Mr Hobson

“ HOBSON. "Moonraker's?" Who said—? (Turning.)
VICKEY. If your dinner's ruined, it'll be your own fault.
HOBSON. Well, I'll be eternally—
ALICE. Don't swear, father.
HOBSON (putting hat on counter) . No. I'll sit down instead. (He moves to R. C. and sits in arm-chair R. C. facing them.) Listen to me, you three. I've come to conclusions about you. And I won't have it. Do you hear that? Interfering with my goings out and comings in. The idea! I've a mind to take measures with the lot of you.
MAGGIE. I expect Mr. Heeler's waiting for you in "Moonraker's," father. ”

“ TUBBY (cutting bread) . Every way you look at it. Mr. Hobson's not his own old self, and the shop's not its own old self, and look at me. Now I ask you, Mr. Heeler, man to man, is this work for a foreman shoe hand? Cooking and laying tables and—
JIM. By all accounts there's not much else for you to do.
TUBBY. There's better things than being a housemaid, if it's only making clogs. (Crosses to fire to toast.)
JIM. They tell me clogs are a cut line.
TUBBY. Well, what are you to do? There's nothing else wanted. (Turns.) Hobson's in a bad way, and I'm telling no secret when I say it. ”

“ You can fight other chaps, but you can't fight me.
He rapped at the door; the landlady's daughter answered the summons; she showed him into a room, and then went below for her father. Presently Mr. Hobson appeared—quite creditably sober, considering the occasion.
"Did you bring a note down to me to-night, Hobson?" was the young man's first question. ”

“ Albert Hobson that she had a friend who had a friend who knew a young fellow whose first serial was just beginning in Brown's, the admired Albert had inquired immediately:
"What's the name of your young fellow?"
"He's not my young fellow," said Zoe the cautious. "But his name's—Lord, I've forgotten it!" This was untrue. "But we all think he's potty."
"His name is not Henry Harper, by any chance?"
Miss Bonser nodded discreetly. She was a little surprised at the set of the wind.
"But, of course, he's barmy."
"Whatever he is, he's no slouch," said the judicial Mr. Hobson. ”

“ Finally the old gent locked Lady Kitty in the donjon tower,” said Mr. Hobson.
“Too much shilly-shallying in this generation,” he went on. “Every house that's got a pretty girl ought to have a donjon keep. I've got both.” He paused and wiped his brow.
“This fresh young kid I'm telling you about, he thought he knew more than the old folks, so he got a rope ladder and climbed up the masonry one night, intending to bust into the tower where the girl was. But just as he got half across the wall—out yonder—his foot slipped and he broke his neck in the moat below. ”

“ You want some one to talk to—and not that dreadful Hobson—I can't bear your talking to Hobson, grandfather—"
"I am no respecter of persons, Maisrie," said the old man, pompously, "so long as people know their place, and keep it."
"But that is just the worst of Hobson, grandfather!" she exclaimed. "His fawning and cringing is so despicable. He is not a man at all. And you should tell him the truth about those verses of his, grandfather: I can't imagine how you see anything in them—"
"There have been worse—there have been worse," said Mr. Bethune, with a magnanimous toleration. ”

“ JIM. Are you ill?
HOBSON. No. Get away, you girls. I'll look after the shop. I want to talk to Mr. Heeler.
JIM. Well, can't you talk in the "Moonraker's"!
(The girls go out R. to house, MAGGIE last.)
HOBSON. Yes, with Sam Minns, and Denton and Tudsbury there.
JIM. It's private, then. What's the trouble, Henry?
(HOBSON waves JIM into arm-chair R. C. and sits in front of counter.)
HOBSON. They're the trouble. (Indicates door to house.) Do your daughters worry you, Jim?
JIM. Nay,— (sits R. C.) —they mostly do as I bid them, and the missus does the leathering if they don't. ”

“ It is more brutal often than the crime," answered Sister Teresa in a voice full of emotion. "Do you think the man your friend was looking for here on board will escape?"
"No, I'm afraid not. There is very little chance of any criminal escaping when they once get on his track, so Mr. Hobson has told me. If he is on this steamer he must run another gauntlet in New York, even if he is among the emigrants. You know we have over a thousand on board. If he is not aboard they will track him down. ”

“ Perry, he pointed at me and cried: "Deceiver! You are not what you pretend to be!"
Few deceivers are; and my conscience was not wholly clear. But I was, at any rate, unconscious of having done Mr. Hobson any harm, and asked him, in some surprise, what complaint he had against me.
It was Herman Eppstein who took up the question, and dealt with it with a resource which I should hardly have expected of him.
"I know all about it, Mr. 'Obson," he said, "and you 'aven't nothing to grumble at. Mr. 'Oward took over your shares at market price, and did you a very good turn. ”

“ DOCTOR. It's a pity. A man like you should keep a wife handy.
HOBSON. I'm not so partial to women.
DOCTOR. Women are a necessity, sir. Have ye no female relative that can manage ye?
HOBSON. Manage?
DOCTOR. Keep her thumb firm on ye?
HOBSON. I've got three daughters, Doctor MacFarlane, and they tried to keep their thumbs on me.
DOCTOR. Well? Where are they?
HOBSON. Married—and queerly married.
DOCTOR. You drove them to it.
HOBSON. They all grew uppish. Maggie worst of all.
DOCTOR. Maggie? Then I'll tell ye what ye'll do, Mr. Hobson. You will get Maggie back. At any price. ”

“ And so the old men ran on; and the girls and Mr. Hobson were as pleased with them as the brothers were with the unaffected natural manners of Honor and Molly. So now the two brothers are in the garden, as has been said, looking at their plants and watching for the postman; and at length their minds are set at rest by the appearance of that ancient individual, and they eagerly seize the letter (the only one this morning) which he holds towards them. It is, in fact, neither more nor less than the expected letter from the Merivales, which is to decide whether or not they will take "The Rookery." ”

“ ALBERT. Good morning, Miss Alice.
ALICE. Good morning, Mr. Prosser. (She leans across counter.) Father's not gone out yet. He's late.
ALBERT. Oh! (He turns to go, and is half-way to door, when MAGGIE rises.)
MAGGIE (coming C.) . What can we do for you, Mr. Prosser?
ALBERT (stopping) . Well, I can't say that I came in to buy anything, Miss Hobson.
MAGGIE. This is a shop, you know. We're not here to let people go out without buying.
ALBERT. Well, I'll just have a pair of bootlaces, please. (Moves slightly to R.)
MAGGIE. What size do you take in boots? ”

“ MAGGIE. It's time you had a new pair. These uppers are disgraceful for a professional man to wear. Number eights from the third rack, Vickey, please.
ALICE (moving down a little) . Mr. Prosser didn't come in to buy boots, Maggie.
(VICKEY comes down to MAGGIE with box which she opens.)
MAGGIE. I wonder what does bring him in here so often!
(ALICE moves back to behind counter.)
ALBERT. I'm terrible hard on bootlaces, Miss Hobson.
(MAGGIE puts a new boot on him and laces it.)
MAGGIE. Do you get through a pair a day? You must be strong. ”

“ ALICE. Yes. I'm Mrs. Albert Prosser now.
WILLIE. So you are, to outsiders. And you'd be surprised the number of people that call me Mr. Mossop now. We do get on in the world, don't we? (ALICE moves up stage.)
VICKEY. Some folks get on too fast.
WILLIE. It's a matter of opinion. (Coming C.) I know Maggie and me gave both of you a big leg up when we arranged your marriage portions, but I dunno that we're grudging you the sudden lift you got.
(Enter HOBSON and MAGGIE.)
WILLIE. Good morning, father. I'm sorry to hear you're not so well.
HOBSON. I'm a changed man, Will. ”

“ Hobson, enters the room. He starts back, however, as Mr. Merivale raises his head from the still unopened letter in his hand, and muttering to himself "God bless my soul!" hurries to the mantel-piece, where a glass jug of cold water stands, and quickly pouring out a glassful he takes it to his principal, saying, "You look a little faint and tired this morning, sir; will you drink some water, and then I will ring for the sherry? Dear, dear, how very pale you are, to be sure!" and the kind old man bustles over to the bell, which he pulls vigorously. ”

“ It'll be many a year before there's another wedding in this family, I give you my word. (Turns to MAGGIE.) One daughter defying me is quite enough.
ALBERT. Hadn't we better get to business, sir?
HOBSON (turning on him) . Young man, don't abuse a noble word. You're a lawyer. By your own admission you're a lawyer. Honest men live by business and lawyers live by law.
ALBERT. In this matter, sir, I am following the instructions of my client, Mr. Beenstock, and the remark you have just let fall, before witnesses, appears to me to bear a libellous reflection on the action of my client. ”

“ HOBSON. I do. I like to see my daughters nice. (Crosses R.) That's why I pay Mr. Tudsbury, the draper, 10 pounds a year a head to dress you proper. It pleases the eye and it's good for trade. But, I'll tell you, if some women could see themselves as men see them, they'd have a shock, and I'll have words with Tudsbury an' all, for letting you dress up like guys. (Moves L.) I saw you and Alice out of the "Moonraker's" parlour on Thursday night and my friend Sam Minns— (Turns.) ”

“ Look at us now. Men assistants in the shop.
JIM. Cost more than women.
TUBBY. Cost? They'd be dear at any price. Look here, Mr. Heeler, take yourself. When you go to buy a pair of boots do you like to be tried on by a man or a nice soft young woman?
JIM. Well—
TUBBY. There you are. Stands to reason. It's human nature.
JIM. But there are two sides to that, Tubby. Look at the other.
TUBBY. Ladies?
JIM. Yes.
TUBBY. Ladies that are ladies wants trying on by their own sex, and them that aren't buys clogs. It's the good-class trade that pays, and Hobson's have lost it. ”

“ He perfected the curves of the bodies and the springs, besides making the numberless small details of the body and underworks of the requisite strength, and the most agreeable shape and proportion. Mr Samuel Hobson learnt the art in the firm of Barker and Co., of Chandos Street, and rose to be a partner in the firm, but after a few years in that position he left about the year 1815 and set up for himself in Long Acre, and ultimately moved about 1824 to the large premises previously Messrs Hatchett’s. ”

“ Socialism, by putting an end to this rivalry, is retrogressive. But is reason to have her way, and is social progress to be checked by this suicidal policy?
There is another force in eternal strife with reason—that is, religion—the eternal repository of the race-preserving instincts in all ages and all races. Scientific evolution, by ignoring religion—Mr. Kidd says it has ignored it—has neglected the one truly progressive force in history. Intellectual ascendency has never succeeded in maintaining the power and integrity of a race. ”

“ You cannot conceive Hobson "carrying on" like the typical "jolly waggoner." Look at the portrait of him, taken from a fresco painted on a wall of his old house of call, the Bull, in Bishopsgate Street. A very grave and staid old man it shows us; looking out upon the world with cold and calculating eyes, deep-set beneath knitted brows, and with a long and money-loving, yet cautious, nose. His hand is unwillingly extracting a guinea from a well-filled money-bag, and you may clearly see from his expression of countenance how much rather he would be putting one in. ”

“ HOBSON. Aye, a publican. As honest a man as God Almighty ever set behind a bar, my ladies. My friend, Sam Minns, asked me who you were. And well he might. You were going down Chapel Street with a hump added to nature behind you.
VICKEY (scandalized) . Father!
HOBSON. The hump was wagging, and you put your feet on pavement as if you'd got chilblains—aye, stiff neck above and weak knees below. It's immodest!
ALICE. It is not immodest, father. It's the fashion to wear bustles.
HOBSON. Then to hell with the fashion.
MAGGIE. Father, you are not in the "Moonraker's" now. ”

“ He had flourished amazingly since he succeeded to his father's business in the university city, and attained that position of independence which enabled him to force the rule that each horse in his stable was to be hired only in its proper turn, thus originating the proverb, "Hobson's choice," that is, "this or none." Despite his ever growing wealth and advanced years, Hobson continued his regular journeys to London until the outbreak of the plague caused the authorities to suspend the carrier service for a time. ”

“ MAGGIE. Don't be vicious, father.
HOBSON. Will Mossop, I'm sorry for you. (Over banisters.) Take you for all in all, you're the best of the bunch. You're a backward lad, but you know your trade and it's an honest one.
(HOBSON is going up the stairs.)
ALICE. So does my Albert know his trade. (Goes R. C.)
HOBSON (half-way up-stairs) . I'll grant you that. He knows his trade. He's good at robbery. (ALICE shows great indignation.) And I've to have it on my conscience that my daughter's wed a lawyer and an employer of lawyers. ”

“ TUBBY. Will you sit on the arm-chair by the fire or at the table?
HOBSON. The table? Breakfast? Bacon? Bacon, and I'm like this.
(JIM assists him to arm-chair.)
JIM. When a man's like this he wants a woman about the house, Henry.
HOBSON (sitting) . I'll want then.
TUBBY. Shall I go for Miss Maggie, sir?—Mrs. Mossop, I mean.
JIM. I think your daughters should be here.
HOBSON. They should. Only they're not. They're married, and I'm deserted by them all and I'll die deserted, then perhaps they'll be sorry for the way they've treated me. Tubby, have you got no work to do in the shop? ”