Various

“ Then I looked into the heavens above me, and behold, high above the esplanade hung a hand, enormous as the one that had set its marks on everything below, but white, white; and it held a brush and wrote until the sky was full of signs, and they had form and colour, but not of this world, and those who ran could read them.
And I bought a shell-box and a bath bun, and closed my eyes, and lay musing in an agony of soul. Suddenly I felt the pain snap, and something grow in me, and I saw in my soul's dawning the great half-opened shell of a strange oyster. ”

“ Holding sheaf of notes firmly in left hand, deftly turning them over with the hook that serves him for right hand, the old salt read his speech on Naval Works Loan Bill. Here and there, when he observed restless movement in any part of House, fired off phrase about "forty-shilling freeholder," "occupation votes," "rural constituencies," "re-distribution," "country going to the dogs," "jerrymandering," and "right hon. gentleman opposite." Scheme worked admirably; speech reeled off, and Squire of Malwood's knavish trick confounded.
Business done.—One Man One Vote Bill brought in. ”

“ It was useless to defend the bathing-machines; the donkeys and their drivers were no match for heavy ordnance. What could the few coast-guardsmen do when threatened by five hundred Nicaraguans?
"Herne Bay must surrender!" murmured the Midshipman in his sleep. "There is no help for it."
And then came a strange sight. The search-lights of the Nicaraguan fleet played upon the sea front, and the little garrison of Herne Bay retired towards Birchington and Margate. The Band (lent from the Militia) marched away, followed by the heavy cavalry of the bathers, and the Uhlan-like donkeys of the sands. ”

“ Stacy Marks, R.A., would at once recognise those of that distinguished humourist in bird-painting. "Is there wisions about?" will the puzzled visitor quote to himself, and then boldly advancing, hat in hand, to be soon replaced on head, he will come face to face with the biggest picture in the Academy, covering almost the entire wall. ”

“ FROM CORINTO TO HERNE BAY. (An Anglo-Nicaraguan Parallel.)
The young Midshipman looked towards Corinto. The public buildings were still within range of the monster guns. The select army of one hundred and fifty had retired before the advance of the blue jackets and marines. All was tranquil, and, as he gazed upon the Nicaraguan capital, his eyes closed, and he dreamed a dream. ”

“ Henry spontaneously sings a Lullaby of Brahms'. Stops in middle to see what they all think of it. They all think a lot of it. Goes on singing. Only Eliza goes on thinking a lot of it. Others talk quite loud, Romeo being a Town Blood. Henry finishes, under conviction that they have no manners to speak of. Mind wanders off to the leading lady in his new piece, and he drops inadvertently into 'Daisy' waltz. Eliza waits for second wind. Romeo grapples with Mary Ann, the latter reluctant. She is rapt away in mazy whirl, kicking feebly. ”

“ THE LOSS OF THE GALLERY. (A Fragment from the Chronicles of St. Stephen's.)
"But must I give up this comfortable furniture?" asked the poor person, looking at the venerable chairs, some of which were distinctly rickety.
"You must, indeed," replied firmly, but still with a certain tenderness, the stern official.
"But I can nearly hear what they are saying," urged the fair petitioner.
"I cannot help it."
"And all but see them," and once again she peered through the grille.
"I am forced to obey my orders," returned the official. "You applauded. You clapped your hands—and you must retire." ”

“ Rest assured, dear Madam," continued the Duckling, "that so soon as we have sifted this matter to the bottom for ourselves, we shall act on the knowledge of it, according as our experience may suggest to us; but for the present, at any rate, we prefer to remain where we are."
And so saying, the Duckling, accompanied by the rest of the brood, turned his back on his natural element, and returned forthwith to the poultry-yard. ”

“ A piece of sculpture—say, a Venus—in a harmonious costume of striped black and pink might pass. But the addition of a picture hat trimmed with pink roses is surely fatal.
A NASTY ONE.
Disgusted Sculptor. "So you've got the Line in Two Places, have you? Hang me if I don't give up Art, and go in for Painting!"
AT THE BANQUET, SATURDAY, MAY 4.
Chair of absent President ably filled by Sir John Millais, who, pluckily struggling against evidently painful hoarseness, made, in returning thanks, an exceptionally graceful, touching, and altogether memorable speech. ”

“ That men should cherish the outside and insides of their bodies, and keep them clean, like precious vessels of brass and copper. Rather to let the picturesque perish than forget for a moment which is the best soap for the complexion, and which will not wash clothes. ”

“ His first and only Bill. Of course he might argue if we have one man one vote, one Bill one Bill is all right. Yes; but, as Sark with his keen mathematical instinct points out, this is a case of two Bills—Bill, the Member for Leek, and a Bill to empower magistrates to prohibit the sale of intoxicating liquors to persons previously convicted of drunkenness. That is obviously a plurality of Bills. But we are getting hopelessly mixed. The only man among us who sees clear is John William. ”

“ Gifted musician obliges with a pot pourri of 'Parsifal,' Romeo absently whistling the trombone part.
Mary Ann. Ripping! Now something classical. Let's have 'After the Ball.' Come on, Romeo, we'll waltz; push back the fire-place. (They push back the fire-place; Romeo grasps Mary Ann, and they revolve. He kisses her on the cheek l. c.) ”

“ Why do they, without exception, look as if they were off to a funeral, or had just seen themselves in the glass? Are there no other colours in the land but dull green, steel-blue, ink-purple, and brick-red? Why do I immediately want to commit suicide after studying these masterpieces? Why doesn't Psyche cheer up a bit, even though she is going to be married? She wasn't a νέα γυνή, I'm sure!
Why does the dog in Mr. Holman Hunt's picture look as if it had softening of the brain? and why do I pass on hurriedly to the next picture? ”

“ Mary Ann (rendered completely breathless) . It's not like real dancing when you only hum!
Henry. Can't play and dance at same time, you know. Piano too stationary. So you must take Romeo on again, or go without. ”

“ But for intervention of table they would probably have flung themselves into each other's arms and sobbed aloud.
"Thus," said Prince Arthur, himself not unaffected by the scene, "doth one touch of nature make Chancellors of the Exchequer kin." ”

“ Canterbury flattered, but, fluttered, lost his chance. His Royal Highness's speech brief, comprehensive, effective. Lord Rosebery entertaining. "The rest is silence," or better if it had been. No more at present. Good luck to the Academy Show of 1895.
[pg 222]
COLD COMFORT!
Aunt Phillida. "The last time I went to a grown-up Fancy Ball, I went as a Wasp. That was only Ten Years ago. I don't suppose I shall ever again go to a Fancy Ball as a Wasp!" ”

“ Had announced on Thursday that, at Monday's sitting, Naval Works Loan Bill would be proceeded with. Tommy accordingly clewed up, and ran for port; laying to for forty-eight hours, prepared speech on Naval Works. Now Squire calmly announced that Shipbuilding Vote was to be taken. What was Tommy to do with speech prepared on Naval Works Loans?
In despair yesterday; to-day bright idea struck him. Shaw-Lefevre had moved to introduce One Man One Vote Bill. Why shouldn't Tommy, flying that flag, run in and deliver his speech on Naval Works? A bold experiment ”

“ But they were there to play. "Well, let us play," he said, holding out both hands with gesture of invitation to Treasury Bench.
Proposal irresistible. House divided forthwith; Squire's motion carried by majority of 22; then, whilst half a dozen naval men talked water-tube boiler, Prince Arthur, Squire of Malwood, and picked company from either side went out behind Speaker's Chair to play. Such larks! To see Prince Arthur take in a stride "the backs" given him by the Squire of Malwood, with Cawmel-Bannerman next; to see John Morley seriously whipping a top ”

“ Hamlet (amended by Lord Farrar) .—"In my mind's eye, O ratio!"
[pg 220]
FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF THE ROYAL ACADEMY. A. R. AT THE R. A. (I.e., A Representative at the Royal Academy.)
No. 172. Couldn't 'e Padmore? By John S. Sargent, A.R.A.
Anyone arriving at Burlington House so early as to be the first person to pay his money and take his choice, will probably look straight before him, and will feel somewhat confused at seeing in the distance, but exactly opposite him, a dignified figure wearing a chain of office, politely rising to receive the early visitor. ”

“ What happened subsequently is not revealed by the artist who has so admirably depicted this effective scene, and whose name is Sir John Millais, Bart., R.A.
No. 368. Excellent likeness, by Mr. Arthur S. Cope, of the well-known and popular parson Rogers. A Parsona Grata. This typical old-fashioned English clergyman, who, in ordinary ministerial functions, would be the very last person to be associated with a "chasuble," will henceforth never be dissociated from a "Cope."
No. 491. A picture by Mr. ”