G. E. Farrow

“ For some time past I have been the guest of his Majesty the Wallypug at his palace in the mysterious kingdom of Why—a country so remarkable that even now I am only just beginning to get used to my strange surroundings and stranger neighbors. Imagine, if you can, a place where all of the animals not only talk, but take an [14] active part in the government of the land, a place where one is as likely as not to receive an invitation to an evening party from an ostrich, or is expected to escort an elderly rhinoceros in to dinner ”

“ Of course it can’t be, you know, Rex. There are no dwarfs, and gnomes, and fairies now.”
[202]
“But that little man was a dwarf,” said Rex.
“Yes, but a dwarf needn’t be a fairy sort of person,” explained Olive. “He’s just a common little man, only he’s never grown as big as other people. Perhaps he had a bad fall when he was a baby—that might stop his growing.”
“Would it?” said Rex. “I didn’t know that. I hope I hadn’t a bad fall when I was a baby. Everybody says I’m very small for my age.” And Rex looked with concern at his short but sturdy legs. ”

“ It will only go to the Doctor-in-Law if you don’t. He is sure to want to grab everything. I expect he will want to seize the throne when the Wallypug is executed. I saw him just now trying on the crown, and smirking and capering about in front of the looking-glass.”
“The Doctor-in-Law is an odious little monster,” I exclaimed.
“Oh, very well,” cried the Crow, wriggling through the bars, “I’ll just go and tell him what you say. I’ve no doubt he will be delighted to hear your opinion of him—and perhaps it will induce him to add something to your punishment. I hope so, I’m sure—ha—ha!” ”

“ Instantly Rex’s mind went back to the dwarfs.
“Auntie,” he said seriously, “perhaps you can tell me better than Olive can. Are there really countries of dwarfs, and are they a kind of fairies, Auntie?”
[206]
Auntie looked rather puzzled.
“Dwarfs, Rex?” she said; “countries of dwarfs! How do you mean?”
Olive hastened to explain. Auntie was very much amused.
“Certainly,” she said, “we have already seen so many strange things in our travels that it is better not to be too sure what we may not see. ”

“ Olive had pricked up her ears. “A little place in the forest!” she said to herself; “that may be near where the dwarfs live: it is most likely not far from here, because of the one we saw.” She would have liked to ask her uncle about it, but something in the look of her aunt’s eyes kept her from doing so.
“Perhaps she was joking,” thought Olive to herself. “But perhaps she doesn’t know; she didn’t see the real dwarf. It would be rather nice if I did find them, then Auntie couldn’t laugh at me any more.”
They were soon comfortably settled in the carriage, and set off. ”

“ There we hung, dangling and bobbing about in front of each other in the most ridiculous way, the dear Wallypug still clinging to his carpet-bag with one hand, while in the other he clutched a half-eaten sandwich. I shall never forget his Majesty’s surprised expression when he found himself hanging up the air in this unexpected way.
“Like being a bird, isn’t it?” he remarked when at last he found a voice.
“H’m, not much,” I replied. “I feel more like a fish at the end of this line. I wish some one would come and help us off. ”

“ Olive laughed outright.
“Oh, Rex, what a funny boy you are! No, certainly, you are not a dwarf. You’re as straight and strong as you can be.”
“Well, but,” said Rex, returning to the first subject, “I do think it’s very queer about that little dwarf man coming up the street just as you were telling me about the blue dwarfs. And he did look at us in a funny way, Olive, whatever [203] you say, just as if he had heard what we were talking about.”
“All the people look at us in a funny way here,” said Olive. “We must look very queer to them. ”

“ The rope, however, by which he was attached to the Sister-in-Law was not sufficiently long to enable him to do this, and while he was unfastening it there was a sudden cry in the direction of the tunnel, and a moment afterwards, screaming, kicking, and struggling, the whole party rapidly disappeared down the shute.
The rope had given way!
“He, he, he! Ha, ha!” laughed his Majesty, as the huddled mass vanished in the distance. “What a lark! Oh what a muddle they will be in when they reach the bottom.” ”

“ I’ve no patience with a man at his time of life repeating poetry. Positively childish, I call it. What was the rubbish?” she demanded, turning to the Wallypug.
“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse,” began his Majesty, feebly.
[78]
“What!” shrieked the Sister-in-Law, starting up from her seat. “Say that again!”
“‘A-a horse, a horse, my-my kingdom for a horse,’” stammered the Wallypug, nervously.
“Traitor! Monster!” cried the Sister-in-Law furiously. “Hear him!” she screamed. ”

“ I feel like a great plowman. I wish I were not so big.”
“Yes,” said a voice beside her, “it has its disadvantages;” and Olive, looking down to see who spoke—she had to look down for everything—caught sight of one of the two dwarfs with whom she had first spoken. She felt a little [234] ruffled. She did not like this trick of the dwarf hearing what she thought before she said it.
“Everything has its disadvantages,” she replied. “Don’t you find yourself very inconveniently small when you are up in our world?” ”

“ But any way, Rex, you may be quite easy in your mind, that if ever you come across any of the dwarfs, you will find them very good-natured and amiable, only you must be very respectful—always say ‘Sir,’ or ‘My lord,’ or something like that to them, and bow a great deal. And you must never seem to think anything they do the least odd, not even if they propose to you to walk on your head, or to eat roast fir-cones for dinner, for instance. ”

“ Olive looked up, a very little inclined to be offended; it is not a pleasant thing to be hit [221] on the nose; could it be Rex come behind her suddenly, and playing her a trick? Just as she was thinking this, a second smart tap on the nose startled her still more, and this time there was no mistake about it; it came from above, and it was a fir-cone! Had it come of itself? Somehow the words, “Roast fir-cones for dinner,” kept running in her head, and she took up the fir-cone in her fingers to examine it, but quickly dropped it again, for it was as hot as a coal. ”

“ You will see that in the following story I have described my own experiences during a recent visit to the remarkable land over which His Majesty [11] reigns as a “kind of king”, and I may tell you that, amongst all of the extraordinary creatures that I met there, there was not one who expressed the slightest doubt as to the reality of what was happening; while for my own part, I should as soon think of doubting the existence of the fairies themselves, as of the simple, kind-hearted, little Wallypug. ”

“ I beg your pardon” said Ho-Lor. “How very stupid of me. But you know, the fact is, we get such a lot of foreigners down here, and they do ask such funny questions. A Frenchman we caught the other day actually asked me how I carried myself. Wasn’t it rude of him—considering my weight too?”
“You’re a Wallypug, too, aren’t you?” asked Gra-Shus, looking smilingly up into my face.
“Oh, no!” I replied; “I am only his Majesty’s guest.”
“His Majesty! Do you mean that?” said Mi-Hy, pointing to the Wallypug.
The Wallypug drew himself up with an air of offended dignity. ”

“ We entered the little blue temple and were each presented with a little blue rug, upon which we sat cross-legged, as we observed that Mi-Hy and Ho-Lor were doing. Gra-Shus served us in blue cups what tasted like delicious tea, but which looked exactly like blue ink. No sooner had we taken a few sips than I noticed that the Wallypug was slowly turning a light blue color, while at the same moment he stared at me fixedly a moment, and then exclaimed: “Why, what a funny color you are!” ”

“ Of course, it would be much [220] nicer and prettier if the dwarfs were quite tiny—not like the little man we saw in the street at that place—I forget the name—for he was not pretty at all—but like the blue dwarfs at the manufactory. But that, I suppose, is impossible, for they would be really like fairies. But they might be something between: not so big as the little man, and yet bigger than the blue dwarfs.”
And then Olive grew a little confused in trying to settle in her mind how big, or how small rather, it was possible or impossible for a nation of dwarfs to be. ”

“ The last view that I had of his Majesty was of the poor little fellow, utterly worn out with his exertions, meekly sitting in the stocks and falling into an uneasy slumber, from which, however, he [171] was frequently awakened by the bees and flies, which, attracted by the sticky stuff on his face and hands, flocked around him as though he were a pot of jam.
“We might keep this as a curiosity,” said the Cockatoo, turning her attention to me next. “Put in a cage with a large label, ‘Blue-faced and hatless man, Dangerous!’ he ought to be an attraction to our menagerie. ”

“ Rex looked at Olive with a queer expression.
“Olive,” he said in rather an awe-struck tone; “Olive, do you think perhaps they’re real? Do you think perhaps somewhere in this country—in those queer dark woods, perhaps—that there are real blue dwarfs, and that somebody must have seen them and made the little china ones like them? Perhaps,” and his voice dropped and grew still more solemn; “perhaps, Olive, that little man’s one of them, and they may have to take off their blue coats when they’re walking [201] about. ”

“ The attitude in which I was slipping down the shute was a most uncomfortable one, but after a considerable time I managed to turn over on to my back, and eventually to twist around, till, at any rate, I was traveling feet foremost, which was some slight consolation, although [95] naturally I was dreadfully concerned as to what was to be our fate at the other end of our journey. “Slipping along at this rate,” I thought, “we shall probably be smashed to a jelly when we do arrive at the bottom. At any rate I shall, for the Wallypug and the carpet-bag are bound to descend upon my devoted head.” ”

“ Didn’t you instigate the Wallypug to become a traitor, and sell the kingdom for the sake of a horse?” said the Crow, referring to his paper.
“Certainly not!” I cried emphatically.
[85]
“Well, they say you did, anyhow,” said the Crow, “and they intend to chop off your head and the Wallypug’s too. It won’t matter you not having a hat then,” he continued grimly.
“But you don’t mean it, surely!” I exclaimed. “They certainly can’t be so ridiculous as to treat the affair seriously.”
“Well, you see,” said the bird, “things without doubt look very black against you. ”

“ He seemed to have forgotten about the dwarfs, and Olive was rather glad of it. These two children were traveling with their uncle and aunt in a rather out-of-the-way part of Germany. Out-of-the-way, that is to say, to most of the regular [204] summer tourists from other countries, who prefer going where they are more sure of finding the comforts and luxuries they are accustomed to at home. But it was by no means out-of-the-way in the sense of being dull or deserted. It is a very busy part of the world indeed. ”

“ I can only regretfully admit that, sooner or later as we grow up to be men and women, there are bound to be many fond illusions which are one by one ruthlessly dispelled, and that many of the dreams and thoughts which, in our younger days, we cherish most dearly, the hard, matter-of-fact world will always persist in describing as “a pack of nonsense.” ”

“ And I confidently hoped that he might do so, for I was as curious as was the Wallypug to know what the term meant.
[125]
Just then we passed a curious little blue island with one tiny house on it, standing in the midst of some curious trees and strangely-shaped rocks. “Let’s go ashore and fish,” suddenly suggested Mi-Hy.
“Oh! yes, do,” cried the Wallypug. “I love fishing; but I’m never allowed to do so in my own land.”
“Why not?” inquired Ho-Lor.
“The fishes object,” replied his Majesty, sadly; “they say that it gives them the tooth-ache.”
“How absurd of them,” said Ho-Lor, sympathetically. ”

“ I’m a kind of a king,” he explained, in a tone of remonstrance.
“O-ooh!” exclaimed the little blue people, falling [114] down on their knees and bowing their foreheads to the ground, with their hands stretched out before them. “Pray forgive us, Majestuous Wallypug, we thought you were only an ordinary person. You see we’ve never caught a king before. Oh! don’t chop our heads off, will you?” ”

“ I inquired, curiously.
“Year of disgrace,” was the prompt reply. “Bless me! this must be a Post Office pen,” he went on, as the pen scattered the ink about in all directions. “They are always bad, you know. [164] ” Then, having asked the Wallypug no end of questions, not only about our journey, but on all sorts of private matters also, the wretched-looking bird gathered up his papers, which were covered with unintelligible blots and scratches and scattered in all parts of the room, and, tucking them under his wing, departed, to have the matter set up in print. ”

“ I cried. “I’ve left it at home, if you must know.”
“Down with the hatters!” screamed the Cockatoo irrelevantly, “Down with the Wallypug! Down with men without hats! Down with everybody and everything!” and the wretched bird danced about like a demented fury.
At the sound of all this commotion a number of windows in the upper stories of the palace were thrown open, and curious heads were popped out to see what was the matter. Among them and immediately over my head, I noticed the Doctor-in-Law. ”