Various

“ HARRY PAYNE's scene, besides coming earlier than usual, is, in itself, full of fun of the good old school-boyish kind; and if the Public, as Jury, is to award a palm to either competitor, then it must give a hand—which is much the same thing as "awarding a palm"—to its old friend, HARRY PAYNE, who, with TULLY LEWIS as Pantaloon, has pulled himself together, and given us a good quarter of an hour of genuine Old English Pantomime, compared with which the other, though its fooling is excellent in its own way, is only comic ballet d'action after the style of Fun in a Fog. ”

“ Yet if this same reader possesses the art of reading aloud, with some approach to the dramatic Dickensian manner, then, given an appreciative audience, it is probable that the pun itself would not lose much in recital. At best, however, the crispness of the original salt is impaired, though the flavour is not lost by keeping, and the enjoyment of it must depend on the new seasoning provided by the reciter. Of course, its piquancy may have been staled by too frequent use—but "this is another story." After all, is a jest-book meant to be taken seriously? ”

“ Punch's MARK LEMON, "Uncle MARK," who brought the ancient Joe Miller up to that particular date. It was the last of the jest-books, and they are now quite out of fashion. A quarter of a century hence, no doubt, the fortunate possessor of one of these little books will come out with many a new jest, and be esteemed quite an original wit.
It would have been well for the writer of the above-mentioned leaderette had he referred to the ninth of ELIA's Popular Fallacies, and been thereby reminded how "a pun is a pistol let off at the ear; and not a feather to tickle the intellect." ”

“ Some bloke spots the place as likely, and praps buys it on the cheap,
(Spekylators keeps their lids hup though the parish nobs may sleep,)
Pooty soon the pot's a-bilin' about Hopen Spaces. Yus!
And the chap as bought the bit o' ground is fust to raise the fuss.
Recreation for the People, Hopen Playgrounds for the Young!
That's the patter of the platformers; and don't they jest give tongue!
Well, it's opened with a flourish, and there's everyone content;
Pertiklerly the landlords round as nobbles better rent. ”

“ There is in it little enough of love, though that little is well and prettily told, but there is no lack of fighting at long odds and at short intervals, of hairbreadth escapes, and of such chances by land and sea as keep the reader, all agog, hurrying on from point to point, anxious to see what is to happen next, and how the expected is to eventuate unexpectedly. ”

“ As I've said, a bit of green stuff and a flower is my delight;
I wish London wos more hopen, and more greener, and more gay;
Only people down our Court has got to live as well as play.
If they clears out the arf acre where we huddles orful close,
We must all turn out, that's certain; where we'll turn to, goodness knows;
And it won't be werry spashus, the new "Park" won't, arter all,
With the graveyard railinks one side, and on t'other a blank wall.
Wot we want is decent 'ouses, at a rent as doesn't take
'Arf a cove's poor screw to pay it. That 'a the present landlord's fake! ”

“ Culch. She will be here presently. By the way, my dear PRENDERGAST, this—er—misunderstanding between your sister and her is very unfortunate.
Bob. I know that well enough. It's none of my doing! And you've no reason to complain, at all events!
Culch. Quite so. Only, you see, we used to be good friends at Constance, and—er—until recently—
Bob. Used we? Of course, if you say so, it's all right. But what are you driving at exactly? ”

“ Well, if we ain't a been and had a werry pretty dose of reel London Fog lately, I, for one, shood like to kno when we did have one. As for its orful effecks upon tempers, speshally female ones, Well, it's about enuff to drive a pore Waiter, let alone a hard-workin, middel-aged Husband, stark staring mad! ”

“ You will have to yield to many,—to those in authority over you, in fact. "Leaders! (and Monitors) have to subordinate their personal tastes, and even their individual convictions, to an enlarged conception of the general advantage." ”

“ When you're stoney-broke, your dubs all hup the spout,
And you've nix to raise the rent on, I suppose you must turn hout;
'Cos without them "rights o' proputty" no country couldn't jog;
But that brings a cove small comfort when 'e's 'ouseless, in a fog! ”

“ NEW STYLE.—Arrogant Witness about to leave the box, when his progress is arrested by Counsel on the other side.
Coun. I presume. Sir, that—
Wit. (sharply) . You have no right to presume. Ask me what you want, and have done with it.
Coun. (amiably) . I think we shall get on better—more quickly—if you kindly attend to my questions.
Wit. Think so? Well, it's a matter of opinion. But, as I have an engagement in another place, be good enough to ask what you are instructed to ask, and settle the matter off-hand. ”

“ It is no secret at the Foreign Office that their Lordships have for some time been uneasy at the turn events are taking in the East. They have endeavoured to disguise from each other their perturbed feelings. ”

“ I told her, as I was only a pore Waiter, I was used to tips and strays; so she gave me a reel gold sovering, and a good arty squeeze of the hand, and paid the Cabby to take me home, and finisht by saying, "If you ever want a triful, Sir, you know where to get it." And all I has to add is, that I thinks as my better arf mite have been jest a leetel more grayshus, as I told her, with amost tears in my eyes, of the graitfool conduck of the Lady of —— Square. ”

“ And why you should feel low, with all your advantages—in Venice as you are, and in constant intercourse with a mind adorned with every feminine gift!
Podb. Hul-lo! why, I thought you called her a pedantic prig?
Culch. If I used such a term at all, it was in no disparaging sense. Every earnest nature presents an—er—priggish side at times. I know that even I myself have occasionally, and by people who didn't know me, of course, been charged with priggishness. ”

“ I need ardly say as it's my old Amerrycan friend, who has cum back to the Grand Hotel again, jest for to see what a reel London Winter is like, and he bears it all, fog and all, splendidly. He was jest in time to see Lord MARE's Sho from one of our best front winders, and if he didn't sit there and larf away as the pore soddened and soaked persession parsed by, speshally at the Lord MARE's six gennelmen with their padded carves and pink silk stockins, I never seed a gennelman larf. "Why on earth, Mr. ”

“ I don't see however you manage to act so magnanimous and live. I told you I wanted to study your character, and I believe it isn't going to take me vurry much longer to make up my mind about you. You don't suppose I'll have any time for Mr. PRENDERGAST after getting such a glimpse into your nature? There, help me into the gondola, and don't talk any more about it. ”

“ The only thing wot's wanted ain't to give us the clean—chuck!
TAKING HIM RATHER TOO LITERALLY.
Sir Biggan Burleigh (who doesn't see why he shouldn't have a turn in his own house, to very young Lady) . "MISS VIOLET,—ROUND OR SQUARE?"
Miss Violet (her first ball, very bashful) . "WELL—REALLY—SIR BURLEIGH—IF YOU INSIST—I SHOULD SAY"— (hesitating) —"DECIDEDLY ROUND!"
'Arry Examined.
Q. What is meant by "Higher Education?"
'Arry. Getting a Tutor at so much a week. That's the way I should 'ire education—if I wanted it.
A DEFINITION.—"A pun on a word is a new sense."—Dr. JOHNSON, Junior. ”

“ Mr. STEAD has been taking into his confidence a universe thrilled with interest, with respect to certain presentiments which from time to time have struck his mind. One he dates in October, 1883, at which time he was sub-editor of an evening journal which Mr. JOHN MORLEY then edited. He had, he records, a presentiment that at an early approaching date, Mr. ”