Edgar Franklin Stearns

“ The speeding automobile is bad enough, but at least we can shoot at it or stretch ropes across the highway. The frenzied air-ship, dropping odds and ends upon our city, however, is altogether too much.
Our district attorney, verbose and energetic as he may be, desiring reelection, might ride to Orville in the automobile maintained for his distinguished comfort by our municipality, and discover why a railroad station may be wrecked and the lives of citizens jeopardized by an air-ship which his police cannot identify—and which, as a matter of fact, they never will identify! ”

“ Still coming up, he turned dainty somersaults every ten seconds, invariably landing head upward and as invariably shrieking at each new stunt.
Not only that, but he seemed to have acquired a magnetic attraction for crockery. Dishes and platters, cups and saucers, steered straight for Von Moltz, landing with absolute impartiality on every inch of his anatomy. The best part of a lovely chicken salad alighted on his head with the grace of the original chicken itself, and was dislodged by a triple somersault. ”

“ I asked.
“Don't try to be funny, Griggs. It's away beyond you,” said the inventor.
“Where have you been lately?” I inquired more gently.
“At my home in the Berkshires, of course,” answered the inventor frostily. “Where else should I be? A man of my nervous temperament cannot stand treatment such as I have had recently.” He licked his lips. “There was a plot against me. That man Mink, Griggs, had been bribed—”
And just there I made the idiotic break of going into hysterics, and Hawkins walked away. ”

“ And the Hawkins aluminum steel capsule was rent and torn in a dozen places, and gas began to hiss and whistle; and for a little we shot downward—until finally a score of wings unfolded themselves under Mink's hands and the speed slackened a bit—and a railroad train appeared somewhere below, and we were headed toward it.
“A man right in politics can do anything,” said Jones calmly. ”

“ I am quite certain that you understand perfectly—but you must think for yourself! Success, Jenkins, comes slowly by individual thought. You know the ship as well as I do. Direct her toward the earth, and do it carefully.” He cleared his throat. “Luncheon, Griggs!”
“But, Mr. Hawkins, how can we get down when this cylinder's overcharged with gas and we're going higher every minute, and—”
“My dear boy,” said Hawkins, with a grin that was meant to be playful, and that actually looked like the dying smile of a consumptive, “think!” ”

“ The obviously German gentleman stared at me, as I advanced with outstretched hand.
“Oh—charmed!” he said, as he dived under the covers, and turned his head away.
Hawkins tapped me on the shoulder.
“Official representative of the German government!” he whispered. “Big money for me, Griggs, if he likes—what's coming. But he's in a bad humor to-night. Light disturbs him—and I've got to keep solid with him and—that's your bed, over there; the one with your grip beside it. You don't mind going to bed in the dark. ”

“ Hawkins turned again.
“Mein lieber Herr,” said Von Moltz, “es macht mich sehr traurig dieses zu sagen, aber”—he caught himself—“I mean, it is necessary that I shall be in Washington this evening.”
“Well, I told you that you would be there, didn't I?” demanded the inventor.
“You did, but it seems to me not that way,” smiled the count. “Always goes the ship to the westward. For Washington shall it eastward be.”
“Well, we're going straight east now, count,” Hawkins lied crisply. “We have turned around, and we're going straight home.”
“Den who hass mofed der sun, Mr. Hawkins?” ”

“ They left. Hawkins put his head in his hands and remained silent for many minutes. Then:
“Griggs, this thing can't be lowered by any process under the sun!” he moaned. “I've got a bunch of people here that I want to impress, and—” he gulped. “Say! did ever a man get into a mess like this before!”
“I never did and I never will again!” I answered briefly.
“And—oh, bosh!” The inventor sat erect and took a new grip on himself. “I wonder what that Vilidski's trying to do in the way of a stove, and how the dickens he's trying to do it. Let's see.”
He led the way to the engine-room. ”

“ I've got half a troop of cavalry to keep people away. I've engaged an engineer and a pilot for each cloud-climber, and trained them. I've made tentative contracts with half a dozen nations. To-day, we're just going to take a three-hundred-mile run and back, landing in Washington in the afternoon, I'll run you up to New York, if you like. To-morrow the world— What is it, Jenkins? ”

“ Why don't you—”
“Because it'll be the best thing in the world for that young Jenkins to do his own thinking, and—” He broke off. “Well, count, how do you like it?”
“I have the opinion that of the altitude we have sufficient,” said the German nobleman. “It shall be quickly for the down-going—not?”
“It shall be quickly for the down-going—yes!” Hawkins tried to laugh. “Just now we won't bother about going up or down. We'll eat. Come on, Von Moltz, and see—”
“But I have one engagement in Washington. It is for to-night—”
“You'll be in Washington a long time before to-night. Step in.” ”

“ Hawkins screeched. “It was never made for a strain like that. And the motor's going too fast—”
There was dead silence for perhaps a minute. The party clung and gasped for breath. Screams issued from within the cabins. Jenkins's head popped out dizzily from the engine-room, now almost above us.
“This is going too fast; Mr. Mink!” he bawled. “That propeller—”
It was the last word Jenkins spoke for several seconds.
For a terrific shock ran through the Alta, wrenching her from end to end. ”

“ That's a little new Delsarte stunt I do every day about this time! It keeps the shoulder muscles in good condition, you know, and stimulates the liver! Where the dickens did you get the idea that I fell?”
“Why—Mr. Hawkins! There wasn't any offense intended, I assure you! I merely came to awsk at what hour we dine, you know. Mrs. Walford-Ebbington is better now and a bit hungry, as it were. What's the hour, old chap?” ”

“ The salad was stirred anew. Von Moltz straightened up. “I haf said it before,” he announced. “Jetz I say it again: my government shall hear of dis! It shall hear! It shall hear! It—”
“Well, it will hear, if you yell a little louder,” said the inventor. “Now—”
“Marriage, of course, is a small matter compared to business, Hawkins,” Westerling chipped in sharply. “We can pardon our friend's excitement; but in my case I demand that you, as inventor of this fiendish contrivance—”
“Aw, cut it, gents!” Mr. Mink remarked. “You hold de guy down, if he tries any stunts. We got enough o' this. ”

“ Half an hour later, the air-ship—which seems to have no identity—crashed into the railway station at Orville and practically wrecked the building. The Eastern Limited, being about to pull out at the minute, the seven seemingly uninjured occupants of the flying-machine—two women and five men—managed to escape. There was absolutely no clue to the owner of the contrivance, which is a total wreck, and photographs of which appear on our front page.
Modernity is unavoidable and progress commendable, but occurrences such as this should be traced down to the end and the guilty ones punished. ”

“ The Hawkins Cloud-Climber had merely taken up the job of justifying its name, and was intent on making the job a thorough one. We had climbed clouds, all right enough, but—”
“We—have—gone—too—high!” announced Mr. Vilidski, in his nervous English.
“Not at all,” rejoined Hawkins briskly. “The clouds are running too low to-day. That's all. They always run low this time of year, and to-day they're particularly low.”
“Well, whether they happen to be high or low, Mr. Hawkins,” said Mrs. Walford-Ebbington politely, “do you mind lowering the ship a bit? ”

“ Go and sound 'em, Griggs. See what they say about me.'
He disappeared toward the extreme stern, and sat down heavily. I went to the extreme forward end of the Alta and looked about.
Mink was nodding in a camp-chair. Von Moltz, upon my honor, was sound asleep on the deck. I shook Mink, with:
“Where's Mr. Westerling?”
“Bed, I guess,” said our genial chief mechanic, “I hope he dies there. Any other man with his muscle would 'a' had you over that rail in ten seconds.”
I left rather hurriedly.
I went back to Hawkins—and even Hawkins himself seemed to be dozing a little. ”

“ Jenkins, throw that motor on the last clutch! Get up some speed!”
“Don't!” screamed Hawkins. “The propeller isn't strong enough to stand it going down. Don't—”
Jenkins seemed to be taking orders from Mink, though, for the motor's whir increased suddenly, and the Alta hurtled downward toward an earth that grew nearer and nearer every second as we clutched anything at hand and held our breaths.
“And de planes are set just right, too,” Mink announced excitedly. “Three minutes more an' I'll switch 'em, and we'll land a couple of miles over dere!” ”

“ Put me on der ground where shall be a train, oder, by Heaven, I see that my government make for you that damage suit—”
“You go to the dickens!” said Hawkins, as he mopped his brow. “You'll get down when the rest of us get down, and not before. I don't care a continental cuss whether you're being married or not. ”

“ He drew a long breath.
“And that was the only wrench that would undo that big valve,” he concluded with a deadly calm. “I think,” said Mr. Mink toughly, “that we're goin' t' butt the snout offen the man in the moon!” ”

“ Mink settled himself on the floor of the forward deck and gripped a post.
“I'm doing this,” he called. “You stay where you are an' be careful you don't slide over the rail and get what's coming to you.” He emitted a Satanic laugh. “We've got her tilted forward enough to land now, and—”
“But the propeller—the propeller-shaft, Mink!” ”

“ The best thing we can do is to buck one o' them mountains. We can't turn around.”
“Why not?” demanded Hawkins.
Jenkins surveyed him for some time. Then:
“Honest t' Moses, boss, I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, but this here steering apparatus is simply on the fritz. It wouldn't steer a fifteen-foot rowboat over a sand-bar. I've tried every darned way on earth to work it—and it won't work.”
“Now, Jenkins,” Hawkins began placidly, even if a quart or so of cold sweat did stand on his brow, “you know—”
And just there he stopped, for Mr. von Moltz approached and said:
“Mr. Hawkins! ”

“ Perfectly safe, you see.'
“Yes, but—”
“And here comes your esteemed husband, too,” the inventor warbled as two hundred and ninety-five pounds of perspiring man rolled pantingly to the edge. “Neat, unique, and easy, eh?”
“Yes, it's just about as easy as shinning up a brick wall in a diver's suit,” the gentleman responded. “What the deuce did I ever come on this fool jaunt for, anyhow? If it wasn't for the chance of landing your confounded steel contracts from the governments, Hawkins—”
“Well, that's just what you came for, Westerling,” the inventor answered frostily. “You—ah! ”

“ Taxes are paid in real money and for the purpose of real city administration. That, administration includes the keeping of the peace and the punishment of offenders against the peace!
In other words: Biff! for the district attorney and the police force of that particular town. The writer of the editorial must have felt downright wicked when he dealt that terrific blow. ”

“ And just here Mink had the extreme good sense to exert his mighty muscles and begin hauling in Mr. von Moltz. Even a German count with upturned mustache cannot successfully strike a mountain at fifty miles an hour without doing himself a little damage. ”

“ Vilidski, who seemed mazed in a million wires. George was standing by the door, with a cargo of open soup-cans and agate-ware pots, and Vilidski was saying in his smiling way:
“If there is not of the good in this amateur stove, there is at least not of the bad. We try now, Jenkins. This is the switch, yes?” ”

“ Such accidents as have occurred previously in different parts of the country have been more or less annoying to the old-fashioned mind; to-day's episode was rather more than that.
A well-packed and better-locked suitcase dropped on Colonel Clowry five minutes after the new flying-machine was sighted, and he is confined to his bed. At almost the same moment, a section of heavy wire rail, such as is used on small steamers, crashed through the windows of Parkinson's Department-store, doing damage to the extent of some seven hundred dollars. ”

“ I want to—I want to—to talk with you, Griggs. I want to—”
CHAPTER VI. LITERAL GLOOM. THEY tell me that few people like to read tragedy.
We will, therefore, omit the little talk which Hawkins and I had astern, while the crowd remained forward and Mrs. Walford-Ebbington fainted on schedule time and Mrs. Westerling took care of her and bathed her fevered head with some of the precious water.
We will skim lightly over the sight of Von Moltz being mopped by Mink, with great handfuls of bone-dry cotton-waste. ”

“ Hawkins's hat is still in perfect wearing condition.
I never had. I looked around tremulously and I saw what, beyond question, few people have ever looked upon before or since.
Apparently, we were on an utterly uncultivated stretch of plain, hedged in by woods. To the left were woods, to the right and the foreground. were woods, but right in the middle of the picture lay the interesting part. ”

“ Hawkins!”
“And you might take that soup-plate out of the bosom of your vest, too,” the inventor snarled. “You're not in need of breast-plates in this company, either.”
“Herr Hawkins!” thundered the German representative. “For killing, you have done your best—und it is a poor best, for still I am not dead. Some day we strike der ground ”