Susanna Centlivre

“ Enter Charles.
Char.
WELL, here's the House, which holds the Lovely Prize quiet and serene; here no noisie Footmen throng to tell the World, that Beauty dwells within; no Ceremonious Visit makes the Lover wait; no Rival to give my Heart a Pang; who wou'd not scale the Window at Midnight without fear of the Jealous Father's Pistol, rather than fill up the Train of a Coquet, where every Minute he is jostled out of Place. ”

“ Come, Sir George, let's walk round, if you are not ingag'd, for I have sent my Man upon a little earnest Business, and have order'd him to bring me the Answer into the Park.
Marpl. Business, and I not know it, Egad I'll watch him.
Sir Geo. I must beg your Pardon, Charles, I am to meet your Father here.
Ch. My Father!
Sir Geo. Aye! and about the oddest Bargain perhaps you ever heard off; but I'll not impart till I know the Success.
Marpl. What can his Business be with Sir Francis? Now wou'd I give all the World to know it; why the Devil should not one know every Man's Concern. ”

“ How to Banter Sir George?
Miran. I must not pretend to Banter: He knows my Tongue too well: (Aside.) No, Gardy, I have thought of a way will Confound him more than all I cou'd say, if I shou'd talk to him Seven Years.
Sir Fran. How's that? Oh! I'm Transported, I'm Ravish'd, I'm Mad—
Miran. It wou'd make you Mad, if you knew All, (Aside.) I'll not Answer him one Word, but be Dumb to all he says—
Sir Fran. Dumb, good; Ha, ha, ha. Excellent, ha, ha, I think I have you now, Sir George: Dumb! he'll go Distracted— Well, she's the wittiest Rogue— Ha, ha, Dumb! ”

“ Re-enter Sir Francis, Miranda, and Scentwell.
Sir Fran. Mercy on me! what's the matter?
Miran. Oh, you Toad! what have you done?
56 Marpl. No great harm, I beg of you to forgive me: Longing to see the Monkey, I did but just raise up the Board, and it flew over my Shoulders, scratch'd all my Face, broke yon' China, and whisk'd out of the Window.
Sir Fran. Was ever such an unlucky Rogue! Sirrah, I forbid you my House. Call the Servants to get the Monkey again; I wou'd stay my self to look it, but that you know my earnest Business. ”

“ Enter Charles and Isabinda.
Sir Jeal. Seize her then.
Char. Rascals, retire; she's my Wife, touch her if you dare, I'll make Dogs meat of you.
Sir Jeal. Ah! downright English:— Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Enter Sir Francis Gripe, Mirand, Patch, Scentwell, and Whisper.
Sir Fran. Into the House of Joy we Enter without knocking: Ha! I think 'tis the House of Sorrow, Sir Jealous.
Sir Jeal. Oh Sir Francis! are you come? What was this your Contrivance, to abuse, trick, and chouse me of my Child!
Sir Fran. My Contrivance! what do you mean?
Sir Jeal. No, you don't know your Son there in Spanish Habit. ”

“ Miran. Ay really, Guardian, 'tis even so. I hope you'll forgive my first Offence.
Sir Fran. What have you chous'd me out of my Consent, and your Writings then, Mistress, ha?
Miran. Out of nothing but my own, Guardian.
Sir Jeal. Ha, ha, ha, 'tis some Comfort at least to see you are over-reach'd as well as my self. Will you settle your Estate upon your Son now?
Sir Fran. He shall starve first.
Miran. That I have taken care to prevent. There, Sir, is the Writings of your Uncle's Estate, which has been your due these three Years. ”

“ If we had but the Ghostly Helps in England, which they have in Spain, I might deceive you if you did,— Sir, 'tis not the Restraint, but the Innate Principles, secures the Reputation and Honour of our Sex— Let me tell you, Sir, Confinement sharpens the Invention, as want of Sight strengthens the other Senses, and is often more Pernicious than the Recreation innocent Liberty allows.
Sir Jeal. Say you so, Mistress, who the Devil taught you the Art of Reasoning? I assure you, they must have a greater Faith than I pretend to, that can think any Woman innocent who requires Liberty. ”

“ Why look you, Madam! if I have committed a fault, thank your self; no Man is more Serviceable when I am let into a Secret, nor none more Unlucky at finding it out. Who cou'd divine your Meaning, when you talk'd of a Blunderbuss, who thought of a Rendevous? and when you talk'd of a Monkey, who the Devil dreamt of Sir George?
Miran. A sign you converse but little with our Sex, when you can't reconcile Contradictions.
Enter Scentwell. ”

“ Let the Tyrant Man make what Laws he will, if there's a Woman under the Government, I warrant she finds a way to break 'em: Is his Mind set upon the Spaniard for his Son-in-law still?
Patch. Ay, and he expects him by the next Fleet, which drives his Daughter to Melancholy and Despair: But, Madam, I find you retain the same gay, cheerful Spirit you had, when I waited on your Ladiship.— My Lady is mighty good-humour'd too, and I have found a way to make Sir Jealousie believe I am wholly in his Interest, when my real Design is to serve her; he makes me her Jaylor, and I set her at Liberty. ”

“ O fear not, Madam, you'll find your account in Sir George Airy; it is impossible a Man of Sense shou'd use a Woman ill, indued with Beauty, Wit and Fortune. It must be the Lady's fault, if she does not wear the unfashionable Name of Wife easie, when nothing but Complaisance and good Humour is requisite on either side to make them happy.
Miran. I long till I am out of this House, lest any Accident shou'd bring my Guardian back. Scentwell, put my best Jewels into the little Casket, slip them, into thy Pocket, and let us march off to Sir. ”

“ Nay, you shall not see it— Look, Gardee, how he teazes me!
Sir Fran. (Getting between him and the Chimney.) Sirrah, Sirrah, let my Chargee's Monkey alone, or Bambo shall fly about your Ears. What is there no dealing with you?
Marpl. Pugh, pox of the Monkey! here's a Rout: I wish he may Rival you.
Enter a Servant.
Serv. Sir, they put two more Horses in the Coach, as you order'd, and 'tis ready at the Door.
Sir Fran. Well, I'm going to be Executor, better for thee, Jewel. B'ye Chargee, one Buss!— I'm glad thou hast got a a Monkey to divert thee a little. ”

“ The Devil! Whisper here agen, that Fellow never speaks out; is this the same, or a new Secret? Sir George, won't you ask Charles what News Whisper brings?
Sir Geo. Not I, Sir; I suppose it does not relate to me.
Marpl. Lord, Lord, how little Curiosity some People have! Now my chief Pleasure lies in knowing every Body's Business.
Sir Geo. I fancy, Charles, thou hast some Engagement upon thy Hands: I have a little Business too. Marplot, if it falls in your way to bring me any Intelligence from Miranda, you'll find me at the Thatch'd House at Six—
Marpl. You do me much Honour. ”

“ Sir Fran. Hunch-back'd! so much the better, then she has a Rest for her Misfortunes; for thou wilt Load her swingingly. Now I warrant you think, this is no Offer of a Father; Forty Thousand Pound is nothing with you.
Char. Yes, Sir, I think it is too much; a young Beautiful Woman with half the Money wou'd be more agreeable. I thank you, Sir; but you Chose better for your self, I find.
Sir Fran. Out of my Doors, you Dog; you pretend to meddle with my Marriage, Sirrah.
Char. Sir, I obey: But—
Sir Fran. But me no Buts— Be gone, Sir: Dare to ask me for Money agen— Refuse Forty Thousand Pound! ”

“ Some snivling Cits, wou'd have a Peace for spight,
To starve those Warriours who so bravely fight.
Still of a Foe upon his Knees affraid;
Whose well-hang'd Troops want Money, Heart, and Bread.
Old Beaux, who none not ev'n themselves can please,
Are busie still; for nothing—but to teize
The Young, so busie to engage a Heart,
The Mischief done, are busie most to part. ”

“ Gold has a Power beyond them; Gold unlocks the Midnight Councils; Gold out-does the Wind, becalms the Ship, or fills her Sails; Gold is omnipotent below; it makes whole Armies fight, or fly; It buys even Souls, and bribes the Wretches to 2 betray their Country: Then what can thy Business be, that Gold won't serve thee in? ”

“ Have you let a Man into my House; but I'll flea him Alive, follow me, I'll not leave a Mousehole unsearch'd; if I find him, by St. Jago, I'll Equip him for the Opera.
(Exit.
Marpl. A Duce of his Cane, there's no trusting to Age—what shall I do to Relieve Charles! Egad, I'll raise the Neighbourhood— Murder, Murder— (Charles drops down upon him from the Balcone.) Charles faith I'm glad to see thee safe out, with all my Heart.
Char. A Pox of your Bawling: How the Devil came you here? ”

“ Marpl. I am your most humble Servant, Guardian; I design to go out the same way I came in. I wou'd only ask this Lady, if she do's not think in her Soul Sir George Airy is not a fine Gentleman.
Miram. He Dresses well.
Sir Fran. Which is chiefly owing to his Taylor, and Valet de Chamber.
Miran. And if you allow that a proof of his being a fine Gentleman, he is so.
Marpl. The judicious part of the World allow him Wit, Courage, Gallantry and Management; tho' I think he forfeited that Character, when he flung away a Hundred Pound upon your Dumb Ladyship. ”

“ Hold, hold, hold, dear Gardee, I have a, a, a, a, a Monkey shut up there; and if you open it before the Man comes that is to tame it, 'tis so wild 'twill break all my China, or get away, and that wou'd break my Heart; for I am fond on't to Distraction, next thee, dear Gardee. ”

“ From the second source for The Busie Body, Molière's L'Etourdi, I believe Mrs. Centlivre borrowed the framework for her parallel plots, the theme of Marplot's blundering, and the name and general character of Marplot. But she has improved what she borrowed. She places in Molière's framework more credible women characters than his, especially in the charming Miranda and the crafty Patch; she constructs a more skillful intrigue plot for the stage than his subplot and emphasizes Spanish customs in the lively Charles-Isabinda-Traffick plot. ”

“ Do but mark his sheepish Look, Sir George.
Marpl. Dear Charles, don't o'erwhelm a Man—already under insupportable Affliction. I'm sure I always intend to serve my Friends; but if my malicious Stars deny the Happiness, is the fault mine?
Sir Geo. Never mind him, Mr. Marplot, he is eat up with Spleen. But tell me, what says Miranda?
Marpl. Says—nay, we are all undone there too.
Char. I told you so; nothing prospers that he undertakes. ”

“ I have one Favour to ask, if it lies in your power, you wou'd be a Friend to poor Charles, tho' the Son of this tenacious Man: He is as free from all his Vices, as Nature and a good Education can make him ”

“ Love, who rarely dwells with Poverty, wou'd also fail us.
Char. Faith, I fancy not; methinks my Heart has laid up a Stock will last for Life; to back which, I have taken a Thousand Pound upon my Uncle's Estate; that surely will support us, till one of our Fathers relent.
Isab. There's no trusting to that my Friend, I doubt your Father will carry his Humour to the Grave, and mine till he sees me settled in Spain. ”

“ I must confess 'tis a little Mal-a-propos, but no matter for that; a Word with you, Charles; Prithee, introduce me to Sir George— he is a Man of Wit, and I'd give ten Guinea's to—
Cha. When you have 'em, you mean.
Marpl. Ay, when I have 'em; pugh, pox, you cut the Thread of my Discourse— I wou'd give ten Guinea's, I say, to be rank'd in his Acquaintance: Well, 'tis a vast Addition to a Man's Fortune, according to the Rout of the World, to be seen in the Company of Leading Men ”

“ Nay, never Whisper, tell me.
Miran. She came, dear Gardee to invite me to her Lady's Wedding, and you shall go with me Gardee, 'tis to be done this Moment to a Spanish Merchant; Old Sir Jealous keeps on his Humour, the first Minute he sees her, the next he marries her.
Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, I'd go if I thought the sight of Matrimony wou'd tempt Chargee to perform her Promise: There was a smile, there was a consenting Look with those pretty Twinklers, worth a Million. Ods precious, I am happier than the Great Mogul, the Emperour of China, or all the Potentates that are not in Wars. ”

“ That wou'd be but to avoid one Danger, by running into another; like the poor Wretches, who fly the Burning Ship, and meet their Fate in the Water. Come, come, Charles, I fear if I consult my Reason, Confinement and Plenty is better than Liberty and Starving. I know you'd make the Frolick pleasing for a little time, by Saying and Doing a World of tender things; but when our small Substance is once Exhausted, and a Thousand Requisits for Life are Wanting ”

“ Pray can you tell if there be a Gentleman in it in Spanish Habit?
Serv. There is a Spanish Gentleman within, that is just a going to marry my young Lady, Sir.
Marpl. Are you sure he is a Spanish Gentleman?
Serv. I'm sure he speaks no English, that I hear of.
Marpl. Then that can't be him I want; for 'tis an English Gentleman, tho' I suppose he may be dress'd like a Spaniard, that I enquire after.
Serv. Ha! who knows but this may be an Impostor? I'll inform my Master; for if he shou'd be impos'd upon, he'll beat us all round. ”

“ Miran. Nay, Gardee, don't be so lavish; who wou'd Ride Post, when the Journey lasts for Life?
Sir Fran. Ah wag, ah wag— I'll buss thee agen for that.
Miran. Faugh! how he stinks of Tobacco! what a delicate Bedfellow I shou'd have! ”

“ Char. Nay, to be Robb'd, or have one's Throat Cut is not much—
Sir Fran. What's that, Sirrah? wou'd ye Rob me, or Cut my Throat, ye Rogue?
Char. Heaven forbid, Sir,— I said no such thing.
Sir Fran. Mercy on me! What a Plague it is to have a Son of One and Twenty, who wants to Elbow one out of one's Life, to Edge himself into the Estate.
Enter Marplot.
Marpl. Egad he's here— I was afraid I had lost him: His Secret cou'd not be with his Father, his Wants are Publick there— Guardian,—your Servant Charles, I know by that sorrowful Countenance of thine. ”

“ Why 'tis with a Priest our Business is at present.
Scentw. Madam, here's Mrs. Isabinda's Woman to wait on you.
Miran. Bring her up.
Enter Patch.
How do'e, Mrs. Patch, what News from your Lady?
Patch. That's for your private Ear, Madam. Sir George, there's a Friend of yours has an urgent Occasion for your Assistance.
Sir Geo. His Name.
Patch. Charles.
Marpl. Ha! then there is something a-foot that I know nothing of. I'll wait on you, Sir George.
Sir Geo. A third Person may not be proper perhaps; as soon as I have dispatch'd my own Affairs, I am at his Service. ”