Various

“ Says a writer in The Daily Chronicle: "In one neighbourhood within the Zeppelin zone there are hundreds of partridges who defy the Defence of the Realm Act. Two or three hours before anyone else is aware that the baby-killers are approaching these bold birds go chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, as if there were an army of the more human sort of poachers about." Personally we have always felt that the section of the Defence of the Realm Act which forbids one to go chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, when the Zeppelins are approaching is superfluous as well as in inferior taste. ”

“ Lord Burnham recommended to them the example of the gentleman in the French Revolution, who always wore a gag in order to retain his self-control.
Lord Buckmaster, that "most susceptible Chancellor," made a very ingenuous defence of his colleagues. They were the unconscious victims of adroit interviewers, who obtained information from them by a process of extraction so painless that they did not know the value of what they were giving away.
It is time that these innocents were protected against themselves. A gag must in future be issued to every Minister with his Windsor uniform. ”

“ My dear Charles,—There comes a time in the life of the military motor when, owing to one thing or another (but mostly another) , it becomes a casualty and retires, on the ground of ill-health, to the Base. As such it is towed into the nearest workshops; but, before it departs to the Base there arrive, from all corners of the Army area, drivers of other similar motors, coming, as you might say, "for a purpose." ”

“ Birrell would escape the almost invariable fate of Irish Secretaries, and leave Dublin with his political reputation enhanced. When he had placed the National University Act on the Statute-book, thus solving a problem that had baffled his predecessors since the Union, he might have sung his Nunc Dimittis in a halo.
Perhaps he was not sufficiently ambitious to demand release; perhaps none of his colleagues was anxious to take his job; perhaps the Nationalist leader insisted on keeping him in the silken fetters of office as a hostage for Home Rule. ”

“ But can we positively state from the note of the blackbird at the bottom of the garden whether it has three, four or five eggs in its nest, or indeed if it is a house-holder at all? No, we cannot; but Brown can.
Even specialists, however, occasionally make mistakes. A day or two ago, just as dusk was falling, Brown entered my house in a state of considerable excitement and informed me that a pair of reed-warblers were building in my orchard. ”

“ And it is good to feel that his sympathies are so whole-heartedly on the right side. The first of the stories (the only one that has anything to do with the War) is a spirited yarn of the turning of the tables on a German secret service agent, with plenty of atmosphere and hurrying action. The rest are light studies of American life, of which I chiefly commend an extravaganza set in Hayti with a resourceful Yankee electrician, as hero, in conflict with the President in the matter of overdue wages ”

“ Red Hair began.
"No one wants to fight more," Black Hair put in.
"And we're very strong," Red Hair continued.
"I won a cup for lawn-tennis at Devonshire Park," Black Hair added.
"But," said Red Hair.
"Yes?" I replied.
"Don't you believe in some women being as strong as men?"
"Certainly," I said.
"Well then," said Red Hair, "that's [pg 310] like us. We are as strong as lots of men and much keener, and we want you to be kind to us and let us enlist."
"We'll never do anything to give ourselves away," said Black Hair; but, bless her innocent heart, she was giving herself away all the time. ”

“ Cynics indeed may find his perfection a little cloying, and may say with some justification that no human child ever radiated so much joy and happiness. All the same, this simple tale of childhood will appeal irresistibly to those who do not draw too fine a distinction between sentiment and sentimentality. ”

“ What would your people say?"
"We left word," said Red Hair, "that we were going off to do something for our country. They won't worry. Oh, please be kind and help us!"
Here all four of their beautiful eyes grow moist.
I could have hugged both of them, but I kept an iron hand on myself.
"You nice absurd creatures," I said, "do be reasonable. To begin with, passing the doctor is an absolute necessity. That shuts you out. But even if you got through how do you think you would be helping your country? All the men would be falling in love with you ”

“ I was quite certain in my own mind that there were no reed-warblers either, but I felt it would be impertinent for a layman like myself to argue with Brown.
"There!" he exclaimed, darting to the open window. "Can't you hear it?"
I listened. "Oh, that," I said; "that's——"
"The mating song of the male reed-warbler," interrupted Brown ecstatically. "Now, whatever happens, don't let them be disturbed. Don't even try to find the nest, or you may alarm them. Leave it all to me. I shan't have a free morning till Saturday, but there's no hurry. ”

“ But on the third night, when Andrews was hard at work, he was hailed by a policeman, who came along the lane at the side of the garden—it was an end house—and asked him what he was doing. When Andrews said that he was teaching his parrot to talk, the policeman, naturally suspecting that he was there for some felonious purpose, climbed over the wall and made a grab at him. It was a dark night, and, in trying to dodge the policeman, Andrews stepped into the well, which, according to his account, was ninety feet deep. ”

“ We should like to hear of something equally deadly to taxes.
"Miss Ruby Miller is in gorgeous green, to match her gorgeous red hair."—Sunday Pictorial.
It is perhaps just as well that some people, notably engine-drivers, do not see things in this way.
Chauffeur (ex-coachman, to master, who has been influenced by economy posters) . "A run or two now and again, Sir, would be good for the car. You see, if I might so express it, she's just eating her bonnet off." ”

“ Owing to a lack of the necessary dyes there will soon be no more red tape available for the War Office and elsewhere. It is to be hoped, however, that the familiar and picturesque salutation with which staff officers are in the habit of taking leave of one another, "So long, Old Tape!" will not be allowed to become obsolete.
Attention has recently been drawn to the number of strapping boys who are idling their time away in cinema houses in the absence of their fathers at the Front. ”

“ Number 2 grew out of Andrews's weakness for parrots. He had bought a parrot from a sailor, who told him that the best way to teach it to speak was to hang the cage in a well and repeat the words or phrases to it at 3 A.M. in the morning, so as to secure the greatest freedom from disturbance. Andrews was then employed in a brewery at Watford, and lived in a cottage with a strip of garden at the back. ”

“ It is the slightest possible thing, just a picture of a schoolboy's hopeless love for a shallow cruel-brained girl eight years older than himself, who is in process of getting engaged to an eligible bachelor. But every figure in the little group lives. ”

“ Later on, when the Prime Minister had introduced the new Military Service Bill, establishing compulsion for all men married or single, Colonel Craig made a vain appeal to Mr. Redmond to get the measure extended to Ireland. Nothing would do more to show the world that the recent rebellion was only the work of an insignificant section of the Irish people. ”

“ I doubt if there are many writers who would have finished off the story in her very satisfactory way. There is one quality characteristic of most of the tales—a feeling for middle-age in men and women; many of them seem to be variations upon the same theme of a love that comes by waiting. ”

“ Those who search for minor compensations have affected to find one in the idea that the actual happening of the World War has removed from us the old fictional scares, novels of German super-spies, and unsuspecting islanders taken unprepared. ”

“ Andrews's third and last escape was in the War. He was a reservist, went out early, saw a lot of fighting and came through without a scratch till last November, when his trench was rushed and he was taken prisoner. The front trenches at that point were only about forty yards apart, and before he was removed to the rear a British shell lit close to him and blew him back into his own lines. He was badly hurt and, after some months in hospital, was invalided out of the Army, but manages to do the light work I want all right. ”

“ Suppose the Polish inventor of German undersea craft to have been so stricken with remorse at the frightful results thereof that he determines to hand all his secrets to the English Government, in the person of a young gentleman who combines the positions of Cabinet Minister, son and heir to a great shipbuilder, and hero of the story ”

“ Have you thought for a moment what it would be like to find yourselves in barracks with the ordinary British soldier? He is a brave man and, when you meet him alone, he is nearly always a nice man; but collectively he might not do as company for you."
"But look at this," said Red Hair, showing me a newspaper-cutting about a group of Russian girls known as "The Twelve Friends," who have been through the campaign and were treated with the utmost respect by the soldiers. ”

“ A contributor to The Observer draws our attention to the phenomenally early return of the swifts. But after all there must be something particularly soothing about England these days to a neurotic fowl like a swift.
It is rumoured that Mr. Birrell has lately thrown off one of his obiter dicta—to the effect that Mr. Asquith and his colleagues have expressed an ambition to go down in the pages of history as the "Ministry of All the Buried Talents." ”

“ There can be no aftermath, we can aspire to no revival. The book which does not deal directly and crudely with the complexities of warfare and the various branches of strategy will, from Christmas onwards, not be published at all. ”

“ The Leader (British East Africa) .
We agree, but it would make a splendid halter.
[pg 306]
THE WAY OF THOMAS. Theory and Practice.
Scene.—Sand on the —— Frontier of —-. A Cavalry outpost recently arrived is sitting in a hollow in a vile temper, morosely gouging hunks of tepid bully beef out of red tins. Several thousand mosquitos are assiduously eating the outpost. There is nothing to do except to kill the beasts and watch the antics of the scavenger beetle, who extracts a precarious livelihood from the sand by rolling all refuse into little balls and burying them. It is very hot. ”

“ The Government welcomes any suggestion that may help to win the War. Mr. Eugene Wason's latest idea is that if the War Office and the Admiralty were to put their heads together they might make it easier for outdoor artists in Cornwall to obtain permits to pursue their studies, at present restricted, in military areas ”

“ Holt and other opponents of compulsion, and a lively defence from Mr. Lloyd George, who thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity, after a long silence, of being able to speak his mind without fear of complications with his colleagues. With examples drawn from France and the American Civil War he argued that compulsory service was an essential incident of true democracy. ”

“ Neither of us seeing his way to give in on these points, we had to think of some other solution.
"You mentioned the workshops just now," I said. "Were you going on to say that the officer in charge told you of another small car which was in trouble?"
"He did," said Signals.
"Same here," said I. "Did he then recommend you to get what you wanted off that other car?"
"He did," said Signals.
"Same here," said I. "And did you also ascertain that this officer in [pg 309] charge possesses a small car of his own rich in standard parts?" ”

“ Many women who are taking over men's work may not feel inclined to return to their former occupations after the War. Their work in that case will have to be done by men.
Ex-soldiers Waiting in the Consulting-boom of Their Panel Doctor To Be Treated for "housemaid's Knee."
Male nurse receiving the glad eye from a military man-killer.
THE SOLDIER'S SPRING.
On stormy days I get quite warlike ”

“ Tercentenarians.
"It is one of the most marvellous of doubles that William Shakespeare and Miguel de Cervantes died on the very same day of the same year—on the 23rd day of April, 1916."
The Leader (B.E. Africa) .
[pg 311]
ROYAL ACADEMY-FIRST DEPRESSIONS.
Gerald Kelly. The Bird. "Lucky thing I'm stuffed or I'd have fallen off this perch long ago!"
Nurah Cundell. Women Workers on the land playing with their week's wages. Note the Physical Development Produced by the open-air life. ”