Various

“ Here we have the battle-field capitally painted, and illustrating how our doctors and nurses do their good work. If anything could confirm an intending recruit to take the Queen's Shilling, it would be this tableau, so suggestive of succour to the wounded. I consider the display decidedly in the best interests of the Army.
Then the Battle Gallery! Can anything be more interesting? Numerous portraits of Generals—not only in full uniform, but as they are to be seen at home in the bosoms of their families. Every picture of a victory is full of interest, and the relics are priceless. ”

“ House of Commons, Monday, May 5.—Next year is my Jubilee—mine and Mr. Punch's. Pup and dog, have known House of Commons for nigh fifty years. Of course not so intimately as within the last eight or nine years; but ever since I took my seat on piles of bound volumes at feet of the Master, have kept one eye on Parliament.
Never saw a scene to equal what took place to-night. When House met, good deal of talk about yesterday's Labour Demonstration. Everybody agreed it was enormous, unprecedented, momentous. The Working Man demands a day of eight hours' labour, and will see that he gets it. ”

“ The one purple and green Hungarian, who attended with his trombone to represent that celebrated band of musicians, supplied the dance music with much spirit, while those noted viveurs, capable of expressing an opinion on the subject of supper, declare that the South-American tinned oysters, and the seventeen-shilling Roumanian champagne, with which they washed them down, were both, in their way, respectively, in the shape of refreshment, quite the most remarkable things they had met with anywhere this season. ”

“ Tiger coming out strong, suddenly finds himself in presence of furiously antagonistic Gallery audience, represented by a venomous hissing snake, which has been waiting for him, like Chevy Slyme, round the corner. ”

“ Let us pause a little, and pay such honour as is due for persistence and importunity to these "little people," who have outlived the wise men of Egypt, the prophets of Palestine, the magicians of Persia, and the sages of Greece and Rome. ”

“ The Pygmies appear to be aware that the plantations and powers of the Whirkirs are practically inexhaustible, and to think that they have as much right to the produce as the aboriginal owners and tillers. Therefore, they cling tightly to these plantations, and make the larger and more laborious natives pay dearly for the honour of their acquaintance. In another manner they perform valuable service by setting fashions, receiving strangers, and assisting in the defence of the settlements; they also hunt game, and supply the larger natives with plenty to do in working for and waiting on them. ”

“ The Pygmies are as old as Swelldom, as ubiquitous as Boredom, the two secular pests of the earth. You will remember that Hercules once fell asleep in the deserts of Africa, after his conquest of Antæus, and was disturbed in his well-earned rest by an attack of a large army of these troublesome Lilliputians, who, it is recorded, "discharged their arrows with great fury upon his arms and legs." The hero, it is added, "pleased with their courage, wrapped a great number of them in the skin of the Nemean lion, and carried them to Eurystheus." ”

“ Nothing could have been more judicious than to enclose some of the grounds of Chelsea Hospital for the holding of that excellent exhibition known as "The Sodgeries." The inhabitants of South Belgravia, Old Chelsea, Pimlico, and Battersea must bless the Authorities for their kindness in selecting a site so close to their doors. That the Exhibition may be properly appreciated, it may be worth while to glance hurriedly at its contents. A difficult matter to hurry when one comes to the Ambulance Department. ”

“ Under ordinary circumstances, House meeting at Three o'clock, we should have adjourned sharp at Eleven to-night; but the fact is, my day's work began at Ten this morning. That is a necessity of my position. With interval of hasty meals, I have been accustomed to work a maximum of twelve hours a day, often running up to fourteen. That, however, now over. Settled by Working Man that Labour Day should not exceed Eight Hours. We will, therefore, now break up. I daresay some of you Hon. Gentlemen, engaged at the Bar or in affairs in the City, commenced your work even earlier than Ten? ”

“ One of the best volumes of the Badminton Library series is that on Golf, recently published, written chiefly by Horace G. Hutchinson, with capital contributions on the subject from the great ruler of Home-Rulers, Arthur Balfour, M.P., and the ubiquitous and universally gifted Merry Andrew Lang, to whom no subject, apparently, presents any difficulty whatever, he being, like Father O'Flynn, able to discourse on Theology or Conchology, or Mythology, and all the other ologies, including, in this instance, Golfology, with equal skill and profundity of wisdom. ”

“ These Pygmies of Societas, though small, are cunning, and wise in their generation. For the most part they toil not, (save at pleasure-seeking and lion-hunting) , neither do they spin (anything beyond the edifying yarns they call "after-dinner stories") . But they manage to live on the fat of the land. The larger aborigines (called the Whirkirs) are very industrious, and form the clearings and cultivate the various produce of the place. ”

“ Sir William Harcourt: "The Right Hon. Gentleman probably means one jot or tittle."
Old Morality: "In accordance with my habit, Sir, I meant what I said. As I was saying, when perhaps somewhat unnecessarily interrupted by the Right Hon. Gentleman, I do not abate one tit or jottle of my desire to perform my duty where duty is doo; but since our friend the Working Man has declared in favour of a labouring day confined to Eight Hours, we must needs follow him." ”

“ John, you can see better nor me—what be she oop to now?... Puttin' 'er 'ed inside o' th' lion's? Aw, dear me, now—theer's a thing to be doin' of! Well, I'd ruther it was 'er nor me, I know that ... They wun't do 'er naw 'arm, so long's she kips 'er heye on 'em ... What do 'ee taak so voolish vor? How's th' wumman to kip 'er heye on 'em, with 'er 'ed down wan on 'em's throat, eh?... Gracious alive! if iver I did!... Oh. I do 'ope she baint gooin' to let off naw fire-arms, I be moor fear'd o' pistols nor any tigers ... Theer, she's out now! She be bold, fur a female, baint her?... ”

“ Succi doesn't seem any the worse for his long Abstinence, Maria! Don't you think it would be a good thing to bring up a few of our Younger Children as Fasting Men and Women? We might begin Training them already, you know! ”

“ If we now leave Scotland the hotel-keepers (keepers of hotels) will be sorry.—The keepers of hotels must speak to the owners of the tall hill.—— There are now two men on the top of the tall hill; I can see them plainly. One has seized the other by the scruff of the neck (by the neck) . Why has the bad man seized somebody by the scruff of the neck?—The man who has been seized (whom they have seized) by the scruff of the neck must be a Tourist.—— How has the Tourist done wrong (faire mal) ?—He has done wrong because he admires the view.—— The Aunt, the Uncle, and the Cousin (f.) ”

“ For the rest, there are some thirty speaking parts—a good allowance for a play consisting of six Acts and seven Tableaux. A "Masterpiece" (in English) is better than a feast, for it is enough—for a lifetime. ”

“ Bob, do 'ee look at old Muster Manders ovver theer by th' hellyphant. He's a maakin' of 'isself that familiar—putting biskuts 'tween his lips and lettin' th' hellyphant take 'em out wi' 's troonk!... I see un—let un aloan, th' hold doitler, happen he thinks he's a feedin' his canary bird!
[Pg 238]
NEW GALLERY NOVELTIES.
No. 237. The Harmonious Family.
Gentleman Amateur (looking at music, aside to himself) . That's the note she ought to be singing.
Lady Amateur (thinks to herself) . I can sing without music. Rather! ”

“ Mild V. has discreetly lost himself in the crowd.
On the Elephant's Back.
Second Boy. Sit a bit moor forrard, Billy, cann't 'ee!
First Boy. Cann't, I tell 'ee, I be sittin' on th' scruff of 'is neck as 'tis.
Third Boy. I can see my vaither, I can. 'Ere, vaither, vaither, look at me—see wheer I be!
Fourth Boy (a candid friend) . Shoot oop, cann't 'ee, ya young gozzle-'ead! Think ya vaither niver see a hass on a hellyphant afoor! ”

“ Circumstances sufficiently strange to make a man quote Sterne, even if he'd never read his masterpiece. House in Committee on Budget Bill. Storey moved Amendment on Clause 26, dealing with exemption from Inhabited House Duty of tenement buildings. ”