Various

“ The MacGregor has done him at last, done him hopelessly. Since the present Parliament met, he and The MacGregor have run pretty evenly, neck and neck in race to show what Scotland can do in this way when it concentrates its mighty mind on the effort. In former times Ireland had monopoly of the Crank as he was returned to Parliament. Scotch Members preserved traditional reputation of their country as the home of dour-headed businesslike men. Weir standing alone would have sufficed to tear this fable to tatters. The MacGregor unaided would have confounded the tradition. ”

“ Scene—The Sands at Baymouth, where some pony and horse races are being run. By the Grand Stand, and under the wall of the esplanade, about a dozen bookmakers, perched on old packing-cases, are clamouring with their customary energy. The public, however, for some reason seems unusually deaf to their blandishments and disinclined for speculation, and the bookmakers, after shouting themselves hoarse with little or no result, are beginning to feel discouraged. ”

“ McCarthy, requesting the daughters of Illinois "not to accept the hand in marriage of any person who is not a citizen of the United States, as we are of opinion that the daughters of Illinois should be patriotic in their views, and should disregard the title of any foreigner, and marry none but a citizen of the United States." ”

“ Claude. How can you be so unkind, and yet look such a perfect angel!
Muriel. I feel exactly like St. Cecilia when I am playing the organ.
Claude. And I feel like St. Anthony, Miss Vane.
On the Terrace.
Alan. To get right away from people, to take a drive together, and bathe our heads in the golden sunlight! In secret! Do—do let us, Mrs. Travers!
"Bathing her head in the golden sunlight."
Viola. It would be nice! Albert is going to town for the day, and the Averidges are going for an excursion.... But what could we drive in? ”

“ Says the Courier of that important locality, "It was Liverpool which educated London in the matter of child-protection, and probably the Londoners could still learn in Liverpool many practical lessons. And just when Liverpool is about to be trebled in extent, and have its population largely increased, seems a singularly inappropriate time to subordinate the city to London." From this it would appear that Liverpool in its growth is becoming, to use a colloquialism, "too big for its boots." Surely the benefit of the children should be the first consideration. ”

“ Kindly hold up once again the veracious mirror, that we may see ourselves as others see us. We are so apt to be blind to our own national defects, unless the impartial observer, like yourself, throws a flood of light upon our idiosyncrasies. ”

“ The combination of talent was irresistible, overpowering in its force of conviction.
Between these eminent men there has been, from the first, a feeling of generous rivalry. The MacGregor, as befitted the riper genius, has been more successful in concealing it. Whenever he has put a question about the Crofters, Weir has managed to drop in with supplementary inquiry. His name appearing in the report, watchful Scotia would take note that The MacGregor was not the only one of her sons who, in a foreign land, cared for her interests. ”

“ Father Neptune was kind when he gave them a Shrimp:
For a Shrimp on the grass is most worthy of rhyme,
When he makes a firm stand, but gets runs all the time.
The inhabitants of Christmas Street in Bristol want to have their thoroughfare laid with wood paving. At present, according to an indignant correspondent, "the pitching in the street is so bad that it is positively dangerous for vehicular traffic ... but the risk to life and limb are entirely subservient to the parsimonious policy of our Bristol Sanitary Authority." ”

“ Business done.—The MacGregor shakes the dust of the House of Commons from off his feet. In disordered state of things that followed, paralysed Government escaped defeat in Committee on Welsh Disestablishment Bill by narrow majority of nine.
Tuesday.—Surely never was such a place in the world as House of Commons for bifurcations. Within memory of man there was a time when, of two sides of the political highway, Liberals trod one, Conservatives paced the other. ”

“ For it is obviously better that the daughters of Illinois should marry than that they should waste away with an unbridaled (let the spelling pass) desire for a title.
At Oxford on Wednesday last the University beat Somerset by one wicket, mainly owing to the admirable batting of Mr. H. D. G. Leveson Gower, popularly known as "The Shrimp." ”

“ I want yer all to win. I like to see yer bright and shining faces around me; I like the friverolity and reckereation and the conviverality of the thing, that's all. I'll tell yer how it is. I've a rich ole aunt, and she puts fifty pound into my 'ands, and sez, "Jacky," she sez, "I love those dear Baymouth people, and I want you to take this 'ere money and lay it out among 'em in moieties, and make 'em rich and 'appy." You can see for yourselves. ”

“ Derby Dampers. Having no invitation to join a company on a drag. Having no money to pay for a railway ticket to the course. Having no friends rich enough or rash enough to advance a trifle on account. Having no notion of the betting and no knowledge of the horses engaged. Having no time, no money, and last, but not least, no inclination.
"All Noddin'."—The Western Daily Mercury records that the New Woman has broken out in a new place—as A Lady Auctioneer. Woman at all times has known how to go it hammer and tongs. Advanced Femininity drops the tongs, but sticks to the hammer. ”

“ I wish to complain of the prevalence in all our West-End Co-operative Palaces of that annual pest, appropriately called "the Club Sweep." Why should it be allowed to prosper? It is a disgrace to civilisation. ”

“ Enemy dumbfounded and bothered to see our athletic warriors jumping over one another's heads, turning somersaults, and finally heaping themselves up into pyramids—a real Egyptian puzzle this—with hero at apex waving flag. Why, a whole army of fiercest enemies would take to their heels rather than fight with these dancing dragoons, and hosts of Mussulmans would flee before such men of muscle. ”

“ Sydney Buxton, in his most Severe-Young-Man-manner, informed the not quite Blameless Bartley that Brassey not yet set out to undertake Governorship of Victoria because he is not yet Governor. Hopetoun's term does not expire till September, and unless it were desired to run the risk of a sort of colonial Box and Cox scene, it would be well he should await the due date of his succession.
Bartley blushed, said nothing—at least, not aloud. To himself muttered, "They may say what they like; but, after all, bashfulness is the best policy." ”

“ The picture of Bray keeping pace and marching with the times by walking round its own head is too confusing for the intelligence of the dense Saxon.
An article in the Scotsman declares that "a great laxity of costume is characteristic of modern Oxford." Straw hats and brown boots appear to abound everywhere. It is added that "Bowlers are already beginning to be preserved as relics of a bygone race." This will be glorious news for the Cambridge Eleven, for a merely preserved bowler cannot be very dangerous. ”

“ Three horses have started; the favourite has led to the turn and then bolted up the shingle, but, as the tide has come in and almost covered the course, and the other two horses by declining to face the water have let him in again, he wins after an exciting finish, up to the girths in sea-water; and such bookmakers as have succeeded in obtaining patronage are paying up with as much cheerfulness as they can command.
First Bookmaker (to eager backer) . Wait a bit, my boy, wait a bit, the number hasn't gone up yet, my son. ”

“ But if it ain't his bloomin' fault for his sport-'ating 'umbug, I'm blowed.
Sport? Sport's in the blood of a gentleman! Cocktails ain't fly to the fun
Of landing a bit off a pal. Lor! a bet, on a 'orse or a gun,
Mykes friendship and life reglar flavoursome! 'Ow could your true sportsman care
For a drive through green lanes to the Derby without a small flutter when there? ”

“ Might I suggest Yule logs as an appropriate pavement for Christmas Street? Certainly this accident policy of the Bristol Sanitary Authority ought to be allowed to lapse.
I gather from a letter in the Freeman's Journal that Bray is not being well treated by the Bray Township Commissioners. "If Bray is to march with the times," says the writer, "and keep pace with the laudable efforts of our Tourist Development Association," something must be done to improve the walk round Bray Head. ”

“ Mr. Sam Satchell (whom the apathy of the public has apparently reduced to a state of defiant buffoonery) . Even money Daredevil, you rascals! And why the blazes don't ye take it? Come on. I'll take two little bits o' twos that Kitty don't win! Four to one against ole bread-and-butter Tommy, over there in the corner! [pg 257] Eleven and a 'alf to three quarters to two against Kitty. "What har the Wild Waves say-hay-ing?" Two Kitties to three Daredevils against a bloomin' goat-chaise! On the Baymouth Durby I'm bettin'! ”

“ Bookmakers (antiphonally) . Evens on the field! Three to one bar one! Five to one bar two! Six to one bar one! Even money Beeswing! Six to one Popgun! Come on 'ere. Two to one on the field! What do you want to do? ”

“ Git along with yer, yer artful ole puss, then, and don't keep gentlemen away as wants to bet! (To a Yeomanry trooper.) Come along, my ole soldier-boy, give it a name! (His old soldier-boy declines to give it any name, and passes on.) Call yerself a warrior bold, and afraid o' riskin' 'alf-a-crown! Why, yer Queen and country orter be ashamed o' yer! (As a young farmer in riding-gaiters come up, with the evident intention of business.) Ah, you don't forget the old firm, I see.... What, four to one not good enough for you? You won't get no better odds, go where you like! ”

“ Shawn't get no roast baked and biled this journey, eh?
Second B. (with deep disgust) . They ain't got no money! Baymouth's going down. Why, this might be a bloomin' Sunday-school treat! Blest if I believe they know what we're 'ere for! ”

“ We'll be orf to the sunny south! (To a stranger who comes up to him.) Why, Uncle, you don't say it's you! How well you're looking! Shake 'ands and 'ave a bit on, jest for ole sake's sake! (The stranger proceeds to introduce himself as the Secretary, and to demand a fee.) What! pay you five shillins for standin' 'ere wastin' my time and voice like this? Not me! Why, I aint took two blessed sorcepans since I bin 'ere! (The Secretary remains firm.) I won't do it, my boy. Not on prinserple, I won't. I wouldn't give you five shillins not if your tongue was 'anging down on to your boots—so there! ”

“ Kitty I'm barring. Thank you, Sir; 'alf-a-crown to seven and six on Sportsman. I tell you candidly—you've got the winner. The favourite won't win. Now, then, all you others, where's your Baymouth pluck? ”

“ Sech a treat to see all the people enjoyin' theirselves without any o' the silly speculation yer do find sometimes on occasions like this! (He accepts the bottle his friend passes, and drinks.) 'Ere's better luck to us all! ”

“ Then corner (stall) man picks up lorgnette case, fortunately empty; whereupon the Bold Bevignani's bâton is once more in motion, and everyone is "as they were." Arimondi and Pini-Corsi earn a big encore for duet and dance. Mr. David Bispham with Madame Amadi, as Milor' and Miladi, speaking English and queer Italian, do good service. Fra Diavolo-Lucia excellent, and Miss Marie Engle (who naturally quite understood Milor' and Miladi when speaking Engelish) a charming, sprightly Zerlina. Revival decided hit.
Wednesday.—Verdi's opera, Falstaff. ”