W. H. Ireland

“ Now wo, indeed, hath made its master-piece!
Thou fell ambition! thou art mine enemy:
Thy idle dreams have forc’d my husband from me;
Thy honey’d visions have depriv’d my soul
Of that alone which made life worth retaining.
Yes, thou art now, alas! become a flower,
That, by the radiance of the sun, is parch’d,
And, lacking drops of succour, droops and dies. Enter Fool, whimsically attired, with his bells and ladle.
Pas. Whither so fast, good Fool?
Fool. Good Fool, say’st thou! Marry, these are sweet words, that do not often fall to our lot ”

“ Boaden, I could not have repressed the burst of laughter, which then struggled for vent.
To hear an aged, walking mass of mortality, utter such a sample of mingled pedantry and folly, has left such an indelible impression upon my mind, that I never pass the spot in question, without a sentiment of pity, on recalling the ravings of a self-created expounder of Shakspeare, dwindled into second childhood. ”

“ Fool. Nay, then, ye are gone and ha’ left your poor Fool behind. Methinks, I love that young master; nay, I know not how ’tis, but my legs would needs go follow him: yet, master Fool, is this wisdom? for they say the legs should ne’er carry away the brains. Yet, let me see: cannot I, in my folly, new form this saying, and turn it to mine own conceit? I ha’ hit it: for it matters not what comes o’ my brains; for men say they are good for nought, but my legs are; therefore, let the better o’th’ two serve as guide for the other. ”

“ Enter Aurelius and Uter.
Uter. Where, brother, are the sons of Vortigern?
Aur. I bade them with their gentle mother stay;
For much ’twould have offended righteous heaven,
If, ’gainst their father, they had join’d with us.
For here there always is a sacred tie,
Which suffers not a son’s uplifted hand
To strike a father, be he e’er so vile. ”

“ Be sharp with men, I pray you;
They bear the minds of fools indeed,
Yet are but knaves, I tell you.
Then lack, lack, and well a day!
Fla. Good, honest Fool, I do sincerely thank thee.
Fool. Nay, nay, say not so; an I had flattered, why then, perchance, I had merited this; but i’faith, gentle lady, he that says nought, save the bare truth, doth ofttimes meet but a bare compliment. But an you do flatter, methinks the compliment will savour more of untruth, than did the flattery; but thus it goes with our slippery world. ”

“ Fool. Ay, and a righteous one, too: dost mark me? ’tis your Fool alone will make a true report.
Pas. I understand thee not.
Fool. The more’s the pity. He that doth, or well speak, or write, will be praised by fools only: for look ye: envy doth sting those that have knowledge, and makes them fear lest their wise heads should be outwitted; therefore, again, ’tis your Fool alone that is your upright judge; cause, forsooth, his brains are not in plenty; but, those which he hath are at’s own disposal.
Pas. This road, methinks, should lead us on our way
To the prince’s camp! Fool, go you on before. ”

“ Each sheep that may, unknowingly, have stray’d,
And broke from out its bounds and flowery pasture.
Pas. Proceed, then, and we’ll follow. Tell me, sister,
Doth not your heart beat high?
Fla. Yea, it swells so, this little breast, in truth,
Can scarce contain it.—
How shall we bear the meeting?
Fool. I troth, merrily, merrily, as I do. ’Tis true I am a Briton; but, then, am I not a fool? And ne’er will I put my folly to the test. Think’st thou, I’ll risk my brains for mine anointed king? Nay, nay; in this affair, mine heels shall be my guide, and quick teach me the way to run. ”

“ Fool. Oh no! by my troth, our good sovereign hath unto my noble master betrayed great lack of policy.
Pas. How so?
Fool. Why, your wise man will tell you, the crown doth gall the wearer; but, marry, I will show myself the fool indeed; for I do say the half oft pinches more than the whole.
Pas. Thou wouldst be witty, Fool!
Fool. Marry, say not I would be, but that I am; for, [Pg 7] let me tell you, the wit of your Fool is true wit: being solely his own, no man coveting it; whereas, that of your wise man comes from books, and from those who went before. ”

“ Fool. Why, to be brief, good master, I needs would sing; but that gentle lady hath crack’d the strings o’ my voice: an ’twill please you weep, marry I’ll take the loudest pipe; and should I fail in giving entertainment, why then I’ll to Paul’s, and there, i’the presence of Bonner, be whipped for a slanderer.
Pas. I pray thee, Fool, do as I list.
Fool. Now, then, I’ll pipe; but, by my troth, you seem sad, and needs will me to sing merrily well, an folly will please you, I’ll to’t straight.
[Pg 24]
Fool sings.
A Fool must needs be merry,
Lack, lack, and a well a day! ”

“ I will not take upon myself to determine whether nature ever gifted me with a dawning of talent for poetry, or whether I possessed a mere facility at imitation; but the reiterated eulogies rung in my ears respecting Shakspeare—my father’s enthusiasm—and, above all, the incessant remark, upon his part, that to possess even a signature of the bard, would make him the happiest of human beings—irrevocably sealed my destiny. ”

“ The comments to which these rehearsals (if I may be permitted so to call them) gave rise, were of a nature to elicit, in all its bearings, the enthusiasm entertained by my father for the bard of Avon—with him Shakspeare was no mortal, but a divinity; and frequently while expatiating upon this subject, impregnated with all the fervour of Garrick, with whom he had been on intimate terms, my father would declare, that to possess a single vestige of the poet’s hand-writing would be esteemed a gem beyond all price, and far dearer to him than his whole collection. ”

“ And when thy direst foe becomes thy slave,
Say, shouldst thou use revenge? No, rather shame him
With pity and all-softening charity,
Then on a golden bed thou lay’st thy soul,
And art on earth a blessed angel.
Uter. Brother, I do commend thee for this deed;
Worthy a prince, worthy a Briton, too.
But, come! now for the tyrant Vortigern! Enter Officer.
Aur. What’s the news?
Off. Th’ ill-fated King doth flee tow’rds Cæsar’s tow’r,
While half his troops have fall’n into our hands.
Aur. Did ye obey mine orders?
Off. Ay, my good lord, in ev’ry circumstance. [Pg 53]
Aur. ”

“ E’en as mine own I’ll hail the fertile land,
And these brave Britons, by my arts and arms,
Bind to a foreign yoke. SCENE III.—A WOOD.
Enter Britons and Saxons; they encounter the Scots, and after a hard contest, the Scots are defeated.
Enter Aurelius and Uter.
Aur. O, brother! fortune frowns, the day is lost.
Uter. But it hath cost them dear!
Rally, then, our troops, and march them towards the west. ”

“ No one connected with literature, or who feels a partiality for reading, on hearing the title of Vortigern and Rowena mentioned, but has more or less a confused idea respecting this dramatic effort; yet when inquiry is made, whether any individual has perused the play, it uniformly occurs, that every one is a total stranger to the production. It would be difficult to ascertain the reason why the present drama should have become of such extreme rarity ”

“ Ireland told a LIE, when he imputed to me the words which Joseph Warton used, the very morning I called on Ireland, and was inclined to admit the possibility of genuineness in his papers. In my subsequent conversation, I told him my change of opinion. But I thought it not worth while to dispute in print with a detected impostor.
“S. P.”
Here we have a sample of clerical politeness, mixed up with heartfelt ranklings, because it was impossible for the divine to deny that he had been a staunch believer in the MSS. and the dupe of a boy of seventeen. ”

“ The law, methinks, should, then, proclaim it void.
Vor. Be it, then, void: and here I pledge myself,
To take this lovely maiden to my wife.
To thee, good Hengist, we resign all Kent,
As a sure earnest of our future bounty:
Proclaim it in the camp; and let each man
Receive in largess, from our royal coffers,
That massy ore, which long hath lain entomb’d,
And now shall well reward the soldiers’ toils.
2nd Lord. The law allows not this; it is not justice.
3rd Lord. That power lies in the barons, not the King.
Vor. What! dare ye, then, dispute it? [Pg 42]
All but 1st Lord. ”

“ Oh! sister, an thou lov’st me, grieve not so.
Fla. If charity be meek, e’en so will I;
And where thou lead’st, resign’d I’ll follow thee.
Fool. Marry! an you’ll listen to a fool, perchance he may, for once, speak wisely. ”

“ Fool. By my troth, mine eyes did never water so before: sweet mistress, an thou hast charm’d thy Fool, methinks the choir o’ angels needs must listen to thy prayer: and yet these underprops o’ mine do sorely ache; and wherefore should they? for an I do eat, then am I loaded, and do bear it well ”

“ Now, I should like to ask any man, boasting the smallest pretensions to common sense, whether, if one of Mr. Boaden’s Poems, or one of the Psalms, as translated by Sternhold and Hopkins, was produced in the hand-writing of the period of Elizabeth, or printed by Didot, in his most superlative style, on wire wove, &c. ”

“ Boaden’s work, on the subject of the genuine portraits of our Bard, I think I may with veracity state, that had the writer inserted my MS. respecting the forged resemblances of the poet, that portion of the work would have proved by far the most entertaining part of his production, which has been refuted, in many parts, by Mr. Wyville; who, without possessing any of the boasted Greek and Latin of Mr. Boaden, or indeed a proper knowledge of English grammar, has proved the former writer altogether incompetent to discuss the comparative merits of oil paintings or engravings. ”

“ Kemble:—“That the play would be acted faithfully from the copy sent to the theatre”; and it was accordingly acted, literally, from the manuscript delivered to the house. This conduct was, as the Editor believes, unprecedented in the management of a theatre; and must warrant him in concluding, that, in the judgment of the acting manager, the play wanted no aid or alteration.
Be these matters as they may, this Piece is laid before the public, with such interpolations by the Editor, as he presumes it was the duty of the acting manager to have made previous to its representation. ”

“ Our tombed fathers from their silent graves,
To come and aid us at this pinch of time:
Ring till the very steeples totter down.
Mark well my orders; he that flinches, dies.
If aught of murmur’s heard, choak it with death.
Away, away! the grave or victory! END OF THE FOURTH ACT.
[Pg 47]
ACT V. SCENE I.—APARTMENT IN VORTIGERN’S PALACE.
Edmunda on a couch. Flavia and Pascentius. Soft Music.
Edm. Indeed, my gentle maid, indeed, thou’rt kind,
And by those tears that glaze thy lovely eyes,
’Twould seem, that truly, thou didst pity me.
Fla. Pity thee, O, gods!
Edm. Nay, wherefore, weep ye both ”

“ At the commencement of this warfare, as to whether the manuscripts were genuine or not, the state of my poor father’s mind was pitiable in the extreme; he as firmly crediting the originality of the papers, as I was aware of their fabrication. ”

“ So much for the dead:—now for a living opponent. On the present occasion I have the honor to introduce to the reader, James Boaden, Esq. than whom a more fitting sample could not be ushered upon the tapis, to bring up the burthen of my tale with eclat; and prove, in their fullest extent, the assertions so frequently repeated, of the implacable hatred, and unremitting vindictiveness, uniformly practised in regard to me. ”

“ It is true that it was Dr. Warton, instead of himself, as stated in error in my “Confessions,” who passed a most pompous eulogy on my Shakspeare’s Profession of Faith: but it so happens that I was present when Drs. Parr and Warton together inspected the papers; and it was on that memorable occasion that the latter, after the documents had been twice read by both of them, made use of the following words, in which Dr. Parr not only concurred, but himself pronounced panegyrics equally forcible: “Sir, we have many fine things in our church service, and our Litany abounds in beauties ”

“ All my efforts, however, proved of no avail; the same animosity was manifested towards me, by a phalanx styling themselves the rigid censors of literature, and the guardians of Shakspeare’s fame; consisting of such persons, for instance, as Malone, Kemble, Dr. Parr, Boaden, Waldron, with a string of etceteras, too tedious for enumeration. Would it be credited, that such men have proceeded to the ridiculous length of ranking my offence on a par with the forgery of a bank-bill ”

“ Parr, of Greek celebrity, whose death, instead of accumulating a fresh odor of sanctity around his fame, has tended to open men’s eyes, who now begin to find out, that the Doctor was not exactly that mighty phenomenon for which he had enjoyed the reputation, while living. A catalogue of this learned Theban’s books has been published, under the title of “Bibliotheca Parriana,” wherein the MS. opinions of the Doctor, as inserted in a multiplicity of works, are given to the public. ”

“ Where no stronger or worse motives interfere, fashion and caprice too often give the direction; but spleen and interest are made more powerful agents; and by their industry and activity, even the master-puppet, be he in sock or buskin, may be gained, and the public may be too easily and unwarily led by premature and precipitate conclusions. ”

“ No man who recollects what was said and written in the public prints concerning this piece, on the eve of its representation, and the ludicrous manner in which the principal character was sustained, can deny, that the Editor has a right to complain of the most illiberal and injurious treatment. ”