Friar Tuck

“ Friar Tuck had told me a lot about fastin’, an’ I was keen to try it out on Horace. From all I could see from the theory o’ fastin’, it was just what was needed for Horace’s nerves.
“Look at me,” sez Horace, pullin’ at the waist of his clothes. “I bet I’ve lost twenty pounds already, on this fool trip. Twenty pounds more would make me a corpse, an’ I’d just as soon be made one here as anywhere. As soon as I rest up a little, I’m goin’ to begin to yell until I draw those blame Injuns back, an’ have ’em finish the job in short order.” ”

“ Can’t you just pretend to sing? It would be very much nicer.”53
54
In the lookout tree they mounted guard in turn.
55 As the band contained only one woman besides Ellen, Ann finally consented to be Maid Marian, although she much preferred to be Friar Tuck.
“You’re a girl,” Ben said decidedly. “And a girl can’t be Friar Tuck.”
“What difference does that make?” protested Ann. “I can swing a stave as well as you do; better.”
“I know you can,” said Jo. “But Maid Marian is far more important than Friar Tuck. Robin Hood couldn’t have done a thing without her. ”

“ Horace sighed. “Gee, I bet that’s good,” he said, the water drippin’ from his lips again. He had been four days without food, walkin’ all that time through the mountains, sleepin’ out doors with no cover but a slicker; and he had about burned up all his waste products, which Friar Tuck said was a city man’s greatest handicap. His eyes got a little red as he watched the calf, an’ I saw that he meant to slaughter it; so I sez to him: “That’s the way to milk, Mr. Bradford. Why don’t you sneak up on the other side an’ try it that way, the same time the calf is?” ”

“ Friar Tuck had swore that hunger didn’t worry a man more ’n three days, an’ sure enough, it didn’t. Horace didn’t care whether he ever et again or not. He’d get a little dizzy when he’d start out, an’ once in a while he’d feel a bit fainty; but as far as bein’ ravenous went, me an Tank had him beat a mile.
“Where is the joke o’ this fool trip?” growled Tank to me on the evenin’ of the fourth day as we were eatin’ the supper Spider Kelley had brought out. “He ain’t a human at all, Horace ain’t; he’s a reptile, an’ can live without food.” ”

“ Spider was tickled a lot, and said he didn’t care if he did lose his bet, that it was worth it to find how everlastin’ tough a little half-hand like Horace could be when drove to it. I’d been thinkin’ it over all day, but I didn’t say anything.
Friar Tuck had said it was a question of will power, more ’n anything else: that if a man just held his thoughts away from food it wouldn’t bother him; but if he kept thinkin’ of it, the digestin’ juices would flow into his stomach an’ make him think he was starvin’ ”

“ This seemed to be the general verdict, an’ the Cross brand fellers went off discussin’ the parson, an’ me an’ Spider Kelley collected our ponies an’ went along to the ranch, also discussin’ him.
That was the first time I ever saw Friar Tuck; I made up my mind about him just from hearin’ his voice, an’ before I ever saw him; but I never had to make it up any different. New lead an’ new steel look consid’able alike; but the more ya wear on lead, the sooner it wears out, while the more you wear on steel, the brighter it gets. The Friar was steel, an’ mighty well tempered. ”

“ I’m goin’ to ride an’ shoot an’ wrestle an’ box an’ gamble an’ fight, and get every last sensation I’m entitled to—but I’ll never have another chance at a vestry-meetin’ like the one I’m about to tell you of.
“You saw how toppy Carmichael got this afternoon; so you can guess purty close how he looked when he lined up this vestry.”
“Oh, I’ve seen the Friar in action,” sez I; “and you can’t tell me anything about his style. All you can tell is the details. So go to ’em without wastin’ any more time.”
“How comes it you call such a man as him Friar Tuck?” ”

“ I sell out when I get the first chance. Friar Tuck, he softened my heart, an’ he watched over her. He’s a man. That’s all I can say.”
Well, this was an all-around noble speech for a stone image like Olaf had been, an’ we cheered him to the echo; but Horace had sort o’ been jostled to the outside an’ forgot. Now, he come forward an’ shook Olaf by the hand an’ congratulated him, an’ sez: “The’s one thing I’d like mightily to know, an’ that is—what the deuce do you mean by this light you’re allus alludin’ to?” ”

“ I knew they were lookin’ into each other’s eyes, and I’d have given a finger off each hand to see how the Friar’s steady gray eyes handled those queer blue ones of Olaf.
“Is she all right?” asked Olaf, and all the threat had left his voice, and it had just a glint o’ pleadin’ in it. I wouldn’t have been one bit more surprised to have seen a prairie-dog come flyin’ up the gorge, blowin’ a cornet with his nose.
“She has sprained her ankle; but aside from this has no physical ill,” sez the Friar. “You men have caused her a lot of worry, and her soul is sick; but her body is well.” ”

“ To find the woman he loved in the hands of the man who hated him, after all the years he had been in suspense about her was enough to tip any one off his balance; and I also knew the Friar. He had trained himself for eternity so long that some of his earthly idees weren’t sound, and the surest way to bring him to himself was to let him bark his knees a time or two. Some imported hosses carry their gaze so high they can’t see their footin’ but after they’ve stepped into a few prairie-dog holes, they learn to take a little more interest in what they’re treadin’ on. ”

“ I closed my own eyes as I sat beside him, and called up the picture o’ Badger-face the day he had wanted to lynch Olaf. Then I opened my eyes and looked at the real Promotheus, and I understood what the Friar meant by bein’ born again.
I spoke o’ this to ol’ Tank Williams, and he fired up at me as though I had poured red pepper in the nose of a sleepin’ cripple. “You’re a nice one, you are!” sez he. “I’d sooner fill myself with alcohol and die in a stupor than to call up The’s past at such a time as this. You ought to be ashamed o’ yourself.” ”

“ CHAPTER FIFTEEN—TENDER FEELINGS Me an’ Horace was regular chums after this. I had got to likin’ him after he had showed up good stuff under treatment; but I never took him serious until he got enthusiastic about Friar Tuck. This proved him to have desirable qualities and made him altogether worth while. A man never gets too old to dote on flattery; but the older he gets the more particular he is about its quality. It’s just like tobacco an’ pie an’ whiskey an’ such things: we start out hungry for ’em an’ take a lot o’ trouble to get ’em in quantity ”

“ This was one of the days when the magic of the Friar’s voice did strange things to a feller’s insides. We knew ’at he was talkin’ in parables, an’ talkin’ mostly to himself; but each one of us knew our own little mountains, an’ it was darn comfortin’ to understand that the Friar could have as tough a time on his as we had on ours.
We all sat silent, each feller thinkin’ over his own problems; and after a time, the Friar sang the one beginnin’, “O little town of Bethlehem!” ”

“ I didn’t want to taunt him to hurt him—I’d rather been kicked by a hoss than to do this—but I did want to arouse him to a sense o’ the truth. “You have adjusted yourself to this locality purty well, Friar,” sez I; “but the’s still a lot you don’t quite savvy. Some cases must be settled by a man himself, but some must be left to the law. If this woman is the wife o’ Ty Jones, he has the law on his side.” ”

“ CHAPTER ONE—THE MEETING It’s a curious thing—life. Ya might just as well ask a kitten to chase her own tail or a dog to bay at the evenin’ star, or a periodical spring to run constant, as to ask a feller right out to tell a story. Some things can only be done spontaneous.
Friar Tuck used to say ’at whenever he could cut it, he allus got on the lee side o’ human nature and let it blow down on him natural; and my way o’ gettin’ to the lee side o’ human nature in story-tellin’ is not to ask for a story, but to start tellin’ one myself. And it’s a good plan not to put over too good a one either ”

“ Let’s hang him, and get rid o’ this foolishness.”
“Flannigan,” sez the Friar in cold, hard tones, “you have gone too far this time. If you had hung Olaf at first, you might have done it from a proverted sense o’ justice; but to do it now would be murder; and your own men wouldn’t help. Do any of you men chew tobacco?”
If he had asked for a can o’ face-paint, we wouldn’t ’a’ been more surprised; but to show the hold the Friar had gained over that crowd, every feller there but Badger-face held out his plug to him. ”

“ The friars as a body still live in hope of the re-conquest of the country by Spain, and the consequent re-establishment of their influence. I was much amused to observe the earnestness and mysterious shrug with which one of the old fathers inquired the latest news from Europe when we visited his convent, where we found him busily employed in reading a volume of Ivanhoe, and I doubt not devoutly wishing that the happy days of darkness there depicted might once more return, and Friar Tuck and his Britannic Majesty again be bosom friends. ”

“ A man, you know, as a rule, is mighty timid about the things which lie close to his heart, no matter how bold and free he’ll talk about other things; but the Friar was like a little child, an’ he’d speak out as bold and frank as one, about the things he loved and hated, until he finally put a few drops o’ this queer brand o’ courage into our own hearts. ”

“ We reached the Friar, just as he was goin’ into the openin’. I called to him in a low tone; but he only shook his head. It was eleven o’clock, and the shadow from the moon had already crept out from the base o’ the cliff almost to the openin’. I saw that the Friar had took the bit; so I whispered to the others: “I am goin’ in there with him; but more ’n this would be bad. We’d be in each other’s way. Listen and watch, but do not follow us in.”
“I know the way as well as you, and we could keep side by side,” sez Promotheus ”

“ I noticed the others headin’ toward us so I only flung my hands into the air, meanin’ that it was none o’ my business.
“Do you mean to say ’at you back the Friar up in this?” demanded Horace.
“Do I look like a fool?” sez I. The Friar’s eyes were on me, and I knew they were cold; but I pertended not to notice him.
“You don’t look like a fool; but you act like one,” sez Horace, gettin’ riled.
“You can’t blame me, Horace,” I sez in my most drawly voice, “because the Friar cares more for havin’ his own way than he does for human life.” ”

“ Why, Happy, you’re all worked up! You’ve lost your philosophy, you’ve become a frettish old woman. What you need is a right good scare to straighten you up again. This Olaf the Swede is part of Ty Jones’s outfit, isn’t he?”
“He is,” I replied, shakin’ my head in warnin’, “and the whole gang’ll back him up in this.”
“Good!” sez the Friar, smackin’ his hand. “I’ve wanted an openin’ wedge into that outfit ever since I came out here. Of a truth, the Lord doth move in a mysterious way, his wonders to perform.” ”

“ Your religion is only for weaklings and hypocrits.”
The Friar’s face lighted. “Will you discuss these things with me?” he asked. “I shall not eat until this scratch is healed, I have my own bed and will not bother you; won’t you just be decent enough to invite me to camp here, give me free use of water, and grass for my hosses, while you and I discuss these things fully?”
“I told you I didn’t want you about, and I don’t,” sez Ty. “The’s nothin’ on earth so useless as a preacher, and I can’t stand ’em.” ”

“ Little Barbie had finally grown up through childhood to the gates o’ womanhood—and as generally happens, she had found a man waitin’ for her there. Through all the years of her growin’, she had been sendin’ out tendrils which reached over an’ wound about my heart, and grew into it an’ through it, and became part of it. If it hadn’t ’a’ been for Friar Tuck, I might ’a’ married her, myself; for I could have done it, if all the men I’d had to fight had been other men—but the man I couldn’t overcome, was myself. ”

“ I shall not choose my path; but will go as the spirit moves me; and if ever I find one single spot which seems too dark for the Light of the world to enter, then shall the soul in me shrivel and die, and I shall become a beast, howling in the jungle.’”
Horace said that after the Friar had left the room, those vestry fellers sat in a sort of daze for some time, and then got up an’ sneaked out one at a time, lookin’ exceeding thoughtful ”

“ Then the Friar stiffened up; any one in the world, or any thing, had the right to impose upon the Friar as a man; but when they tried to interfere with what he spoke of as his callin’, why, he swelled up noticeable. The Friar’s humility was genuine, all right; but it was about four times stiffer an’ spikier than any pride I’ve ever met up with yet.
“I shall not ride your hosses,” sez he, scornful, “nor shall I tread upon your land, nor shall I breathe your air, nor drink your water; but in the future, as in the past, I shall use for the Lord only those things which belong to the Lord. ”

“ Before Olaf could reply, Badger-face gave a jerk on the rope. “You shut up,” sez he.
“Surely you will give the man a chance to speak,” cried the Friar, indignant.
“It won’t do him no good to speak,” sez Badger-face. “He’s committed a murder, but of course he denies it. Now, get out o’ here, all three of ya.”
“Listen,” sez the Friar, as steady an’ strong as the sweep of a deep river, “I care more for justice ’n I do for law. I know that hangin’ a man has never done any good ”

“ The Friar spoke in a low, earnest tone; and Ty Jones stared at him. Ya know how earnest an insane man gets? Well, the’ was something o’ this in the Friar when he was talkin’ business. You felt that he believed that what he was sayin’ was the truth, and you felt that if it was the truth, it was mighty well worth heedin’, and you also felt that in spite of its bein’ so everlastin’ different from the usual view o’ things, it might actually be the truth after all and a risky thing to pass up careless. ”