Dumps

“ I tell you what it is, Dumps,” said Alex; “we’re—we’re a bit stunned. Of course, it’s rather awkward, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know that it is,” said Charley. “He could always do as he liked, couldn’t he? I mean he never thought much about us, did he?”
“Oh, don’t blame him now,” I said.
“I don’t want to—I only want you to understand. Father always did what he liked. Hannah was dreadful; she spoke as she ought not to speak. It is just as well she should go out and let the open air smooth away some of her grievances. I do not see that it matters to her; he is not her father.” ”

“ Yer know deze chil’en ain’t got no bizness ’long o’ specerlaters.”
In the meanwhile Dumps and Tot were crying over their disappointment.
“Yer mean old thing!” sobbed Dumps. “I ain’t goin’ ter min’ yer, nuther; an’ I sha’n’t nuver go ter sleep no mo’, an’ let you go to prayer-meetin’s; jes all time botherin’ me, an’ won’t lemme see de specerlaters, nor nothin’.”
“Jes lis’en how yer talkin’,” said Mammy, “given’ me all dat sass. You’re de sassies’ chile marster’s got. Nobody can’t nuver larn yer no manners, allers er sassin ole pussons. Jes keep on, an’ yer’ll see wat’ll happen ter yer ”

“ Dumps buried her face in her hands, and remained in deep study for a few moments, and presently said,
"And now she is dead, an' I am so glad."
"Oh, Dumps, that's too wicked," said Diddie. "You mustn't never be glad when anybody's dead; that's too wicked a poetry; I sha'n't write it in the book."
"Well, I nuver knowed nuthin' else," said Dumps. "I couldn't hardly make that up; I jes had ter study all my might; and I'm tired of writin poetry, anyhow; you make it up all by yoursef." ”

“ I am not going to say a word to father—I mean not a word of reproach—”
“Much use if you did!” muttered Alex.
“But, all the same,” I said very distinctly, “not for a single instant will I love her. She can come and take her place, and I will try to do what she wishes, but I will never love her—never!”
“Hurrah!” said Charley.
“Quite right, Dumps; you show spirit,” cried Alex.
But Von Marlo looked dissatisfied.
“It doesn’t seem right,” he said. “It doesn’t seem quite fair; and the poor lady hasn’t done you any harm.” ”

“ The godfathers and godmother, therefore, promised to renounce the devil and all his works—‘and all that sort of thing’—as little Kitterbell said—‘in less than no time;’ and with the exception of Dumps nearly letting the child fall into the font when he handed it to the clergyman, the whole affair went off in the usual business-like and matter-of-course manner, and Dumps re-entered the Bank-gates at two o’clock with a heavy heart, and the painful conviction that he was regularly booked for an evening party. ”

“ Then they played "hide the switch," and at last concluded to try a game of hide-and-seek. This afforded considerable amusement, so they kept it up some time; and once, when it became Dumps's time to hide, she ran away to the gin-house, and got into the pick-room. And while she was standing there all by herself in the dark, she thought she heard somebody breathing. This frightened her very much, and she had just opened the door to get out, when a negro man crawled from under a pile of dirty cotton, and said,
"Little missy, fur de Lord's sake, can't yer gimme sump'n t' eat?" ”

“ Ef I was writin’ er book, I wouldn’t have no boys in it.”
“There’s boun’ ter be boys in it, Dumps; you can’t write a book without’n boys;” and Diddie seated herself, and opened the book before her, while Dumps, with her elbows on the table and face in her hands, looked on anxiously. “I’m not goin’ ter write jes one straight book,” said Diddie; “I’m goin’ ter have little short stories, an’ little pieces of poetry, an’ all kin’ of things; an’ I’ll name one of the stories ‘Nettie Herbert:’ don’t you think that’s a pretty name, Dumps?” ”

“ So Mammy drew her shawl over her head and lay back in her chair for a nap, while Diddie and Dumps took the little dogs in their arms and sat before the fire rocking; and Chris and Dilsey and Riar all squatted on the floor around the fender, very much interested in. the process of getting the puppies quiet.
Presently Dumps began to sing:
“Ef’n ’ligion was er thing that money could buy,
O reign, Marse Jesus, er reign;
De rich would live, an’ de po’ would die,
O reign, Marse Jesus, er reign. ”

“ Somebody, you know, must attend to the wants and comfort of the gray-haired woman in the asylum; and Diddie had her boy to support and educate, so Dumps teaches school and takes care of her mother, and is doing what Uncle Snake-bit Bob told the Sunday-school children that God had made them to do ”

“ Dear me! how busy the little housekeepers were! and such beautiful pies they made, and lovely cakes all iced with white sand, and bits of grass laid around the edges for trimming! and all the time laughing and chatting as gayly as could be.
"Ain't we havin' fun?" said Dumps, who, regardless of her nice clothes, was down on her knees in the ditch, with her sleeves rolled up, and her fat little arms muddy to the elbows; "an' ain't you glad we slipped off, Diddie? I tol' yer there wan't nothin' goin' to hurt us."
"And ain't you glad we let Billy come?" said Diddie ”

“ The old house was burned during the war, and on the old plantation where that happy home once stood there are now three or four chimneys and an old tumbled-down gin-house. That is all.
The agony of those terrible days of war, together with the loss of her husband and home, broke the heart and sickened the brain of Mrs. Waldron; and in the State Lunatic Asylum is an old white-haired woman, with a weary, patient look in her eyes, and this gentle old woman, who sits day after day just looking out at the sunshine and the flowers, is the once beautiful “mamma” of Diddie, Dumps and Tot. ”

“ I ’longs ter ole Tight-fis’ Smith; an’ he wanted ter whup me fur not gittin’ out ter de fiel’ in time, an’ I tuck’n runned erway fum ’im, an’ now I’m skyeert ter go back, an’ ter go anywhar; an’ I can’t fin’ nuf’n t’ eat, an’ I’se er starvin’ ter def.”
“Well, you wait,” said Dumps, “an’ I’ll go bring yer the picnic.”
“Don’t tell nobody ’boutn my bein’ hyear, honey.”
“No, I won’t,” said Dumps, “only Diddie; she’s good, an’ she won’t tell nobody; an’ she can read an’ write, an’ she’ll know what to do better’n me, because I’m all the time such a little goose. ”

“ You think nobody can't be bad but yerse'f.'
"Well, then, you can tell it all," said Diddie, with dignity. "Papa, Dumps will tell you."
And Dumps, nothing daunted, continued:
"Dilsey an' Chris brought the step-ladder, an' Diddie clum out; an' we runned erway in the woods, an' waded in the ditch, an' got all muddy up; an' the Jay Bird, he was settin' on er limb watchin' us, an' he carried the news ter the deb'l; an' Uncle Snake-bit Bob let us go ter his shop, an' tol' us 'bout the Woodpecker's head, an' that's all; only we ain't n-e-v-er goin' ter do it no mo' ”

“ I think it’s bad enough to make her give ’way all her candy an’ little tubs an’ iuns an’ wheelbarrers, without lettin’ the horses run over her; an’ ef that’s the way you’re goin’ ter do, I sha’n’t have nuthin’ ’tall ter do with it.”
And Dumps, having thus washed her hands of the whole affair, went back to her dolls, and Diddie resumed her writing:
“As she was agoin along, presently she herd sumthin cumin book-er-ty-book, book-er-ty-book, and there was a big horse and a buggy cum tearin down the road, and she ran jes hard as she could ”

“ Poor Dumpy had been so long in the twilight and darkness, that he was dazzled by the brilliant scene, and for a few moments was obliged to close his eyes, and when he opened them, he saw that he was surrounded by a large crowd of the little people, who were full of anxious fears about the old man he held in his arms, but he assured them he was suffering only from a sprain, which, though very painful, was not dangerous. ”

“ It acted not as a mob, but as one man; and one man, in a sense, it was, since each contingent—come as it might from Bermondsey, from Poplar, or from Canning Town—seemed like one of the limbs of a human body, of which this man, the Dumpling, was the controlling brain. ”

“ The Success of War and Fate of Monarchies are entirely dependant on Puddings and Dumplings: For what else are Cannon-Balls, but Military Puddings; or Bullets, but Dumplings; only with this difference, they do not sit so well on the Stomach as a good Marrow-Pudding or Bread-Pudding.
In short, There is nothing valuable in Nature, but what, more or less, has an Allusion to Pudding or Dumpling. Why then should they be held in Disesteem? Why should Dumpling-Eating be ridicul’d, or Dumpling-Eaters derided? Is it not Pleasant and Profitable? ”

“ Then Dummling asked once more for his bride, but the king was vexed that such an ugly fellow, whom everyone called Dummling, should take away his daughter, and he made a new condition; he must first find a man who could eat a whole mountain of bread. Dummling did not think long, but went straight into the forest, where in the same place there sat a man who was tying up his body with a strap, and making an awful face, and saying: ‘I have eaten a whole ovenful of rolls, but what good is that when one has such a hunger as I? ”

“ I come now to a point in my narrative when the trend of events takes a new turn, and when I shall have to relate happenings of infinitely greater importance than the circumstances [Pg 215] under which Parker and Smudgy, the negro Black Sam, and the two Grants, met their death. These were but the "curtain-raisers" preceding the drama in which the man known to the readers of this history as "the Dumpling" took so remarkable a part. Up to this point my tale—I had to tell it as it happened—has been little more than a detective story. Now we shall soon come to a story of quite another sort. ”

“ I saw our great Dumas, pale with anger, clenching his fists, shouting, swearing, and storming. Then suddenly there was a burst of applause. The woman had disappeared from the box. She had taken advantage of the moment when Dumas, leaning well over the front of the box, was answering, “No, no, this lady shall not leave the box!”
Just at this moment she slipped away, and the whole house, delighted, shouted, “Bravo!” Dumas was then allowed to continue, but only for a few seconds. Cries of “Ruy Blas! Ruy Blas! Victor Hugo! Hugo!” could then be heard again in the midst of an infernal uproar. ”

“ The king was seated on his throne, and the queen was sitting by him. When he saw Dummling he beckoned to him to bring his present. Dummling opened the basket and showed him the fine fish.
“Ah, very fine fish,” said the king. “I am very fond of fish. What shall I give you for them, my young friend?”
“You may give me a hundred lashes for them,” said Dummling. This was a very strange request, but the king ordered Dummling to be given the hundred lashes. Then Dummling told the king he had promised half his present to the porter, and the other half to the chamberlain. ”

“ It's coming off to-night, this Crœsus bean-feast and blow-out, as the Dumpling calls it; and he's planned to kidnap one of 'em on their way home, and make him pay a thumping big sum for ransom money. The place was to be—— Hi! Look out, there! There's a big ship coming out of the fog just behind you. My God! She's on us. And me tied up like this! Let me loose, for Christ's sake! It's murder. ”

“ If a second traveller had passed, he would have seen a strange thing, — a shepherdess watching her flock, clad in a cashmere grown, with ear-rings and necklace of pearls, diamond pins, and buttons of sapphires, emeralds, and rubies. He would, no doubt, have believed that he had returned to the times of Florian, and would have declared, on reaching Paris, that he had met an Alpine shepherdess seated at the foot of the Sabine Hill. At the end of a quarter of an hour Vampa quitted the grotto; his costume was no less elegant than that of Teresa. ”

“ The Romans, tho’ our Conquerors, found themselves much out-done in Dumplings by our Fore-fathers; the Roman Dumplings were no more to compare to those made by the Britons, than a Stone-Dumpling is to a Marrow Pudding; tho’ indeed, the British Dumpling at that time, was little better than what we call a Stone-Dumpling, being no thing else but Flour and Water: But every Generation growing wiser and wiser, the (4) Project was improv’d, and Dumpling grew to be Pudding: One Projector found Milk better than Water; another introduc’d Butter; some added Marrow, others Plumbs ”

“ But in the bivouac at Gakdul, Dobbs awoke with a start under the impression that a snake was gliding over his face, and sitting up found that it was Hump licking him, the empty water-bottle still round his neck.
It now seemed hopeless to get rid of him, so they let him take his chance; to live if he could manage to supply himself, and to be shot should his sufferings from thirst prove too great. Poor Hump! The most thoughtful feared that he had a poor chance of reaching a good old age. ”

“ On reaching the door, he bowed. "And now, your excellency," added he, "allow me to repeat my apologies, and I hope you will not entertain any resentment at what has occurred."
"No, my dear Vampa," replied the count; "besides, you compensate for your mistakes in so gentlemanly a way, that one almost feels obliged to you for having committed them."
"Gentlemen," added the chief, turning towards the young men, "perhaps the offer may not appear very tempting to you; but if you should ever feel inclined to pay me a second visit, wherever I may be, you shall be welcome." Franz and Albert bowed. ”