Andrei Lubensky

“ The Hunter looked around. Terrible idols sculptured by a thunderstorm of ashes and dust gathered round them. You can see them on the picture. (They are terrible, aren't they?) . Just so, the Great Troubles will look if you meet them on the backside of the Moon. (In other places, they may look in a different way) . The idols stood silent looking at the Mosquito and the Hunter by their empty eye–sockets.
"Oh!" said the Hunter, "Really, It's enough to make my flesh creep! Run away from here!"
"Why?' asked the Mosquito, "They will not chase us. They are only idols. Statues!" ”

“ Here the Elemoont fell to thinking, "If you take twelve from infinity it comes out so many numbers as they exist after twelve, here you are!"
"But still how many?" interested the Cat. (Existence of such huge quantity of numbers was a great surprise for him) .
"I don't know," confessed the Elemoont.
"You can't subtract twelve from an infinity?" was amazed the Cat, "If I subtract twelve from twelve tiger–mice it will be zero."
"But if you subtract twelve from infinity the result will be an infinity all the same," said the Elemoont. ”

“ But I'm not a mad mosquito!"
"Lunatics' History!" cried the elephants, "It's nonsense!"
"I also think so," remarked the Hunter, "They wanted I learn by heart all twenty–five million chapters of their History!"
"All lunatics suffer from megalomania," said the Oldest Elephant, "They, probably, talk you that there was no any Moon but lunatics already had existed?"
"Yes, they said it," confirmed the Hunter.
"It's absolute rubbish! All is just the other way out. There was the Moon always, but lunatics did not dwell on it." ”

“ Red caught the ears with his left hand and took out from his top hat a hare. "A hare! A hare!" cried the spectators and again began to applaud.
"It is not a hare!" suddenly said the Elemoont recognising the Russian hare of the trolley–bus. "What, it is not a hare?" were astonished the spectators, "Who is saying it?"
"He said it himself, that he was not a real hare," announced the Elemoont, "I had heard it myself with my own ears!" And he stirred his ears for convincing.
"Are you hearing? A hare is not a hare!" said people in the second row. "The hare is not real!" ”

“ A malicious mental chuckle was heard from the darkness; the Insidious Lunatic gloated over him. "Nothing of the kind!" got angry the Martian Mosquito. Probably, you do not know that when the Martian Mosquitoes getting angry, they begin to shine like an electric light bulb. But our Mosquito was so angry that shone like a searchlight of ten million candles! Of course, he lit up some part of the Lunar Labyrinth where he was. "It seems I already lose my way!" exclaimed Mosquito seeing before him several entrances above every of which were written ‘NO ENTRANCE!’ "I don't believe in it!" ”

“ The Martian Mosquito nudged the Hunter and whispered, "We have to find our way out of this box for the time being the clouds of smoke are thick." They lifted the top of the box and began to steal to the exit. The Mosquito trod on Mr. Moonswitcher's post–stamps by which he wanted to extinguish the Moon and picked it up. "Let hide it," said the Hunter.
Going out of the cave, they saw the marching column of elemoonts, pirates, lunatics, and penguins.
"Come here! Come here!" cried the Mosquito.
At that time Mr. Moonswitcher and Mr. Red run out of the cave. ”

“ No lunatics!" Those of you, who are able to imagine even if one real lunatic, know what they are cunning and treacherous creatures. And if it is not one lunatic but they are several lunatics? And if several and yet several and many, many times by several? Just such number of lunatics gathered in the cave where they must not be. Therefore, the Hunter only entered there immediately changed into an Incautious Hunter. Outwardly this metamorphosis was not visible. Unless the Incautious Hunter became to step not so with confidence and his expression grew abstracted and dreamy. ”

“ All lapsed into silence, only the Insidious Lunatic did not quiet down, "Repeat, repeat what did you say?"
"I said what you had heard!" snarled the Elemoont and then added more peacefully, "This is not the moment to a quarrel, and it is the very moment to make it up."
"Why on earth should we do it?" cantankerously asked the lunatics who all already climbed out of their Labyrinth and were ready to continue their ‘discussion’ with the elemoonts.
"We all are in a great danger!" ”

“ But he said we must prevent him from doing it!" answered the Elemoont, "This thing is more important than some tiger–mouse."
"You should not think so about the tiger–mice," took offence the Cat, "Only one tiger–mouse can disperse a whole herd of elephants!"
"If it will be elephants, it may be," stated the Elemoont, "But nobody can disperse any herd of elemoonts!"
"I have my doubts...I have my doubts," said the Cat jawing and stretching himself, "I think you simply did not meet any tiger–mouse on your Moon. ”

“ Before the Hunter and the Mosquito knew where they were, the scientific debates were transformed into a real battle: the opponents rushed to punch one another.
"It always happens when they have no any arguments," said the Hunter, "There are no any arguments, then — BATZ! Here you are the argument! Scientific debates are all like that ones." "Not really!" was astonished the Mosquito, "Incidentally, now I understand why my grandfather warned me against going to any scientific discussion."
Meanwhile the elemoonts and the lunatics continued their ‘discussion’. ”

“ The Elemoont was left alone but he was not alone! A hunter lurked in the dense bush. He heard all, and now pondered, "If it's an Elemoont, may I hunt it? You know I did not fall from the Moon! On the other hand, it has fallen from the Moon, and it has to exposure to all kinds of earthly dangers. It should be chased! Differently, what it fell down from the Moon for? And what will it tell its grandchildren?" And the Hunter loaded his gun.
"You'll exposure to danger yourself now," thought the Elemoont who was a telepathist and can easily read thoughts at a great distance. ”

“ Hunters," guessed the Hunter–for–Elephants. "You are right, said the Oldest Elephant (who was also the biggest one) , "Precisely they are those special elephants I told you. Now you may hunt one against another as much as you like!"
"The hunting will be short," remarked one of two–trunked elephants, "It's enough to launch only one cherrystone at each."
"Take it into their heads to frighten me cherrystones!" muttered the Hunter.
"Keep silence!" whispered the Mosquito, "You don't know what sort of cherrystones exists on the Moon." ”

“ Here the Elemoont remembered what it was written in the ticket: ‘The tamer of the Universe, Mr. Red's world-wide special attraction.’
"He does not suffer from modesty," thought the Elemoont and heard on the spot, "Any modesty only hindered such business as the tame of the Universe!" Very likely, it was Mr. Red's thought. At once after the click of the tamer's whip, the tiger stopped, arched its back -- red sparks fell from it -- and suddenly loudly purred. Then it came to the tamer and lay down near his feet. Rejoicing monkeys rushed on theirs ponies behind the scenes. ”

“ So, the Hunter becoming to this time the Incautious Hunter-for-Elephants carelessly stepped along the cave, which had the inscription on a stone above its entrance "DO NOT TAKE CARE! NO LUNATICS!" He went shining his way with his flashlight and whistling a gay melody. Here is it.
The lunatics keeping quiet in the depth of the cave (it is namely they specially written that there is not any lunatics in the cave; they are very perfidious creatures!) even stopped laugh at the Hunter and listen with delight to his concert whistling. "He whistles very well!" thought some lunatics. ”

“ He tried to remember anything about impact of ducks on the World History but remembered nothing besides the fact that ‘Geese saved Rome’, but the geese are not the ducks?!
"Yes, the geese are not the ducks, and lunatics are not the ducks also," said the Insidious Lunatic who easily read the Hunter's thoughts, "Lunatics are lunatics! We have no any analogues all over the Universe. ”

“ It is a Cylindrical Universe because all top hats have a cylindrical form. And every thing here has a cylindrical form: the stars, holes, you, and I are also cylindrical."
"But piranhas were not cylindrical!" disagreed with him the Elemoont.
"Piranha? Yes. They, in general, are disorderly and undirected fishes. One day I'll overtake all them and they get cylindrical forms."
"I don't see any stars here," continued the Elemoont, "neither cylindrical nor non–cylindrical. There is only darkness all around."
"Had you ever seen how cylindrical stars shine?" asked the Cat. ”

“ We had left the Cylindrical Universe without it."
"Had left?" was amazed the Hare and looked around. "Where does the Fate landed us?"
"In the Solar System," said the Elemoont. "Look! The Mercury and the Earth run along their orbits. The right Moon — look! — flies around the Earth." ”

“ The elemoonts, the pirates, the lunatics, and the penguins looked at them with amazement.
"I'm the Ruler of the Universe!" cried Mr. Red with his red voice, "How dare you to strike me!"
"You tell lie! I'm the Ruler of the Universe!" answered Mr. Moonswitcher with dark purple bass, and they continued the scrap.
"What is it?" asked the elemoonts. "Hey, you, stop the fight!"
"Who venture to give an instruction to me, the Ruler of the Universe?" wheezed Mr. Red.
"You are miserable bugs of the Cosmos!" added Mr. Moonswitcher.
"We are bugs?" ”

“ The Cat nodded with an air of importance. "But why do I not see any Moon? The moons must exist in the real universes!" concluded the Elemoont.
"It's doubtful whether the Universe in which exist the elemoonts is real one," remarked the Cat, "However, all the same as there is the Moon in your Universe, we must see it!" ”

“ It's a familiar word!" was pleased the Elemoont, "My grandfather told me that there was a milliard lunatics on the Moon."
"Wait a little with your lunatics," stopped him the Cat. "And how many is a milliard?"
"A milliard equals one thousand millions. A million is one thousand thousands and a thousand is a thousand!" concluded the Computer.
"And how many kilometers must we fly?" asked the Elemoont. "Can you tell us now?"
"Yes, I can," answered the Computer. "You must fly a quintillion kilometers to the star which you selected. You must fly along ordinary kilometers, along its length." ”

“ Strictly speaking, lunatics already had burst out and scientific debates immediately began. "The moon is our!" cried lunatics. "It's wrong! The Moon is our!" answered the elemoonts. "It's our one!" was stubborn lunatics. "It's wrong!" did not give way the elemoonts. An incredible hullabaloo was raised. The Hunter and the Mosquito can only caught some broken phrases such as "moonisour...wrongone..."
"Stop to yell!" bellowed at last the Oldest Elephant drowning all the noise. Little by little, the silence became established. "Dear colleagues–elephants, that's to say, elemoonts! ”

“ Really, it became far darker after the square moon was switched off.
"We have to come up to any source of light," decided the Cat, "There we can take a look round."
The Elemoont looked at the starry sky and said, "It seems to me that silver little star is nearer. Steer to it!"
"It's all very well to say: ‘Steer to it!’" replied the Cat, "But how can we drive this pile of scraps?"
"It's very simply!" said the Elemoont having very vague idea of navigation. "How do all captains do it? They cry loudly ‘Right rudder!’ or ‘Left rudder!’"
"It's not enough..." ”

“ Suddenly Box stopped and asked, "And if he put one black ball into the first casket and the rest balls into the second one, what's then?"
"Then the probability of saving will be the least," said the Computer. "It will be
(1/2 * 0) + (1/2 * 2/3) = 1/3"
"What a clever boy!" the pirates exclaimed with tenderness. "And how can you calculate so neatly?"
"I simply examine the variants," modestly answered the Computer. "If you give up plundering people and learn the multiplication–table, you also can calculate something." ”

“ They were transformed out of far flashing sparkles into red flaming circles, which all time increasing their number filling up the sky and little by little gathered round the asteroid. "They are not like stars at all," thought the Elemoont. ”

“ No!" firmly said the Elemoont, "Never! On the moon only elephants–pathfinders follow somebody's tracks, but they never have their tails between their legs!"
"Well," agreed the Cat, "They may have their tails relaxed. But none the less they must follow in somebody's tracks correctly."
"You want to say that I have followed in the tracks incorrectly?" was astonished the Elemoont. ”

“ The Reflected Mosquito gave a deep sigh, "We have received some hundred letters from our readers and all they had guessed the riddle right. Not each our reader can stir his ears, but everybody can stir their brains." ”

“ But all the same, there were many partitions and walls between the Mosquito and lunatics therefore only some desultory Mosquito's thoughts reached their ears: "Impudent...Dance..."
"And thoughts of those abnormal mosquitoes are also abnormal," concluded the lunatics, and the Learned Lunatic said, "It's a remarkable case! We are attacked with a huge flock...a herd...? Swarms of perfectly abnormal and mad Martian mosquitoes are attacking us! They intend to accomplish a brutal act! They are thinking biting us!" ”

“ We came to a stop as if we are rooted to the ground."
"And what happened further?" asked the Elemoont, "And why had you mentioned the pirates' character?"
"It's very simple. Only disobedient boys became pirates," sadly gave a sigh Crocomuzzle, "My father always said me, ‘Don't blow your top! Don't blow your top!’ And since my daddy was a Russian, he added in Russian. «don’t crawl into a bottle! » ”
Crocomuzzle gave a sigh once more and far more sadly.
"So, you get into the bottle yourselves!" guessed the Elemoont. ”

“ The Gruntresses recovering their gruntler–scooter had dropped behind.
'We have flown very well," said the Elemoont, who liked his feeling of free flight. However, everybody can fly infinitely in the infinite space, and this thought slightly worried the Elemoont. Suddenly his attention was attracted by the thing that he did not expect to see here. It was a smart sofa.
"A sofa!" exclaimed the Elemoont.
"A sofa!" sweetly replied the Cat.
"Not really!" protested the Computer, "There are no any sofas in the outer space!" (All computers think very logically) . ”

“ So many tiger–mice are never being."
"What's that got to do with tiger–mice? I'm talking about an abstraction," said the Computer
"A quintillion quintillions abstractions! It's beyond human understanding!" muttered the cat.
"All right, we have looked into a quintillion," said the Elemoont, "And a quadrillion, how many is it?"
"Possibly they count the square moons by quadrillions," remarked the Cat.
"No! The quadrillion is an ordinary number and it equals a thousand trillions.
"Things are going from bad to worth," muttered again the Cat, "But how many is a trillion?" ”