Various

“ MARLINGHURST. And the Stockbroker guaranteed that I should send either the ticket or the money. So he'll have to pay up! Oh, my word! My gracious word, what a treat!"
The dear Old Lady chuckled contentedly.
Tom also chuckled.
The Stockbroker subsequently relinquished to a great extent his habit of remarking upon his own marvellous intuition, enabling him to read character at sight; the Curate preached a capital sermon on the deceptiveness of man, and when he said man he meant woman. ”

“ The Stockbroker was more practical, and soon consoled her. He was a season-ticket-holder, and knew the collector. He would explain it to the man. "You'll be able to get the ticket again, you see, when you—I mean, later on." The British love of euphemism had asserted itself. "And then you can send it to the collector by post. You had better write down your name and address to give him. I'll guarantee to the collector that it will be all right."
The Old Lady overwhelmed him with thanks. Slowly and laboriously she wrote the name and address on the piece of paper in which the ticket was folded. ”

“ She had asked the Stockbroker and Curate a good many questions about the sights that she ought to see, and how much she ought to pay the cabman, and which were the best shops. "Not but what TOM will look after me," she explained; "Tom's a very good son to me, and he'll be waiting on the platform for me. And such a boy as he was too when he was younger! Fruit! There wasn't anything that boy wouldn't do to get it—any kind of mischief." She grew garrulous on the subject of Tom's infancy. ”

“ DAUBINET directs him, and on we go, lumbering and rattling through the town, meeting only one other voiture, whose driver appears infinitely amused at his friend having obtained a fare. Some chaff passes between them, which to me is unintelligible, and which DAUBINET professes not to catch, but I fancy, whatever it is, it is not highly complimentary to our cocher's fares. In one quarter through which we drive, they are setting up the booths and roundabouts for a Fair. ”

“ He looks up, catches sight of DAUBINET, nods, folds up the paper, sits on it, gives the reins one shake to wake up the horse, and another, with a crack of his whip, to set the sleepy animal in motion, and, the animal being partially roused, he drives across the street to us. ”

“ DAUBINET amuses himself by sitting on the box and talking to the coachman.
"It excites me," he explains, when requested to take a back seat inside—though, by the way, it is in no sense DAUBINET's métier to "take a back seat,"—"it excites me—it amuses me to talk to a cocher. On ne peut pas causer avec un vrai cocher tous les jours." And presently we see them gesticulating to each other and talking both at once, DAUBINET, of course, is speaking English and various other languages, but as little French as possible, to the evident bewilderment of the driver. ”

“ But you need not have taken advantage of it to try to do me out of going to Nuremberg—it was a shabby trick!
Podb. Oh, it was only to get a rise out of you. I never meant to keep you to it, of course. And I say, weren't you sold, though? Didn't I lead up to it beautifully? (He chuckles.) Score to me, eh!
Culch. (with amiable sententiousness) . Ah, well, I don't grudge you your little joke if it amuses you. Those laugh best who laugh last. And it's settled now that we're going to Nuremberg. ”

“ SOME CIRCULAR NOTES. CHAPTER IV. Reims—Solemnity—Relief—En voiture—Politeness—Calling—Calves—Caves—Starting—Cocher—Duet.
Seen the Cathedral. Grand. As I am not making notes for a Guide-book, shall say nothing about it. "Don't mention it." I shan't. Much struck by the calm air of repose about Reims. So silent is it, that DAUBINET's irrepressible singing in the solemn court-yard of the Hotel comes quite as a relief. It is an evidence of life. ”

“ SAYS BLOKER. "BREEDING SHOWS ITSELF IN THE EAR, AND NOWHERE ELSE!" MORE MESSAGES FROM THE MAHATMA.
1. I AM KOOT HOOMIBOOG. There are more things in my philosophy than were ever dreamed of in heaven or earth. You are POONSH. You are a Thrupni but you are not a Mahatma. Be a Mahatma, and save your postage expenses. But you must be discreet; and you must be exceeding vague. A Mahatma is nothing if he is not vague. You must also be elusive. Can you elude? It is no light matter to prove one's spiritual capacity by materialising a cigarette inside a grand piano. ”

“ If some of our fashionable dames uttered their innermost feelings, they would doubtless reply, "So much the worse for—Christianity." It is so obvious that many modish Mammas care much more for their daughters' bodices than their souls. ”

“ INSPECTOR. "NOW SWEAR! ALL TOGETHER!" CONSTABLES. "WE SWEAR!!"
MR. PUNCH (aside) . "DEAR ME, SIR EDWARD; WHEN THEY DO AGREE, THEIR UNANIMITY IS WONDERFUL!."—"The Critic," freely adapted.
[pg 129]
ROBERT'S ROMANCE.
I have been so bothered for coppys of my Romanse, as I read at the Cook's Swarry some time back, that I have detummined to publish it, and here it is. In coarse, all rites is reserved.
ROBERT.
THE MYSTERY OF MAY FARE. (BY ONE BEHIND THE SEENS.) CHAPTER I.—Despare! ”

“ I observe to my companion.
"Immense!" he replies.—"But there's no one about."
"There will be," he returns. "Manufacturing town—everybody engaged in business. Bell rings—Caramba!—out they come, like the cigarette-makers in Carmen." Here he hums a short musical extract from BIZET's Opera, then resumes—"Town's all alive—then, after dinner, back to business—evening time out to play, to cafés, to the Fair! God save the QUEEN!" ”

“ If the maxim at the head of this paragraph were strictly and impartially enforced, such exacting employers would have to pay pretty smartly for certain "breakages" which occur in the carrying on of a business in which they consider they have no concern—breakages, to wit, of the girls' health, spirits, and, often, hearts! ”

“ Neither the Curate nor the Stockbroker had the advantage of hearing what the dear Old Lady said to Tom that afternoon.
"It came off just beautifully, my boy. Not that I blame them, mind you,—how were they to know that it was a ticket which I didn't give up last year, and that I hadn't even taken a ticket at all to-day? No, I don't blame them. As for the address, I put the same address that was on the label of the Curate's bag, only I altered The Rev. CHARLES MARLINGHURST to Mrs. ”

“ They pass on.
Culch. (with a very blank face and a feeble whistle) . Few-fitty-fitty-fitty-fa-di-fee-fee-foo; few—After all, PODBURY, I don't know that I care so much about Nuremberg. They—they say it's a good deal changed from what it was. ”

“ The poor MARKISS was so horryfied at his brillyant sucksess, that CHARLES's sanguinery corpse aunted his bed-side, and he died within a munth, a leetle munth, as Amlet says, of the dredful ewent, and CHARLES married his Widder. But, orful to relate, within a werry short time CHARLES was a sorrowin Widderer, with a nincum of sum £10,000 a year ”

“ DUNSTABLE's is the emporium par excellence where anything, from a patent drug down to the latest new novel, can be ordered down from Town. There is a tradition that old GEORGE THE THIRD, when passing through Torsington in the year 1793, stopped at DUNSTABLE's for some boot-laces, and, patting the grandfather of the present proprietor on the head, said, "What! ”