Tomkins

“ The sooner we get rid of them the better. An Englishman, sir, needs no hired supernumeraries to protect his home. When was our soil ever invaded? Let the French come, and we will give them graves!" And having delivered himself of this sublime sentiment, Tomkins would incontinently ring for another tumbler. It always struck us, however, as a singular proof of the eccentricities or rather inconsistencies of genius, that our distinguished friend, when in his cups, and towards the close of the evening, invariably began to glorify himself upon his length of lineage and descent. ”

“ The Third party: Why, Tomkins, you have a prosperous appearance, Tomkins. When last met, you suffered from the impecuniosity of a churched mouse. Have you made your fortune, Tomkins?
Mr Tomkins. I am too easy a goer, and there are too many rogues in the world, that I should ever make my own fortune, Johnson! Happily for me, an opulent and ancient avuncular relative has lately departed to reside with the morning stars, and left me wealth outside the dream of an avaricious!
Mr Johnson (enviously) . God bless my soul! Some folks have the good luck. ”

“ Indeed, I was rummaging for those keys, and when I brought the sal-volatile my lord gave it to her hisself, and my lord and me agreed that the best thing for me to do was to get her ladyship to bed; and my lord said, 'You had better stay by her, Mrs. Tomkins.' To be sure it is very strange he cannot learn my name; but anyhow I am satisfied about him and my lady, and I suppose he will find out I am called Tomkinson at last, and then everything will be as it should," which was a cheerful prospect to end with. ”

“ We gave this good Tomkins wine and medicine for his family when sick—we supplied him with little comforts and extras which need not now be remembered—and the grateful creature rewarded us by informing some of our tradesmen whom he honoured with his custom, "Mr. Roundabout? Lor' bless you! I carry him up to bed drunk every night in the week". He, Tomkins, being a man of seven stone weight and five feet high ”

“ Tomkins. “I’m noo—to a certain extent.”
“You’ll have to smarten up, my man,” said the small boy. “You don’t brush your hair very often, do you?”
“I run a comb through it now and again,” said Tomkins apologetically. “A man can’t be always a-titivating hisself—not a man, that is to say, who’s got his living to earn. You might be always at it if you’d nothing else to do.”
Master Anstruther walked across and examined Tomkins more carefully. He seemed a little puzzled, and glancing round the small office his eyes again rested on Mr. Tomkins’ face. ”

“ Tomkins moves about, peeping under the coverings, dusting the statues, patting and quieting, and perhaps feeding, the animals. He holds in one hand a string which is attached to one of them. Enter Tom Thumb and his Bride, arm in arm, followed by his aged parents and maiden aunt. (Five little children must be dressed up to represent these.) Tomkins helps them to a high platform at the back part. Old lady is knitting a doll’s stocking. Enter crowd of May-dancers, Peg among them. She tries several times to separate Flora from Elsie while they are listening to Tomkins, and finally succeeds. ”

“ Tomkins. And off he went along the path, to tell his wife, as he got into bed, that she was a lucky woman. But Mr. Jeminy stood in the doorway, gazing out across the hills, like David over Hebron. Below him the last late lanterns of the village burned in the valley. He heard the shrill kreef kreedn kreedn of the tree frogs, the cheep of crickets, the lonely barking of a dog, ghostly and far away; he breathed the air of night, cold, and sweet with honeysuckle. Age was in bed; only the young moved and whispered in the shadows; youth, obscure and immortal; love and hope, love and sorrow. ”

“ I can't abide that Tomkins. A mercer he was, in Norwich, and a kind of a preacher, and now he has made money, they've made him a justice, save the mark. And if he can furbish up a great enough plot, he is assured it will bring him his knighthood at the least. And so he goeth up and down, that maliceful to our young lady—only thanks be, she have escaped the claws of him. The only thing that troubles me is the noises. Leastways, they doesn't trouble me, not to say real trouble; I hope I can keep my wits about me. 'Tis but those idle huzzies that talk of ghosts and noises. ”

“ Certainly not the tread of Mary; not light, and not stealthy, but firm and ponderous.
What step could it be? Tomkins returning to tell one of his good stories, or to ask for soda-water? He listened, and hesitated whether to rise or not. It must be the step of Tomkins; no one else would venture to come in at this time. The step was arrested at the drawing-room door; then Philip stood up, and as he did so the door was thrown open, and Uncle Jeremiah stood on the threshold, looking at him. He knew the old man at once, though he was changed, and his hair white. ”

“ I asked, and a very slight nodding of his head made me know that I had guessed rightly.
“But hadn’t I better send for Tomkins first?” I suggested; for it didn’t seem right to leave him even a moment more in that state without help. But at this he rolled his head so violently from side to side that I hastily gave up the idea and scrambled around on the floor picking up and trying to arrange in some orderly fashion the papers about his feet. And all the while his wonderful blue eyes followed me as if he longed to say something more and couldn’t. ”

“ Tomkins became red when the Doctor picked up his essay; but it soon faded away—I mean the redness.
"Now here," said Dr. Dunstan, "we are met by an attempt of a very different character. The boy Tomkins appears to think that there is nothing more to be said about the flowers of the field than to utter their names. His prose lacks dignity; there is a feverish desire to tell us what everything is called. There is no poetry, no feeling. Vagueness, indeed, we have, but vagueness is not poetry, though to uncritical minds it may sometimes pass for such. This is how Tomkins approaches his subject. ”

“ Of the brothers of Thomas Tomkins, the most distinguished was John Tomkins (1586–1638) , who in 1606 succeeded Orlando Gibbons as organist of King's College, Cambridge. Having studied music ten years, he received the degree of Mus. Bac. on 6 June 1608, on condition of composing a piece for performance at the commencement. He was to be presented in the dress of a bachelor of arts. John Tomkins was intimate with Phineas Fletcher, who has made him, under the name of Thomalin, an interlocutor in three of his eclogues. ”

“ He could not act in opposition to the wishes of his friend and patron, Mr Clayton, but very glad would he have been, as every word and look assured me, to meet the wishes of us both, had that been practicable. If the great desire of Jehu Tomkins' heart could have been gratified, he never would have been at enmity with a single soul on earth. He was a soft, good-natured, easy man; most desirous to be let alone, and not uneasily envious or distressed to see his neighbours jogging on, so long as he could do his own good stroke of business, and keep a little way before them. ”

“ There is a breathlessness, a feeling of haste, as if somebody was chasing Tomkins along the road while he was making his researches. This, unless Tomkins has been guilty of trespass—an alternative I refuse to consider—is difficult to explain."
The Doctor then gave us a bit out of Tomkins—
"'As one walks down a country lane, one can often hardly see the leaves for the flowers. They burst upon the view in millions. The hedges are thronged with them; the scent is overpowering. Turn where you will, they greet the bewildered eye. They hang from the trees and spring from the earth ”

“ For men, who are convicted upon sufficient evidence, have generally the sense to see that the magistrate who convicts them, merely does his bounden duty. Tomkins put common sense and reason out of the question, and determined to do some [Pg 26] thing by way of revenge. Mr. Hale's house was situated about seven miles off. It stood at the extremity of a rather extensive paddock, at the other end of which was a large fish pond, well stored with jack and perch. Tomkins knew the pond well, and took it into his head, that he would make it refund part of his fifteen pounds. ”

“ And if you don’t mind I’ll just have a whiff or two more.”
“I don’t mind,” said Master Anstruther. “Commander Gane always smokes when he comes to dinner. Do you know Commander Gane, Tomkins?”
“May ’ave met him,” said Tomkins sleepily, “in the ’aunts of society, but don’t know him well enough to ’ob-nob with.”
“Commander Gane is going to marry my mamma some day,” said the small boy importantly. “He’s such a big strong fellow. Is this your telephone, Tomkins?”
“Don’t belong me,” murmured Mr. Tomkins closing his eyes. “Belongs ’nother genelman.” ”

“ The minister was too entirely absorbed in his own dreams to attend to the words of Harrison, except when they fell in with his own train of thought.
"Tomkins," he repeated, "Tomkins, ay, he doubtless hindereth. He that letteth will let, till he be taken out of the way. Nevertheless, his time is short, and the day of repentance is well-nigh at its end. I will back and warn him."
Audrey looked at him in dismay. "Dear sir," she ventured to say, "you had set to take me to Rotterdam by this ship."
"Cast not a stumbling-block in my way!" cried Mr. Rogers, more wildly. ”

“ In pity’s name get me out of here, and I’ll explain everything presently!”
“You’ll have to wait till Tomkins gets here,” I told him. “He’s on his way now, for I telephoned him before I left the house. He said he’d come at once. Perhaps he and Beulah can get you up. Meantime you might tell me why you took the teakwood chest and hid it where you did.” ”

“ The master's mate's name is Tomkins; he has served his six years three times over, and has now outgrown his ambition; which is fortunate for him, as his chances of promotion are small. He prefers a small vessel to a large one, because he is not obliged to be so particular in his dress —and looks for his lieutenancy whenever there shall be another charity promotion. He is fond of soft bread, for his teeth are all absent without leave; he prefers porter to any other liquor, but he can drink his glass of grog, whether it be based upon rum, brandy, or the liquor now before him. ”

“ That was all Tomkins could tell us. He added that the doctors were confident that Uncle's brain was practically unimpaired by the shock, that he was conscious of all that went on, and that his reasoning powers were still all right. Only his speech and one side of his body were affected. But they had not yet put the matter to an absolute test, as his condition was still too critical. Tomkins had seen him but little, though the doctors said Uncle seemed to want him near by, and to be better when he knew that he was there.
“And now, what about Mr. Cookson?” we demanded. Tomkins looked very grave. ”

“ Bailey shook the dormant Tomkins roughly.
“It’s all ri’, Maria,” said Mr. Tomkins, opening his eyes and closing them again; “I’m not goin’ to work to-day.”
“Wake yourself up, you silly idiot!” cried Mr. Bailey. “We’ve got to set out at once. How is it the boy is not asleep?”
Mr. Tomkins rubbed his eyes and blinked at Master Anstruther stupidly.
“Yes,” he said, “why is it you’re not asleep in bed? Who told you you could wake up? You just see what a lot of trouble you give anybody just for want of a little thought.”
“Listen to me, Tomkins,” said Mr. Bailey. ”

“ Tomkins.”
“I beg your pardon,” said the lady; “but, as I was saying, I’ll never get over Christmas as I am. Though I look stout and hearty, I am but a timidious sort of woman after all;—a fight in the kitchen knocks me of a heap, and noises after night put me totally from sleeping afterwards.”
“All! then I pity ye, Mrs. Tomkins,” returned the suitor; “after sodding three dacent husbands, no wonder that a fourth would be in ye’r way, now that the could weather’s comin’ on. It was only yesterday I was sayin’ to Mister Dominik, the black gentleman at the park, “Dominik,” says I. “What?” ”

“ Bailey. “’Tain’t half a bad sort of wine, and if it does go to your head it won’t matter. It’s called Chianti, and——”
“So long as it’s moist,” said Mr. Tomkins agreeably, “and so long as there’s plenty of it I don’t care what it’s called. I’ll take the biggest tumbler.”
When Mr. Paul R. Bailey went in search of his friend (locking the door after him and taking the key) , Master Harry Anstruther, to the flushed Mr. Tomkins’ great amazement, suddenly awoke. ”

“ Whoever shall apprehend, or cause to be apprehended and lodged in one of his Majesty's jails, the said John Tomkins, shall receive the above reward. He is a thickset, sturdy man, about five foot six inches high, halts in his left leg, with a stoop in his gait, with coarse red hair, nose short and cocked up, with little grey eyes, one of them bears the effect of a blow which he has lately received, with a pot belly, speaks with a thick and disagreeable voice, goes shabbily drest, had on when he went away a greasy shag great coat with rusty yellow buttons. ”

“ In 1738 appeared ‘A Calm Enquiry whether we have any Warrant from Scripture for addressing ourselves directly to the Holy Spirit’ (London, 4to) . In 1738 Tomkins was settled at Hackney. It is believed he died in 1755. After his death there appeared in 1771 in the ‘Theological Repository’ (iii. 257) ‘A Letter from Mr. Tomkins to Dr. Lardner in reply to his Letter on the Logos.’ Although Lardner's letter was not published until 1759, it was written in 1730, and it appears from Tomkins's reply that Lardner had lent him the manuscript to peruse. ”