Simon Mohler Landis

“ Yes, yes, but you must remember when the wicked, hollow, shrivelled spirit leaves this mortal coil it is sent to spheres that are separated from happy realms, hence they can no more chew tobacco and spit the filth unto good people, nor puff the vile fumes of the hellish weed into purified faces; neither can they contaminate the heavenly atmosphere with fashionable perfumes and stinks which would render foul and unhappy the purest saintly attributes. It is charity to all mankind to expose the truth, however hard it may hit sinners! Hypocrisy and flattery are not charity, but cruelty ”

“ Who dare gainsay my Progressive Christian doctrines?
I do love sincere and zealously pious people! There is nothing that can adorn the human temple, and make it beautiful, even to the blessed image of God, except genuine piety; but this kind of piety is not the same kind that is taught in fashionable and bigoted sectarian churches,—it is the piety which causes the disciple to return to truth, nature, God, and Christ. ”

“ Piety, to be sound, must rest in the bosom of truth, and the more you agitate and stir it, the more brilliant it becomes, because it is a precious jewel; but, if that piety is simply a cloak, or make-believe, and you stir it, it will be like unto filth, the more agitated the more it will stink. ”

“ I ever insist that it is the meanest monarchy on earth,—filthy lucre monarchy—everything is sold and bought, from a sucking pig to the highest office of the nation. Fixed law is a fraud.
I hope I hate the ways of the Pharisees as much as did Jesus, who pronounced eight most terrible woes upon them. No one can be a decent man, or follower of Christ, who does not despise the ways of these pesty vipers.
Slang phrases should not be used, except a good can be accomplished by them. A Christian will use anything, even himself in sacrifice, to do good to the many! ”

“ But I forgive him for this outrage and persecution; because, God often uses weak tools to bring His disciples, and expounders of truth, before the people, and persecution does this better than anything else, for so persecuted they the prophets and good men, who still live in the memory of the people with a kindly feeling.
It has always been a Religious principle with me not to look on the dark side of the picture; not to believe that people mean as badly as their evil acts show. And I always endeavor to find, in my own mind, an excuse for sinful and criminal conduct ”

“ Whenever a person shoves his piety into my face in a business transaction, I always, in such cases, come out better by vehemently clutching my pocket book until he is gone out of sight.
If wives want to retain the love of their husbands, let them learn to cook and act healthfully, keeping "growed-up," instead of made-up, in bodily charms, when the magnetic attraction will rivet them together as one, indivisible flesh! ”

“ It will always be found by close observation that the roughest men have the best and warmest hearts; because they can appreciate as well as depreciate; and embrace good as well as deface ill; and drink-in as well as throw-out! They are like good fruit trees, having the roughest side outside, whilst pure sap, milk and honey run throughout every blood vessel, which deposit an excrement that forms the bark, protecting the inner life against the contaminations of foreign things! ”

“ When a woman is once really in love, she is the best sticking plaster that was ever done up.
Amiability seems to consist, in modern days, in white-lies, smooth tongues, and flattery. This is the trinity of fashionable piety, if "seeing is believing."
One day, when my two daughters were three and five years old, they sat at the heater in a cold room, when the oldest was explaining what she learned in Sabbath school about heaven,—she said to the younger one: "Heaven is a nice cool place, and hell is a hot burning place." ”

“ Any ignorant person thinks he has as good a right to give his opinion on topics of health, morality and piety as a strictly scientific mind; who has devoted a long and entire lifetime to studying the same. Therefore, it is really no credit for any one to sacrifice himself for the good of humanity, because, the untutored ignoramus is as soon believed as the sage and philosopher; the people themselves do not take sufficient interest in these matters of body, soul and spirit to become competent judges who is wise or unwise; hence, an innocent Reformer may be mistaken for a criminal. ”

“ When public officials use their offices to show off their piety and expertness, it is time they were impeached by the people; otherwise, no one knows when he will get his neck into the mouse-trap, and be made sport of, as I was when before an honorable Court, which was surrounded by sots, pimps, moral game-makers (gamblers) , and hypocritical cut-throats.
Truth when sent up in a skyrocket does not angle around error and pesty insects, but it shoots straight through vice and assimilates with virtue. I am always sorry when any one acknowledges to be shot through by it ”

“ Modern "Popular Sovereignty" bears upon its daily marred banners—"every man for himself and the devil catch the hindermost;" which Progressive Christianity reverses, as follows:—God and all mankind in unison, and the devil take the selfish fellow who tries to get ahead of this natural band of the elect or righteous!
The narrowest, smallest, meanest mind is the one who sees the man or woman in the exterior make-up,—dress and fashionable fixings,—and neglects to think of the habiliments of the inner man or woman! ”

“ It is a pity that they could not send me hence, for I would rather go than stay amongst such sinners.
The Earth, or Soil, is stimulated, heated and forced as much as Man; hence so much mildew, vermin and rotten trash in market. "Slave to no sect, but look through nature up to nature's God,"—my piety to a dot, and the only genuine article in existence.
Whenever a man is rich enough, or able in any manner, to run a large establishment, he is respectable and his acts are not criminal, if ever so foul. ”

“ I always feel more like praising God when I get close to an innocent, natural, beautiful woman; there seems to be a peculiar something in this part of God's work that transports one to the loftier realms! Dear ladies, I advise you to keep your flesh, nerves, bones and blood clean, by freely using pure air, pure water, pure food, and I assure you, you will not neglect or miss the balance of the real needs and graces which draw one toward you in spite of oneself. ”

“ Now-a-days a man is "made," (no matter how he lives,) when he has grown old, ugly, and selfish enough to possess more than his share of this world's goods—when his purse is heavier than his brains—and with this tin reputation he can wheedle an influence, and command a respectability that must be nauseating to the Almighty himself. It was the power of this metallic conscience that sent me to prison for telling such jolly truths. ”

“ If I could make a slipper out of my keeper, I might quietly pass out of this cell in my stocking feet.
People often speak of charitable acts, when they most cruelly cheat human nature of its vitalizing properties; for instance, to be kind to a spoiled child, thereby encouraging him to go on in his wickedness would be cruel, most uncharitable; whereas, to chastise him severely, as good parents do in such cases, would be genuine charity. We hear of too many acts of charity, that are acts of direst cruelty; and many seeming acts of cruelty are bona fide acts of charity. ”

“ He cannot be after their influence, nor their money, nor their goodwill; because, to attain such would require an opposite course of action. There is only one answer to this question, and that is, that he has risen above self and bigotry, and seeing the perilous condition of society, he labors to save them from pain, desolation and damnation,—he is imitating the example of Jesus, to heal the sick and teach them how to obtain a natural, blissful career here, and a sure election to the hallowed realms of eternal life! ”

“ Laziness breeds worms in living flesh, and causes the skin to look too dead or too live. It is to the flesh of man, what calm weather is to the stagnant pool of water.
That President of a nation, or Governor of a Commonwealth, who will not pardon an innocent convict, when he knows such to be the case, is not fit to fill his position; or, if he pardons a guilty convict for money or influence, is a contemptible lout. Such men should be heroic and competent leaders, protectors, and instructors to their people, instead of knucklers and imbeciles! ”

“ In time of prosperity you have hosts of friends; then you do not need them; but in the hour of adversity they "skedaddle" like sheep when a wolf is after them. If the human race could only be made to understand and appreciate that as long as a true Progressive Christianity is overlooked, and there is no union of action in this direction, so long it is an unsafe world to bring and raise children in. Why will ye be living in jeopardy; risking your happiness here and hereafter? Oh! Repent, dear reader, and become an earnest follower of Christ and the Truth! ”

“ The only difference between orthodox and progressive Christianity is, that the former saves its members by "faith" no matter what they swallow or breathe; whilst the latter knows that "faith" does not change poison to food, nor sinfulness to saintship, but acts do that chime and harmonize with natural law and godly order; hence, "good works" are the foundation of its members, and "faith" turns to a perfect trust in the results, without taking drugs or incense! ”

“ Love is like a dizziness, it makes a person feel so queer that he can't attend to business. That is not original, but the following is:—Love is nothing wrong nor queer, but makes one feel as if he were full of celestial fever, which causes the fine ladies to shiver, still they deem it clever, if the right man comes to offer it ever! ”

“ Money is the God of this universe, and just so long, and in proportion, as you deal honestly with filthy lucre (no matter how much you cheat the bodies and souls of men out of their real wants, and spit in God's face) , are you valued by this barbarous, heathenish, degenerate, sectarian, and political age! ”

“ Good and great minds will not strike a man when he is down, when he is confined in a felon's cell, or after the battle is won. Magnanimity enters freely into the composition of good metal, which will attract immaculate and lofty conception:
"I" know nothing outside of myself; therefore, those who know nothing inside or outside of themselves, must not blame me for using "I."
Kindness and flattery may excel in gaining the goodwill of men and women, but they do not claim to be attributes of heaven when sprung into existence at the sacrifice of truth. ”

“ But we ask—does not the fruit often become defective, wormy, or the tree grow barren, when the natural soil and elements are withheld from its roots, body and branches? Have ye eyes and ears, and cannot ye behold your own boogaboo?
None so blind as those who choose to be, and none so deaf as those who hear with both ears open or both shut, either letting nothing in or letting in and out simultaneously. ”

“ Whilst modern education makes a person apt in tricks, customs and civilization, it nevertheless seems to destroy the natural intuitive and appreciative power that God ordained for making man wise, good and angelic. The more such learning people generally possess, the more artificial their tastes, habits and ideas. Birds sing, eat and breathe without school-training; because, true to instinct; but, made-up and modernized educated people have no knowledge of instinct, intuition or holy spirit, unless it be a hankering for money and lust. ”

“ Still, again, a man may devote his all to alleviating the sufferings of the distressed; whilst a mean, miserly minded "swine" may grab and reserve all he can get honestly and dishonestly for himself, and when these two oppositely disposed persons are brought before the world, or before a Tribunal of Justice, the rich miser will be lauded for his manliness, whilst the philanthropist is esteemed a criminal and "obscene" wretch. So you pharisees go; but, God and good sound minded men detest the injustice and stupid prejudice and rascality of such conduct! ”

“ God's laws and inspiring power cannot be reached with filthy lucre, and therein lies all good.
When persons get too bold in villany they often find a sudden down-come, even from great wealth to extreme poverty. In time of health and wealth prepare for sickness and poverty by storing up in your heads a sound understanding of the "laws of growth;" "laws of cure," and "laws of nature," on the one hand; and on the other, by establishing a true Christian Treasury, where things are held in common by the members of the Church!
He alone is respectable who respects himself and his Creator ”

“ Please, good reader, imagine yourself confined in a felon's cell for one year and compelled to pay five hundred dollars fine, and all to gratify the wrath of a prejudiced people, who did not like you to be an honest benefactor, as I have proved in Court I was, and shall prove to be over and over again, if God grants me life, until I get out of this place. ”

“ Swine, thou art glorified, and thy offspring continues in his swinishness; but man, thou flappest also into swinishness, and thereby losest thy manhood, thy beauty, thy godly attributes, and seest filth in the fixed law of thine own Creator; because thine eyes are lagered, smoked, brined, peppered, drugged, preserved, pickled and dirty; hence, thy brain is befuddled and thy intellect is barren, whilst thy morality and piety lies in thy stomach and still lower down. ”

“ The Fire or Hell one gets more by double than its share; "if the court know herself, and we think she do." Water washes away the physical dirt, opens the eight millions of pores, and makes room for the Whole or Holy Spirit to enter, if other things are equal; but, when this is not the case the Fire in Hell fries out the dirt and crisps the body so that the Whole or Holy Spirit could not get in, if it would! But, you need not be, any ways, alarmed or troubled about the latter, for it does not want to go where penitence and sound sense do not prevail. The Devil attends to such! ”