Various

“ Now we cleansers clean in the midst of dirt, in a dank, dark den, with a noisome air.
Sometimes I dream till the clouds of steam take the shadowy form of a spectral thing,
A tyrant terror that threatens our lives, whilst we rub and scrub, whilst we rinse and wring.
Well, cheer up, BET, girl, stiffen your lip, and straighten your back. You have finished your grub,
So to work once more; if our champions score, we may find a new end to this Tale of a Tub! ”

“ Not only enables me to retain my place in Government bringing in Free Education, but permits me, as CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER, actually to find the means for carrying out the system. Can't understand a fellow like this KNATCHBULL-HUGESSEN sticking to his principles when it becomes expedient to swallow them. ”

“ Penny Fares ain't no crimes,
If you arsk me, as did ought to know. Which my feelings I own it does rouge
To hear big-wigs a-sneering at 'Buses. There may be a bit of a scrouge,
And the smell of damp straw mixed with pep'mint ain't nice to a dalicot nose,
Likeways neat "Oh be Joyful's" a thing as with orange and snuff hardly goes.
But we ain't all rekerky nor rich, we can't all afford sixpence a mile,
And when we are old, late, and tired, or it's wet, we can't think about style. ”

“ The entire Cabinet are grieved at questions so frequently put to them—questions that are not only disquieting abroad, but a slur upon the intentions of men whose sole duty is the safety and peace of the British Empire. ”

“ PROVERBS PRO OMNIBUS.—Directly the Chairman of the General Omnibus Company observed that if the men's demands were conceded the fares would have to be raised, there was a rush to be the first out with the old proverb about Penny wise and Pound foolish. ”

“ What I arsk is, why shouldn't the 'Buses be kept a bit reglar, like Cabs,
In the matter of fares and of distances? Oh, a old woman it crabs
To hear of Perprietors pinching pore fellers as drive or conduck,
While the "Pirates" play up merry mag with the poor helpless fare, as gets stuck
Betwixt Dividend-grinders and Strikers? It ought to be altered, I say.
Whilst they talk of what 'Bus-folk should earn, they forget the pore Publick—who pay!
LE PRINCE S'AMUSE. An Apologetic Idyl.
My life is held to be a round of Pleasures ”

“ The 'Bus is the poor body's kerridge, young feller—and as for your talk
About not never missing a lift, or forgetting—dear sakes!—how to walk,
And the nice quiet streets and all that; why it's clear you ain't been a poor clerk
With a precious small "screw," in wet weather. Ah! ”

“ PORTRAIT OF A LITERARY FRIEND, WHO, LIVING IN A MAIN THOROUGHFARE, WAS AN ARDENT SUPPORTER OF THE 'BUS STRIKE, SUBSCRIBED TO ITS FUNDS, ADD HOPED IT MIGHT LONG CONTINUE. HE SAYS HE HASN'T HAD SUCH A QUIET TIME WITH HIS BOOKS FOR YEARS. BUT ALAS! SINCE LAST SUNDAY HE HAS NOT SMILED AGAIN.
MRS. GINGHAM ON THE GREAT 'BUS QUESTION.
"The demand for 'Buses is immensely stimulated by their presence, and when they are no longer there, the people who thought them indispensable get on very well indeed without them.... ”

“ For weeks past all the Conservative Ladies of Billsbury have been hard at work, knitting, sewing, painting, embroidering, patching, quilting, crocheting, and Heaven knows what besides, for the Bazaar in aid of the Conservative Young Men's Club and Coffee-Room Sustentation Fund. You couldn't call at any house in Billsbury without being nearly smothered in heaps of fancy-work of every kind. ”

“ Kick and back the 'bus on to the pavement. All the windows smashed by Company's men. Passengers get out. Somebody cuts the traces, and I allow myself to be led back to the stables. Don't care about this sort of fun. However, feed all right.
Tuesday.—Hear that the men want thirteen and sixpence a day and a seven hours' turn. Directors offer five and sixpence, and make the minimum seventeen hours. Go it, my hearties! Fight away! Who cares? You must feed me, that's quite certain. Still I don't care about being cooped up here all day. Nasty feeling of puffiness about the knees. Hang the strike! ”

“ However, "In for a penny" remains as heretofore, the employés having successfully gone "in for a Pound." Let them now "take care of the pence," and they may feel well assured that this particular POUND will be able to take care of himself. Well, farewell the tranquillity of the streets of last week! Henceforth not "chaos," but "'Bus 'os," has come again!
Nolens Volens.
Dear MR. PUNCH,—I hear that some people are in a great state of mind lest some blessed Bill brought in by the Government, should "destroy Voluntary Schools." What howling bosh! Why, there are no Voluntary Schools! ”

“ There's a angel got to come and carry her away fust—there, the door's opening, that'll be the angel come for it, I expect. (Disappointed.) No, it's only the doctor. (A jerky and obviously incompetent little medical practitioner puts his head in at the door, and on being motioned back by the bereaved mother, retires with more delicacy than might have been expected.) Well, he might ha' seen for himself if the child was dead! (The back of the bed disappears, disclosing a well-known picture of an angel flying upwards with a child.) ”

“ Under the influence of penny fares, Londoners are rapidly forgetting how to walk."—The Times.
Ah! it's all very fine, my good Sir, whosomever you are as writes such,
But of decent poor folk and their needs it is plain as you do not know much. ”

“ Wednesday.—Can't see what the omnibus people (both sides—Directors and employés) are quarrelling about. No matter of mine, and the Public are only too glad for a chance of a good walk. Fifty per cent. better since I have been obliged to give up the morning 'bus. Asked to-day to contribute something in support of the strikers. Certainly not, the longer the strike lasts the worse for the Public.
Thursday.—Really the present state of affairs is delightful. I have to thank the deadlock for teaching me to patronise the river steamboats. Pleasant journey from Vauxhall to the Temple for a penny! ”

“ London Laundry-woman, to her Tub-mate, loquitur:—
They tell us the Tub is humanity's friend, and that Cleanliness is of closest kin
To all things good. By the newest gospel 'tis held that Dirt is the friend of Sin.
Well, I'm not so sure that the world's far wrong in that Worship of Washing that's all the rage;
But we, its priestesses, sure might claim a cleanly life and a decent wage!
[pg 291]
Listen, BET, from your comfortless seat on the turned-up pail,—if you've got the time ”

“ It has been the policy of this great country for the last four years to steer clear of all embarrassing international complications. The other Great Powers are perfectly aware that, under no circumstances whatever, will our Army and Fleet be employed in taking part in the quarrels of our neighbours. ”

“ It's all very well for Capital and Labour to get at loggerheads, but, as DUCROW said, they must cut all their disputes short if they wish to save anything of their business, and look sharp, and "come to the 'osses." ”

“ Her father's speech so deeply affected this intelligent infant, who had come under the protection of her nurse, that she burst out into a loud yell and refused to be comforted. The Colonel's face was a study—a mixture of drum-head Courts-martial and Gatling guns. Mother got through with her little speech all right. As a matter of fact she read it straight off a sheet of paper, having finally decided that her memory was too treacherous. We both set to work and bought an incredible amount of things. ”

“ The motto of the Club is 'small profits and quick returns.' We find no difficulty in trading. As we carry on business on the most economical principles, we can quote prices even cheaper than the Stores. ”

“ THE FRUIT OF THE SESSION.
"To the bi-monthly exhibition of the Royal Horticultural Society the Marquis of SALISBURY sent a magnificent collection—of strawberries especially. Mr. W.H. SMITH showed specimens of the same luscious fruit, for which he received the thanks of the Society."—Daily Telegraph.
Head-Gardener SM-TH soliloquiseth:—
OHO! my beauty! If you don't get a fust prize, and "receive the thanks of the Society" I'm a cowcumber! "The Fruits of Early Industry and Economy." ”

“ Friday.—Strike continues. Well I do not complain. Hired a hansom and find that considering the cab takes you up to door, it is really cheaper in the long run. If you use an omnibus, you get jolted, and run a chance of smashing your hat. If it rains you get splashed and having to finish your journey on foot, you might just as well have walked the whole way. ”

“ Certainly there is an equally eminent man sitting opposite DYKE in House to-night, who like him is "Sir WILLIAM" to the present generation, and was VERNON HARCOURT to an elder one.
DYKE, under whatever name, done excellently well to-night. Holding comparatively minor appointment in Ministry, suddenly finds himself in charge of principal measure of Session. Handicapped, moreover, with recollections of time when he has uncompromisingly declared himself against the very principle he now embodies in Bill, and invites House to add to Statute Book. ”

“ Yesterday evening Mother arrived, with the usual enormous amount of luggage, including the inevitable Carlo. After dinner I heard her repeat the speech, which went off very well. This is it:—"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so pleased to be here to-day, and to have the opportunity of helping the dear Conservative cause in Billsbury. I am sure you are all so anxious to buy as many of these lovely things as you can, and I therefore lose no time in declaring the Bazaar open." Simple, but efficient. ”

“ Not the least striking thing in a book of rare value is the manner in which Mrs. OLIPHANT has acquitted herself in a peculiarly difficult task. No man would have had the restraining patience necessary to deal with the HARRIS episodes as she has done. ”

“ As has just overslep herself slightly, and can't git by cab or by rail.
"Ugly lumbering wehicles?" Ah! and we're ugly and lumbering too,
A lot of us poor Penny 'Bus fares, as isn't high-born or true-blue. ”

“ A HUMAN BOY.
MR. WELLER & CO., AND THE 'BUS STRIKE.—Mr. SUTHERST seems to occupy, as towards the 'Bus-drivers, a similar position to that filled by the eminent Mr. Solomon Pell, the general adviser, and man of business to the Elder Mr. Weller, and his professional coaching brethren. It is to be hoped that the Solomon Pell of the 'Bus-drivers has been treated as liberally as was the real Mr. Pell, the friend of the LORD CHANCELLOR, by Mr. Weller Senior, the Mottle-faced Man, and others. ”

“ A Cultivated Person. An execution—"put a penny in; bell tolls—gates open—scaffold shown with gallows. Executioner pulls bolt—black flag"—dear, dear—most degrading, shocking taste! (To his Friend.) Oh, of course, I'll wait, if you want to see it—not got a [pg 293] penny? Let me see—yes, I can lend you one. (He does; the penny is put in—nothing happens.) ”

“ And you don't have to put a penny in for that, either.
BEFORE ANOTHER BEDROOM SCENE REPRESENTING "THE DRUNKARD'S DELIRIUM."
First Woman. That's 'im in bed, with the bottle in his 'and. He likes to take his liquor comfortable, he do.
Second Woman. He's very neat and tidy, considering ain't he? I wonder what his delirium is like. 'Ere, ROSY, come and put your penny in as the gentleman give yer. (ROSY, aged six, sacrifices her penny, under protest.) Now, you look—you can't think what pretty things you'll see. ”

“ After suffering in this way for a week, he was told that he must leave Russian territory within twenty-four hours, or else continue his journey to Siberia. On being appealed to, the CZAR graciously extended the time given for quitting Russia to forty-eight hours. This Imperial clemency has caused the widest feeling of gratitude and satisfaction in France, and the signature of the definitive Alliance between the two countries is confidently expected at an exceedingly early date. ”