W. F. Chapman

“ Dunn. (aside) Why, the man is nothing less than a wife-beater.
Smith. She soon found out who was master. There's nothing so effective as the whip to cure stubbornness, sir, nothing at all.
Dunn. I suppose not; but don't you think that kind of treatment is rather too harsh?
Smith. Oh, dear no; on the contrary, I think a little now and again does them a power of good.
Dunn. (aside) What a hard hearted fellow he must be. He will have to alter his opinions before he marries my daughter, that he will. ”

“ I suppose they act upon the principle that, if a thing is worth doing at all it is worth doing well, and as shopping is their chief and only occupation, they strive, and I may add, succeed, to do it as well as any young ladies in this mundane sphere possibly could. ”

“ It is. (aside) He thinks more of his wine than of his poor daughter.
Dunn. (aside) The wine has not loosened his tongue very much yet. He must have another glass. (aloud) Have another glass, Mr. Smith, it will do you a power of good. (re-fills Smith's glass)
Smith. Thank you, sir. (aside) This is what I call good business; but I must say that, in all my experience as an undertaker and funeral furnisher, I never met a man who bore a daughter's death with greater fortitude than this man does, never. (drinks)
Dunn. (aside) Well he is a bashful fellow. Why does he not speak out like a man? ”

“ The costumes are simple, the incidental music and drill movements graceful and easily managed, the dialogue uncommonly good, and the whole thing quite above the average. A representation of this entertainment will cause the young folks, from six to sixty, fairly to turn themselves inside out with delight, and, at the same time, enforce the important moral of Peace and Good Will. ”

“ Smith, when there are servants in the house, but the fact is I never allow them to go to my wine bin, for I have discovered that they sometimes imbibe a little on their own account, in consequence of which I never allow the key to leave my possession. (filling the glasses) Now, my dear sir, make yourself at home. (putting a glass before Smith) Taste that and tell me what you think of it.
Smith. (aside) It is not often I am treated in this manner. (aloud) Thank you, Mr. Dunnbrowne. (leans his umbrella against the chair, and puts his hat and gloves under the seat—drinks) This is splendid, sir. ”

“ Smith. (aside) Drop in and see her! What does——Oh, I see, [Pg 13] he must have a family vault. (aloud) Her loss will be a source of immense grief, sir, I am sure.
Dunn. (in same tone) Why should it be? All young persons are anxious to commence that blissful state of life, for it is generally supposed that they are better off—that is to say, they are much happier. Not that my daughter has ever been unhappy here, but the change will be a pleasing novelty to her, therefore I see no reason why I should be grieved at all.
Smith. ”

“ Dunn. Not at all, Mr. Smith. When business such as we have on hand is to be transacted, we must make ourselves as sociable as possible.
Smith. (aside) Now that he has mentioned business I had better take the hint and commence. (turns towards Dunn., aloud) The business that has brought us together is not of a very cheerful character, I am sorry to say.
Dunn. Do you think not, sir? ”

“ I always drive clear of the ladies. (turns the paper over—reads)
Enter, Dunn., l.
Dunn. (aside) So this is John Smith, my would-be son-in-law. He appears to make himself quite at home. (coming to the front, aloud) Good morning, sir. Mr. Smith, I presume. (extending his hand. Smith hastily puts the newspaper down—rises and shakes hands)
Smith. Good morning, Mr. Dunnbrowne, how do you do, sir; how do you do? Delighted to make your acquaintance, sir. Fine morning this, isn't it? Very fine morning indeed. ”

“ Dunnbrowne. (without) Well, good morning, my dears, (shows himself in the doorway r.) Don't be away all the morning, and do be merciful in your purchases. (enters r.) Happy is the man who is not troubled with a trio of beautiful daughters, who are incessantly going out shopping. My daughters seem to take a delight in spending my money. ”

“ The company consists of the bride and groom, their parents, six bridesmaids, and the officiating personage appropriately called the "Go-between." There are various formalities, including salaams, tea-drinking, eating rice-cakes, and giving presents. No words are spoken. The ceremony (which occupies about 50 minutes) , with the "tea-room," fills out an evening well, though music and other attractions may be added. Can be represented by young ladies alone, if preferred. ”

“ Smith, but she is not in at present.
Smith. Not in! (aside) Who ever heard of a corpse going out for a walk! The man is hopelessly intoxicated. It is a blessing that I have not been prevailed upon to take more of that wine, or I should have been as bad as he. (aloud) If you will allow me to see your daughter now, Mr Dunnbrowne, I shall not have to come here again to take the measurements. ”

“ The letter is addressed to me all fair and square, and this is the address the letter is dated from (takes a letter from his pocket and reads) "2, Belverley Terrace, Hedgetown, March 31st. Mr. Smith. Dear sir,—A friend of mine informs me that you are in want of a good mare, so I take the liberty of writing you to say that I wish to dispose of my thoroughbred dark bay mare Fanny. She has splendid action, and is in good condition. If you think she may suit you, I shall be at home in the morning, and will be glad to see you and give you any information respecting her soundness, &c. ”

“ VI. Typical Character Masks.—The Make-up for Youth: Dimpled cheeks. Manhood. Middle Age. Making up as a Drunkard: One method; another method. Old Age. Negroes. Moors. Chinese. King Lear. Shylock. Macbeth. Richelieu. Statuary. Clowns.
VII. Special Hints to Ladies.—The Make-up. Theatrical Wigs and Hair Goods.
Sent by mail, postpaid, to any address, on receipt of the price. ”