Various

“ DAUBINET, quite recovered from his fatigue, sings "Blass the Prince of WAILES" enthusiastically, and at intervals ejaculates queer, uncouth words in the Russian tongue. Breakfast with Russian tongue. He asks the waiter for "minuoschhah karosh caviar." To which the waiter adroitly replies, "parfaitement M'sieu" and disappears. Returning ten minutes afterwards, the wily attendant makes no further allusion to the supposed errand that has taken him out of the room.
Then DAUBINET, remembering that we are literally "here to-day and gone to-morrow," says we must visit his friend the Vicomte. ”

“ MORTIMER GRANVILLE, in a letter to the Times, attacks the logic and disputes the dogmas of the fanatical Teetotaller, and carries the war into the enemy's country by boldly asserting that "incalculable harm has been done to the average human organism, with its functions, which we are wont to classify as mental and physical, by the spread of teetotal views and practices." ”

“ And this is Jack (with a face of scorn) , thinking in wrath of "directions" torn from the parcel by Railway borne, announced by the postman who knocked in the morn, awaking the gourmand all forlorn, who dreamed of the table where diners sat, served by the cooking-wench florid and fat of the dame with the crumpled hat, wife of the porter who "found" the "birds" in the Babel where lost was the label addressed to the friend who expected the Grouse that Jack shot! ”

“ He retires in confusion, and, as he passes under the window, hears PODBURY sing the final verse.
The moral is—Now don't you come from Fla-an-ders,
If you should have complexions rich and rare;
And don't you go and catch the yaller ja-aun-ders,
Nor yet know girls in Canonbury Square!
Miss Hypatia P. (in a clear soprano) . "Nor yet know girls in Canonbury Square!" ”

“ Then, as if to do away with any bad impression which his thoughtless observation about no briefs might have occasioned in my mind, he says, heartily,—
"And, when I take old PROSER up to the Court of Appeal, you shall come too, and hear me argue!"
I express suitable gratitude—but isn't it rather "contempt of Court" on FIBBINS's part to talk about "taking up" a Judge?—and feel, as I depart, that I shall soon see something of the real inner life of the Profession.
ON THE MARLOWE MEMORIAL. (Unveiled by Mr. Henry Irving at Canterbury, September 16, 1891.) ”

“ Peasants at work everywhere: picking and sorting. How they must dislike grapes! Of course they are all teetotallers, and no more touch a drop of champagne than a grocer eats his own currants, or a confectioner his own sweetmeats. I suppose the butcher lives exclusively on fish, and his friend, the neighbouring fishmonger, is entirely dependent on the butcher for his sustenance, except when game is in, and then both deal with the gamester or poulterer. There are some traders in necessaries who can make a fair deal all round. ”

“ MORTIMER GRANVILLE has told the Times how it's done. Consider it great shame. Takes the bread, so t' speak, out of one's mouth." Here the Sage gave a lurch and seated himself accidentally on a stuffed alligator. Seeing that his host was about to indulge in an untimely nap, PETER thought the moment had arrived to urge him to reveal his wonderful secret. "I implore you to tell me how you have managed to live for so many years when all your contemporaries are gone." ”

“ It's a great thing for weary travellers to be welcomed on arrival. No matter if they're forgotten again the next moment, and not thought of again until the hour of their departure. It is the welcome that is everything ”

“ O Waiter, German Waiter! there are many other lands
Where you can take your creaking boots and eke your dirty hands;
And we think you'll have discovered, ere you reach your next address,
That in England German Waiters aren't the Censors of the Press.
MARLOWE AT CANTERBURY.
"Keep up the Christopher!" a recommendation adapted urbi et orbi which, quoting Mr. Puff, our HENRY when speaking at Canterbury ought to have given after the unveiling of KIT MARLOWE's statue. ”

“ One of my "Co." says he always reads anything that comes in his way bearing the trade-mark BLACKWOOD. His faith has been justified on carrying off with him on a quiet holiday, His Cousin Adair, by GORDON ROY. The book has all the requisites of a good novel, including the perhaps rarest one of literary style. Cousin Adair is well worth knowing, and her character is skilfully portrayed. As a foil against this high-minded, pure-souled unselfish girl, there are sketched in two or three of the sort of people, men and women, more frequently met with in this wicked world. ”

“ The sportsman, the agriculturist, the holiday-maker, likewise the livery-stable keeper, and the umbrella manufacturer would, cum multis aliis, be all represented; Songs without Words; the Sailor's Hope; then wind instruments; solo violin; the Maiden's Prayer for her Sailor-love's Safety, &c. Then "as the arrows" (on the Times chart) "fly with the wind," so would the piccolo, followed by the trombone, and thus the approach of the storm would be indicated. Roll on drum, distant thunder; the storm passes off, and we have a beautiful air (the composer's best) , which delights and reassures us. ”

“ No hedges or ditches to separate one owner's property from another's. To each little or big patch of land there is a white headstone with initials on it, as if somebody had hurriedly and unostentatiously been buried on the spot where he fell, killed in the Battle of the Vineyards, by a grape-shot. At first, seeing so many of these white headstones with initials on each one, I conclude that it is some peculiar French way of marking distances or laying out plots, and I find my conclusion is utterly erroneous. ”

“ On the Terrace of the Burg. Half an hour later.
Culch. (on a seat commanding a panorama of roofs, gables, turrets, and spires) . Now this is a thing that can only be properly enjoyed when one is by oneself. The mere presence of PODBURY—well, thank goodness, he's found more congenial company. (He sighs.) That looks, like an English girl sketching on the next seat. Rather a fine profile, so regular—general air of repose about her. Singular, now I think of it, how little repose there is about MAUD. (The Young Lady rises and walks to the parapet.) Dear me, she has left her india-rubber behind her. ”

“ In the contriving of dainty dishes out of the simplest materials, the French seem to hold that everything is good for food in this best of all possible worlds, if it be only treated on a wise system of variation, permutation, and combination. ”

“ Culch. (who has done no Greek or Latin verse since he left school) . Doubtless. But I am hindering your sketch?
The Y.L. No, I was merely saturating my mind with the general effect. I shall not really begin my sketch till to-morrow. I am going now. I hope the genius of the place will inspire you.
Culch. Thank you. I trust it will—er—have that effect. (To himself, after the Young Lady has left the terrace.) Now, that's a very superior girl—she has intellect, style, culture—everything the ideal woman should have. ”

“ Only run their bill up. I'm safe to win before the Court of Appeal. Lord Justice GRILL a first-rate lawyer—sure to reverse old PROSER. I can," he ends with conscious pride, "twist GRILL round my finger, so to speak." ”

“ If in the Shooting Season you some brace of birds would send
(As per letter duly posted) to a fond expectant friend,
Pray remember that a railway is the genuine modern Babel,
And be very very careful how you fasten on the label!
A MUSICAL SUGGESTION. (Certainly New and Original.)
Why doesn't one of our talented composers—Sir ARTHUR, or Mr. MACKENZIE, or Mr. STANFORD, or Mr. EDWARD SOLOMON—write a Cantata, entitled The Weather? The subject is thoroughly English, and lends itself so evidently to much variety in treatment. The title should be, The Weather: a Meteorological Cantata. ”

“ A unooshally lawge box of wax vestas for one penny. Shop early and shop often. Foosees, Sir? Yessir. Part o' a bankrupt's stock."
This was smart of him. By differing a little from the usual match-boy manner, he attracted more attention, and grins, and coppers.
One morning I had climbed up to the top of the 'bus and taken my seat, when I saw that the boy had followed me.
"No use," I said; "I don't want any this morning."
"Well, I ain't sellin' none this mornin', Sir. I'm goin' a ride on this 'ere 'buss. My wife's got the carridge hout in the Park; so I'm druv to takin' busses—same as you, Sir." ”

“ And so ends a pleasant holiday trip to the Champagne Country, or real "Poppy-Land."
STORICULES. V.—A BORN ARISTOCRAT.
Whenever I forgot to put the matches in my pocket on leaving the chambers, I used to buy a box from a boy who stood at the street corner, where the 'busses stop. He was a small boy, somewhat ragged and occasionally a good deal splashed with mud. He was bright and energetic, and he did a very fair trade. There was an air of complete independence about him, which one does not often find in match-boys. ”

“ In the suburbs of London, and even in the more densely-populated districts of this vast Metropolis, there are numbers of people who are uncommonly short. About quarter-day these extraordinary individuals may be heard of, but are rarely seen ”

“ Them clerks wears top-'ats, an' consequently they daren't smoke pipes. They cawn't afford to smoke cigars, and cigarettes is off'rin' eyep'ny oices to a stawvin' man. So they don't smoke at all, an' don't want no matches. ”