E. G. V. Knox

Name: Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3827 (November 11th, 1914) — The Misused Talent
Author: E. G. V. Knox

Biographical details

E. G. V. Knox, a prominent contributor to Punch magazine, is celebrated for his incisive wit and satirical examination of domestic life, social customs, and the peculiarities of human behavior. His works, such as The Double Life, The Awakening, and The Great Shock, combine humor with nuanced critiques of societal norms, often through ordinary yet meaningful situations.

Knox’s writing, distinguished by sharp observational detail and poetic clarity, portrays the conflicts between personal peace and external disturbances, reflecting both the quirks of daily existence and the wider cultural trends of early 20th-century Britain. His legacy lies in elevating trivial matters into profound reflections on human nature.

Quotes by E. G. V. Knox

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3814… (19th and 20th century)

“ Things go from bad to worse. All our privacy and peace would disappear. We might almost as well break down the wall that divided us at once. Possibly (thought of horror) his wife would call on Araminta...
Still pondering ruefully, I turned round at the bottom of the garden path, and behold, sitting on the party-wall between Mr. Trumpington's garden and mine, was the debateable cat. An impulse of murderous rage possessed me. I took an old golf-ball from my pocket and hurled it as hard as I could at the potential destroyer of my my peace. The black cat was no sportsman. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3811… (19th and 20th century)

“ As England's outlines green and softly curved,
Visions of wooded slope and fertile plain
Seen by the traveller in a dining-train,
No doubts to vex him and no talk to strain,
His seat, his chance companion, both reserved?
I think not. Yet the rather stoutish man
Who never raised his head but chewed and chowed
Annoyed me as I feasted. I began
To deem him one who had no higher plan,
No larger outlook in life's journeyings, than
Resonant demolition of his food. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3824… (19th and 20th century)

“ Can boom from Darling's Court.
"That garden of the Graces
Can hear no cannon roar;
From that dear island valley
No bruit of arms can sally,
But men must burst their braces
With laughter as of yore. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3813… (19th and 20th century)

“ It is a flower-vase, Chawles, and, what is more, there ought to be flowers in it. The whole house, let me tell you, should be a very garden of fragrant and luscious blooms. Instead of which it is full of mocking cenotaphs such as this. When Araminta went away she flung over her shoulder a parasol and a Parthian taunt. She said, 'I'm certain there'll be no flowers in the house while I'm away,' and now it seems she was jolly well right."
"Why ever can't the servants attend to the flowers?" said Charles lazily. "They seem to be fairly competent people. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3816… (19th and 20th century)

“ Do you wind your racquet round and round the ball and them pull it away suddenly, or what? And cross-volleys—what in the world are they?"
"Goodness knows," I said. "My own volleys are the best-tempered little chaps alive. But, hang it! no one can foce you to play lawn-tennis if you don't want to."
"Can't they?" said Charles. "That's just the point. They do. They say to me, 'You play golf and cricket; of course you can play tennis. Easiest thing in the world.' Swish! ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3828… (19th and 20th century)

“ Where week by week our nobler sons
Have proved Britannia's no curmudgeon
By salvoes of applauding guns;
To save him toil without his landing,
To meet him with more warm advance,
And help to share that "understanding "
He has with Russia and with France. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3812… (19th and 20th century)

“ Both of us had been there, and Charles came round to talk to me about it a few evenings afterwards.
"I do hope the poor dear fellow will be happy," he said, lighting his fifth match and pulling away vigorously at an ugly-looking briar.
"It really goes much better with tobacco in it," I said, passing him my pouch. "Why on earth shouldn't William be happy? It seemed a very pretty wedding. Did you notice how the rays of the sun coming through the window lit up the best man's boots?" ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3821… (19th and 20th century)

“ In the land the daylight shuns,
At their long tables oaken
The Sea-kings and the Huns.
Strong arms had they for smiting,
To them death only gave
More feasting and more fighting,
More plunder for the brave. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3814… (19th and 20th century)

“ Trumpington was a mild amiable-looking man. There was not the faintest prospect of his flying into a rage. He would not say, "What right have you to interfere with the private affairs of another man's domesticated fauna?" He would not ask me why I had inveigled his beautiful black cat on to my poisonous premises. No, we should talk together reasonable, amicably, and as man to man. Mr. Trumpington would promise to do all he could to give his cat pleasant, cheerful evenings at home, and I should agree that it was very hard to prevent a young cat from wanting to see a bit of life. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3810… (19th and 20th century)

“ To see them dance or daub, to hear them strum;
You also had your moments: jigging Harriets
Joyed in your simian chum.
And how shall these things change? Shall childish galleries
That deemed you once Apollo's minister,
Say, "Garn, old monkey!" Shall colossal salaries
Reward the Muse and not the dulcimer?
Not gleaming eyeballs, not the soul illuminate?
Shall old faiths falter and Antonio's heart
Sicken the while he churns, and chilly ruminate,
"This is no longer Art"? ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3813… (19th and 20th century)

“ I told him. "We never allow the dog-roses in the house: they haven't been properly trained. Besides you would certainly pick all the puppies and scratch yourself to death. There's no dog-rose without its tooth. You want the big ones that are grown exclusively on short stalks without any roots. And Araminta will never know that they haven't been there for several days at least."
"All right," said Charles, "I'll tackle the flower-smith for you." ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3809… (19th and 20th century)

“ Remember that I have been palpitating to see The Purple Lie for weeks."
"So have I," said Arabella. "It's sickening, but I am afraid we must pass those tickets on."
I happened that day to be lunching with my friend Charles. "The last thing in the world I want to do," I said to him, "is to oblige you in any way, but I chance to have—ahem!—purchased two stalls for The Purple Lie which I cannot make use of. I had forgotten that I am dining with some very important and—er—influential people to-morrow night. When a man moves as I do amid a constant whirl of gilt-edged engagements———"
"Ass!" ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3809… (19th and 20th century)

“ We're taking in coal!"
I say there are limits. The girl may be decent and sunny,
Industrious, sober and what not; I don't care a bit;
But she hasn't a right on a day such as that to be funny,
With the glass at 120, confound her, the chit!
I refuse to submit to the whimsical wheeze of a servant
Just because Araminta's away and the weather is fervent,
So I said to her, "Wench, do you fancy you're taking my money
For work or for wit? ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3828… (19th and 20th century)

“ He cried that Russia was the foe;
The German Press received the order
And answered meekly, "That is so;"
But when King William met the Tartar
His soul sustained another wrench,
He found the Slavs were even smarter
At entertainments than the French. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3812… (19th and 20th century)

“ Or wherries when I am afloat,
When the waves have destroyed me like bruisers,
I call on my country to note,
If The Blare should pretend,
When I've passed to my end,
I was one of its constant perusers,
It lies in its throat. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3820… (19th and 20th century)

“ ODE TO THE SPIRIT OF WIRELESS VICTORY.
(An attempt, suggested by certain Marconigrams, to shed still further light on the nature of the principal Teutonic deity.)
What to thee are marching legions,
Cannon smoke and sabre thrust,
Goddess of the cloud-rimmed regions
In whose might the Germans trust?
Though, however high and regal,
Kingly pomp may break and bend
Soiled with murder (labelled legal) ,
Thou, more active than the eagle,
Thou endurest to the end. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3812… (19th and 20th century)

“ And so you are not quite satisfied with William's choice?"
"Well, she seems to me to be rather an unresponsive and timid sort of person," said Charles. "Not tactful, nor likely to make what the newspapers call a charming hostess. I should have liked dear William to marry someone who would be a social success."
I smoked for some time in silence, and then I had an idea.
"How was the bride dressed when you saw her, Charles?" I asked.
"Do I know how women are dressed? She was in white, of course, and hadn't a hat on." ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3825… (19th and 20th century)

“ Teaching them not at first the subtler things
Of dogma, suited to a folk more wise,
Such gospel as ye bear to savage kings,
But "steal no longer" and "have done with lies."
Tell them that murder is esteemed "tabu,"
That the Red Cross is now a sacred sign;
Tell them no more than that; it wil be new;
They have no need of ritual on the Rhine.
Let presently a non-sectarian school,
Where knowledge shall be taught to Teuton men
That mumbo-jumbo is an out-worn rule,
Be built at Heidelberg or Gottingen. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3813… (19th and 20th century)

“ Entreats the Cockney sport to try-his skill;
Her charms are languishing, but nuts shall rouse
To sterner combats and with damper brows
For 'Arriet's kindly glances 'Erls and Bill.
"And ah, the little ones! With how much glee
Their eyes shall gaze upon the oily fruit! ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3822… (19th and 20th century)

“ THE SAVING OF STRATFORD.
[It has been decided, we gather, to go on playing Shakspeare in Berlin, because Shakspeare is so closely connected with the German race.]
This was so good of you, so like your grace,
Ye on whose brows the brand of Rheims is graven,
To spare the poet of our common race
And find forgiveness for the Bard of Avon ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3816… (19th and 20th century)

“ Panther-limbed, hawk-eyed young persons leap about the lawn dressed in white from top to toe. They play on fast and level lawns, entirely circumscribed by a kind of deep-sea trawling apparatus. They want you to hit hard and well. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3812… (19th and 20th century)

“ It will be a great change from golf-balls. But I think you really ought to have said a few hearty and well-chosen words to the young people."
"That's just it," replied Charles in a mournful voice, "I did. I talked to the bride."
"Hang it, so did I!" I exclaimed rather indignantly. "Directly I got in I went up to William and her and said to her, 'How glad you must be it's all over!' and then quite suddenly it struck me that that wasn't really the best thing to say in the circumstances, so I blushed and trod on William's toe and passed on. What did you do in the garden?" ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3809… (19th and 20th century)

“ To step lightly to the telephone, ask for Charles's number, get the wrong one, ask again, find that he had gone to his office, ring him up there and get through to him, was the work of scarcely fifteen minutes. "Charles," I said, "are you using those two stalls of mine to-day?"
"Awfully sorry," he replied, but I can't go myself. I gave them away yesterday evening."
"Wurzel!" I said. "Who to?"
"To whom," he corrected gently. "To a dull man I met in the City named Messington-Smith." ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3810… (19th and 20th century)

“ When limply on the harper's brow the laurel lies
And something in his bosom deeply saith,
"N. G. I give it up! Behold! misshapen is
The bowler that surmounts my glorious mane:
Life is all kicks without the boon of halfpennies ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3823… (19th and 20th century)

“ I tire of making fours with endless trouble,
And left inclines inclining to a fault.
What is this pedantry? An empty bubble.
The spirit is the thing. When you say "'Alt!"
My 'eart—I mean my heart—is at the double. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3816… (19th and 20th century)

“ I had been asked to play in a tournament, and at dinner the next evening I sat next to the girl who ought to have been my partner in the mixed handicaps, and we had meringues. No, it isn't safe, and besides one might always want to play golf. I think the best thing is to go once and trust to one's own skill not to be asked again. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3809… (19th and 20th century)

“ I bowed my head above the marmalade and wept. "Arabella," I groaned, looking up at last, "what have we done that these people should continue to supply us with food? We do not love them, and they do not love us. The woman is a bromide. Her husband is even worse. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3829… (19th and 20th century)

“ The heart of the town is stirred by the Nelson touch.
Six-five. It's true. And the tears bedizen
The smoke-stained cheeks, and there comes a scream,
"If our English lads in a far-off prison
Are matched one day with a German team
And the Germans win,
They will say in Berlin
That a brighter than all our stars has risen ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3830… (19th and 20th century)

“ Regrets the overthrow of Kaiser Bill
(Of all strange cranks, excepting one, the oddest) ,
Disarmament and gentleness
May also come to G. B. S.,
And, turned from wrath, he shall confess
Britain in triumph was supremely modest.
A newer, better Poland shall arise,
And Schleswig-Holstein be extremely perky ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3819… (19th and 20th century)

“ THE NEW NOAH'S ARK;
Or, a Word to the Children of England on the Importance of Sea-power.
[As a part of our campaign to capture Germany's trade, it has been suggested that Noah's Arks should in future be made in this country.] ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3826… (19th and 20th century)

“ You shall know that at last the War Lord's host,
By dint of a stout endeavour,
Have chipped off a bit of the Calais coast
And caused the isle that they pant for most
To be further away than ever.
Evoe. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3812… (19th and 20th century)

“ I have seldom seen such a display of cress sandwiches and champagne. After a bit I strolled down through the shrubberries, went through a little wooden gate and found myself amongst the raspberry canes. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3813… (19th and 20th century)

“ I explained to him. "Probably in the most expensive and luxurious mansions they have a flower-maid. A kind of Persephone who comes up from the underworld with her arms full of gerania and calceolarias. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3814… (19th and 20th century)

“ And then from cats we should pass on to dogs, to sport, to polities, to business, to heaven knows what. And the next day we should be compelled to pick up our conversation where we had dropped it. We should discuss our gardens and our family affairs. ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3822… (19th and 20th century)

“ Refine, transmute and render wholly German.
Seeing in Henry V. a Prussian King,
Tracing in Hamlet a more moody Kaiser,
You put new might into the master's wing.
He seems more wonderful to us, and wiser ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3808… (19th and 20th century)

“ PROGRESS.
["Giving evidence recently before a Select Committee of the House of Commons, Miss C. E. Collet, of the Home Office, said the commercial laundry was killing the small hand laundry."—Evening News.]
The little crafts! How soon they die! ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3827… (19th and 20th century)

“ Into a throaty bass."
Thus jestingly I dreamed. And now, Caruso,
You have not budged one inch upon the road;
While half the lads have got their khaki trousseau,
You still retain that voice and nut-like mode ”

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Source: Wikisource

E. G. V. Knox, Punch, Volume 147, Issue 3812… (19th and 20th century)

“ Well, it all went beautifully," I told him. "Everybody stood up and sat down in the wrong places as usual, and the friends of the bride looked with extreme hauteur at the friends of the bridegroom, and vice versa. ”

E. G. V. Knox

Biographical details

Quotes by E. G. V. Knox

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Works by E. G. V. Knox

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