David Solis Cohen

“ On the tenth day of this month the Exposition is to be opened. The city has cut entirely loose from its Quaker traditions. It is clad in banners, flags, garlands, arches, and emblems. Many private residences are painted to represent the American flag; numerous clothes-lines offer to the breezes various shaped streamers of red, white, blue, and orange-colored flannel. All the lamp-posts have been silver-plated; every telegraph pole has been varnished; every wire enamelled. For weeks the inhabitants have not gone to bed. ”

“ A working man enters into a banking house with his month’s earnings nicely tied up in the corner of his handkerchief: a blandly smiling clerk, with well pared nails and laundried linen, receives it and notes the amount in the depositor’s account book;—the workingman departs. Then the proprietor enters, gives a portion of the money to his clerk and puts the remainder carefully away—in his pocket. In another apartment, the projectors of a railway company offer a graceful financier one-half of their beautifully printed stock certificates, on condition that he floats the other half. ”

“ He continued sowing and reaping as usual; cutting the blooming flowers from the stem of the year, and counting the sands which carried with them into oblivion, gradually but surely, exhibition, visitors, commissioners, and restaurant keepers. But though his children were unable to prolong a single passing moment, they managed to crowd into each day as much novelty and excitement as would ordinarily suffice for a twelvemonth, and they got the better of the old man in this way. ”

“ The waves dash high, the breakers roar, the bright bow spans the clouds above, when lo, forth springs in brilliant splendor, our flag—the emblem of our dearest hopes,—our pride, forth springs in glorious purity, our flag,—the stars and stripes,—the flag of Adams and his son John Quincy.”
At this stage of the proceedings, four hundred ladies uttered a simultaneous scream and fainted. The gallant orator, descending from the rostrum, helped to carry and lay them upon the greensward without, where members of the Fire Department promptly saturated them with a portion of the Schuylkill River. ”

“ We do not propose to give more than the merest superficial account of the wonders and glories of the great display. Everywhere the eye rested it was dazzled with jewels, silver, splendor, and—and—so forth. ”

“ The streets are thronged with citizens, tourists, American and foreign officers and soldiers, the advance guard of every country to be represented. ’Tis like an animated waxwork exhibition. Receptions, banquets, and serenades are of hourly occurrence.
Many side streets are converted into airy lodgings. Families have rented out their door-steps, charging double price when their door-mats are used. A new industry has arisen, and hostlers are deserting the stables to carry shaving water for, and attend to the visitors thus accommodated. ”

“ Not even when marshalling the once famous ‘Moya’ to do battle with the devouring element, consuming in its fury the massive storehouse, the busy factory, the domestic hearth—aye, and life, dear life itself—not even when the bullet of the assassin found a resting-place within my weakened frame, did I experience the thrill of sublime pride, the glorious impulse of friendship and common humanity, which now animates my being. ”

“ The cries of the different animals from the vicinity of Agricultural Hall no longer reach the ear, no matter how long the ear may be, and the scent of a million flowers from Horticultural Hall no longer steals the senses. The stealing is all over; the visitors have all gone home.
Our country has had her holiday, and, donning her honest homespun suit, she goes quietly, surely, and confidently to work upon her second century. ’Tis but her babyhood which has passed into years gone, and yet—she has proved herself a man.
Let us not endeavor to lift the veil which marks the boundary of the present. ”

“ The chiara oscura effect, so to speak, was visibly heightened by the tone of the sombre shades, and the clever intermixture of the mediæval style with the ante-Raphaelite touches—the extreme fulness of the light and motion, and the mellowness of tint, produced, as it were, in the minds of connoisseurs like ourselves, the comparison which we have made.
Artists, like fishes, go in schools. Masters, pupils, janitors, scrapers out, and pot boilers. They were all well represented, Flemish, Dutch, Italian, French, and American schools making the most extensive report. ”

“ Never before was there such a demand for nooks and glens since nooks and glens were first invented.
The fête was a perfect success as far as moonshine was concerned, but not pecuniarily. The caterer of the evening is wearing away his days in an insane asylum. Who cares for Champagne when they can have nearer and dearer ones? Who cares for lobster salad when they can have nooks and glens?
A second tea party, to retrieve the reputation of the cabinet, was decided upon. This time, however, instead of representing only our States, all the nations of the earth were to be typified. ”

“ A widow, with the money which she has just received as insurance upon her husband’s life, comes upon the scene. She makes known to the banker her anxiety to invest this money securely for the benefit of her helpless family. He magnanimously spares her a portion of the railroad stock, charging her but a small commission for his services. With the balance of his stock as collateral, he borrows money from a national bank and makes a corner in flour. ”

“ Should we succeed in awakening one soul to pure aspiring action—should we be the means of placing one pair of feet into those “footprints on the sands of time” which lead to honored greatness—our labor has not been in vain.
GENERAL JOSEPH NAPOLEON HAWLEY, the President of the Centennial Commission, was born principally in the State of Rhode Island, but grew so rapidly that his parents soon found it necessary to have him hauled over entirely into Connecticut. Here he flourished and grew fat among the healthy wooden nutmeg groves. ”

“ I thank you again, and hope you will all enjoy the exhibition. Allow me to introduce to you the orator of the day, selected by the Centennial Executive Committee.”
The building shook with the applause of the assembled multitude, and when the clamor had subsided, the orator began his address in a stirring appeal to
The Genius of Liberty.
“Ring out, ye bells, ye harbingers of liberty, ring out! The world is hushed to listen to your joyful pealings,—the heavens open and swallow up your golden sounds! ”

“ Turkish kiosks, Chinese pagodas, Japanese pavilions, Arabian tents, Persian bazaars, Egyptian temples, Mohammedan mosques, Gypsy encampments, and American drinks, enough to confuse any one. Then monuments, booths, fountains, and cigar stands innumerable. We will give one day as an example of our travels.
We enter an Egyptian structure and behold an oriental barber shaving one of his countrymen. Egypt cannot teach us anything about shaving our countrymen; we do not linger here. ”

“ Beyond the boundaries of space and time, where Nature’s seedlings bud, and waters gather in a mighty deep, to thee, to thee we look through tears we dare not hide, and glimmering in the phosphorescent radiance of a holy past, we cry aloud, and loud the answer comes. ”

“ We push our way rapidly through the States. Maine has her liquor law, charmingly framed—but we find her Commissioners in Kentucky drinking Kentucky lemonade. Vermont exhibits a green mountain boy; the look in his eye belies his color. Massachusetts presents her genealogical tree. Rhode Island is represented by an immense specimen of inflated bullfrog. New York has on hand her canal ring, blazing with diamonds. Pennsylvania has her Switchback. Delaware another kind of switchback—her whipping post, and here we delay our progress to admire hers. ”

“ The strings were cut from the eagle’s talons, and the great machine with a rush and a flutter, rose majestically five hundred feet in the air, and—majestically staid there. Then the intrepid rider began hunting for the screw designed to effect a downward motion, and the passenger in the boudoir began to look pale and anxious. The crowd below saw a little man frantically jerking at wires and springs, turning screws and varying gauges, and a metallic eagle stationery in the air above them.
The inventor’s exertions were in vain; the machine wouldn’t go up and wouldn’t come down. ”

“ We pause for a moment before the French restaurant, enraptured, looking at the pretty girls and other dainties served up there. We decline the invitation of a Chinese drummer, hanging around to inveigle parties into the restaurant established by his country, with a long rigmarole about “kittens fried in castor oil,” and enter the Main Hall.
We land in the desert of Sahara, but desert Sahara and step over to Spain. We look for bright-eyed señoritas, with black lace veils and stringless guitars; we have been educated to expect this in Spain, by the ladies of the “International Tea Party.” ”

“ Naturally, our own country claims our first and best attention. From Maine to Florida, from Boston to San Francisco, State after State, city after city, makes its display. In addition to the separate and peculiar exhibits of the States, clusters of identical interests from North, South, East, and West, attest the resources and development of our land. ”

“ After four buckets of gore had been spilled, the managers adjourned the exhibition, giving every survivor, without exception, a gold medal. Under the circumstances this was their wisest possible action.
Of all the live-stock exhibitions the dog show was the most successful. The International Exposition would have been sadly wanting in completeness if the faithful companion of man had been denied a place and recognition within its hallowed precincts. ”

“ On motion of Robert Morrissey (whose nephew John, late M. C. from New York, inherits his uncle’s statesmanlike and financial abilities) , a bell to proclaim liberty was purchased for the State-House steeple. They practised economy in those brave days, and bought a cracked one, because they got it at half price. It is still in Independence Hall, a monument of our veracity.
The world knows well what followed, and ’tis well for the world that it does. ”

“ When the hands of Nature began stripping the foliage from the trees, the hands of man began stripping the decorations from the gay palace-like structures which had been the theatre of the world’s interest for six memorable months. ”

“ Fate willed, however, that they should not be strong enough to blow success.
The machine was constructed in the shape of an American eagle with outstretched wings. A neat little boudoir was fitted up for passengers between the ribs, and a refrigerator for provisions was suspended from the beak.
The eventful morning arrived and saw an immense concourse of people at the foot of Sawyer’s Observatory, from the summit of which the experimental flight was to be made at 10 o’clock precisely. At that hour the inventor was on hand, attired in pink tights and spangles. ”

“ It was our first visit to the Main Exhibition Building after its opening, and he had accompanied us.
“Great Heaven!” he gasped, “why did they leave it around here—is it dangerous?” and he backed into an Italian brigand who was strolling leisurely along, “it oughter be in the zoological department,” he added, and peered around for a glimpse of the animal.
We smiled pityingly.
“The equator, our dear cousin,” said we, “is that broad chalk line marked across the floor of the building. It represents the centre of the earth. ”

“ This century being buried in that popular mausoleum, the vast ocean of eternity, a universally expressed desire to celebrate the nation’s centennial birthday in a style befitting its present power and importance, gradually assumed the form of an International Exposition, to be held during six months of the year 1876. Philadelphia was selected as the site, partly on account of historical associations and the proprietorship of the cracked bell, but principally to gratify the inhabitants of the adjoining Dutch settlement, New York. ”

“ It is a common thing, on the way down town in the morning, to pass an early riser making his toilette under difficulties, while a lazier companion snores away complacently with his head against the alley-gate. ”