Billina

“ Live things are much fresher and more wholesome than dead ones, and you humans eat all sorts of dead creatures."
"We don't!" said Dorothy.
"You do, indeed," answered Billina. "You eat lambs and sheep and cows and pigs and even chickens."
"But we cook 'em," said Dorothy, triumphantly.
"What difference does that make?"
"A good deal," said the girl, in a graver tone. "I can't just 'splain the diff'rence, but it's there. And, anyhow, we never eat such dreadful things as bugs."
"But you eat the chickens that eat the bugs," retorted the yellow hen, with an odd cackle. ”

“ But, search as they might, in no place could they find a funny ornament that might be the transformation of the Tin Woodman.
"Only one thing can be done," said Ozma, at last, "and that is to return to the Nome King and oblige him to tell us what has become of our friend."
"Perhaps he won't," suggested Billina.
"He must," returned Ozma, firmly. "The King has not treated us honestly, for under the mask of fairness and good nature he entrapped us all, and we would have been forever enchanted had not our wise and clever friend, the yellow hen, found a way to save us." ”

“ Hearing this, the monarch hastened to put a good distance between himself and the Scarecrow, who was about to reach under the throne for the egg when the hen suddenly cried:
"Stop!"
"What's wrong?" asked the Scarecrow.
"Don't take the egg unless the King will allow me to enter the palace and guess as the others have done," said Billina.
"Pshaw!" returned the King. "You're only a hen. How could you guess my enchantments?" ”

“ People do not eat chickens here. You see, Billina was the first hen that was ever seen in this country, and I brought her here myself. Everybody liked her an' respected her, so the Oz people wouldn't any more eat her chickens than they would eat Billina. ”

“ Laid an egg! In my throne room! How dare you do such a thing?" asked the King, in a voice of fury.
"I lay eggs wherever I happen to be," said the hen, ruffling her feathers and then shaking them into place.
"But--thunder-ation! Don't you know that eggs are poison?" roared the King, while his rock-colored eyes stuck out in great terror.
"Poison! well, I declare," said Billina, indignantly. "I'll have you know all my eggs are warranted strictly fresh and up to date. Poison, indeed!"
"You don't understand," retorted the little monarch, nervously. ”

“ Inside she found, nicely wrapped in white papers, a ham sandwich, a piece of sponge-cake, a pickle, a slice of new cheese and an apple. Each thing had a separate stem, and so had to be picked off the side of the box; but Dorothy found them all to be delicious, and she ate every bit of luncheon in the box before she had finished.
"A lunch isn't zactly breakfast," she said to Billina, who sat beside her curiously watching. "But when one is hungry one can eat even supper in the morning, and not complain."
"I hope your lunch-box was perfectly ripe," observed the yellow hen, in a anxious tone. ”

“ When one's daughter has just returned from an expensive schooling in Paris, one likes to feel—
DELIA. What I meant, dear, was, am I to have a stepfather at last?
BELINDA. Now you're being too French, darling.
DELIA. Why, do you still think father may be alive?
BELINDA. Why not? It's only eighteen years since he left us, and he was quite a young man then.
DELIA. Yes, but surely, surely you'd have heard from him in all those years, if he'd been alive?
BELINDA. Well, he hasn't heard from me, and I'm still alive.
DELIA (looking earnestly at her mother, rises and moves L.C.) . ”

“ I say, you know, that's not fair. It's all very well to take your defeat like a man, but you mustn't overdo it. (They release their hands.) Mrs. Tremayne, I claim the reward which I have earned.
BELINDA (after a pause and rising) . Mr. Baxter—Mr. Devenish, I have something to tell you.
(DEVENISH moves to her R.)
(BELINDA kneels upon the Chesterfield facing them. Penitently.) I have not been quite frank with you. I think you both ought to know that— I—I made a mistake. Delia is not my niece; she is my daughter. (She buries her face in her hands.)
DEVENISH. Your daughter! I say, how ripping! ”

“ I don't think he'll ever be any good till he really gets work. Did you notice his hair this evening?
BELINDA (dreamily) . Whose, dear?
DELIA (going to the back of the Chesterfield and to the L. of BELINDA) . Mummy, look me in the eye and tell me you are not being bad.
BELINDA (having playfully turned her head away and hidden her face with her handkerchief, says innocently) . Bad, darling?
DELIA (moving down to the front of the fireplace) . You've made Mr. Robinson fall in love with you.
BELINDA (happily) . Have I?
DELIA. Yes; it's serious this time. He's not like the other two. ”

“ Delia (smiling, on Belinda's L.) . I'll be your mother if you like.
Belinda. Oh no, that wouldn't do, because then Mr. Baxter would feel that he ought to ask your permission before paying his attentions to me. He's just that sort of man. A niece is so safe–however good you are at statistics, you can't really prove anything.
Delia. All right, mummy.
Belinda (enjoying herself) . You'd like to be called by a different name, wouldn't you? There's something so thrilling about taking a false name. Such a lot of adventures begin like that. How would you like to be Miss Robinson, darling? ”

“ DELIA comes into the garden, from Paris. She is decidedly a modern girl, pretty and self-possessed. Her hair is half-way up; waiting for her birthday, perhaps. She sees her mother suddenly, stops, and then goes on tiptoe to the head of the hammock. She smiles and kisses her mother on the forehead. BELINDA, looking supremely unconscious, goes on sleeping. DELIA kisses her lightly again. BELINDA wakes up with an extraordinarily natural start, and is just about to say, "Oh, Mr. Devenish—you mustn't!"—when she sees DELIA.) Delia! (They kiss each other frantically.) ”

“ Oh, I said it to Betty, but she only said, "Yes, ma'am."
DELIA. Poor mother!
BELINDA (jumping up suddenly, crossing to L. of and kissing DELIA again) . I simply must have another one. And to think that you're never going back to school any more. (Looking at her fondly, and backing to L.) Darling, you are looking pretty.
DELIA. Am I?
BELINDA. Lovely. (She kisses her once more, then she takes the cushion from the hammock, moves at back of table and places it on the head of the deck-chair.) And now you're going to stay with me for just as long as you want a mother. ”

“ Devenish, young fellow, when you matched yourself against a man of my repute, when you matched yourself against a man— matched yourself against a man of my repute (crossing towards fireplace)
(BELINDA rises stealthily, takes up her hat and exits through the swing doors and through the garden up R.)
when you matched yourself against a man who has read papers (moving towards centre table) at Soirees of the Royal Statistical Society—" (Looking round the room, he discovers that he is alone. He picks up his hat from the table and jams it down on his head.) ”

“ DEVENISH. You are as old as the stars and as young as the dawn.
BAXTER. You are ten years younger than I am.
BELINDA. What sweet things to say! I don't know which I like best.
DEVENISH. Where will my lady sit!
BELINDA (with an exaggerated curtsy) . I will recline in the hammock, an it please thee, my lord—
(BAXTER goes to the right of the hammock, saying "Allow me." DEVENISH moves to the left of the hammock and holds it, takes up a cushion which BAXTER snatches from him and places in hammock again.) ”

“ Let the beard of the Lord Mayor of Newcastle be the talisman that my lady demands; I am satisfied.
Baxter. This sort of thing is entirely contrary to my usual mode of life, but I will not be outfaced by a mere boy. (Rising.) I am prepared. (Going to her.)
Devenish. Speak, lady.
Belinda (speaking in a deep, mysterious voice) . Gentlemen, ye put wild thoughts into my head. In sooth, I am minded to send ye forth upon a quest that is passing strange. Know ye that there is a maid journeyed hither, hight Robinson–whose– (in her natural voice) what's the old for aunt?
Baxter (hopefully) . ”

“ Belinda nodded comprehension.
The "Black Sheep" read the sympathy in her eyes.
"It's good of you to listen. You see, I've been away twenty years. It's a long time."
He sat silent for a moment staring straight before him, but seeing something that she could not see. Then he came back to her.
"Yes; it's a long time. One imagines the things one has left stand still, but they don't. I thought I'd find everything pretty much the same. Of course I might have known better, but—well, a fellow's memory and imagination play tricks upon his intelligence sometimes. I liked New York, you know. ”

“ Besides being good poetry, it explains everything. You see, Belinda's Aunt Rotunda had given her the beautiful cap, and when Belinda went to dig castles in the sand, she decided to wear the cap to keep the sun off her head, but to wear the bathing-dress, too, so as not to mind if she got wet, which was her own idea and none of the other children had thought of it. So her Mother said, "Then we'd better dye the dress mauve," to which her Father replied, "Wouldn't it be easier to dye the cap brown?" And Belinda's Mother said, "I think, dear, it might hurt Aunt Rotunda's feelings." ”

“ Devenish too.
Baxter (moving to Belinda) . Er—
Devenish. Er—
(They stand before her guiltily and have nothing to say.)
Belinda (with a shrug) . Well, I shall have to marry somebody else, that's all.
Baxter (moving to below table) . Who? Who?
Belinda. I suppose Mr. Robinson. After all, if I am Delia's mother, and Mr. Baxter says that Mr. Robinson's her father, it's about time we were married.
Devenish (eagerly) . Mrs. Tremayne, what fools we are! He is your husband all the time!
Belinda. Yes.
Baxter (moving up to the R. of Belinda) . You've had a husband all the time? ”

“ Of course, he doesn't know he is a father yet. Darling, I think you might take him into the garden; only don't let him know who he is. You see, he ought to propose to me first, oughtn't he?
(The men come in from R. Tremayne goes to the foot of the settee R., Devenish to the back of the table up R., while Baxter stands at the back of the settee. Belinda moves to the front of the settee and Delia sits on the table.)
Here you all are! I do hope you haven't been throwing away your cigars, because smoking is allowed all over the house. ”

“ Belinda (to herself) . Mariton! How funny! I wonder if it's the same one.
Baxter. What one?
Belinda. Oh, just one of the ones. (Gratefully.) Mr. Baxter, you are doing all this for me.
Baxter. Pray do not mention it. I don't know if it's Devonshire (going to and sitting L. of Belinda) , or the time of the year, or the sort of atmosphere you create, Mrs. Tremayne, but I feel an entirely different man. There is something in the air which–yes, I shall certainly go over to Mariton this afternoon.
Belinda (gravely) . I have had the same feeling sometimes, Mr. Baxter. ”

“ Devenish.
Devenish (excitedly) . Money–thank Heaven, I have no money. Reputation–thank Heaven, I have no reputation.
(Baxter, very annoyed, moves down and sits on deck-chair.)
What can I offer you? Dreams–nothing but dreams. Come with me and I will show you the world through my dreams. What can I give you? Youth, freedom, beauty—
Baxter. Debts.
Belinda (still with her eyes shut) . You mustn't interrupt, Mr. Baxter.
Devenish (leaning across hammock) . Belinda, marry me and I will open your eyes to the beauty of the world. Come to me!
Belinda (happily) . O-oh! ”

“ DEVENISH (grandly) . Faith! The faith which moves mountains.
BELINDA. Yes, and this is only just one small mole-hill, Mr. Baxter.
BAXTER. Yes, but still—
BELINDA. S'sh! here is Miss Robinson.
(BAXTER takes up his hat and moves below the deck-chair to R. to meet DELIA.)
If Mr. Devenish will hold the hammock while I alight—we don't want an accident—
(DELIA comes out of the house.)
—I can introduce you. (He helps her to get out, holding the hammock.) Thank you. Delia darling (DELIA moves down R.) this is Mr. Baxter,—and Mr. Devenish. ”

“ Baxter's hungry. (He sniggers approvingly.) Mr. Devenish scorns food, I expect.
DEVENISH (hurt) . Why do you say that?
DELIA. Aren't you a poet?
BELINDA. Yes, darling, but that doesn't prevent him eating. He'll be absolutely lyrical over Betty's sandwiches.
DEVENISH. You won't deny me that inspiration, I hope, Miss Robinson.
BELINDA (taking DELIA'S arm and moving with her to below deck- chair) . Well, let's go and see what they're like.
(DELIA moves up R.C. to below the porch, accompanied by BAXTER on her R. and DEVENISH, who follows her on her L. They all move towards the porch.) ”

“ Delia. Perhaps Adam had a mole.
Belinda. No, darling; you're thinking of Noah. He had two.
Delia (thoughtfully) . I wonder what would happen if you met somebody whom you really did fall in love with?
Belinda (reproachfully) . Now you're being serious, and it's April.
Delia. Aren't these two–the present two–serious?
Belinda. Oh no! They think they are, but they aren't a bit, really. Besides, I'm doing them such a lot of good. I'm sure they'd hate to marry me, but they love to think they're in love with me, and–I love it, and–and they love it, and–and we all love it. ”

“ He's always coming here.
TREMAYNE (turning away and looking into fireplace) . Who is Mr. Baxter?
(BAXTER appears at cupboard doorway. BELINDA hears him and gives a startled look round. She signs to him to go back. BAXTER retreats immediately and closes door.)
BELINDA. Oh, he's a sort of statistician. Isn't that a horrid word to say? So stishany.
TREMAYNE. What does he make statistics about?
BELINDA. Oh (giving a sly look round at cupboard door) , umbrellas and things. Don't let's talk about him.
TREMAYNE. All right, then; (going up to her jealously) who is Mr. Devenish? ”