Various

“ If he were a Commoner, might even be called incoherent. Being a Peer, some forty or fifty other Peers sat through twenty minutes with polite assumption of listening. But there is a substratum of human nature even in the Peerage. When Denman, à propos of the Municipal Franchise in Ireland, began to talk about Columbus's egg, there was a murmur of impatience; when he slid into the Panama Canal the murmur grew to a shout. Awhile, amid stormy cries for the Division, the House of Lords resembled the House of Commons.
After brief struggle with unwonted elements, Denman resumed seat ”

“ What he saw then had led him to believe, he said, that the lot of one who preserves the boots of the public from mud is not all beer and skittles. He had, however, formed a very exalted idea of the dignity of the calling to which they all belonged. It is, of course, well known that the Noble Earl owed his rise from the position of broom-holder to an opportune legacy from an old lady, whom he saved, at the risk of his own life, from being ground to powder by a runaway costermonger's barrow. ”

“ I answer, 'by constantly studying the best models.' When I was quite a small boy I used to polish all the boots within reach, and I well remember my father humorously remonstrating with me, when he found me blacking an old pair of worsted slippers given him by my mother. There is a method of breathing on some boots and of spitting on others, which can only be acquired by long practice. A large boot with many knobs, is best for a beginner."
Next I addressed my inquiries to George Brewsher, more generally known under his nick-name of Dandy Geordie. No man has a wider reputation. ”

“ But with a Peer of the Realm, a hereditary legislator, a personage whose vote might in certain conceivable circumstances suffice to throw out a Bill which had received sanction of House of Commons, it is, as Granville says, une autre paire de manches. If anyone whispered that Denman had a tile off, whither would the admission lead us? A Peer is a man—or rather, a Being—of a special, superlative order. ”

“ Whenever you see a well-blacked boot in the street, in the counting-house, or in the sanctity of home, fix your eyes upon it. Thus you will learn, and may in time black boots as well as I do myself.
(N.B.—George writes the most extronery fine English, I'm told, and o' course 'e wants the young 'uns to do the same. Same with me and the boots.—B. the B.)
My first answer is from James Huggins, who as is well-known, polishes the foot-coverings of the innumerable visitors who throng to the Transcontinental Hotel. He says, "you ask me how I acquired my unquestioned ability as a blacker. ”

“ The line of carriages bound for Buckingham Palace is moving by slow stages down the Drive. A curious but not uncritical crowd, consisting largely of females, peer into the carriages as they pass, and derive an occult pleasure from a glimpse of a satin train and a bouquet. ”

“ In putting these notes together, I have been animated solely by the desire to enable those, whom motives of self-interest, or of ambition, or the irresistible impulse of innate genius, may induce to enter upon the profession of blacking, to acquire by living examples of acknowledged ability, a true and genuine perfection in the art. ”

“ No doubt they are yelping and yapping like mad;
In such hobbles cantankerous spleen lands—rous spleen lands.
I peacefully sprawl on the turf, and am glad;
The Blue Devils never reach Greenlands—reach Greenlands. ”

“ Show how to re-construct a series of Companies (on the square) , with a million capital, within two months of formation, in such a way that the Shareholders get nothing, and still remain liable for future calls. Is the root of the above operation to be found in defective legislation?
[pg 264]
THE ART OF BLACKING BOOTS. Dear Mr. Punch,
You'll be glad most likely to hear what's going on in the boot-blackin' world, of which I'm now a honarery member, havin' bin thirty-five years at it come next Chrismas, and now retired to Camberwell to do the rest of my life easy. ”

“ Why are persons sometimes killed by leaning over beer-vats? Because vats, when beer has been made, contain large quantities of carbonic acid gas, produced by the vinous fermentation of the beer; and when a man incautiously leans over a beer-vat and inhales the carbonic acid, he is killed thereby. ”

“ Old Morality belongs to us. He is a peculiar growth of the House of Commons, unique, unprecedented, unapproachable, never fully to be understanded of, or appreciated by, the people."
Business done.—Battling round Budget Bill; sat all night, and far into morning.
Going down to the House.
Tuesday.—Cadogan in good time at House of Lords to-day. Denman got first place with Motion for Second Reading of his Bill extending Municipal Franchise in Ireland. Cadogan to move rejection of Measure in name of Government. ”

“ Fortunately the Opera is considerably curtailed, or we should never hear the last of it.
Saturday.—Il Trovatore. Great night for "the big, big D",—that is, for "the high D," on which the new tenor, M. Rawner, alights with a sudden bound that electrifies the house. His "high D" is quite an Eiffel tour de force. Henceforth M. Rawner must be known as "the High D-iddle-diddle" tenor, and His Highness will be expected to sustain his high reputation. ”

“ Many fine faces here to-day. The sight of the ladies exceeding noble.
"Harmony in Black and White."
A new wench, Mlle. Nuovina, to sing for the first time, taking the part of Marguérite in the Opera of Faust, which she did prettily and quietly. Curious to see a Marguérite with jet-black hair and a white face; yet comely and with much grace.
Everyone extraordinarily content with Mons. Jean de Reszké, the best Faust that did ever sing and play this part. But vexed to see one M. Orme Darrall act Mephistopheles in the room of Edouard de Reszké, who, poor man, is sick. ”

“ Finally, if a man standing six foot two in his stocking-feet is to a bank holiday as a six-inch collar is to a pork-pie, how comes it that a tartan waistcoat and a pair of green plush trousers cost five shillings and sixpence per square inch? ”

“ House pretty full when Denman appeared at table in position of Leader of Opposition. An ordinary Member not connected with either present or late Government, usually speaks from Bench on which he is accustomed to sit. Denman preferred conveniences of table. Most interesting speech, what could be heard of it. Good deal about Sir Robert Peel; occasional reference to Palmerston; some reminiscences of early journey in railway-carriage in Stephenson's time; a passing remark as to the weather, and probable state of the crops on this day six months. ”

“ I see that especial care is taken to prevent the room being filled with more lunchers than it can hold with comfort to each individual customer, by an apparatus which automatically closes the door when every seat is full. ”

“ Another carriage passes, the coachman and footmen of which are undecorated.
First C. C. Shime!—they might ha' stood yer a penny bunch o' voilets between yer, that they might!
The Sardonic L. 'Ere 's a swell turn-out and no mistake—with a couple o' bloomin' beadles standin' be'ind! There's a full-fed 'un inside of it too,—look at the dimonds all over 'er bloomin' old nut. My eye! (The elderly dowager inside produces a cut-glass scent-bottle of goodly size.) Ah, she's got a drop o' the right sort in there—see her sniffin at it—it won't take 'er long to mop up that little lot! ”

“ Your brain sends a message through your nerves, and then you set to work, movin' the extenser mussels and the glutyus maksimus, and there you are." Well, I thought about that a lot, and on the top of it I got 'old of a book called the Art of Authorship, by Mister George Bainton, who's agoin' to teach everybody 'ow to write things pretty and proper, and make no end of money out of it. Pr'aps, thinks I to myself, there's more in blackin' boots than meets the eye. ”

“ With that abundant kindness as so distinguishes him, the Lord Mare acshally hintroduced me to the Ero of the Heavening, who kindly shook hands with me, and hoped as how as we shood meet again, which I can quite bleeve if he thinks as it allers includes reel Turtel Soup, and setterer. Rayther different living to what he has bin accustomed to for 3 years parst, pore Feller! They tell me as he as bin to the Mountins of the Moon. ”

“ Fact is, Sir, there's a many young 'uns come on, and scarcely sufficient boots for 'em to get a livin out of, more partikler with them new yaller boots, which is pison to the honest boot-black. So thinks I to myself, I've bin polishin' a long time and knows all the tricks of it, why shouldn't I lend a 'and to them as is startin'. ”

“ Indeed, the key-note to the raison d'être of the Five O'Clock Tea Bonnet Company will be found in the happy combination of High-class social intercourse, with a satisfactory adhesion to the principles of ordinary West-End shopkeeping. No special prices will be attached to the articles sold, but they may be regarded on the whole, considering the advantageous social circumstances under which they are established, as generally a little in advance of those asked at the leading Professional West-End Establishments of a similar kind. ”

“ After this has lasted for some time, it is usual for the water-carts to make their appearance."
"A Manchester Mother" makes the following pertinent observations on the fashions prevailing amongst men at the present day. "Why," she asks, "should some men prefer boots with buttons, while others like their boots laced? Why again should it be considered right for some men to wear dark blue overcoats, and for others to wear black? ”

“ Bill thrown out, and with regained equanimity noble Lords turned to next business. To their horror, Denman up again at table; forgotten to mention a particular circumstance connected with Columbus's egg. "Perhaps their Lordships——" But this too much. ”

“ Pease (with Honour) .
"The difference is," said Prince Arthur, speaking with embarrassed air, as if the distinction was dragged out of him, "that the result of the meeting addressed by Irish Members was to produce intimidation, whilst the result of the other was, I should say, nil."
If James Stuart Allanson Tudor Picton had only lived in the times of his great predecessor, and wielded his power, Prince Arthur would forthwith have been conducted to Tower Hill, and shortened by a head. Why he (James, &c.) ”