Various

“ Pleased with herself from most aspects, she particularly admires her literary style. There is a passage in the book where she plaintively apprehends that, lost in admiration of her style, readers may miss the true purpose and importance of her writing;—this in volumes that bristle with such monstrosities as "compared to," "disapproved of," and "from thence," the latter a favourite foible of Miss Cobbe's style. In the second volume there are some attempts at what was naturally looked for, to wit, reminiscences of people the present generation would like to meet. ”

“ But should science discover that blossoms can speak, And tell tales about bower-hid passion; I'll wager it wouldn't be more than a week, Before flowers would go out of fashion! One prospect at least this new doctrine discovers: Did eyes and glib tongues fill our bowers, The man whom a maiden deems "flower of lovers," Would no more be lover of flowers THE LAY OF THE OLD ALDERMAN. ”

“ Why, even the villain is a major in a crack cavalry regiment, and the low comedian a surgeon who has worn the Queen's uniform. Apparently to give the latter additional aristocratic gloss, the Duchess is made to be in love with him. And the plot? Why, of course. Let Miss Alma Stanley arrive direct from India to sow discord between my Lord the hero and my Lady the heroine. This she does, looking charming in her villainy, and wearing a striking costume. ”

“ In this way, which I recommend for the adoption of all women who would decline to be worse than slaves. Instead of repeating the words "love, cherish, and obey" after the officiating clergyman, I altered them to "love cherries and whey," of which I happen to be very fond; so that whenever my husband (who is a poor creature) reproaches me with breaking my vow of obedience made at the altar—he does not often do this, as he is seldom at home—I can, with a clear conscience, affirm that I never took any vow at all. ”

“ These, and many more follies, improprieties and wickedness the Perfect Stranger was wondering witness of.
"But," observed the Perfect Stranger, "where is the 'Matron's Hiss'?"
"Oh!" replied the Proud Briton, with some embarrassment, "but in all this there is nothing new, you know, nothing unprecedented, innovating, subversive of accepted Social Laws; nothing 'bad form,' that is to say unusual, unexpected, unconsecrated by respectable usage. If there is anything Naughty, it is not New, and what is—possibly—New is not Naughty. Therefore, there is no call for that omnipotent Hiss!" ”

“ If the stars drink champagne-cider out of tankards to the dregs, All the stars and little starlings with the garters on their legs, Shall an undiscovered cornet with a mile or two of tail Be put off with half a gallon of our humble home-brewed ale? ”

“ Sir,—What is this nonsense about women refusing to obey their husbands? The only way with wives is to be gentle with them, but at the same time perfectly firm. This is my plan, and it answers admirably. My wife the other day declined to surrender the morning paper to me, and told me she would like to be a "New Woman." ”

“ Humanity prays that she may lie For ever with unopened eye!— But—what dim sheeted ghosts go by?
What spectres of what coming woes, What vision-shocks of phantom foes Make that hand stretch, and clutch, and close?
What rattle of the war-dogs' chain Steals through dull slumber to her brain? Are Love's bland opiates all in vain? ”

“ No, by Jove, he wouldn't stand it; he can let the others pay; Standing treat is out of fashion, so he'll tap the milky way. When the red-hot stars come trickling he can cool them in his cup, And he'll tap it all the harder just to keep his pecker up. ”

“ John Wood first-rate, as good as ever, and Miss Alma Stanley greatly distinguishes herself. So does Mr. Cartwright as the most matter-of-fact villain that "in this distressful country has ever yet been seen." When he murders, or ruins, or seriously inconveniences anyone, he observes sotto voce to himself, in a tone that would be equally appropriate were he thanking an omnibus conductor for giving him change for sixpence, "I thought I should do it." Then Mr. Arthur Bourchier and Miss Beatrice Lamb as My Lord and My Lady could not be better. ”

“ The volumes bear on the front the Cobbe coat of arms and motto. The family may, we are assured, be traced back through four centuries, and, even in the present degenerate days, is highly connected.
Whilst the great heart of the people is considering whether it shall throb against the House of Lords or whether it shall forbear, Mr. Swift MacNeill, Q.C., M.P., has delivered at that ancient institution what the Marchioness was accustomed to describe as "a wonner." Titled Corruption is the alluring style of the neatly-bound volume issued by Fisher Unwin. ”

“ A Darwinite tells us some flowers can see! This adds a new terror to botany. For lovers, and ladies, will surely agree Blossoms' tongues could tell tales—had they got any: The Fat Boy in Pickwick, an Arbour-eaves-dropper, To amorous "spoons" was a terror; But flowers with eyes for what Aunts call "improper"? That is a look-out, and no error! 'Tis climbers and parasites chiefly, we're told, Who're gifted with optical powers. Well nymphs will be roguish, and swains will be bold, Notwithstanding inquisitive—flowers! The Virgin, no doubt, will invite the sly kiss, Despite the Virginian Creeper ”

“ This resplendent suggestion of Carefully training the humorous sense Cannot, nay, must not, be burked by a question of Practical parents, or shillings and pence.
Down with arithmetic, spelling, or history, Books that are stupid, and arts that are trite, Rather we'll turn to each novelist's mystery, Study the volumes our humorists write. ”

“ I was surprised myself to find what a lot they thought of it; but, bless you, they're all as civil as shopwalkers; and, as for the ladies, why, the old Countess and Lady Maisie and Lady Rhoda couldn't be more complimentary if I'd won the Victoria Cross, instead of getting a first prize for breeding and exhibiting a bull bitch at Cruft's Dog Show!
Und. (bitterly, to himself) . And this is our aristocracy! They make a bosom friend of a breeder of dogs; and find a poet only fit to associate with their servants! What a theme for a satirist! ”

“ Miss Alma Stanley rides in on a steed of her own. My Lord, the hero, objects to the gracious presence of this fair equestrian, and gets a horse-whipping for his trouble. Then the trial comes off. The noble animals canter across the stage. The dramatis personæ describe their progress to one another as they make the running behind the scenes. All first-rate and life-like. ”

“ A lady-bicyclist the other day, riding in "rational dress," was roundly hissed by an elderly Mrs. Grundy, standing by. The wheel-woman is said to have retorted, "Are you women who thus hiss me? When you bathe, you wear a special costume, which you deem suitable. When I ride, I do the same. ”

“ Then there is the cotillion, and my Lord finds himself, to his surprise, dancing with Miss Alma Stanley. He is again caught by my Lady, the heroine (the poor chap is always compromising himself at the wrong moment) , and there is of course only one solution to this embarrassing situation, and that is,—curtain. No better ball scene been on the stage for years. Druriolanus has all the details at his fingertips, and the ball at his feet. Keep it rolling!
In the next Act we find that the Countess, in full ball costume, has eloped with the Villainous Major to a hotel. ”

“ On the whole, looked at through Miss Cobbe's spectacles, they were a poor lot. Of Renan she writes, "The impression he has left on me is one of disappointment and short-falling." Short-falling is "style" of the athletic order, and, my Baronite vaguely surmises, is the opposite of high jumping. As to poor Carlyle, Miss Cobbe "never shared the admiration felt for him by so many able men." ”

“ For me, a brief perusal Of modern fiction makes me give A kind but firm refusal! LETTERS FROM A DÉBUTANTE.
My dear Marjorie,—You are hard on poor Oriel Crampton when you say that philanthropy, brisk walks, a bad temper, and a taste for collecting postage-stamps, form the most hideous combination any human being could imagine. Of course, I admit he's a little dreary. All is now over between us. Things reached a climax one rainy afternoon when Baby Beaumont, in a mood of intense juvenility, offered "to teach Oriel to make barley-sugar." ”

“ Most of 'em know about as much of the points of a bull as the points of a compass, only they let on to know a lot because they think it's smart. And some of 'em are after a pup from old Drummy's next litter. ”

“ One of the authors no doubt suggested the interior of a country house. "Quite so," says Druriolanus, "a nobleman's country house. I will show you how to do it." And he does. "O Todgers's can do it when it likes!" ”

“ He conceals his face.
Spurr. (in concern) . It was having that basket down on your head like that. Too bad! Here, I'll get you some water. (He bustles about.) I don't know if you're aware of it, old chap, but you're in a regular dooce of a mess!
Und. (motioning him away irritably) . Do you suppose I don't know that? For heaven's sake, don't speak to me! let me alone!... I want to think—I want to think. (To himself.) I see it all now! I've made a hideous mistake! ”