Various

“ The average man, says a correspondent of The Daily Mail, does not know how to invest five pounds in War Loan. Yet all he has to do is to pay his little fiver across the counter just as if he were buying a pound of tea. ”

“ Softly undulating is the swell, scarce perceptible to inexperienced eyes, such as those of the land-lubbers on the towering decks of the great liners; gleaming dead copper and blue in the morning sun, flecked with spectral white in the distance—the easy roll of untrammelled waters!
Weather.—C. Detached clouds. Almost had I written "B," seeing the perfect filmy blue all around the horizon; but a seaman's scrutiny showed me faint fluffy wisps o'erhead, luminous and marged with palest gold; and ever must a sailor be suspicious of the treacherous weather-god. ”

“ Once upon a time, not so very long ago, an illustrious man of affairs—soldier and statesman too—visited our shores, and by his wise counsels so captured the imagination of his hearers and readers that one of the greatest of all compliments was paid to him, and anyone with a black cocker spaniel to name named it after him ”

“ Old French ladies in villages twenty miles back from the line lay all that night hideous in respirators. Anxious Staffs rang up other anxious Staffs. Gunners questioned the infantry. The infantry desired information from the gunners. All along the line the private soldier was jolted from that kind of trance which he calls "getting down to it," and was bidden to stand to till morning.
And our Mr. St. John, who was a new and superfluous officer and liable to be overlooked, slept through it all with a fat smile.
It was after that that they made him a Town-Major. ”

“ Generally speaking, stories left unfinished because of the death of the writer in mid course can only be at best an uncomfortable, exasperating legacy to his admirers. But by a thrice happy chance this is not the case with the two novels upon which the late HENRY JAMES was engaged at the time of his fatal illness. This good fortune comes from the fact that it was the writer's habit "to test and explore," in a written or dictated sketch, the possible developments of any theme before embarking upon its treatment in detail. ”

“ Over miles and miles of country wild-eyed gunners were glaring into the night and asking each other blasphemous questions. What did it mean?
"It must be Huns," said the British gunners; "they're coming over."
"That is without doubt an English signal," said the enemy. "We will prepare for an attack."
Then the Hun gunners suddenly made up their minds to be on the safe side, and they put down a tremendous barrage on to No Man's Land.
"Told you so; they're on to our front line," said we, and put down a tremendous barrage on to No Man's Land. ”

“ Can't you see that if a notice is 'served,' it immediately becomes twice as important?"
"Oh, if it adds to the dignity of an inspector, well and good; but for my part I should have posted it."
"You are not a sanitary inspector, and cannot realise the feelings of one." ”

“ In these days of military hustle, when a soldier comes home, falls in love, gets engaged, marries, sets up a home, and returns to the Front in less than a week, there is little time for the ordinary courtesies of matrimonial procedure. ”

“ What will it register ere the day be done? Or will its speckless copper lie rusting in the grey chill of the sea's dank depths?
Revs.—I don't know, but the propellers swirl faithfully and unceasingly.
Wind.—W. by E. Bearing a message across the vast Atlantic of hope and present succour from our new great Ally, the mighty Republic of the West. America, ah America! But we of the sea are men of few words, and this is not the place.
Force.—3. A balmy zephyr, yet with the sharp salt tang of the sea that a sailor loves. ”

“ Very briefly, the theme is to treat of a young American, in whom this "Sense of the Past" is all-powerful; whom the gift of an old London house and its furnishings enables to transport himself bodily into the life of 1820. More than this, he lives that life (and it is here that one suspects the idea of becoming unmanageable) in the person of an actual youth of that time, in whom a corresponding Sense of the Future has been so strong that he has answered the curiosity of his descendant by an exchange of personalities. ”

“ HOW TO BECOME A TOWN-MAJOR.
Through large and luminous glasses Second-Lieut. St. John regards this War and its problems. He is a man of infinite jobs. There are few villages in France of which he has not been Town Major. ”

“ We understand that, in order to avoid confusion and undue alarm, German prisoners in this country will in future be expected to give twelve hours' notice of their intention to escape.
Sugar is to be omitted from a number of medical preparations from December 1st, and children are complaining that the decision has quite spoilt their Christmas prospects.
Counsel, in a prosecution for selling a tobacco substitute, has stated that there is nothing in the Act to prevent a man from smoking what he likes. ”

“ I, T. Bradish, of the Town Hall, Smoltham, do hereby give you notice forthwith to cut, prune, plash or lop certain Trees and Hedges overhanging the highway immediately adjoining your premises, No. 15, East Gate, in the Parish of Smoltham, and which are causing an obstruction and annoyance to the said highway, so that the obstructions caused to the said highway shall be removed.
"'Dated this 19th day of October, 1917.'"
"Isn't it priceless?" I said.
"It is," said Francesca. "I never knew before that a road could be annoyed."
"Even a road has its feelings." ”

“ The tale reveals the spiritual and moral development of Jim Hartigan. The author assures us that most of the characters are drawn from life, and that some of the main events are historical. All which I can easily believe, for Mr. SETON'S blunt method of describing Jim Hartigan's evolution from an unhallowed stable-boy to a muscular Christian continually suggests reality. It is not a stylish method, but it gets home, and in a tale of this kind that is the main, if not the only, matter of importance. ”

“ Herbert, galvanised into action, produced a small oblong object from his pocket, lighted the end of it with the glowing butt of one of my Corona Coronas, and placed it underneath the car. In a few moments all that remained of my three-thousand-guinea ten—cylinder twelve-seater was one small nut, which was immediately impounded.
I raised the collar of my overcoat (second reef) , shifted my face to the eastward, and, notwithstanding the blister on my heel, turned my steps towards my destination.
I uttered no plaint. I had transgressed against the immutable law.
Is the Race losing its Nerve? ”

“ He moved to the back of the car, unscrewed the entrance to the petrol tank and applied his nose to the aperture. After three official sniffs he turned upon me aggressively.
"There is an undeniable odour of petroleum. How do you account for that?"
"Sir," I replied, "last week my little son had his knockabout suit dry-cleaned in Perthshire by the petrol-substitute process. This morning he climbed upon the back of the car to see whether his Silver Campine had laid an egg in the hood." ”

“ CYRIL SCOTT, the musical composer, in his recently published volume on The Philosophy of Modernism in its connection with Music, states that the criterion of lofty music, the method of gauging the spiritual value of art, "is only possible to him who has awakened the latent faculties of the pineal gland and the pituitary body." ”

“ The LORD MAYOR'S Coachman has retired after twenty-eight years' service. He was a splendid fellow, taking him all round.
Sociable Escort (to Bosch prisoner, after several ineffectual attempts to start a conversation) . "AHEM!—ER—NO TROUBLE AT HOME, I HOPE?"
An official memo from the Front:—
"A complaint has been received from the Provost Corps that two horses, apparently ridden by grooms, committed a civil offence in ——, in that they crashed into a motor car, which at the time was stationary, damaging same. ”

“ But allowance must be made for the misapplied energy of our ancestors. If the Flappers excite our disgust, their subsequent treatment moves our commiseration, since the Sumptuary and Disciplinary Laws passed by the House of Ladies dealt in drastic fashion with the offences which I have described. As a matter of fact many Flappers grew up into excellent and patriotic women. ”

“ A news message to the Politiken states that the people of Iceland are making demands for their own flag or separation. The movement seems to be an isolated one and not likely to spread. Anyhow, there is no cause for alarm at Tooting, where the authorities are not expecting any trouble of this kind. ”

“ Still, no one becomes a Town-Major without some sort of claim to the post.
Second-Lieut. St. John's first appearance in Armageddon took place during "peace-time warfare." An unpleasant and quite unnecessary little bulge in the trench-line, known as the Toadstool, was manned by the platoon of which he found himself second-in-command. It is rumoured that a Hun patrol, crawling to the edge of our parapet, saw in the ghastly glare of a Verey light the benign and spectacled countenance of Second-Lieut. St. ”

“ They should receive a fresh welcome from all who share her understanding of the ways of seafaring men, and from the larger public that is beginning to appreciate the gallantry and devotion of our Merchant Service. ”

“ For the defence it was stated that the defendant had not specified which Christmas, and even so if he had said so it was so. Defendant asked for a remand to enable him to dispense with legal assistance.
RESULT OF THE FOOD SHORTAGE?
"Exchange new gold full plate, seven teeth, for good brown skin hearthrug."—The Lady.
From the police-notice re air-raid warnings:—
"When the car has two occupants one might concentrate on whistling and calling out 'Take Cover.'"
As his own won't be enough he should borrow the other occupant's mouth. ”

“ R. Therm.: 35°. Bar.: 28·89. Remarks: Objectives attained. Observation hampered by weather.
BIG GAME SHOOTING.
"Angus Bowser, the popular feed merchant of Dartmouth, shot his mouse on Thanksgiving Day. With a couple of friends he left in auto about 1 o'clock Monday afternoon for Bowser's Station. The party was in the woods for about two hours when the mouse was sighted."—Canadian Paper.
We hope Mr. ROOSEVELT will not be jealous.
Extracts from a recent novel:—
"He stepped out at Fernhurst Station, and walked up past the Grey Abbey that watched as a sentinel over the dreamy Derbyshire town.... ”