Thomas Jefferson Ritter

“ THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GUEST. If it is the duty of the hostess to be attentive to the comfort of her guest, there is quite as much obligation resting on the guest to show a disposition to be pleased and to make herself agreeable. Some women—young girls more particularly—seem to think too much cannot be done for their entertainment. They make themselves burdensome by their wish to have "something doing" all the time. The visitor who conveys the impression that she is neglected unless some festivity is in the immediate future easily becomes tiresome. ”

“ The conduct and health of our women represents the life of our nation; individually, in a measure at least, health governs the happiness of the home. Steele says: "All a woman has to do in this world is contained within the duties of a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother." But how many girls grow to womanhood untaught; enter wifehood in ignorance, and assume motherhood wholly unprepared for the duties that are thrust upon her. ”

“ A drunken father may impel epilepsy, madness or idiocy in the child. Ungoverned passions, from love to hate, from hope to fear, when indulged in overmuch by the parents, may unloose the furies of unrestrained madness in the minds of the children. "The insane may often trace their sad humiliation and utter unfitness for life's duties back through a tedious line of unrestrained passion, of prejudice, bigotry, and superstition unbridled, of lust unchecked, of intemperance uncontrolled, of avarice unmastered, and of nerve resources wasted, exhausted, and made bankrupt before its time. ”

“ For one's own peace of mind, one should learn the art of good manners.
A Matter of Habit.—Manners, like everything else in life, must be learned by rule, the only possible exception being in the case of those who have been brought up in what we call our best society, where what to do and how to dress and behave have been matters of habit from earliest childhood. When once the rules of etiquette are firmly fixed, they become instinctive and are obeyed unconsciously. The individual then has "good manners." No one can be easy and graceful who must stop to think how to do things. ”

“ To try to vaccinate one's self or one's family is poor economy, for it often results not only in a waste of money and of time, but in a false and dangerous feeling of security. To trust to vaccination by nurses and midwives is equally foolish. A well-educated and experienced physician has the skill, and the special knowledge necessary to the best judgment on all of the questions involved, without which the operation may be a failure or worse than a failure. ”

“ An assent, given grudgingly, is always ungracious.
Take note of this quotation: "Life is like a mirror. It reflects the face you bring to it. Look out lovingly upon the world and the world will look lovingly in upon you." ”

“ No woman need hesitate at inviting a few friends to have luncheon with her. She may prepare a simple meal, and if it is nicely served and she herself gives the cordiality and the conversational impetus that "keeps things going," her guests will find it enjoyable. She may adopt as much of the regular method of serving as befits her home and its resources, but she must make her table as beautiful as possible, and she must not serve "stewed hostess." ”

“ Most parents make the mistake of believing their children as absorbingly interesting to other people as they are to them, and bring them forward so prominently that they become tiresome. A good rule is for the mother to allow children to greet the visitor and then send them away to their play. The spectacle of a little child primly seated on a chair and "taking in" the conversation with eyes and ears is not wholly edifying; while to allow a child to hang on a visitor or monopolize the attention makes the youngster a nuisance. ”

“ If we are going to prepare food and use it as part of our diet, why should we not obtain the most of its value? Is that not true economy? For an example of this fact let us take eggs, one of our most common articles of diet. We commonly cook eggs to harden the white, or albumen, so as to make them more palatable. One common method of doing this has been to boil them. Through experiments it has been proven that boiling makes this albumen so hard to digest that our bodies get practically no value from it. ”

“ Such letters range from the naive inquiry of the unsophisticated girl as to whether it is "proper" to allow her "gentleman friend" to kiss her good night, up to the plaint of the novice who doesn't know how to make her spoons and forks come out even at a dinner-party. Here in America, where circumstances may lift a family from poverty and obscurity to wealth, with a position to win in a few brief years, the first great anxiety of those not "to the manor born" is to learn how to comport themselves in their new situation, and educate their children in correct behavior. ”

“ Persons frequently go "out of their mind" suddenly in this age, and upon recovering from acute dementia, the patient finds a great "vacancy of memory."
Chronic Dementia.—Shakespeare says, "Last scene of all, that ends this strange, eventful history, is second childishness and mere oblivion; sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."
"The Sans Everything."—Is the sad and hopeless obscuration by time or disease of the once bright, vigorous, scintillating mental powers of exhuperant and lusty youth. ”

“ Although woman's chief desire is to be beautiful, it is a historical fact that nearly every woman whose beauty has been renowned has either led an unhappy life or met a tragic fate. Strangely, too, the most famous attachments of which we have record have been inspired by women who were not only not beautiful, but who had some noticeable defect. So to be attractive, and to charm, it is not necessary to be beautiful. Beauty gives a woman a start in the race ”

“ There are many kinds of belles; she may make herself a belle of the home, a belle in out-door sports, a queen of the chafing-dish. Far better these humbler triumphs than neglect and unhappiness in the social world.
A girl looks forward to her debut with many joyous anticipations, but often finds her second social season a happier one than her first. She is more sure of herself, less shy and reserved; little things—the small mistakes made through ignorance—do not worry her so much ”

“ Were we to look up the meaning of the word hospitality in the dictionary, we would find it defined as the act of receiving and entertaining guests kindly, generously, and gratuitously, without expectation of reward.
According to such a definition, much that passes for hospitality in the social realm does not deserve the name. Society is a give-and-take arrangement, somewhat resembling the gift exchange we practise at Christmas. If you do not give you do not get; if you do not entertain you are not invited, unless it is understood that circumstances prevent your doing so. ”

“ Young America flouts the chaperon. The young girl of the middle class guesses she can "look out for herself," and knows "how to behave." Very often she doesn't know, and sadly demonstrates her lack of the knowledge of life and good sense that would enable her to avoid situations that create gossip. In European society the chaperon is indispensable and has an acknowledged and honored position. In America, young women ridicule the idea and young men are decidedly impatient of her presence. ”

“ If a house is on fire and one refuses to turn in an alarm until the fire has spread from cellar to garret, neither blame nor disparagement must be placed upon the fire department if it failed to save the burning house. So with cancer; if the public refuses or neglects to operate for cancer at the time when it can be eradicated, the public cannot censure or belittle surgery. A cancer is like a green and ripe thistle. ”

“ The social code which we call etiquette is no senseless formula. It has a meaning and a purpose. It is the expression of good manners, and good manners have been rightly called the minor morals. This is true in the sense that they are the expression of the innate kindness and good will that sum up what we call good breeding. As to its importance, Sir Walter Scott once said that a man might with more impunity be guilty of an actual breach of good morals than appear ignorant of the points of etiquette. ”

“ Many people are killed by well-intentioned ignoramuses. Do not whisper; the Lord save the patient who has a whisperer for a nurse. I cannot urge too strongly proper nursing in this disease. It is an absolute necessity. A nurse to be successful must have good sense and also must obey all directions. A diet is a necessity in this disease. The patient must not move any more than is absolutely necessary for his comfort. He must never try to help move himself. The muscles of the abdomen must remain lax and quiet. The danger, I think, is in the bowels. ”

“ THE ETIQUETTE OF THE HAT. The first rule a man should observe in regard to his hat is never to wear it in the presence of women, save in the open. If mothers would take the trouble to train their small sons to rigid observance of the rule of removing their head covering the moment they enter the house there would, be fewer adults guilty of this particular discourtesy, which is at once the greatest and the most common. One occasionally sees a man wearing his hat and preceding a woman down the aisle of a theatre. ”

“ A man can have no greater charm than that easy, unstudied, unconscious compliance with social forms which marks what we call "a man of the world"—the man who knows what a good manner requires of him in any situation, and does it quietly and with the grace of habit. ”

“ DRESS FOR ELDERLY WOMEN. The woman who has been "dressy" in her youth must curb her fancy as she grows older, and carefully avoid things that are "too young" for her. She may "love pink" or pale blue, and because she could wear it when a girl, unwisely clings to it in her fifth and sixth decades. A bedizened old woman dressed in a fashion suitable for one twenty years younger, is a sight more pitable than admirable. ”

“ COLOR OF THE HAIR.—Nature has suited the hair to the complexion in every case, and we cannot improve upon her idea of harmony. That is why any attempt to change the color is so unsatisfactory. The "bleached blonde" is always recognizable; so is the woman who dyes her faded locks in vain effort to retain her "youth." As the hair changes by natural processes the complexion changes to match it, so that we never get a chance to improve upon nature's handiwork. ”

“ PHYSICIANS' TREATMENT for Nervous Prostration.—The patient must be assured and made to believe that the disease is curable, but that it will take time and earnest help on the part of the patient. Much medicine is not needed, only enough to keep the system working well. Encouragement is what is needed from attendants. Remove the patient from the causes that produce the trouble, whether it be business, worry, over-study, too much social duties, or excesses of any kind. The patient must have confidence in the physician, and he must be attentive to the complaints of the patient. ”

“ There is an old saying that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." This contains much more truth than it would seem on the surface. Investigators who have made careful research into the divorce question, which has assumed such large proportions, state that if women knew more of the science of home making there would be fewer homes broken up. What man or woman either would not be utterly discouraged to come home day after day to poor meals and untidiness everywhere, conditions which in time bring poor health and disease. ”

“ Diet.—A person with heart disease should not bring on palpitation from over-eating or eating the wrong kind of food. Such a person dare not be a glutton. The diet must be simple, nutritious, but food that is easily digested. Any food that causes trouble must be avoided; starchy foods, spiced foods, rich greasy foods, are not healthy for such a person. The stomach must be carefully treated by such a patient. The bowels should move daily. The kidneys should always do good work and pass enough urine and of the right color and consistency. ”

“ There are reasons why everyone who is bitten does not contract the disease.
The location and character of the bite must be considered. Bites on the head, neck and hands have been recognized as more dangerous, from early times, and such bites produce fatal results quicker than do bites on other parts of the body, and the reason is largely due to the fact that the other parts of the body are more or less protected by the clothing, and this clothing prevents the entrance of so much poison into the system. Bites on the head give a high mortality rate and are rapidly fatal. ”

“ THE INFORMAL DINNER The informal dinner resembles the formal, save that fewer courses are served, the menu is simpler, and the decorations less elaborate. The serving is on the same order—a la Russe. If one is fortunate enough to have a maid who combines the experience of a waitress with the qualities of a good cook, by ingenious planning it is possible to serve six persons acceptably in the approved fashion. ”

“ BACHELOR HOSPITALITY. "A bachelor's life is a splendid breakfast; a tolerably flat dinner; and a most miserable supper."
Being a bachelor does not excuse a man from certain forms of hospitality. Many "society men" live in apartments, at the present time, and may entertain the ladies who have favored them with invitations; in fact, it is expected that a man who has often been entertained will reciprocate in some fashion. ”