Robert Dodsley

“ Exeunt Petrucio, Gasparo, and Angelia.
Enter Antiquary and Petro.
Lio. How now! what new-come pageant have we here?
Duke. This is the famous antiquary I told your grace of, a man worthy your grace; the Janus of our age, and treasurer of times passed: a man worthy your bounteous favour and kind notice; that will as soon forget himself in the remembrance of your highness, as any subject you have.
Lio. How comes he so accoutred?
Duke. No miracle at all, sir; for, as you have many fools in the habit of a wise man, so have you sometimes a wise man in the habit of a fool. ”

“ Now see, sir, where this scorpion lurks, to sting
Mine honour unto death. This noble duke
By nature is engaged to defend a sister;
[Pg 149] And to this duke so engag'd this malicious lord—
For sin still hates her scourger—makes repair,
And prepossesses him with that suppos'd innocence
Of an injur'd sister, which he had hir'd this slave
To follow him and affirm, and lays the cause
To scruple and to conscience: they did consent
To steal belief by seeming accident.
Sin, juggler-like, casts sin before our eyes:
Craft sometimes steals the wonder of the wise. ”

“ We love the passion: though we scorn the offering,
We grieve to see it thrown away, and envy,
If consecrated to another. Woman
Hath no revenge 'gainst th' injury of custom,
Which gives man superiority, but thus
To fool it to subjection.
Flo. Yet, Cleantha,
I could have wish'd your charity had spar'd
This triumph o'er my lord.
Cle. You see I take
The next way to redeem him. This the hour,
And this the place. Here he resolves to raise
A trophy in my ruin: and behold—
Enter Sanmartino, winding up his watch.
The just man of his promise! Not a minute
He fails when sin's the payment. ”

“ Enter Mocinigo.
Well, go thy ways, old Nick Machiavel, there will never be the peer of thee for wholesome policy and good counsel. Thou took'st pains to chalk men out the dark paths and hidden plots of murther and deceit, and no man has the grace to follow thee; the age is unthankful, thy principles are quite forsaken and worn out of memory.
Moc. There's a fellow walks melancholy, and that's commonly a passion apt to entertain any mischief; discontent and honesty seldom harbour together. How scurvily he looks, like one of the devil's factors! I'll tempt him. By your leave, sir.
Bravo. ”

“ Duke. 'Tis true, indulgency and flattery take away the benefit of experience from princes, which ennobles the fortunes of private men.
Leo. But you are a duke, sir; and this descent from your honour will undervalue you.
Duke. Not a whit. I am so toiled out with grand affairs and despatching of embassages, that I am ready to sink under the burden. Why may not an Atlas of state, such as myself, that bears up the weight of a commonwealth, now and then, for recreation's sake, be glad to ease his shoulders? Has not Jupiter thrown away his rays and his thunder to walk among mortals? ”

“ Wid. Redeem your wit, sir. First for you, sir, you are a stranger; but you—fie, Master Bloodhound!
Anc. Ha! Bloodhound! good sir, let me speak with you.
Ran. Sounds, what does Randalls amongst ploodhounds? Good widows, lend hur an ear.
Alex. Ancient Young! how false our memories have played through long discontinuance! [45] But why met here, man? Is Mars so bad a paymaster that our ancients fight under Cupid's banner?
Anc. Faith, this was but a sudden start, begotten from distraction of some fortunes: I pursue this widow but for want of wiser work. ”

“ Moc. You speak honourably: and, now I think on't, what if you beat him well-favouredly, and spare his life?
Bravo. Beat him! stay there; I'll kill him for this sum, but I'll not beat him for thrice the value; so he might do as much for me: no, I'll leave him impotent for all thought of revenge.
Enter Lucretia.
Moc. Well, sir, use your pleasure. Look you, here's the gentlewoman for whose sake it is done. Lady, you are come most opportunely to be a witness of my love and zeal to you; he is the man that will do the feat. ”

“ Enter Gasparo and Lorenzo.
Pet. One is my father.
Lor. I hear your son, sir, is return'd from travel,
Grown up a fine and stately gentleman,
Outstrips his compeers in each liberal science.
Gas. I thank my stars he has improv'd his time
To the best use, can render an account
Of all his journey; how he has arriv'd,
Through strange discoveries and compendious ways,
To a most perfect knowledge of himself;
Can give a model of each prince's court,
And is become their pheer. [303] He has a mind
Equally pois'd, and virtue without sadness;
Hunts not for fame through an ill path of life ”

“ Fran. 'Tis I.
Dor. Francis!
Fran. Fortunate Francis, that was wrapped in's mother's smock.
Dor. Give me your hand, Francis.
Fran. There 'tis. I melt already!
Dor. My lord! Count Lodovico, awake!
Fran. I am lost for ever, madam.
Dor. My lord! my lord!
Fran. If I pull too hard, I shall pull her out o' th' bed too.
Dor. My lord, will ye not wake?
Lod. What's the matter? what's the matter?
Fran. How I do dwindle!
Dor. Pray, hear me, sir; I cannot sleep, till you
Have resolv'd me one thing.
Lod. What is't, sweetheart?
Dor. Of all your men, which do you love best? ”

“ What a fool
Is human wisdom; what a beggar wealth;
How scorn'd a nothing that proud state we doat on!
Time laughs us out of greatness, and shuts up
Our wide designs in a dark narrow room,
Whence, when the valiant monarch shall creep forth,
He will, like some poor coward, hide his eyes,
And hope to skulk away. But these are thoughts,
And now 'tis time for action.
Enter Soldier.
Sol. If your lordship
Will please for some few moments to retire
Into your tent, her majesty in person
Will give you parley here.
Dec. In person, sir?
The favour bears some omen! ”

“ Do you hear, sir, 'tis but the slight killing of a man, or so—no more.
Bravo. Is that all?
Moc. Is that nothing?
Bravo. Some queasy stomach might turn, perhaps, at such a motion; but I am more resolved, better hardened. What is he? For I have my several rates, salaries for blood: for a lord, so much; for a knight, so much; a gentleman, so much; a peasant, so much; a stranger, so much, and a native, so much.
Moc. Nay, he is a gentleman, and a citizen of Venice. ”

“ Marry, sir, a creature for whose sake I have endured many a heat and cold, before I could vanquish her. She has proved one of Hercules' labours to me; but time, that prefers all things, made my long toil and affection both successful: and, in brief, 'tis mistress Lucretia, as very a haggard as ever was brought to fist.
Duke. Indeed! I have often heard you much complain of her coyness and disdain; what auspicious charm has now reconciled you together?
Aur. There is, sir, a critical minute in every man's wooing, when his mistress may be won ”

“ Moll. O, are you come, sir? there's a box of land and livings, I know not what you call it.
Ran. Lands and livings?
Moll. Nay, nay; and we talk, we are undone. Do you not see the watch coming up Gracious Street yonder? This cross-way was the worst place we could have met at; but that is yours, and I am yours; but, good sir, do not blame me, that I so suddenly yielded to your love; alas! you know what a match on't I should have to-morrow else. ”

“ She got th' applause of angels! Now, upon this,
This jealous lord infers (and it may be
But to shun futurity) that I,
His betray'd friend, could not hold the cup,
But I must drink the poison. No, Lorenzo,
An honest man is still an unmov'd rock,
Wash'd whiter, but not shaken with the shock
Whose heart conceives no sinister device:
Fearless he plays with flames, and treads on ice. ”

“ My pitcher's broke just at the well-head; but give me leave to tell you, sir, that you have a noble wife, and indeed such a one as would worthily feast the very discretion of a wise man's desire. Her wit ingeniously waits upon her virtue, and her virtue advisedly gives freedom to her wit; but because my marriage shall seriously proceed, I wed myself, sir, to obedience and filial regularity, and vow to redeem, in the duty of a son, the affection of a father. ”

“ Sue. Go look, Master Littlewit. Will not any woman thrust herself upon a good fortune when it is offered her?
Blood. Sir Marmaduke, you are a justice of peace; I charge you in the king's name, you and Master Ambidexter, to assist me with the whore and the bawd to Bridewell.
Sir Mar. By my troth, we will, and we shall have an excellent stomach by that time dinner's ready.
Amb. Ay, ay, away with them, away with them!
Mis. Coote. O this rogue Jarvis! ”

“ Truss, truss, good Jarvis.
Jar. He has been a-wooing, sir, and has fetched over the delicatest young virgin! Her father died but a week since, and left her to her marriage five thousand pound in money and a parcel of land worth three hundred per annum.
Blood. Nay, nay, 'tis like; the boy had ever a captivating tongue to take a woman. O excellent money, excellent money, mistress of my devotions! My widow's estate is little less too; and then Sander—he has got a moneyed woman too; there will be a bulk of money. ”

“ Abs. No, sir, I dare not: there is little pain in death;
But a great death in very little pleasure.
I had rather, trust me, bear your death with honour,
Than buy your life with baseness. As I am expos'd
To th' greatest battery beauty ever fought,
O, blame me not if I be covetous
To come off with greatest honour. If I do this
To let you live, I kill your name, and give
My soul a wound; I crush her from sweet grace,
And change her angel's to a fury's face.
[Pg 193] Try me no more, then; but, if you must bleed, boast,
To preserve honour, life is nobly lost. ”

“ Enter Aurelio and Lionel.
Lio. 'Tis well, sir: I am glad you are so soon got free from your bondage.
Aur. Yes, I thank my stars, I am now my own man again; I have slept out my drunken fit of love, and am recovered. You, that are my friends, rejoice at my liberty.
Lio. Why, was it painful to you?
Aur. More tedious than a siege. I wonder what black leaf in the book of fate has decreed that misery upon man—to be in love; it transforms him to a worse monster than e'er Calypso's cup did: [or] a country gentleman among courtiers, or their wives among the ladies. ”

“ Enter Duke and Leonardo.
Pet. See, the guests are come; go, and make all ready. Gentles, you are welcome.
Duke. Is the Antiquary arrived, or no? can you tell, sir?
Pet. Not yet, but I expect him each minute—
Enter Antiquary.
See, your word has charmed him hither already!
Duke. Signior, you are happily encountered, and the rather, because I have good news to tell you: the Duke has been so gracious as to release his demand for your antiquities.
Ant. Has he? You have filled me all over with spirit, with which I will mix sixteen glasses of wine to his health, the first thing I do. ”

“ Where learn't you, sir, this language?
Lor. Of true love.
You did but now profess that you would die
To save my life; and now, like a forward chapman,
Catch'd at thy word, thou givest back, asham'd
To stand this easy proffer.
Abs. Could you live,
And know yourself a cuckold?
Ant. What a question's that!
Many men cannot live without the knowledge.
How can ye tell
Whether she seems thus to respect your honour,
But to stay till the law has chok'd you?
It may be then she will do't with less entreaty.
Lor. Ay, there, there 'tis.
Abs. 'Tis your old fit of jealousy so judges. ”

“ For our parts, Vitellius was never so voluptuous: all our discourse shall run wit to the last.
Duke. Our mirth shall be the quintessence of pleasure,
And our delight flow with that harmony,
Th' ambitious spheres shall to the centre shrink,
To hear our music ”

“ Nay, nay, I am noble, fellow, very noble, a very rock of friendship; but—but I had a house and barn burnt down to the ground since you were here.
Anc. How?
Blood. How? burned—ask Sim.
Sim. By fire, sir, by fire.
Blood. To build up which, for I am a poor man—a poor man, I was forced by course of law to enter upon your land, and so, for less money than you had of me, I was fain to sell it to another. That, by four days' stay, a man should lose his blood! our livings! our blood! ”

“ John and I'll be there early, as commanded by my mistress, to discharge our attendance: about goes the plot, out comes the project, and there's a wedding-dinner dressed to your hands.
Alex. As pat as a fat heir to a lean shark; we shall hunger for't: honest Jarvis, I am thy bedfellow to-night, and to-morrow thy master.
Wid. You're a fine man to use a woman thus.
Alex. Pish! come, come.
Fine men must use fine women thus, 'tis fit.
Plain truth takes maids, widows are won with wit.
Jar. You shall wear horns with wisdom; that is in your pocket. ”

“ Exit Sanmartino.
Oss. The queen, my lord, gave free access to what
I spoke o' th' public; but when I began
To mention love——
Dec. How? did she frown, or with
What murdering scorn heard she Decastro named?
Love! of thy labyrinth of art what path
Left I untrodden? Humbly I have labour'd
To win her favour; and when that prevail'd not,
The kingdom in my quarrel vow'd to empty
The veins of their great body.
Oss. Sir, her heart
Is mightier than misfortune. ”

“ Lod. Well, there goes a couple: where shall a man match you, indeed? Hark, Pambo!
Jas. Did you observe?
Jov. They kissed!
Jas. Peace.
Lod. And entreat Madonna Lussuriosa to sup with us: as you go, tell her my lady's never well but in her company.
Clown. What, if your honour invited the Count Lorenzo? he'll be so melancholy, now his lady and he are parted.
Lod. Pray do as you are bid, kind sir, and let him alone: I'll have no cuckold sup in my house to-night.
Clown. 'Tis a very hot evening; your honour will sup in the garden then.
Lod. Yes, marry, will I, sir; what's that to you? ”