Various

“ Everything about you must be flat; your hats, hair and heels must be flat; your denials must be particularly flat. Always take your meals in your jacket and a hurry, never with the rest of your family; never have time to eat enough, but always have time to brag about it.
I cannot understand why any girl should object to the assumption of a pose; and yet a girl told me the other day that she preferred to be what she seemed to be. ”

“ MR. STEVENS, the American gentleman who rode round the world on a bicycle, says, "The bicycle is now recognised as a new social force." Possibly. But certain writers to the Times on "The Tyranny of the Road," seem to prove that it is also a new anti-social force, when it frightens horses and upsets pedestrians. Adapting an old proverb, we may say, "Set a cad on a cycle and he'll ride"—well, all over the road, and likely enough over old ladies into the bargain. Whilst welcoming the latest locomotive development, we must not allow the "new social force" to develop into a new social despotism. ”

“ There should be a suggestion of untidiness about the hair; the dress should be simple, loose and sashed; nurse a kitten with a blue ribbon round its neck; say that you like chocolate-creams; open your eyes very wide, and suck the tip of one finger occasionally. Let your manner generally vary between the pensive and the mischievous; always ask for explanations, especially of things which cannot possibly be explained in public. Do not attempt this pose unless your figure is mignon and your complexion pink. ”

“ Do not be too realistic; never be sticky or dirty—men do not care for it.
A capital pose for a girl with dark lines under the eyes, is that of "the girl-with-a-past." These lines, which are mostly the result of liver, are commonly accepted as evidence of soul. The dress should be sombre, trailing, and rather distraught: there is a way of arranging a fichu which of itself suggests that the heart beneath it is blighted. If you happen to possess a few ornaments which are not too expensive, distribute them among your girl-friends ”

“ There for generations had dwelt the rustic family of the PEEPS, handing down from father to son a well-stocked cow-shed and a tradition of rural virtues which yet excluded not an overgreat affection on the male side for the home-brewed ale and the homemade language in which, as is known, the Wessex peasantry delights. ”

“ The natural girl is always either impolite or impolitic. I am quite willing to allow that a girl who appears artificial is equally detestable. To be unnatural, and to appear natural, is the end at which the young girl should aim. Much, then, will depend on the choice of a pose. ”

“ It is well known, of course, that although I often write agricultural novels, I invariably call a spade a spade, and not an agricultural implement. Thus I am led to speak in plain language of women, their misdoings, and their undoings. Unstrained dialect is a speciality. If you want to know the extent of Wessex, consult histories of the Heptarchy with maps. ”

“ It should be suitable; there should be something in your appearance and abilities to support the illusion. I once knew a fat girl, with red hair (the wrong red) , & good appetite, and chilblains on her fingers; she adopted the romantic pose, and made herself ridiculous; of course, she was quite unable to look the part. If she had done the Capital Housekeeper, or the Cheerfully Philanthropic, she might have married a middle-aged Rector. She threw away her chances by choosing an unsuitable pose. At the same time the reasons for your choice should never be obvious. ”

“ In the matter of dress a girl can do very much towards supporting her pose; but she must have the intuitions and perceptions of an artist.
The child-like type requires great care, for the young girl in London is not naturally child-like. ”

“ Can't understand why people should always be talking about Dissolution. Here we have best of all Ministries, a sufficient majority, an excellent programme, and barely reached the month of May. Why can't we get on with our work, and cease indulgence in these wild imaginings? ”

“ Good looks wear badly, and good characters be of no account; but the gold's the thing for us. Why," he continued, meditatively, "the old house could be new thatched, and you and me live like Lords and Ladies, away from the mulch o' the barton, all in silks and satins, wi' golden crowns to our heads, and silver buckles to our feet." ”

“ If it isn't a quid and bad 'ealth, it is always good 'ealth and no quid!
'Owsomever it's no use a fretting. I got one good outing—on wheels;
For I've took to the bicycle, yus,—and can show a good many my 'eels.
You should see me lam into it, CHARLIE, along a smooth bit of straight road,
And if anyone gets better barney and spree out of wheeling, I'm blowed.
Larks fust and larks larst is my motter. Old RICHARDSON's rumbo is rot.
Preachy-preachy on 'ealth and fresh hair may be nuts to a sanit'ry pot ”

“ Let it be known that there is one day in the year which you prefer to spend in complete solitude. Have a special affection for one flower; occasionally allow your emotions to master you when you hear music. ”

“ CHARLES WYNDHAM observes that "there is no such class, in any recognisable degree, as the demi-monde in England." "Recognisable" is good, very good, it saves the situation, as of course the demi-monde is not, on any account, to be recognised. ”

“ Rum cove that old Clerk o' the Weather; seems somehow to take a delight
In mucking Bank 'Oliday biz; seems as though it was out of sheer spite.
When we're fast with our nose to the grindstone, in orfice or fact'ry, or shop,
The sun bustiges forth a rare bat, till a feller feels fair on the 'op;
But when Easter or Whitsuntide's 'andy, and outings all round is in train,
It is forty to one on a blizzard, or regular buster of rain.
It's a orkud old universe, CHARLIE, most things go as crooked as Z.
Feelosophers may think it out, 'ARRY ain't got the 'eart, or the 'ead ”

“ A pity, for there are no other words that so accurately describe SAGE's manner when, just now, he rose to pose Prince ARTHUR with awkward question about Dissolution. Wanted to know whether, supposing Parliament dissolved between months of September and December in present year, a Bill would be brought in to accelerate Registration? Terms of question being set forth on printed paper, not necessary for the SAGE to recite them. ”

“ Prince ARTHUR BALFOUR expressed his regret that "the House of Commons did not possess a Hanging Committee." Hasn't it? Don't we now and again hear of a Member being "suspended" for some considerable time? On such occasions, the whole House is a Hanging Committee. ”

“ FIRST ANARCHIST. "ENFIN, MON AMI!—VE SHALL NOT BE INTERRUPT IN ZIS FREE ENGLAND!"
BULL A1 (sotto voce) . "DON'T BE TOO SURE, MOSSOO! YOU'LL FIND NO EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES HERE!!"
[pg 225]
THE YOUNG GIRL'S COMPANION. By Mrs. Payley. III.—THE CHOICE OF A POSE.
All young girls should have definite ideas of the impression which they wish to create. ”

“ Both these types demand some personal attractions; if you have no personal attractions, you must fall back upon one of the philanthropical types. The plainer you are, the more rigid will be your philanthropy. Your object will be to disseminate in the homes of the poor some of the luxuries of the rich ”

“ MR. PUNCH'S AGRICULTURAL NOVEL. BO AND THE BLACKSHEEP. A STORY OF THE SEX.
(By THOMAS OF WESSEX, Author of "Guess how a Murder feels," "The Cornet Minor," "The Horse that Cast a Shoe," "One in a Turret," "The Foot of Ethel hurt her," "The Flight of the Bivalve," "Hard on the Gadding Crowd," "A Lay o' Deceivers," &c.) ”

“ Appearance of House suggestive rather of some local question affecting Isle of Sheppey or Romney Marsh. Below Gangway, on Ministerial side, only MACLEAN present. Member for Oldham a sizeable man, but seemed a little lost in space. Above Gangway RICHARD TEMPLE on guard. Prince ARTHUR and GEORGIE CURZON had Treasury Bench all to themselves. Opportunity for observing how cares of office are beginning to tell on GEORGE. Growing quite staid in manner, the weight of India adding gravity to his looks, sicklying his young face o'er with pale cast of thought. ”

“ No Club, mate, for me; that means money, and rules, sportsman form, and sech muck.
I likes to pick out my own pals, go permiskus, and trust to pot-luck.
A rush twelve-a-breast is a gammock, twelve squeakers a going like one ”

“ And—would you believe it, old pal?—went for BUGGINS, and give 'im wot for!!!
Nasty sperrit, old man; nothink sportsmanlike, surely, about sech a hact!
Them's the sort as complains of hus Cyclists, mere crackpots as ain't got no tact.
We all did a guy like greased lightning; you can when you're once on your wheel—
Stout bobbies carn't run down a "Safety," and gurls can do nothink but squeal. ”

“ The person who "calls himself a Gentleman" is seen as a retiring person in another mirror. ETTORE TITO.
No. 40. Little Bo Peep after Lunch, supported by a tree. Early intemperance movement. "Let 'm 'lone, they'll come home, leave tails b'ind 'em." JOHN DA COSTA.
No. 56. Ben Ledi. This is a puzzle picture by Mr. JAMES ELLIOT. Of course there is in it, somewhere or other, a portrait of the eminent Italian, BENJAMIN LEDI. Puzzle, to find him.
No. 287. "Forgers at Work; or, Strike while the Iron's hot!" Portrait of the recently elected Associate making a hit immediately on his election. ”