and the fog effectually dissipated. The cost would be slight, and the pipe of tobacco would afford a welcome treat to many a poor fellow out of work in these hard times. ”

“ But Free Contrack wot's forced on yer—wy, o'course, that sounds a joke.
If they knowed us and our sort, gents, they would know Free Contrack's fudge,
When one side ain't got a copper, 'as been six weeks on the trudge,
Or 'as built his little bizness up in one pertikler spot,
And if the rent's raised on 'im must turn hout, and starve or rot! ”

“ The Shampane must be Rich Clicko, or the werry best Pummery, sitch as you can taste the ginerous grapes in, not the pore dry stuff as young Swells drinks, becoz they're told as how it's fashnabel; and the Sunlight can ginerally be got if you knows where to look for it. For instance now, in one of the cold foggy days of last month, my Amerrycan frend said to me, "What on airth, ROBERT, can a gentleman find to do on sitch a orful day as this?" ”

“ You've got to be a foxer, for whilst slums makes topping rent,
There will always be lots 'anging round to put yer off the scent!
I can tell yer arf the right 'uns even ain't quite in the know,
And there's lots o' little fakes to make 'em boggle, or go slow.
Werry plorserble their statements, and they puts 'em nice and plain,
And a crockidile can drop 'em when 'e once turns on the main.
All the tenants' faults; they likes it, dirt, and scrowging, and damp walls! ”

“ Werry often, when collecting of his rents, to see the 'oles
Where the parties as must pay 'em up prefers to stick, pore souls!
No compulsion, not a mossel! Ah, my noble lords and gents
Who are up in arms for Libbaty—that is, of paying rents—
You've rum notions of Compulsion. NOCKY SPRIGGINS sez, sez 'e,
While you've got a chice of starving, or the workus, ain't ye free!
Free? O vus, we're free all round like; there ain't ne'er a bloomin' slave,
White or black, but wot is free enough—to pop into 'is grave ”

“ Wot do you think? Bless yer 'earts, gents, I wos down some months ago
With a bout o' the rheumatics, and 'ad got so precious low
I wos sent by some good ladies, wot acrost me chanced to come—
Bless their kindness!—to a 'evvin called a Convalescent 'Ome.
Phew! Wen I come back to Rats' Rents, 'ow I sickened of its smells,
Arter all them trees and 'ayfields, and them laylocks and blue-bells,
And sometimes I think—pertikler when I'm nabbed by them old pains—
Wot a proper world it might be if it weren't for dirt and drains.
Who's to blame for Dirt? ”

“ As talk pooty on the questions wot concerns hus in the Slum.
There ain't nothink pooty in 'em, and I cannot 'elp but think
Some of our friends 'as spiled our case by piling on the pink.
Foxes 'ave 'oles, the Book sez; well, no doubt they feels content,
For they finds, or makes, their 'ouses, and don't 'ave to pay no rent;
But our 'oles—well, someone builds 'em for us, such, in course is kind,
But it ain't a bad investment, as them Landlords seems to find.
The Marquiges and Mother Church pick lots of little plums,
And the wust on 'em don't seem to be their proputty in slums. ”

“ It will be worth 10,000 votes in the agricultural districts. I suppose he wouldn't like to come down in a smock frock with a whip in his hand? Don't know why he shouldn't; quite as reasonable as a civilian getting himself up as a Colonel or an Admiral. With HODGE in a smock frock moving the Address we'd sweep the country. ”

“ So it was arranged. But Member for Accrington wouldn't stand the smock-frock. Insisted upon coming out in war-like uniform. Trousers a little tight about the knees, and jacket perhaps a trifle too tasselly. But made very good speech in the circumstances.
Orator Hodge (in mufti) .
Business done.—Bills brought in by the half hundred.
Thursday Night.—Things been rather dull hitherto. House as it were lying under a pall, "Every man," as O'HANLON says, "not knowing what moment may be his next." Still on Debate on Address. When resumed to-night, CHAMBERLAIN stepped into ring and took off his coat. ”

“ Culch. (sardonically) . Isn't it a little late in the day to be cultivating an eye for colour? I was about to say that those two girls have treated us infamously. I say deliberately, my dear PODBURY, infamously! ”