Ben Jonson

“ Nay, faith, in this, sir, she speaks but reason: and, methinks, is more continent than you. Would you go to bed so presently, sir, afore noon? a man of your head and hair should owe more to that reverend ceremony, and not mount the marriage-bed like a town-bull, or a mountain-goat; but stay the due season; and ascend it then with religion and fear. Those delights are to be steeped in the humour and silence of the night; and give the day to other open pleasures, and jollities of feasting, of music, of revels, of discourse: we'll have all, sir, that may make your Hymen high and happy. ”

“ TRUE: Nay, mistress Otter, hear him a little first. OTT: She has a breath worse than my grandmother's, profecto. MRS. OTT: O treacherous liar! kiss me, sweet master Truewit, and prove him a slandering knave. TRUE: I will rather believe you, lady. OTT: And she has a peruke that's like a pound of hemp, made up in shoe-threads. MRS. OTT: O viper, mandrake! OTT: A most vile face! and yet she spends me forty pound a year in mercury and hogs-bones. All her teeth were made in the Black-Friars, both her eyebrows in the Strand, and her hair in Silver-street. Every part of the town owns a piece of her. ”

“ Ay, he profest himself; but sir John Daw has more caution: he'll not hinder his own rising in the state so much. Do you think he will? Your verses, good sir John, and no poems. DAW: Silence in woman, is like speech in man, Deny't who can. DAUP: Not I, believe it: your reason, sir. DAW: Nor, is't a tale, That female vice should be a virtue male, Or masculine vice a female virtue be: You shall it see Prov'd with increase; I know to speak, and she to hold her peace. Do you conceive me, gentlemen? DAUP: No, faith; how mean you "with increase," sir John? ”

“ For taking away his guests, sir, to-day, that's the cause: and he declares it behind your back with such threatenings and contempts—He said to Dauphine, you were the arrant'st ass— DAW: Ay, he may say his pleasure. TRUE: And swears you are so protested a coward, that he knows you will never do him any manly or single right, and therefore he will take his course. DAW: I'll give him any satisfaction, sir—but fighting. TRUE: Ay, sir: but who knows what satisfaction he'll take? blood he thirsts for, and blood he will have: and whereabouts on you he will have it, who knows but himself? ”

“ DAW: O no, sir. LA-F: You shall excuse us, sir: we must not wound reputation. CLER: Tut, she is married now, and you cannot hurt her with any report; and therefore speak plainly: how many times, i'faith? which of you led first? ha! LA-F: Sir John had her maidenhead, indeed. DAW: O, it pleases him to say so, sir, but sir Amorous knows what is what, as well. CLER: Dost thou i'faith, Amorous? LA-F: In a manner, sir. CLER: Why, I commend you lads. Little knows don Bridegroom of this. Nor shall he, for me. DAW: Hang him, mad ox! CLER: Speak softly: here comes his nephew, with the lady Haughty. ”

“ Ay, 'tis Seneca. CLER: No, I think 'tis Plutarch. DAW: The dor on Plutarch, and Seneca! I hate it: they are mine own imaginations, by that light. I wonder those fellows have such credit with gentlemen. CLER: They are very grave authors. DAW: Grave asses! mere essayists: a few loose sentences, and that's all. A man would talk so, his whole age: I do utter as good things every hour, if they were collected and observed, as either of them. DAUP: Indeed, sir John! CLER: He must needs; living among the wits and braveries too. ”

“ The comedy is so admirably written and contrived, the personages stand out with such lifelike distinctness in their several kinds, and the whole is animated with such verve and resourcefulness that "The Alchemist" is a new marvel every time it is read. Lastly of this group comes the tremendous comedy, "Bartholomew Fair," less clear cut, less definite, and less structurally worthy of praise than its three predecessors, but full of the keenest and cleverest of satire and inventive to a degree beyond any English comedy save some other of Jonson's own. ”

“ Good sir Dauphine, do not trust Haughty, nor make any credit to her, whatever you do besides. Sir Dauphine, I give you this caution, she is a perfect courtier, and loves nobody but for her uses: and for her uses she loves all. Besides, her physicians give her out to be none o' the clearest, whether she pay them or no, heaven knows: and she's above fifty too, and pargets! See her in a forenoon. Here comes Mavis, a worse face then she! ”

“ He begins already to be angry with his teeth. DAW: Will you go, gentlemen? CLER: Nay, you must walk alone, if you be right melancholy, sir John. TRUE: Yes, sir, we'll dog you, we'll follow you afar off. [EXIT DAW.] CLER: Was there ever such a two yards of knighthood measured out by time, to be sold to laughter? TRUE: A mere talking mole, hang him! no mushroom was ever so fresh. A fellow so utterly nothing, as he knows not what he would be. CLER: Let's follow him: but first, let's go to Dauphine, he's hovering about the house to hear what news. ”

“ The ladies in court think it a most desperate impair to their quickness of wit, and good carriage, if they cannot give occasion for a man to court 'em; and when an amorous discourse is set on foot, minister as good matter to continue it, as himself: And do you alone so much differ from all them, that what they, with so much circumstance, affect and toil for, to seem learn'd, to seem judicious, to seem sharp and conceited, you can bury in yourself with silence, and rather trust your graces to the fair conscience of virtue, than to the world's or your own proclamation? ”

“ Then, if you love your wife, or rather dote on her, sir: O, how she'll torture you! and take pleasure in your torments! you shall lie with her but when she lists; she will not hurt her beauty, her complexion; or it must be for that jewel, or that pearl, when she does: every half hour's pleasure must be bought anew: and with the same pain and charge you woo'd her at first. Then you must keep what servants she please; what company she will; that friend must not visit you without her license; and him she loves most, she will seem to hate eagerliest, to decline your jealousy ”

“ Nay, you must be content to be lock'd in: for, for mine own reputation, I would not have you seen to receive a public disgrace, while I have the matter in managing. Ods so, here he comes; keep your breath close, that he do not hear you sigh. In good faith, sir Amorous, he is not this way; I pray you be merciful, do not murder him; he is a Christian, as good as you: you are arm'd as if you sought revenge on all his race. Good Dauphine, get him away from this place. I never knew a man's choler so high, but he would speak to his friends, he would hear reason.—Jack Daw, Jack! ”

“ I can help you with one of them, mistress Morose, the Groat's-worth of Wit. EPI: But I shall disfurnish you, sir Amorous: can you spare it? LA-F: O, yes, for a week, or so; I'll read it myself to him. EPI: No, I must do that, sir: that must be my office. MOR: Oh, oh! EPI: Sure he would do well enough, if he could sleep. MOR: No, I should do well enough, if you could sleep. Have I no friend that will make her drunk? or give her a little laudanum? or opium? TRUE: Why, sir, she talks ten times worse in her sleep. MOR: How! CLER: Do you not know that, sir? never ceases all night. ”

“ Yes, mistress Epicoene. TRUE: Well, Dauphine, you have lurch'd your friends of the better half of the garland, by concealing this part of the plot: but much good do it thee, thou deserv'st it, lad. And, Clerimont, for thy unexpected bringing these two to confession, wear my part of it freely. Nay, sir Daw, and sir La-Foole, you see the gentlewoman that has done you the favours! we are all thankful to you, and so should the woman-kind here, specially for lying on her, though not with her! ”

“ Why you oppress me with wonder: a woman, and a barber, and love no noise! CLER: Yes, faith. The fellow trims him silently, and has not the knack with his sheers or his fingers: and that continence in a barber he thinks so eminent a virtue, as it has made him chief of his counsel. TRUE: Is the barber to be seen, or the wench? CLER: Yes, that they are. TRUE: I prithee, Dauphine, let us go thither. DAUP: I have some business now: I cannot, i'faith. TRUE: You shall have no business shall make you neglect this, sir ”

“ DAW: No noble virtue ever was alone, But two in one. DAUP: Excellent! CLER: That again, I pray, sir John. DAUP: It has something in't like rare wit and sense. CLER: Peace. DAW: No noble virtue ever was alone, But two in one. ”

“ I'faith, master Morose, would you steal a marriage thus, in the midst of so many friends, and not acquaint us? Well, I'll kiss you, notwithstanding the justice of my quarrel: you shall give me leave, mistress, to use a becoming familiarity with your husband. EPI: Your ladyship does me an honour in it, to let me know he is so worthy your favour: as you have done both him and me grace to visit so unprepared a pair to entertain you. MOR: Compliment! compliment! EPI: But I must lay the burden of that upon my servant here. ”

“ Then, are you a friend to truth, sir; it makes me love you the more. It is not the outward, but the inward man that I affect. They are not apprehensive of an eminent perfection, but love flat, and dully. CEN [within.] : Where are you, my lady Haughty? HAU: I come presently, Centaure.—My chamber, sir, my page shall shew you; and Trusty, my woman, shall be ever awake for you: you need not fear to communicate any thing with her, for she is a Fidelia. I pray you wear this jewel for my sake, sir Dauphine.— [ENTER CENTAURE.] Where is Mavis, Centaure? ”

“ O Lord, gentlemen, how my knights and I have mist you here! CLER: Why, captain, what service? what service? OTT: To see me bring up my bull, bear, and horse to fight. DAW: Yes, faith, the captain says we shall be his dogs to bait them. DAUP: A good employment. TRUE: Come on, let's see a course, then. LA-F: I am afraid my cousin will be offended, if she come. OTT: Be afraid of nothing. Gentlemen, I have placed the drum and the trumpets, and one to give them the sign when you are ready. Here's my bull for myself, and my bear for sir John Daw, and my horse for sir Amorous. ”

“ TRUE: Friends! Nay, an he should not be so, and heartily too, upon these terms, he shall have me to enemy while I live. Come, sir, bear it bravely. DAW: O lord, sir, 'tis nothing. TRUE: True: what's six kicks to a man that reads Seneca? DAW: I have had a hundred, sir. TRUE: Sir Amorous! [RE-ENTER DAUPHINE, DISGUISED.] No speaking one to another, or rehearsing old matters. DAW [AS DAUPHINE KICKS HIM.] : One, two, three, four, five. I protest, sir Amorous, you shall have six. TRUE: Nay, I told you, you should not talk. Come give him six, an he will needs. [DAUPHINE KICKS HIM AGAIN.] —Your sword. ”

“ If you appear learned to an ignorant wench, or jocund to a sad, or witty to a foolish, why she presently begins to mistrust herself. You must approach them in their own height, their own line: for the contrary makes many, that fear to commit themselves to noble and worthy fellows, run into the embraces of a rascal. If she love wit, give verses, though you borrow them of a friend, or buy them, to have good. If valour, talk of your sword, and be frequent in the mention of quarrels, though you be staunch in fighting. ”

“ Indeed, the comedy of humours itself is only a heightened variety of the comedy of manners which represents life, viewed at a satirical angle, and is the oldest and most persistent species of comedy in the language. None the less, Jonson's comedy merited its immediate success and marked out a definite course in which comedy long continued to run. To mention only Shakespeare's Falstaff and his rout, Bardolph, Pistol, Dame Quickly, and the rest, whether in "Henry IV." or in "The Merry Wives of Windsor," all are conceived in the spirit of humours. ”

“ Not one. DAW: Nay, my mistress is not altogether unintelligent of these things; here be in presence have tasted of her favours. CLER: What a neighing hobby-horse is this! EPI: But not with intent to boast them again, servant. And have you those excellent receipts, madam, to keep yourselves from bearing of children? HAU: O yes, Morose: how should we maintain our youth and beauty else? Many births of a woman make her old, as many crops make the earth barren. [ENTER MOROSE AND DAUPHINE.] MOR: O my cursed angel, that instructed me to this fate! DAUP: Why, sir? ”

“ I muse a mistress can be so silent to the dotes of such a servant. DAW: 'Tis her virtue, sir. I have written somewhat of her silence too. DAUP: In verse, sir John? CLER: What else? DAUP: Why? how can you justify your own being of a poet, that so slight all the old poets? DAW: Why? every man that writes in verse is not a poet; you have of the wits that write verses, and yet are no poets: they are poets that live by it, the poor fellows that live by it. DAUP: Why, would not you live by your verses, sir John? CLER: No, 'twere pity he should. A knight live by his verses? ”

“ The whole comedy hinges on a huge joke, played by a heartless nephew on his misanthropic uncle, who is induced to take to himself a wife, young, fair, and warranted silent, but who, in the end, turns out neither silent nor a woman at all. In "The Alchemist," again, we have the utmost cleverness in construction, the whole fabric building climax on climax, witty, ingenious, and so plausibly presented that we forget its departures from the possibilities of life. ”