Simon Mohler Landis

“ Love will go beyond the prison or gallows, it will follow the disobedient son to the lowest depths of degradation and vice, it will go with him to the scaffold and beyond the tomb. It will brave a corrupt public sentiment, which to some sensitive souls is more terrible than the gibbet or the rack. God is love, and he that abideth in God, dwelleth in love, and that continually! ”

“ Joe Pier has many refined, tender and noble feelings, but, being one of those milk-and-water creatures who has no mind of his own, nor enough talent to succeed in life without some one to keep him stiff in the back bone, he is just the miserable, though useful, instrument in the hands of a Judas—like Deacon Rob Stew—to aid in proselyting millions to the faith of blue-stocking orthodoxy. ”

“ The Author of Nature has made us freemen of this earth; kindly has He bestowed upon us the faculty of Reason, by which we should be guided; giving us the noble and liberal privilege to "seek and find; knock and it shall be opened unto us;" and to "prove all things, and hold fast that which is good," instead of "living as we list," regardless of the holy and sublime truths, which are within the grasp of every enlightened and civilized mind! Therefore, beloved friends, we ask you, all to exercise your reasoning powers—independent of prejudice or obsolete dogmas. ”

“ Yes, yes, but you must remember when the wicked, hollow, shrivelled spirit leaves this mortal coil it is sent to spheres that are separated from happy realms, hence they can no more chew tobacco and spit the filth unto good people, nor puff the vile fumes of the hellish weed into purified faces; neither can they contaminate the heavenly atmosphere with fashionable perfumes and stinks which would render foul and unhappy the purest saintly attributes. It is charity to all mankind to expose the truth, however hard it may hit sinners! Hypocrisy and flattery are not charity, but cruelty ”

“ The hero now speedily removes the jewels, satins and silks from her swan-like neck and Venus chest, and applies his powerfully magnetic hand upon the nape of the neck, and centring his giant will into his fingers, sends messengers of grace to the nervous centre of the prostrate form of the loveliest of her kind, and in a moment Miss Lucinda Armington opened her eyes, and gave a benignant look into the fiery and heaven inspired eyes of our hero ”

“ Who dare gainsay my Progressive Christian doctrines?
I do love sincere and zealously pious people! There is nothing that can adorn the human temple, and make it beautiful, even to the blessed image of God, except genuine piety; but this kind of piety is not the same kind that is taught in fashionable and bigoted sectarian churches,—it is the piety which causes the disciple to return to truth, nature, God, and Christ. ”

“ Indeed, men of the keenest minds, the most thorough explorers in the mysteries of medicine, now freely admit that with all their learning "they know nothing;" and that "medicine has groped its way through the mists of ignorance, halting and blind." Even the great Majendie, himself is among the brilliant lights of modern times, who are willing to destroy the medical records of the past, and start afresh upon investigations and experiments. In fact, we know some of the most honorable and experienced Physicians who have left the profession in abhorrent disgust! ”

“ One day, as our hero was seated by the road-side of the celebrated Wissahickon, suddenly a two-horse equipage was driven along, when the horses took fright, ran up an embankment and upset the magnificent coach. Quick as lightning Victor Juno appeared upon the spot, when he found one horse lying flat on his side and kicking with fury, while the other beast stood trembling with fright, the coachman was lying about six feet aside of the coach, and all that he saw was an old gray-bearded sire's face, who was entangled somehow under the upturned equipage ”

“ We are placed here, to act the part of benefactors to our fellow beings, whom it is our duty to "love as ourselves," not to abuse any one, or any sound doctrines; but to expose and denounce improper, unphysiological, erroneous, or incompatible theories and dogmas—whether they are sanctioned and supported by the rich or poor; religious or irreligious; liberal or biassed minded people. Nor do we ask any person to believe what we say, unless he sees pure and untrammelled truths propounded to attest our assertions. But, may every one feel the importance and dignity of the subject in consideration. ”

“ I am not opposed to Theatres, but if I am guilty of "Obscenity," then are all our actors and theatre-goers guilty of the same offence; and they are the most guilty, because, they indulge in sensual sights and for mere gratification purposes, whilst my motive and acts were to cause people to enjoy life naturally, and thereby benefit the race, without any wantonness or lust about it. Consistency, thou art a jewel, but art in modern days wofully abused. Do these remarks fit any of my persecutors? If so, I hope they will have more charity for me, and give honor and justice where it is due. ”

“ Friends, since medical authorities acknowledge, that medicine has not been, and cannot be reduced to Science, we deem it a privilege to give our reasons why it is not, and cannot become a Science. Medicine in itself, however, is a Science, but when applied to Vital Organs, as curative or restorative adjuncts, it looses all its scientific bearings, because the relations that medicinal agencies claim to living tissues, are uncongenial, incompatible, and absolutely at enmity with organic functions, therefore how in the name of science can medicinal drugs become scientific abettors to humanity. ”

“ But I forgive him for this outrage and persecution; because, God often uses weak tools to bring His disciples, and expounders of truth, before the people, and persecution does this better than anything else, for so persecuted they the prophets and good men, who still live in the memory of the people with a kindly feeling.
It has always been a Religious principle with me not to look on the dark side of the picture; not to believe that people mean as badly as their evil acts show. And I always endeavor to find, in my own mind, an excuse for sinful and criminal conduct ”

“ Bred and reared amongst the illiterate and uncouth, with no opportunity to obtain a necessarily liberal book education, he strove to obtain from nature what others sought in collegiate tuition; and whilst he meditated almost continually over the wonderful works of the Creator, he became the more enamored with the bountiful goodness of the beneficent Most High, and beheld in the normal Elysium of Nature the mirror which radiantly illumined the soul with effulgent joy and delight. ”

“ I ever insist that it is the meanest monarchy on earth,—filthy lucre monarchy—everything is sold and bought, from a sucking pig to the highest office of the nation. Fixed law is a fraud.
I hope I hate the ways of the Pharisees as much as did Jesus, who pronounced eight most terrible woes upon them. No one can be a decent man, or follower of Christ, who does not despise the ways of these pesty vipers.
Slang phrases should not be used, except a good can be accomplished by them. A Christian will use anything, even himself in sacrifice, to do good to the many! ”

“ Rob Stew, Joe Pier and Nancy Clover.
Rob Stew is a man of robust build, with a smooth tongue, whose eye can sparkle like an angel's when endeavoring to dupe any one, but flash fire and fury when cornered or disappointed. He is what the New Testament would call a Judas Iscariot, a viper, scribe, hypocrite and Pharisee. A man who can dissemble and adapt himself to any kind of villany, who goes about praying and exhorting, claiming to be a chosen vessel of the Lord! ”

“ Hence we do not reject drugs, merely, because we dislike them, but because we are much more—yea, tenfold more successful without, than with them. Truly, such is the truth—and as we claim to be familiarly acquainted with the Medical dogmas, practices and successes of the various schools we have a right to pronounce upon such hypothetical experience,—but they who are not indoctrinated into the true, scientific and natural method of "Cure," have no right to pronounce upon our experience. The wisest man that ever lived — tells us "not to answer a matter, before we know it." ”

“ It will always be found by close observation that the roughest men have the best and warmest hearts; because they can appreciate as well as depreciate; and embrace good as well as deface ill; and drink-in as well as throw-out! They are like good fruit trees, having the roughest side outside, whilst pure sap, milk and honey run throughout every blood vessel, which deposit an excrement that forms the bark, protecting the inner life against the contaminations of foreign things! ”

“ Think for a moment, then, what a useful agent water is, when judiciously used, both in the preservation of health, and restoration from disease.
Medical men often speak of the insufficiency of our treatment in urgent cases of sickness. They certainly never could expose more ignorance than by such assertions. There is no agent in the universe half as powerful and effectual as water. It is the medium of intercourse between Nation and Nation. ”

“ They passed out together to consult Pat, who bowed profoundly to Miss Armington, and said:
"Do the lady desire to lam of the diviltry that am a hatchin'?"
"Yes, Pat, I am curious to know the news," replied Miss Armington.
"Yer ladyship," said Pat, after suspiciously looking all around, "I could not tell ye here, but let us go to some sacret plaze, whin I'll tache ye a wonder." ”

“ Hence, we do most humbly implore them to peruse and digest the contents of this discourse without bias; and, if after having done so, they can point out any doctrines which are not in strict accordance with sound scientific laws—we will most sincerely thank them for such criticism; still, we do not deem it just that a doctrine should be denounced without a legitimate cause. However, we claim to have ample reason to dislike and disapprove of "quackery"—simply because "life" is very precious to us as well as to our children and friends whom we love most affectionately. ”

“ Whenever a person shoves his piety into my face in a business transaction, I always, in such cases, come out better by vehemently clutching my pocket book until he is gone out of sight.
If wives want to retain the love of their husbands, let them learn to cook and act healthfully, keeping "growed-up," instead of made-up, in bodily charms, when the magnetic attraction will rivet them together as one, indivisible flesh! ”

“ Nancy Clover is a finely formed female, of profound talent and wheedling capacity. She has the faculty of love of power immensely developed, in addition to a mountain of Self-conceit, which makes her bold and dauntless. Moreover, she possesses almost a talismanic power to make every one fall in love with her, whether man or woman, and she always plays upon the lute-strings of affection of those whom she wishes to control, before she attempts to use her love of power over them. Rev. Joe Pier deems her to be a goddess, and even old Deacon Stew is under her gigantic influence ”

“ First, because we are very much concerned about the welfare and happiness of our own, as well as our neighbors' children—who shall live after us to possess this world; and whose lives, health and happiness, commend themselves to our warmest and most heartfelt sympathies! Oh! to see the innocency of youth robbed of all its normal vivacity, grace and symmetrical beauty without a thought upon the very first principles of the Divinity of Nature is barbarous blasphemy and demands vigorous repulsion ”

“ Modern "Popular Sovereignty" bears upon its daily marred banners—"every man for himself and the devil catch the hindermost;" which Progressive Christianity reverses, as follows:—God and all mankind in unison, and the devil take the selfish fellow who tries to get ahead of this natural band of the elect or righteous!
The narrowest, smallest, meanest mind is the one who sees the man or woman in the exterior make-up,—dress and fashionable fixings,—and neglects to think of the habiliments of the inner man or woman! ”

“ I believe you, Pat, and as you confided in me without solicitation on my part, I will now return the compliment, and tell you that I hate that Victor Juno. He is a heathen, a heretic and an impudent innovator; and although, good Pat, you and I do not agree in religion exactly, yet we are Christians, whom this Mr. Juno tries to undermine and ruin by his worldly notions ”

“ Laziness breeds worms in living flesh, and causes the skin to look too dead or too live. It is to the flesh of man, what calm weather is to the stagnant pool of water.
That President of a nation, or Governor of a Commonwealth, who will not pardon an innocent convict, when he knows such to be the case, is not fit to fill his position; or, if he pardons a guilty convict for money or influence, is a contemptible lout. Such men should be heroic and competent leaders, protectors, and instructors to their people, instead of knucklers and imbeciles! ”

“ In behalf of the glorious tidings of an unperverted and unadulterated instinct; for the health of mankind, for their souls salvation, for all the magnanimous inherent powers of the normally Physiological man and woman! Indeed words cannot express the joyousness and the glory which would bind mankind together in harmonious unition! ”

“ The president said: "Brother Fancy, we are delighted to see you with us upon such short notice."
"At your service, brethren," responded the doctor. "What is your pleasure?"
"Dear doctor, we have a most important little job for you, which requires perfect secresy and great shrewdness. Our worthy president has selected you as the most trustworthy and able physician of the brotherhood to do what has been planned by us," said Deacon Stew. ”

“ I always feel more like praising God when I get close to an innocent, natural, beautiful woman; there seems to be a peculiar something in this part of God's work that transports one to the loftier realms! Dear ladies, I advise you to keep your flesh, nerves, bones and blood clean, by freely using pure air, pure water, pure food, and I assure you, you will not neglect or miss the balance of the real needs and graces which draw one toward you in spite of oneself. ”

“ You would soon tell the thief to leave, being an unwelcome intruder, so says an unperverted instinct to uncongenial agencies. Such unsound logic might answer in regard to things pertaining to matter, as in the "Arts and Sciences;" but where Life and Soul become involved, we should expostulate more vehemently! And it is not only a false Physiology that is taught by the Medical profession; but, they confess their ignorance as regards a true Pathology, or the nature and cause of diseases. They openly assert that "they know not what disease is." ”

“ When a woman is once really in love, she is the best sticking plaster that was ever done up.
Amiability seems to consist, in modern days, in white-lies, smooth tongues, and flattery. This is the trinity of fashionable piety, if "seeing is believing."
One day, when my two daughters were three and five years old, they sat at the heater in a cold room, when the oldest was explaining what she learned in Sabbath school about heaven,—she said to the younger one: "Heaven is a nice cool place, and hell is a hot burning place." ”

“ We are very sorry to assert, that we have too many so-called "Water-Cure Physicians" who misuse and abuse this vital agent to such a shameful extent, that all the good which would arise from a judicious administration of water in disease, is entirely lost sight of, and hence the term Water-Cure is despised by the masses of the people, which is the legitimate result of ignorant charlatans, who are just as far from practising a true, Physiological or Hygienic "Healing Science," as Demonism is from Saintship, or Heaven from Perdition. ”

“ Any ignorant person thinks he has as good a right to give his opinion on topics of health, morality and piety as a strictly scientific mind; who has devoted a long and entire lifetime to studying the same. Therefore, it is really no credit for any one to sacrifice himself for the good of humanity, because, the untutored ignoramus is as soon believed as the sage and philosopher; the people themselves do not take sufficient interest in these matters of body, soul and spirit to become competent judges who is wise or unwise; hence, an innocent Reformer may be mistaken for a criminal. ”

“ But the people are often too selfish and stubborn themselves, to support a man who is honest enough to tell them their faults, and in spite of all that honest Physicians can do, to save mankind from the horrid jaws of drug-stimulation and deterioration, they are determined to take Physic, and stuff themselves with vicious Aliment, even though they are equally as ignorant as inexperienced "quacks" who seek notoriety at the expense of humanity; and who little dream, that drug-medication is one of the greatest causes of the decline of health and normal beauty ”

“ Piety, to be sound, must rest in the bosom of truth, and the more you agitate and stir it, the more brilliant it becomes, because it is a precious jewel; but, if that piety is simply a cloak, or make-believe, and you stir it, it will be like unto filth, the more agitated the more it will stink. ”

“ It makes little difference to us whether you call us Fanatics, Atheists, Christians or Heathens; yea, notwithstanding all the sneers, scorns and scoffs which we have, time and again, been compelled to put up with, we still delight in God's physiological sayings and doings, and we thank the Divinity of Nature, that we are possessed with the goodly feeling in behalf of the welfare, the health, and happiness of our "fellow brothers and sisters!" ”

“ It is a pity that they could not send me hence, for I would rather go than stay amongst such sinners.
The Earth, or Soil, is stimulated, heated and forced as much as Man; hence so much mildew, vermin and rotten trash in market. "Slave to no sect, but look through nature up to nature's God,"—my piety to a dot, and the only genuine article in existence.
Whenever a man is rich enough, or able in any manner, to run a large establishment, he is respectable and his acts are not criminal, if ever so foul. ”