Uncle Ned

“ To leave the kind old comrades I had ridden with for years.
I was no longer fit for war, my wanderings had to cease.
There, boy, I've told you all my tales. Now let me smoke in peace."
How vivid grows the picture now! How bright each scene appears!
I trace each loved and long-lost face with eyes be-dimmed in tears.
How plain I hear thee, Uncle Ned, and see thy musing look.
Comparing all thy glory to the curling wreaths of smoke!
A truer, braver soldier ne'er for king and country bled.
His wanderings are for ever o'er. God rest thee, Uncle Ned! ”

“ Uncle has arranged all so nicely. He is to meet us at the turn of the lane where the coach sets us down, first see you home, it is but a step, and then walk with me back to my mistress's house. I am afraid of nothing when he is beside me; he is a sailor you know, and has fought for the Queen."
"I hope that he will not fail you," said Persis, with a little anxiety for her youthful companion; "there is no moon, and the nights are so dark."
"Uncle Ned fail me!" repeated Norah, with indignant surprise. ”

“ It was an appalling lot of luggage to which these checks entitled Uncle Ned; but he soon found a man with a big wagon, and trunks, wheels, and boxes were lifted into it and despatched to the cottage, while Marjorie received frantic expressions of affection from Timmy Loo, who had had quite enough of baggage-cars for one while.
Uncle Ned politely put the spare seats of his carriage at the disposal of the girls, but the loyal crowd refused to be divided. Not they indeed! They would find a conveyance that would hold them all, or they would walk. ”

“ A other time in Indy Uncle Ned was a walkin in the jingle and a long slender snake jumped at him and bit him on the hand and ran away. Then Uncle Ned he run as hard as he could for to get home and die in the bosom of his club. While he was a runnin and a prayin for his sins to be forgave he see a natif nigger a sittin by the road side, and the natif nigger had three jest such snakes twisted all round his naked arms and bitin, real cruel, but he had got all their tails into one hand. ”

“ As the last of the chariots, except that one which had turned back, passed beneath the lintel of the archway, Ned saw a white-robed, bald-headed little man steal out of a side-window, and glide rapidly across the moonlight to the shadow side of the road. As he did so, Pylea again touched Ned with her foot.
“My aunt will be a widow sooner than she intended,” she whispered. “There goes my uncle to meet his death.”
Almost immediately afterwards the amazonian aunt came out of the guard-house door, clad in light chain armour, and with only a scarf tied tightly round her waist. ”

“ There was an old Nigger, his name was Uncle Ned,
He's dead long ago, long ago'
He had no wool on de top ob his head,
De place whar de wool ought to grow,
Den lay down de shubble and de hoe,
Hang up de fiddle and de bow;
Refrain:
No more hard work for poor Old Ned,
He is gone whar de good niggers go. ”

“ And you know it is so very steadying to young men, everybody admits that; though, of course, I know I have no money, Mr Bloomfield,’ she added.
‘My dear young lady, as this rapscallion told you today on the boat, Uncle Ned has plenty,’ said the Squirradical, ‘and I can never forget that you have been shamefully defrauded. So as there’s nobody looking, you had better give your Uncle Ned a kiss. ”

“ You don’t mind if I am frank, Uncle Ned; it always was my way. We are brought up like that in Tasmania—Audrey, don’t frown at me; you don’t look pretty when you frown. But, oh! I say, the bell has gone, has it not?”
“Yes, my dear,” said Lady Frances.
“And it means dinner, does it not?”
“Certainly, Evelyn,” said her uncle, bending towards her with the most polished and stately grace. “Allow me, my niece, to conduct you to the dining-room.”
“How droll you are, uncle!” said Evelyn. “But I like you all the same. You are a right-down good old sort. I am awfully peckish ”

“ His adopted uncle loved Ned, perhaps more so than Charles, for he was a handsome, brave, and adventurous youth of about fifteen years old, the ladies’ pet, and the envy of all young men for miles around. ”

“ As for dear Uncle Richard—well, you know, he can't."
"No, no! father is old and of late has been failing rapidly. Sarah and I can look for no help from him. On the contrary, we must help him. I have thought of nothing else, night or day, for years. Tell me what it is you have to suggest. What you have had to say to us has always been for our good. We should have starved these last five years had it not been for you and good old Roger Wentworth. Tell me, Baron Ned, what have you come to offer me?" ”

“ I will invite my friends to be at our party at six o’clock sharp, for afterward we will have to come home on the nine o’clock train.”
“And will some of those real publishers be there, Uncle Ben?” asked Ned, sceptically.
“Some of the greatest in America, my boy,” said Uncle Ben, seriously, as he understood Ned’s ambition to meet them and his doubt of having the desire fulfilled.
“What must we wear?” asked Norma. ”

“ MICH. The hundred little chances, accidents as we call them, that gave us to each other. Everything I did to avoid you threw me at your feet. I felt myself beginning to love you. I wrote urgently to Uncle Ned in Italy, thinking I’d tell him and that he would save me. He came—I couldn’t tell him of you, but his coming kept Withycombe from getting your telegram. I went to Saint Decuman’s to escape from you. You were moved to come to me. I sent away my own boat to put the sea between us ”

“ My uncle Job Haines has his ranch away over there somewhere or other, in the hazy distance. His partner, another uncle of mine, James Henshaw, is with him in the business—you know my mother was married twice, and this last gentleman is the brother of her first husband, which is how I come to have so many uncles. What d’ye say to resting up a bit here before we start down the grade, Ned?”
The way three of them turned toward the other young fellow was evidence enough in itself to show that he must be the leader of the little company, which was in fact the truth. ”

“ Uncle Ned does not care for money, and values something better than beauty. He told me himself that he has long felt that it is the good Christian that makes the good wife, and that a marriage can be truly happy only when they who are to share an earthly home, also share heavenly hopes together. ”

“ He blushed an unbecoming lavender shade that clashed with his red tie.
“Uncle Ned,” said he, “if ever you hope to 'go where the good darkies go,' you come with me now. I'll blow you to lunch, and I'll tell you all about it. I've been proposed to.” ”

“ I had Ned luff and lay to, laughing to think how nearly the little uncle had missed us, and before long the launch covered the distance between us and came alongside.
Uncle Naboth was gorgeous in appearance. He was dressed in a vividly checked suit and wore a tourist cap perched jauntily atop his iron-gray locks. His shirt bosom was wonderfully pleated, his shoes of shiney patent-leather, and he wore yellow kid gloves that wrinkled dreadfully. ”

“ I don’t like any of the Redgills; as to Phillip, I hate him.”
“Remember, Edward, they are relations of mine, which you are not.”
“I know it, uncle,” said Ned, with a sigh. “Charley and I depend upon you for everything. We are poor, friendless orphans.”
“And perhaps may remain friendless and moneyless, too, if you do not do my bidding, young sir; remember that.”
[Pg 8]
“I know it, uncle; but I hope to gain my own living ere many months have passed over my head. But whether I am rich or poor, I shall hate Phil Redgill all the same.”
“Why, sir?”
“He is a rank coward. I despise him.” ”

“ No, sir; what is it?” he asked, putting his hand into that of his father. “Nothing bad, I guess, ’cause you look pleased; and so do sister and uncle.”
“I hope you, too, will be pleased when you hear it,” said his father. “You have a little niece, Ned. You are an uncle.”
“Oh, am I? Why how did it happen? Where is she?”
“Only a little baby,” laughed Lucilla. [44] “Brother Max and Sister Eva are her father and mother.” ”

“ CHAPTER II A MAIDEN ST. GEORGE After breakfast the following morning, while Sir Richard and I were sipping our morning draught in the dingy little library, he brought up the subject of the night before.
"As you justly observed, Baron Ned," my uncle began, restraining his emotion as best he could, "sooner or later my daughters will have to face the world alone. I am of no help to them now, and perhaps shall be no loss when I am gone, but it is like taking the heart out of me to send my beautiful girl to this unholy king; the wickedest man in the vilest court on earth. ”

“ Uncle Ned tottered on his legs like an unscrewed fruit-stand, and I had my own opinion as to his "mashing" Aunt Anniky. This opinion was confirmed the next day when father offered her his congratulations. "You are old enough to know your own mind," he remarked.
"I's ole, maybe," said Anniky, "but so is a oak-tree, [Pg 94] an' it's vigorous, I reckon. I's a purty vigorous sort o' growth myself, an' I reckon I'll have my own way with Ned. I'm gwine ter fatten dem pigs o' hisn, an' you see ef I don't sell 'em nex' Christmas fur money 'nouf ter git a new string o' chany teef." ”

“ One fine day the old man fell sick of a fever, and he sent in haste for Aunt Anniky to come and nurse him. He agreed to give her a pig in case she brought him through; should she fail to do so, she was to receive no pay. Well, Uncle Ned got well, and the next thing we heard was that he refused to pay the pig. My father was usually called on to settle all the disputes in the neighborhood; so one morning Anniky and Ned appeared before him, both looking very indignant.
"I'd jes' like ter tell yer, Mars' Charles," began Uncle Ned, "ob de trick dis miser'ble ole nigger played on me." ”

“ My lord laughed acidly, but made no offer to enlighten or question his nephew.
“So you have returned,” he said only. “All the devil of it lies in that, and” (he scanned his young relative affrontingly) “in your unconverted vanity of blackguardism. Get up, Jepps.”
Ned laughed in perfect good-humour, as the curricle sped away.
“After all,” thought he, “perhaps it is hard to be claimed for uncle by a rag-picker. I will resume my decorative self, find out where my lord lodges, and wait upon him in form and civility.” ”

“ But a laugh of amusement from him and his son let them into the secret that it was but a false alarm, the trick of a ventriloquist, and they resumed their seats as hastily as they had arisen from them.
"Oh, oh," cried Ned, "I'm so afraid my dear papa will get hurt! Uncle Harold and Uncle Herbert, won't you go and help papa fight those bad men? Please go quick! Oh, please do!"
"Oh, no, Neddie, papa is so big and strong that he doesn't need any help to make such fellows behave themselves," said Lucilla. "And here he comes all safe and sound," as the captain stepped upon the deck again. ”

“ Some folkes bears false witness, but Uncle Ned he knows every thing which is in the world, and he is increddible.
124 THE RHI NOSEY ROSE MY father he told me why didnt I write about the unicorn. I said I would, so I set down and wrote about its 1 horn, and how it had a mane like horses, and how it stood on its hind feets for to fight lions, and every thing I could think of, but when I come to its tail I said did it have a tassel. Then my father he said: “If you have got to the end of your subject why dont you stop?” ”

“ Why must I go to the town school if it wasn't good enough for her?
"Mamma, I wish I was del'cate," whined I. "Ned snipped off my finger in the corn-sheller,—don't that make me del'cate?"
"Delicate!" said Ned. "You're as tough as a pine knot."
I thought this was a cruel speech. He ought to be ashamed to snip off my finger, and then call me tough.
In looking about for a governess, Madam Allen thought at once of dear Martha Rubie, who lived just across the garden from their house. Uncle John's wife was her sister, the aunt Persis I told you about, who thought I ought not to hear baby-talk. ”

“ On that principle of human nature which glories in calling attention to the weakest part, she delighted in tough meats, stale bread, green fruits, and all other eatables that test the biting quality of the teeth. But finally destruction came upon them in a way that no one could have foreseen. Uncle Ned was an old colored man who lived alone in a cabin not very far from Aunt Anniky's, but very different from her in point of cleanliness and order. ”

“ No truth can “kanock” you, no mystery “flore.”
You’re true as a clock to your subject—at least,
You write about beasts, and you write like a beast.
When I got that I took it strait to Uncle Ned, and when he had read it he looked mighty mad. Then I said: “Uncle Ned, what becomes of wicked fellers souls when they die?”
Uncle Ned he said: “Johnny, that is a question which will keep till you have a optunity to see for your self. This gum dasted villin says no mystry can flore you, but I guess its just as well not to go out of your way for to tackle mystries which are peaceful disposed. ”

“ But my mother she was a gettin redder and redder, like beets, and bime by she got up and flounced out of the room, furiouser than any thing which I have ever saw in all my life, or Billy ever seen in hisn. There was never such a dizzy pointed man as Uncle Ned was, but he says they are all just that way, in Indy and every where. ”