Humpy

“ I resign! I abdicate. Let me be the bell boy, or the furnace man. Why even in the movies I have never been treated like this. It's a crime. It's an outrage!" coughed Humpy, struggling to a sitting position and trying to pry his crown upward.
"Now Humpy," began Dorothy reprovingly, "you're talking like a dummy instead of a King. Just wait—"
"I am a dummy," insisted the poor fellow, feeling of himself to make sure. "Has that old wretch changed me one hair's breadth by her villainous magic? Oh, to think I should have sunk so low!"
"She's a fraud," hissed Pajuka, who had also picked himself up. ”

“ We must all be Scoots before we're Scooters. Just stick in the mud a little longer and your sails will grow as large as mine."
"Dorothy's not a Scoot, she's a star," protested Humpy, "and I'm her double and do all the hard falling. Don't you know a star when you see one?"
The Scooter turned his pale blue eyes curiously on Humpy. "You look about as much like her as a pumpkin looks like a peach," he observed mildly. "Why do you call yourself her double? And if she's a star what's she doing out now? ”

“ Almost the funniest thing about little Humpy was his manner of sleeping. The day after his leg was broken, Horace had made a snug little low box for him, and filled it with wool for his bed, and though Wangie was very particular about her kitchen, she had become so attached to the little fellow during his sickness, that she suffered the box to remain, and as it drew near winter, she would even place it by the fire of nights. ”

“ Why they have sails! Oh Humpy, get up quick. Aren't you going to help me?" With a mighty effort Humpy pulled himself together and arose.
"Teg tuo! Teg tuo!" shrilled the dummy, lapsing in his fright and excitement into the terrible language of Back. "Og yawa! Og yawa! Kcab Sdoow!" And snatching off his crown, he hurled it violently at the heads of the approaching rivermen.
CHAPTER 12 The Playful Scooters
The first of the rivermen caught the dummy's crown neatly and tossed it back. ”

“ Kabumpo swayed uncertainly for a moment and then stuffed his handkerchief back into his pocket. "Well, nobody but a dummy would hit an elephant on the trunk. Why have such dumb friends?" he asked sulkily.
As quickly as she could, Dorothy explained her strange meeting with the dummy, his coming to life and her curious adventures since. It was such an amazing story that Kabumpo now regarded Humpy with more interest than anger. Dorothy, seeing that the dummy still thought her in danger, hastily took away his stick and introduced him to the Elegant Elephant. ”

“ Mombi looked pleadingly at Dorothy and Snip, but the little boy and girl felt now that any punishment was too good for the old witch.
"Give me time," muttered Mombi, casting uneasy glances from one to the other. "The formula should have restored the King, but something went wrong. I must have more time."
"Here, take it." Stumbling across the room, Humpy pressed a dollar watch into the old witch's hands. "Here's all the time in the world," said the dummy dolefully, "but don't ask me to be King again. Let Kabumpo sit on the throne and see how he likes it." ”

“ Do you expect me to associate with a tailor?"
"But gaze upon his ears," cried Humpy, waving his cloak triumphantly at Tora. "They wag, wiggle and fly off by themselves. And we're hunting a king, a witch and a goose. Hurry up, you elegant old thing, we need you in this picture."
"No we don't, we'll go on by ourselves." Snip looked angrily at Kabumpo and, taking Tora's arm, began to walk off.
"Oh wait!" gasped Dorothy, more embarrassed by Kabumpo's rudeness than by the dummy's ridiculousness. "Kabumpo doesn't mean that. He's really awfully jolly when you get to know him better." ”

“ The covered side is always against the wind, and before the open front a fire is always burning or smouldering. He does not like the wind, and if it changes, presto! the humpy, too, is changed in a twinkling.
Down in this humpy corner, underneath the pile of bark and skins, he will burrow like a rabbit when he goes to sleep, and from the same place he will provide himself with a weapon when starting off for a hunt.
I have been with him at various times and in sundry places, but remember particularly one tramp with a tall, bushy-headed fellow, whom somebody had appropriately named Long Green. ”

“ He was angry at the world as well as himself. People should not go about with bill-books sticking out of their pockets; it was unfair and unjust to those weak members of the human race who yield readily to temptation.
He had agreed with Mary when she married him and the chicken farm that they would respect the Ten Commandments and all statutory laws, State and Federal, and he was painfully conscious that when he confessed his sin she would deal severely with him. Even Humpy, now enjoying a peace that he had rarely known outside the walls of prison, even Humpy would be bitter. ”

“ The Hopper carried Billie out to his Grandfather Wilton's car, while Humpy walked beside him bearing the gifts from the Happy Hill Farm Christmas tree. From the door Mary watched them depart amid a chorus of merry Christmases, out of which Billie's little pipe rang cheerily.
When The Hopper and Humpy returned to the house, they abandoned the parlor for the greater coziness of the kitchen and there took account of the events of the momentous twenty-four hours.
"Them's what I call nice folks," said Humpy. "They jes' put us on an' wore us like we wuz a pair o' ole slippers." ”

“ We could square up ef we lived long enough, which we don't need t' worry about, that bein' the Lord's business. You an' me's cracked a good many safes, Hump, but we never made no money at ut, takin' out th' time we done."
"He's got religion; that's wot he's got!" moaned Humpy, as though this marked the ultimate tragedy of The Hopper's life.
"Mebbe ut's religion an' mebbe ut's jes' sense," pursued The Hopper, unshaken by Humpy's charge. "They wuz a chaplin in th' Minnesoty pen as used t' say ef we're all square with our own selves ut's goin' to be all right with God. ”

“ The Hopper admonished sharply. Since his retirement to private life he had sought diligently to free his speech of profanity and thieves' slang, as not only unbecoming in a respectable chicken farmer, but likely to arouse suspicions as to his origin and previous condition of servitude. "Can't ye see Shaver ain't use to ut? Shaver's a little gent; he's a reg'ler little juke; that's wot Shaver is."
"The more 'way up he is the worse fer us," whimpered Humpy. "It's kidnapin', that's wot ut is!" ”

“ It would seem that after working for a while, and making a heap of mullock, the digger had come out of the tunnel for Harry. Not seeing him about, the old man seized the barrow with the object of wheeling out some of the earth. He had loaded it, and was in the act of wheeling it along, when a mass of earth fell full upon his back, fracturing the spine.
Harry was greatly affected by this sad occurrence; for Humpy Bob had many good points of character, and a strong attachment had grown up between them. As soon as his mate was buried, he left the goldfield, and got a job on one of the stations. ”

“ They watched the child in silence for a few minutes and then Mary detached a gold locket from his neck and bore it to the kitchen for examination.
"Ye gotta move quick, Hop," Humpy urged. "The white card's what we wuz all goin' to play. We wuz fixed nice here, an' things goin' easy; an' the yard full o' br'ilers. I don't want to do no more time. I'm an ole man, Hop."
"Cut ut!" ordered The Hopper, taking the locket from Mary and weighing it critically in his hand. They bent over him as he scrutinized the face on which was inscribed:—
Roger Livingston Talbot
June 13, 1913
"Lemme see ”

“ An' as fer me, I'm off lookin' fer his folks."
Mary buried her face in her apron and wept despairingly. The Hopper, noting for the first time that Humpy was guarding the door, roughly pushed him aside and stood for a moment with his hand on the knob.
"They's things wot is," he remarked with a last attempt to justify his course, "an' things wot ain't. I reckon I'll take a peek at that place an' see wot's th' best way t' shake th' kid. Ye can't jes' run up to a house in a machine with his folks all settin' round cryin' an' cops askin' questions. Ye got to do some plannin' an' thinkin'. ”

“ O! thou hast no head for business, Humphry: thou hast no genius for business, my good Humphry. (smiling conceitedly.)
Humph. Why, for certain your honour has a marvellous deal of wit, but I dont know how it is, nothing that we take in hand ever comes to any good; and what provokes me, more than all the rest, is, that the more pains we take about it, the worse it always succeeds.
Roy. Humph! we can't guard against every cross accident.
Humph. To be sure sir, cross accidents will happen to every body, but certes! we have more than our own share of them. ”

“ Humphrey, think of the trouble it is like to bring on our good master and mistress. Have you no thought for anyone but yourself? Yet, I give thanks thou art safe, so—far—my—good—Humpi—” and here he rolled off to sleep and left me in quiet.
Yet not in peace, for I could not sleep that night for many an hour. For my life seemed to have taken a strange turn round since morning. Before to-day I had thought the ’prentice’s life the merriest life in the world. I had cared for nobody, and it had troubled me little if nobody cared for me. ”

“ He preferred his breakfast, however, from the clover, for he said that the dew on them was fresher than on the blossoms up by the big house. It made Hummy's beak feel cool and fresh, for all the world like a morning bath in the clear, fresh dew. All the time Hummy sang away and made everybody within hearing distance happy because of his tunefulness. And he waved his wings about so prettily that it made you feel good to see them, they were such little rainbows of color. ”

“ Of the travels of Humpty-Dumpty much could be said; he went East, West, North and South; he sailed the seas, he walked and rode on the land through all the Countries of the Earth, and all his life long he was happy and content.
Sometimes as a clown, in a circus, he would make fun for old and young; again, as a wandering minstrel,
he twanged the strings of his banjo and sung a merry song, and so on through all his travels, he would lighten the cares of others, and make them forget their sorrows, and fill every heart with joy. ”

“ It is in vain to combat with such feelings, but it is impossible not to regret their existence; for could Sir Humphry be persuaded occasionally to mix more frequently in such society, it would certainly rather be of service to him than not, for his fine mind is still full of intellectual power and elasticity, and he deceives himself in thinking otherwise. ”

“ Our daily life has been hitherto as monotonous as possible. Sir Humphry sees no society, and wishes to see none, and his only pleasure and amusement seems to consist in shooting. He drives out every day in the surrounding campagna, often to a distance of twelve and fourteen miles from Rome, when he gets out and rides on his pony over the fields in [Pg 196] search of quails or snipes. ”

“ Who is to cook your dinner, Humphrey? What can you do without them, and why did you send them away without letting me or Patience know that they were going, so that at least we might have bid them farewell?"
"My dear Clara," replied Humphrey -- who, feeling no little difficulty in replying to all these questions, resolved to cut the matter short by appearing to be angry -- "you know that you are the daughter of a gentleman, and so is Patience Heatherstone. You are both of gentle birth; but my sisters, you know, are only the daughters of a forester, and my brother Edward and I are no better. ”

“ Sir Humphry generally dines at three, and afterwards goes out fishing, with his servant, and often does not return till nine o'clock, when I read to him. There are a great number of visitors here, who come during the summer months to use the baths and to enjoy themselves, but Sir Humphry sees no one, and appears to wish to avoid all society, and of course I see none but those I chance to meet at the table d'hôte, or in a walk. ”

“ I asked.
“Only yesterday—pray, unhand me, good Humphrey, thy hand is irksome—a pursuivant of his Grace’s, with Timothy Ryder from Stationers’ Hall, and a handful of the Company at their backs, made a sudden visitation, and searched us up and down, till they lit on—you know what.”
“The secret press,” cried I, like a fool, letting him see that I knew of it.
“Alack! Humphrey,” said he, “there is nothing secret that shall not be made manifest. Without more ado, my poor master was seized and hauled away to the White Lion. ”

“ And intelligent she certainly is, as you may see by her countenance. Who would ever have imagined that our sisters would have been able to do what they are doing now? It's an old saying, 'We never know what we can do till we try.' By-the-by Humphrey, I met a famous herd of forest ponies the other day, and I said to myself, 'I wonder whether Humphrey will be clever enough to take one of them, as he has the wild cattle?' For Billy is getting old, and we want a successor. ”

“ Then the old man told them the story of Humpty-Dumpty;—how he fell downstairs and was raised up again, and married a princess. And the children clapped their hands and cried "Tell another, tell another," for they wanted to hear the story of Ivede-Avede; but this time they had only Humpty-Dumpty. After this the fir tree became quite silent and thoughtful. Never had the birds in the forest told such tales as Humpty-Dumpty who fell down stairs, and yet married a princess.
"Ah, yes! so it happens in the world," thought the fir tree. ”