Dumpling

“ I dashed down the stairs and through a door which led to a corridor, at the end of which was a conservatory. A cold wind indicated either an open door or window—perhaps a broken window. As I raced along the corridor—the bewildered Metcalfe so far behind me that I could hear his heavy steps descending the stairs—I saw that though all the other plants in the conservatory were perfectly still, one white-blossomed flower in a pot was swaying and moving as if in a draught, and the next moment there peered, through a broken pane of glass behind it, the white and wicked face of the Dumpling. ”

“ A Pudding signifies a P——t, and sometimes a C——tee. A Dumpling Eater, is a Dependant on the Court, or, in a Word, any one who will rather pocket an Affront than be angry at a Tip in Time. A Cook is a Minister of State. The Epicurean and Peripatetic Sects, are the two Parties of Whigg and Tory, who both are greedy enough of Dumpling. ”

“ When, alas, it was only the Dumplings they eat. (11) C2 The Butter which was melted and pour’d over them, these vile Miscreants call’d Libations: And the friendly Compotations of our Dumpling-eaters, were call’d Bacchanalian Rites. Two or three among ’em being sweet-tooth’d, wou’d strew a little Sugar over their Dumplings; this was represented as an Heathenish Offering. In short, not one Action of theirs, but what these Rascally Abbots made Criminal, and never let the King alone ’till poor Sir John was Discarded. ”

“ In his vexation he begins to toss away the dumplings, thinking that perhaps their weight impeded him. He flings away the first, and lo! the dumpling sticks to the hill of glass; he throws away a second and a third, and sees before him three steps on which he could stand without danger. ”

“ For what is a Clyster, but a Bag-Pudding; a Pill, but a Dumpling; or a Bolus, but a Tansy, tho’ not altogether so Toothsome. In a word; Physick is only a Puddingizing or Cookery of Drugs. The Law is but a Cookery of Quibbles and Contentions. (a) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * is but a Pudding of * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *. Some swallow every thing whole and unmix’d; so that it may rather be call’d a Heap, than a Pudding. ”

“ But, alas! their Malice is their own Punishment. The Hireling Author of a late scandalous Libel, intituled, The Dumpling-Eaters Downfall, may, if he has any Eyes, now see his Error, in attacking so Numerous, so August a Body of People: His Books remain Unsold, Unread, Unregarded; while this Treatise of (23) Mine shall be Bought by all who love Pudding or Dumpling; to my Bookseller’s great Joy, and my no small Consolation. How shall I Triumph, and how will that Mercenary Scribbler be Mortify’d, when I have sold more Editions of my Books, than he has Copies of his! ”

“ And now he proceeds to a Digression, which is indeed the Dissertation it self; proving all Arts and Sciences to owe their Origin and Existence to Pudding and Dumpling (i. e.) Encouragement. His Hiatus in the 20th Page, I could, but dare not Decypher.
In his 22nd Page, he lashes the Authors who oppose the Government; such as the Craftsman, Occasional Writer, and other Scribblers, past, present, and to come. The Dumpling-Eaters Downfal, is a Title of his own Imagination ”

“ If the others catch him, he gets “the Old Woman,” that is, the largest dumpling, which elsewhere is baked in human shape. The custom of setting a dumpling baked in the form of an old woman before the man who has given the last stroke at threshing is also observed in various parts of Middle Franken. Sometimes the excised genitals of a calf are served up to him at table.497 At Langenbielau in Silesia the last sheaf, which [pg 149] is called “the Old Man,” is threshed separately and the corn ground into meal and baked into a loaf. ”

“ The dumplings had been mixed with the milk which had been left at breakfast.
Roger Gadsden said, I am an apprentice to Mr. Turner. I remember seeing the packet of arsenic in the drawer, and I missed it a day or two after the 7th of March. On Tuesday, the 21st of March, I went into the kitchen between three and four o’clock, and I observed a plate on the table, on which were a dumpling and a half. I had dined at two o’clock, but I took up a knife and fork, and was going to eat the dumpling, when the prisoner exclaimed, “Gadsden, do not eat that; it is cold and heavy; it will do you no good.” ”

“ Eating and Drinking are become so Customary among us that we seem to have entirely forgot, and laid aside the old Fashion of Fasting: Instead of having Wine sold at Apothecaries Shops, as formerly, every Street has two or three Taverns in it, least these Dumpling-Eaters should faint by the Way; nay, so zealous are they in the Cause of Bacchus, that one of the Chief among ’em has made a Vow never to say his Prayers ’till he has a Tavern of his own in every Street in London, and in every Market-Town in England. ”

“ Proceed we now to the other Discoveries, by drawing the Veil from before the Book it self.
[11] C2
A KEY TO THE DISSERTATION ON DUMPLING.
Shall begin with his Motto, which says, What is better than a Pudding? The Body owns its Power, the Mind, its Delicacy; it will give Youth to grey Hairs, and Life to the most Desponding: Therefore are 12 Pudding Eaters of great Use in State Affairs. ”

“ I come now to a point in my narrative when the trend of events takes a new turn, and when I shall have to relate happenings of infinitely greater importance than the circumstances [Pg 215] under which Parker and Smudgy, the negro Black Sam, and the two Grants, met their death. These were but the "curtain-raisers" preceding the drama in which the man known to the readers of this history as "the Dumpling" took so remarkable a part. Up to this point my tale—I had to tell it as it happened—has been little more than a detective story. Now we shall soon come to a story of quite another sort. ”

“ Are you bold enough to attempt this difficult dish? At all events the dumplings you will not be able to make, that is quite a secret.”
“Nothing easier than that,” replied the dwarf, to their astonishment; for he had often made this dish when he was a squirrel. “Nothing easier, only give me the herbs, the spices, fat of a wild boar, roots and eggs for the soup; but for the dumplings,” said he, in a low voice, so that only the master cook and the breakfast-maker could hear, “for the dumplings I want various meats, wine, duck’s fat, ginger, and the herb called the stomach comforter.” ”

“ Take as much flour as you would have dumplings in quantity, put it to a spoonful of sugar, a little salt, a little nutmeg, a spoonful of light yeast, and half a pound of currans well washed and cleaned, so knead them the stiffness you do a common dumpling, you must have white wine, sugar and butter for sauce ”

“ One morning the old woman brushed up the hearth all clean, and put everything in order; then she went to the pantry and took out a great black pot, and filled it full of water, and hung it over the fire, and then she sat down in her arm-chair by the fire. She took her spectacles out of her pocket and put them on her nose, and began to knit a great blue woollen stocking.
Very soon she said to herself, "I wonder [2] what I shall have for dinner? I think I will make an apple dumpling." ”

“ Times are since mended, Amen to the Continuance!
The D——n, having eat and drank plentifully, began his usual Pleasantries, and made the Bookseller measure his Ears with his Mouth; nay, burst his Sides with Laughter; however, he found Interval enough to remind the D——n of Dumpling, who asked him if he had a quick Hand at Writing: he excused himself, being naturally as Lazy as the other was Indolent, so they contrived to ease themselves by sending for a Hackney Writer ix C out of Temple Lane to be the D—’s Amanuensis, while he and his new Acquaintance crack’d t’other Bottle. ”

“ An old lady on a Sunday was making dumplings, when two urchins, her grandsons, came to visit her, and being archly disposed, while her back was turned, conveyed some quicksilver into the dough, and then took their departure. The ancient dame left the care of the cooking to her granddaughter, and betook herself to church, charging her to be careful in skimming the pot, wherein were contained the dumplings and a leg of mutton. ”

“ Uncle Bainbridge is very fond of apple dumplings. His final test of a woman is her ability to make good apple dumplings. Several women might have married him had they been able to pass that examination. He can pay no higher compliment to a woman than to be willing to believe her able to make good dumplings.
“Aggie, in there!” he roared again, impatient because I was slow in answering. “Dumplings! That kind of woman—could have made—good dumplings!”
I felt, somehow, that it was going a bit too far to imagine Lady Agatha at so plebeian a task as making apple dumplings. ”

“ After we have partaken of goat stew and bread a course of dumplings, melons, and peaches is served, and this finishes the feast. What seem to be dumplings are composed of a kind of hash of bread and meat, tied up in little balls with cornhusks and served boiling hot. ”

“ The reader need look no further than Namby Pamby to see that Carey satisfies Northrop Frye’s very proper observation: “Genius seems to have led practically every great satirist to become what the world calls obscene.”
As for the pamphlets being “palpably Whiggish,” the reader will not look far into the allegory before he realizes that one of the central attacks is against those well-known Whigs Walpole and Marlborough and their appetite for Dumpling (i.e., iii bribery and perquisites) . ”

“ A third must have brandy on her apple dumplings, and a fourth comes out boldly and says she likes to drink once in a while herself too well. What flimsy excuses these! brandy and apple dumplings, forsooth! That lady must be a wretched cook indeed who cannot make apple dumplings, mince pies or cake palatable without the addition of poisonous substances. But I would ask these ladies if they have ever tried to do without it? Their answer I fear would be in the negative. They do not wish to do without it. They act from purely selfish motives. ”

“ Test by taking one out and open to see if done. If you wish to fill the dumplings, use the following procedure. Wash Italian prunes and partially slice each open and remove pit. Mix together 1⁄4 cup sugar with 1⁄4 tsp. cinnamon and 1 tsp. flour. Put 1 level tsp. of this mixture into each plum and close. Put prepared plum into the center of each patty and wrap dough well around plum and seal. Boil water with 1 tbsp. salt in large kettle. Drop dumplings into fast boiling water and boil 12 to 15 minutes. Drain. When dumplings have been drained and dried slightly, pour melted butter over them. ”

“ Steamed dumplings will of course fill your empty stomach, and you therefore consider them beneficial. However, should you eat too many you'll get sick, and those dumplings that you considered "beneficial" will suddenly become "harmful." ”

“ Plain Suet Dumplings.— 1 pint bread crumbs soaked in 1 cup milk, 1⁄2 pound suet freed from strings and chopped fine, 4 eggs (whites and yolks beaten separately) , 1 tablespoonful sugar, 1 teaspoonful salt and 1 cup prepared flour or flour with 1⁄2 teaspoonful Royal baking powder; work into a smooth dough and shape with floured hands into dumplings ”

“ Some people like little dumplings, made by rolling up one apple, pared and cored, in a piece of crust, and tying them up in spots all over the bag. These do not need to be boiled more than an hour: three quarters is enough, if the apples are tender. ”

“ This mass was made into dumplings, which were boiled half an hour in clear water. Upon taking them out of the water they were found to weigh 5 pounds 24 loths, giving 151/3 loths to each portion, costing 11/4 kreutzer. ”

“ The Invention of Eggs was merely accidental, two or three of which having casually roll’d from off a Shelf into a Pudding which a good Wife was making, she found herself under a Necessity either of throwing away her Pudding, or letting the Eggs remain, but concluding from the innocent Quality of the Eggs, that they would do no Hurt, if they did no Good. ”

“ Dumannos, a month of the Gallic calendar, ix. 343
Dumbartonshire, the harvest Maiden in, vii. 157 sq., 218 n. 2;
harvest custom in, vii. 268;
Hallowe'en in, x. 237 n. 5
Dumfriesshire, mode of cutting the last standing corn in, vii. 154
Dummies to avert attention of ghosts or demons, viii. 96 sqq.
“Dumping” people on harvest field, vii. 226 sq.
Dumplings in human form at threshing, vii. 148;
in form of pigs at harvest supper, vii. 299
Dunbeath, in Caithness, need-fire at, x. 291 [pg 250]
Duncan, Mr., on the ceremonial cannibalism of the coast tribes of British Columbia, vii. ”

“ Others are so Squeamish, the greatest Mastership in Cookery is requir’d to make the Pudding Palatable: The Suet which others gape and swallow by Gobs, must for these (21) puny Stomachs be minced to Atoms; the Plums must be pick’d with the utmost Care, and every Ingredient proportion’d to the greatest Nicety, or it will never go down.
(a) The Cat run away with this part of the Copy, on which the Author had unfortunately laid some of Mother Crump’s Sausages.
The Universe it self is but a Pudding of Elements. ”

“ You pull and pull until your spine begins to unravel at both ends, and your palms get so full of water blisters you feel as though you were carrying a bunch of hothouse grapes in each hand. And after going about nine miles you unwittingly anchor off the mouth of a popular garbage dump and everything you catch is second-hand. The sun beats down upon you with unabated fervor and the back of your neck colors up like a meerschaum pipe ”