Captain Frederick Hoffman

“ Our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. At length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. To make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. ”

“ But show me the fair one who would not excuse a sailor thirsty and on the back of an animal as obstinate as a boat’s crew when cutting out. After a fruitless attempt to proceed further on my voyage of discovery, I hove about. The animal answered stays as well as any frigate, and was round sooner than the captain of the forecastle could clap the jib traveller over the end of the jib-boom. I was heartily tired of my horse cruise, and was glad when I hove to at the “Hoop and Griffin.” ”

“ On returning on board I found a note for me from the captain, to acquaint me that we were to sail in a few days for Black River, in order to collect a homeward-bound convoy, as we were ordered to England. I withdrew my heart from the different little snug rooms I had left it in, and placed it on the right hook. I was so much elated that my dinner went from table untouched. I kept conjuring up Paradises, Elysian fields, and a number of other places never heard of, inhabited by women more beautiful than Eastern imagery can possibly describe—so fair, so chaste, so lovely, and so domestic. ”

“ We strained our eyes and imaginations in vain. There they stuck, as the seamen used to say, like the Merrydun, of Dover, which took seven years in veering, and when she did so the fly of her ensign swept two flocks of sheep off Beachy Head, while her jib-boom knocked down the steeple of Calais church and killed the sexton. Cruising on this Siberian ground was horribly monotonous work. We sincerely wished the French fleet alongside of us, or in a warmer place. On one dark night we were caught in a heavy gale from the westward. We were under close-reefed main and foretop-sails and mizzen. ”

“ The telegraph signal was flying from the masthead of the Victory, “England expects every man to do his duty.” It was answered with three hearty cheers from each ship, which must have shaken the nerve of the enemy. We were saved the trouble of taking in our studding-sails, as our opponents had the civility to effect it by shot before we got into their line. At length we had the honour of nestling His Majesty’s ship between a French and a Spanish seventy-four, and so close that a biscuit might have been thrown on the decks of either of them. ”

“ The father, who was a hearty old farmer, asked me to call in again before I sailed, for at this time I was master’s mate of the Savage sloop of war. She was just commissioned at Chatham, and as we did not expect to sail for three weeks, I had plenty of time to make love.” “But did you think it prudent to marry, knowing that you could scarcely support yourself, much less a wife?” demanded the younger. “That’s all true,” replied he; “but don’t put me in mind of my misfortunes. I was in love, you know, and when a man is in love, why, he’s two-thirds a woman. ”

“ At the expiration of another three months, His Majesty’s sloop’s anchors once more bit the mud in the Downs. On my going on shore to the admiral’s office, I was informed that I was to repair to Plymouth and there refit. I was, as Sir R. Strachan said in his despatch, “delighted.” I hoped we should be ordered to the Mediterranean. I dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail. As I passed the coast near Boulogne I made my bow and wished it good-bye, I hoped for ever. On the fourth day we graced Plymouth Sound. ”

“ My messmates gave me the outline of the captain’s character. They informed me he was more cut out for a country gentleman than the captain of a man-of-war, that he was very partial to a good dinner—“Show me the man who is not,” interrupted I;—that he was highly nervous, and that he left everything to the first lieutenant, except the discipline of his cook. “So be it,” cried I, “I think we shall accord.” About ten days after being on board he sent for me into his cabin. “Now,” said he to me, “Mr. Hoffman, we have had time enough to know each other. ”

“ When the wind was light, we generally anchored about two gun-shots from the shore, and in the evening the crew danced or got up a kind of farce, which was farcical enough. After seven long, lazy, tedious weeks, we were ordered to Plymouth to refit. We flew like a shovel-nosed barge against tide, and reached Hamoaze on the evening of the third day. Reader, I do not know whether you were ever at Plymouth. If you have not, go there. It is in a beautiful country, and very healthy. The people are very civil, and until the taxes and poor rates became so high, were very hospitable. ”

“ I was welcomed to the mess by the master’s mate, who held in his hand a dirty, empty bottle, with a farthing candle lighted in the neck of it. “Take care,” said he, “you don’t break your shins over the youngsters’ chests.” “Thank you,” said I; “but I always thought a flag-ship’s cockpit too well regulated to have chests athwartships.” “Why, to tell you the truth,” replied he, “those d——d youngsters are so often changing ships, being here to-day and promoted to-morrow, that it is impossible to keep either chests, mess or them in anything like order. I wish they were all at the devil.” ”

“ We reached Port Royal on the afternoon of the following day, but remarked we were not received with that welcome as before; no boats filled with yellow-legged females came off with banjos. Why? Because we brought in no prize with us. And when we went on shore some of these delicate dames exclaimed when we accosted them: “Eh, massa, you hab know me before? I no recollect you. What ship you belong to?” And we were seldom asked to the dignity balls. ”

“ Is the hand of interest so grasping that the Lords of the Admiralty cannot administer justice to old officers and promote four or six from the head of the list on a general promotion as well as those very young officers, who most likely were not in being when their seniors entered the Service, nor have many of them seen a shot fired except in a preserve? It has been said that the patronage for the promotion of officers in the Navy is entirely in the hands of the First Lord, who is a civilian. ”

“ I could not forbear laughing at the man’s explanation. “What’s the signalman about?” inquired the captain; “why does he not hoist the signal?” “He did not know where to find the pendant you mentioned,” replied I. “I have told him you meant the interrogatory pendant.” “To be sure; I said so as plain as I could speak. The fellow must be stupid not to understand me,” continued our deeply-read skipper. A worthier, better or braver seaman than our noble commander never had the honour of commanding a King’s ship. ”

“ At the dinner-table were ten officers and one lady. I was seated on the left side of the Comte. I cut a sorry figure among so many smart and star-coated men. The dinner was plentiful and good, and everybody chatty and in good humour, in which I could not help, notwithstanding my situation, taking a part. After we had taken our coffee I naturally concluded I should be on parole. When I took my leave the captain in the navy and another officer said they would walk with me as it was dusk, and I presumed we were going to an inn—but, oh, horror of horrors! ”

“ The morning after you went away,” resumed he, “we saw a vessel in the offing much resembling her. I stood towards her, and found she was an American. The sea-breeze became so strong that I could not fetch sufficiently to windward, and that accounts for your not seeing us. I was truly unfortunate, and the cruise was disastrous beyond credibility. You a prisoner, with a midshipman and nine seamen, the master and three men killed, and five others taken, and the second lieutenant, a midshipman and sixteen of the best seamen most likely drowned—for I think beyond a doubt she has upset.” ”

“ I do not think I will ever send the boats away again.” “Not till the next time,” thinks I to myself. We repaired to one of our old cruising grounds, the Isle de Vâche, and although our noble captain had some days before come to a kind of secondhand determination of not sending boats away from the ship, on a large schooner heaving in sight towards the evening, I volunteered with the purser, if he would allow us the two cutters, as the wind had died away, to go after her. ”

“ How blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!
On the ninth day His Majesty’s brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. We wished Boulogne, Bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. On Sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anchored outside the pier, but so close to it that I fear our shot made little impression. ”

“ He immediately jumped down to the chief mate’s cabin and told him what he had seen. They both went on deck, the mate armed with a loaded pistol and my brother with a cutlass. By this time the serpent—for it was a sea-serpent—had twisted itself round the bowsprit of the vessel, and was about twenty feet long. Its eyes were about the size of the scuppers and shined like the morning star.” “Why, Bill,” said one of the listeners, “clap a stopper on that yarn; those sarpents are only seen on the coast of Ameriky, and nobody but Yankees ever seed them.” ”

“ I received my sword from the President, Admiral Sir George Martin, with a high encomium.
The days of my youth have floated by like a dream, and after having been forty-five years in the Navy my remuneration is a hundred and eighty pounds a year, without any prospect of its being increased. If the generality of parents would take my advice they never would send one of their boys into the service without sufficient interest and some fortune. If they do, their child, if he behaves well, may die in his old age, possibly as a lieutenant, with scarcely an income to support himself ”

“ As we were still in sight of the vessels at Port Royal, we made the signal for assistance, and soon afterwards saw a frigate and a store ship coming out towards us. The sea breeze began to set in, which drove us more on the shoal, notwithstanding [pg 118] that we had carried out two anchors ahead. At length she thumped so violently that we jumped at least a foot high from the deck. I could not refrain from smiling to see the captain and officers with serious, long, anxious faces, cutting capers against their will. ”

“ I reflected a short time, and not knowing there was such a ship on the Navy List, turned to the first lieutenant and asked him if he had heard of such a man-of-war. “No,” said he, smiling, “the captain chooses to call her so; he means the flag-ship.” On repairing on board her, my commander said to me, “You help me to look at those fellows’ phizes,” pointing to a number of men who were toeing the seam on her quarter-deck. “I am to take thirty of them; they are queer-looking chaps, and I do not much like the cut of their jib. ”

“ The life I now led was too independent to last much longer; my month expired, when I gave up my Robinson Crusoe government to a master’s mate belonging to a ship which had come in to refit. We at length up-anchored, as the mids declared if we remained longer the captain feared we should ground on the beef-bones we threw overboard daily! Three days after sailing we captured a Spanish schooner from Cuba, bound to Port-au-Paix, with nine French washerwomen on board with a quantity of clothes. ”

“ The first lieutenant, an elderly, weather-beaten, gentlemanly looking person, now came on deck. I had a letter for him from my sister’s husband-elect, which I gave him. After reading it he asked me how I had left my friends, and before I could answer the question I heard him say to the second lieutenant, “What the devil do they send such delicate boys into the Service to be knocked on the head for?—much better make civilians of them.” Then turning to me, “Well, youngster,” said he, with a good-humoured smile, “you’ll dine in the gun room with us at three o’clock.” ”

“ I consented, and at four o’clock in the afternoon on the following day I was at the Castle, where eight stout black men, with palanquins, were ready to carry us. I found this mode of travelling very easy and agreeable. The hammock in which I reclined was made of a long grass, stained with several colours; two of the bearers carried it on their shoulders by a pole, the other two sang songs, kept off the mosquitoes and sunflies by whisking about a branch of a cocoanut tree over the hammock, and occasionally relieved the others. ”

“ At daylight next morning our signal was made to chase an enemy’s lugger in shore. We were gaining rapidly on her when she ran in between some rocks; we then prepared the boats to attack and bring her out, but as we stood in for that purpose we found the water suddenly shoal, and a battery we had not perceived opened its fire on us. We were obliged to haul off, but not before we had fired several shot at both lugger and battery. The latter again fired and knocked away our mizzen top-gallant mast. We bore up and gave it a broadside, and could see pieces of rock near it fly in all directions. ”

“ I am sorry to state here that I have seen men sometimes flogged for trifles where a minor punishment would have been more appropriate. Caprice and partiality should never govern an officer’s conduct; young lieutenants are too prone to make complaints to their captain without reflecting on the character of the offender. A thorough-bred seaman is very seldom in fault, and should he unfortunately trespass a little on the discipline of the ship, his offence [pg 111] should be visited as lightly as possible. Well-timed admonition will make a surer impression than half-a-dozen cats. ”

“ In the afternoon a canoe came alongside with a tall grasshopper of a woman as ugly as sin and as black as the ace of spades, with a little girl about seven years old a shade, if possible, blacker, and as great a beauty as herself. ”

“ Gibraltar limits, and we were at liberty to go nearly as far as the nearest Spanish fort. It was a singular coincidence to see us shaking hands and offering cigars to men whose duty it was an hour before to shoot us. Everything went off very pleasantly except with the poor, distressed horses, who had to run over deep sand. After the Spanish Governor and his officers had partaken of a plentiful collation under a large marquee, they took their departure, and we gave them three cheers. We at length received our rudder from the hands of the dockyard mateys. ”