Bumpus

“ Poor little Bumpus could do nothing else. He was in despair. John might be removed, but how would that help matters? His influence over the family would be as strong as ever. Poor little Percival would be the next to be corrupted. Wake up all their imaginations, and Heaven knew what might happen. Why, even Mrs. Bumpus ... And at this thought he burst suddenly into tears and sobbed like a child.
"I don't know what's happening!" he cried. "The world used to be such a straightforward place." You knew where you were, and things were either right or they weren't. The people, too. ”

“ Bumpus, upon being thus deliberately appealed to, nodded his head in the affirmative, and remarked:
“I sure would, and that’s a fact, fellows. Then you kinder look for a visitor in camp to-night, do you? And that means everybody’s just got to sit up and stand guard, don’t it? all right, you’ll find me as willing and ready as ever to sacrifice my comfort for the public welfare. I’m always there with the goods.”
“Hear! hear! Bumpus, we all know you like a book!” declared Step Hen, pretending to clap his hands in enthusiasm, though no sound resulted from the action. ”

“ When poor Bumpus tried to escape in such a clumsy fashion that he tripped over the stretched guy rope of a tent, he had let go his beloved bugle. What was music to a fellow when his existence hung in the balance. He could get another horn, but never another life.
Thad had by chance discovered the shining bugle even while on his way to the friendly tree, and had snatched it up; mechanically perhaps, for he could not have entertained any fear lest the bear would swallow such a thing. ”

“ He had raised his head, and cocked it on side, as though listening to some sound that caught his ear.
“Maybe after all the old moonshiner didn’t get your message, Thad,” suggested Step Hen; and immediately Bumpus ceased trying to stretch his thick neck in the endeavor to see over the heads of those nearest him, and who were more or less interfering with his view; “p’raps right now he’s atrailing after us, and meaning to give us heaps and heaps of trouble?” ”

“ Bumpus looked at him pityingly.
“You do love to carry on a joke to the limit, Giraffe,” he said, simply.
“Joke?” burst out the other in a vociferous voice; “let me tell you, this is a mighty serious matter; and if it keeps along, some of us in desperation may be tempted to jump on you while you sleep, and make the change ourselves. We’re getting to a point where self-preservation is the first law of Nature.” ”

“ Suppose we stop and camp. These partridges will taste prime. Yum! yum, can’t get at ’em too soon to please me. Get busy, and light a fire, Giraffe; that’s your part of the contract always.”
“I sure will, if you give me a few matches, Bumpus,” replied the other, wearily dropping his heavy rifle, that began to feel like a ton of lead.
“Matches! Why, you’re the fire-maker; and I thought you’d take care of that part of the business!” exclaimed Bumpus, looking a little alarmed.
“Why, what a silly you can be, Bumpus; don’t you know I promised Thad never to carry a single 176 match around with me? ”

“ Must a slipped away while you came to camp with the water."
"Huh!" sneered Step Hen, "I'd rather believe now, Bumpus don't know a rattler when he sees one. P'raps it was only an innocent little garter snake he was pokin', and a locust was singin' in a tree all the while."
Bumpus looked furious. He had lately gained quite an envious reputation for a remarkable knowledge of woodcraft; and he was up in arms at the idea of being thus placed once more in the tenderfoot class. ”

“ Giraffe was not quite so tenderhearted, though feeling flushed with satisfaction over his recent victory.
“Guess you know now why your dad wouldn’t let you learn to run your big touring car at home, don’t you, Bumpus?” he jeered.
“I’m beginning to think he knew a heap better than I did about it,” admitted the humble Bumpus.
“It takes brains to run a car,” asserted Giraffe meaningly. “Some people never should try it, because they get rattled at the least little thing out of the ordinary, and go all to pieces.” ”

“ There's something about that place that seems to draw me."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that," declared Bumpus, dolefully; "because I just know they'll want to ferry over—Allan because he's ready to do anything you say; Step-hen, for he wants to meet up with all sorts of adventures, and says he means to get away out in the Rockies some of these days; Smithy because he's afraid you'll all think him weak and girlish if he draws back; and Giraffe too when he gets the idea that mebbe we'll be leaving the bear behind; because it'll mean just so much more left for him to eat. ”

“ Step Hen said.
"Or if their ain't, let's wish they'll be comin' along soon," Bumpus added with a fervency that was certainly genuine.
"I wonder," Davy broke in with, "what we could do if our boat was carried away, or we found we couldn't mend the same?"
"Huh! What did old Robinson do but build him a boat? Here are six boys, wide-awake as they make 'em—and I'd like to know why we couldn't do as much as one man!"
Bumpus said this rather boastfully, not that he had so much confidence in his own ability to do things as he felt satisfied that Thad and Allan would be equal to almost any emergency. ”

“ GIRAFFE ADMITS THAT THE SHOE FITS.
“Look out, Bumpus!” shrieked Davy Jones, as though instantly realizing what a perilous position the stout scout would be in if that angry cow succeeded in bowling him over with her hornless head.
“Run! run, Bumpus; a wild bull is after you!” shouted Step Hen, who may have really believed what he was saying with such a vim; or else considered that by magnifying the danger he might add more or less to the sprinting ability of the said Bumpus. ”

“ I calculate a short half hour ought to see me wind up in just a blaze of glory. But just yet it’s a toss-up who the ice-cream’s going to be on, Bumpus or me.”
“Oh! I ain’t worrying even a little mite,” asserted the confident Bumpus.
“Well, you wait and see!” declared Giraffe, defiantly. “You don’t all know what I’ve got up my sleeve. The feller that laughs last laughs loudest, they say. And I give you all fair warning that’s going to be me.”
Meanwhile Thad managed to get in close touch with Jim Hasty. ”

“ Thad went about things in a business-like fashion; while even Bumpus fluttered around, and offered to do anything they told him, such was his eagerness to hasten repairs.
“Well, crawl under, and hold up the car while we work,” suggested Giraffe, maliciously; “because I’m a little afraid of that jack we’ve got; it doesn’t look overly strong. What’s the use of having a broad back like yours, Bumpus, if you can’t make good?” ”

“ Bumpus was soon in his glory. It had indeed been a long while since they had enjoyed the privilege of preparing a meal over such a fine fire as the blacksmith forge afforded them. Besides, the glowing coals seemed so much nicer than ordinary smoking wood; as Bumpus [113] said, it saved the cook’s back considerable, in that he did not have to bend down so much.
They found something that answered for a table, and by the light of the lamp so kindly loaned by the owner they ate their supper. ”

“ No matter how difficult the task may have seemed, we have been highly favored by good fortune. And we’ll come through this time with colors flying.”
“I ought to be ashamed to let myself have a single doubt, Thad,” Bumpus frankly admitted, as he turned his eyes upon the leader in whom he had such implicit faith, “when right now I’ve got the backing of the best pards that ever donned the khaki. Yes, I’m going to shut my teeth hard together, and tell myself that we’ve got to get to Paris, no matter if a whole German army corps stands in the way.” ”

“ Bumpus looked like a well-laden, led animal as he trotted along at the heels of the tall scout, who was to do the piloting of the expedition.
“Don’t keep supper for us if we’re late,” airily called back Bumpus. “We may get further away than we can manage in one day, and have to camp 171 alone, like Thad and Step Hen did. And if some of them old wolves pay us a visit, they’ll wish they hadn’t. Giraffe is toting his old heavy weight rifle; and here I am with my new double-barreled gun, and fifty shells. Ketch me gettin’ caught like Step Hen did, with a few charges for my trusty weapon. ”

“ But next time I'll put him on his honor not to try [104] and make a fire in any way, shape or style. Now, I don't fancy going away with Bumpus absent. He might get into trouble while we were off. Perhaps I'd better take his bugle, and give a few notes to let him know he's wanted."
"A fine idea, Thad," observed Allan; "I'll go and get it for you, as I happen to know just where Bumpus keeps it inside the tent here. He's just the opposite of Step-hen, and never leaves his things scattered around." ”

“ Immediately Bumpus called out:
“What’s that lumbering along over yonder, Thad? Looks to me like an old, cinnamon-colored cow.”
Thad took one look.
[25]
“You’re away off there, Bumpus,” he remarked, in a thrilling tone; “because those two wise mules knew what was coming. That is anything but a cow or even a bull. It’s a bear!”
“A bear!” almost shrieked Bumpus, making a dive for the nearest tent, in which lay his nice ten-bore Marlin, loaded with buckshot shells.
“Yes,” Thad went on, “and a great big grizzly bear at that. Let’s hope he’ll give us the go-by, and walk on about his own business!” ”

“ Seems to me we’ll just never get him at that rate.”
“Oh!” replied Thad, not at all dismayed, “we’ll just keep at it, you know. Lots of things are apt to happen to help us. Bumpus will tire out soon. Then he may get discouraged, and just make up his mind to stay in camp till we come.”
“Which would be a mighty sensible thing for him to do,” declared Step Hen.
“But that wouldn’t fetch him his bear,” chuckled Giraffe, “and that’s the one thing worth living for with Bumpus right now.”
“Mebbe he’s got over the fever,” suggested Step Hen. “P’raps a reaction has set in by now.” ”

“ Hence every time the train slackened speed Bumpus would glue his eyes on the landscape as seen through the open window, just as if he more than half-expected to discover a horde of Uhlans, with their lances and pennons and prancing horses, waiting to take the fugitives into camp as prisoners.
Finally as the afternoon began to wear away they did come to a halt in a small town. Thad announced that he believed they must now be on the border between Belgium and France. Here, if anywhere, they ought to be able to learn what the immediate future held in store for them. ”

“ Then some time or other when we’re camping out with the rest of the boys I’ll spring a big surprise on you all.”
“I think that everything considered,” said Thad, “we have reason to be thankful things are no worse. So far as I can see there’s been no damage done; and here’s the landlord coming to tell us supper is ready.”
“Hold on, Bumpus, you forget that you’ve got a game leg, don’t you?” called out Giraffe, as the fat boy jumped to his feet in readiness for a rush.
“Oh! that’s got well again,” Bumpus assured him blandly. ”

“ Give Giraffe a push, Allan, will you, and roll Bumpus over a few times till he says he’s awake; that’s the regular program with him, you know.” One by one the scouts sat up, and yawned, and stretched, as sleepy boys are apt to do when they have not been allowed to have their last nap out. Of course Davy did not forget how Thad had made a flood-tally over at the river, which fortunately Bumpus had not kicked away when he took his unexpected plunge with a portion of the crumbly bank. ”

“ Even as he sat there in that peaceful dining room of the monastery, with those earnest Brothers gathered about the long table, leaning on their elbows and listening to the answers he made to the many questions, Bumpus could hear an increasing uproar outside.
The heavy reverberation of great guns shook the massive walls of the building; those insistent sounds of cruel warfare invaded the peaceful dwelling, where strife was not supposed to ever come. Half a million men in uniform were about inaugurating another day of buffeting and killing in the struggle for the mastery. ”

“ Bumpus assured him. “Course I don’t want to souse in that awful mud, and I’m agoing to try my level best to keep on the straight and narrow road all I can; but if it does happen, it’s always some comfort to know you’ve got an anchor out to windward.”
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“Yes, suh, it’s sometimes a good thing to have a string tied to things, so they can be jerked back if the conditions don’t seem favorable. I’ve known fellows who never made a bargain but they had an ‘if’ or a ‘perhaps’ fixed to the same. But nobody could say that of you, Bumpus. Don’t worry about me ”

“ If ever anybody has a right to say he killed a bear all by himself, fair and square, Bumpus has. And here are three more truthful witnesses who will testify the same way,” with which Thad waved his arm around to take in Step Hen, Allan and Giraffe, all of whom put up a right hand, and gravely nodded approval of his words. ”

“ Of course no one would dream of allowing such a thing as this last hint covered; and doubtless Bumpus knew that he was perfectly safe in making it.
“Then I go, do I, Thad?” asked Giraffe, looking actually pleased at the chance to make himself “useful as well as ornamental,” as he himself called it.
“Yes, if you will,” he was told; “we’ll promise to stay here and watch the car, though it’d be hard for any one to steal it without a bit of petrol in the tank to run the engine. Take your time, Giraffe; no need of sprinting. If you can’t get the gasoline, bring a horse and a driver.” ”