Various

“ Earned a night's rest, and a longer Easter holiday than he has allotted to himself and us. Older he gets, the younger he seems. His work to-day should make the eight-hours' man blush. At bay in Downing Street since twelve o'clock with two hostile deputations. Came from Ulster and the City, resolved to beard Home-Rule Lion in his den. Alone he met them; one down, the other come on; no interval of rest; picked men from Ulster, Selected Captains from the City, surged around table at which he sat. ”

“ Among the Audience are—A London Aunt, and her Eldest Daughter, with a Cousin from the Country, who is just a little difficult to amuse; a Serious-minded Lady from Brixton, with a more frivolous Friend; a pair of Fiancés; and an Unsophisticated Father, with an Up-to-date little Daughter. An exhibition of "Pure Sleight-of-Hand" has just been given on the Stage.
The Serious Lady. Clever? Yes, my dear, it is clever enough, if that's all; but I never can quite reconcile my conscience to encouraging a fellow-creature to make a living by deliberate deception! ”

“ I think that is all I have to say about this Gentleman.
Flossie (to Jack, after he has returned to her side) . Jack, if you can't leave off having an original and inquiring mind, you must at least promise me one thing—it's very little to ask!
Jack. You know I'd do any blessed thing in the world for you Flossie,—what is it?
Flossie. Only to wear an elastic round your ears at night, Jack!
The Unsophisticated Father (at the conclusion of the exhibition, as the Missing Lady disappears with a bang, in full view of the Audience) . There, Vivvie; she's vanished clean away. ”

“ Are there very many of the present generation who have not read Sir Walter Scott's novels? If there be any—and there must be, or where would be the demand to occasion this new and admirably devised supply—let them at once put aside modern sensationalism, and commence Walter Scott as a study. The Baron knows personally one man of mature years, who has read neither Waverley nor several others of the series, and him he envies, for, as the student in question has already set himself to the task, he has the greatest literary pleasure of his life yet to come. ”

“ ADVERTISEMENT'S ADVERSARIES. ["A Society has been formed to deliver us from hideous advertisements."
The Saturday Review.]
O newly-formed Society, we note with admiration
The truly novel purpose which you seem to have at heart,
And with no little eagerness await its consummation,
When popular advertisements will shine as works of art. ”

“ He is young, ingenuous, not wholly lost to a sense of regard for his pastors and masters, lack of which is the curse of modern Youth. I believe Tommy respects me, and, only for the evil communications to which he is subject on the back bench, would work loyally with me in establishing the Arcade."
There was unwonted moisture in the Master Builder's eye as he turned round, and regarded the Member for King's Lynn what time he softly whistled to himself the old Jacobite air, "Tommy make Room for your Uncle."
Business done.—Vote of Censure moved by Prince Arthur ”

“ It's absolutely useless offering us these paltry inducements to betray the secrets of our skill. We are—we hope we may say it without undue pride—an All-Round Angler, and we are not going to be squared by a bait of that kind. ”

“ House of Commons, Monday Night, March 27.—The Lowther Arcade not getting on so well as thought when projected. The Master Builder been diligently at work, but result disappointing. On Friday he got terribly snubbed by Speaker. Comes up to-day to make personal explanation. That a bait at which House usually jumps; always ready to be amused, or interested with scandal about Queen Elizabeth and other persons. ”

“ Deprecate personal objection to expulsion, but suggest that such a course might, by preventing your getting employment in the Church, Army, or Bar, lead to your being on your parents' hands for life.
Q. When the time has all but arrived for your return to school, what should you do?
A. Promptly catch the whooping-cough, the influenza, or measles. You will then afford a sufficient reason for extending the length of your vacation indefinitely. ”

“ To-morrow they go down to Yorkshire, and thro' Easter Recess I shall be delivering, at various places, six speeches every night, I myself comfortably making holiday in Wales." "Thank you," I said; "but, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go home and go to bed." In truth, a little depressed. Here's a nice prospect for the holidays! Bad enough to have Members working off at public meetings speeches that had been closured in Commons. But if every man is, during the recess, to multiply himself by phonography, the last state of this country will be worse than the first. ”

“ Always be kind to Dumb Animals—their Lives are short, and should be made Happy and as Comfortable as possible—even at the cost of a little Temporary Discomfort to yourself.
BACK TO SCHOOL; Or, Doctor Blimber-Gladstone and his "Lit-tle Friends." (Dombeyish Fragments, with a smack of "The Mikado.")
Whenever a young gentleman was taken in hand by Dr. Blimber-Gladstone, he might consider himself sure of a pretty tight squeeze. The Doctor only undertook the charge of a limited number of young gentlemen at a time, but he had always ready a supply of "cram" for a hundred, on the lowest estimate ”

“ A. I have a rooted objection to such entertainments when the guests are of my parents' selection. However, I have no objection to a few fellows, say, like Smith Major, or Brown Minor, dropping in to supper on a Sunday.
Q. Assuming that the hour you mention is your parents' favourite time for peace and quiet, does such an invasion suggest any reflection?
A. No. If my parents have become slow during my enforced absence from home in the search of knowledge, it is time they should have the benefit accruing from contact with my revivifying characteristics. ”

“ Jack, resignedly, mounts the platform, and occupies a chair, in which he blinks and smiles in feeble confusion, while the Professor studies his features dispassionately.
The Lady Phys. The first thing to notice is the disposition of the ears. Now here we have a Gentleman whose ears stick out in a very remarkable manner. ”

“ This denotes an original and inquiring mind; this gentleman takes nothing on trust—likes to see everything for himself; he observes a good deal more than he ever says anything about. His nose is wide at the tip, showing a trustful and confiding disposition; it has a bump in the centre, denoting a moderate amount of combativeness. The nostrils indicate a keen sense of humour. (Here Jack giggles bashfully.) ”

“ Who's that? (A small male shadow, cast by the performer's right hand, crosses the screen, and knocks timidly at the door, which is opened by the left hand, in the character of a little Lady. The couple embrace effusively, and retire inside.) ”

“ Some disposition shown by practical Members to argue question whether there could be twelve hundred days in any week, even in Leap-Year.
"I know I'm right," said Macfarlane, and the sceptics, gazing respectfully at his flowing beard, withdrew from controversy.
House divided on Motion by Legh to reduce Foreign Office Vote. Ministerial majority run up at a jump to 225. Time by Westminster clock, 6.10 P.M.; in twenty minutes, sitting will be suspended; Vote must be through Committee to-day; Tommy Bowles (who hasn't made a speech for a quarter of an hour) on his feet ”

“ If I thought that was the—— (The first male shadow comes out, and fights the second, who retreats, worsted.) I never saw anything so scandalous. How you can call yourself consistent, and sit there and laugh at such things——! ”

“ We never keep one on the premises. Try personal interview with W. T. Stead, who has a fine selection, Julia being specially effective. Why do you ask if we generally spin? Not having been born a top, we prefer walking. ”

“ Would there be any objection to this? Perhaps some legal reader would reply. Also, is it a fact that Messrs. Balbert and Hurlfour have started a model Colony, on entirely new and philanthropic lines, in Mexico, and are inviting English settlers (unconnected with the "Liberator" Society) to join them there, the prospectus of the scheme being headed:—"By kind permission of the Public Prosecutor"?—Prophylactic. ”