George H. Napheys

“ A thousand distractions divert man. Fame, riches, power, pleasure, all struggle in his bosom to displace the sentiment of love. They are its rivals, not rarely its masters. But woman knows no such distractions. One passion only sits enthroned in her bosom; one only idol is enshrined in her heart, knowing no rival, no successor. This passion is love! This idol is its object.
This is not fancy, not rhetoric; it is the language of cold and exact science, pronounced from the chair of history, from the bureau of the statistician, from the dissecting table of the anatomist. ”

“ They have to work, and work hard; they have no opportunity to spare themselves; the iron hand of necessity is upon them, and they must obey. We can but sympathize with them, and cheer them with the consolation that many a woman has borne all this and lived to a healthy and happy old age. Nature has surrounded the infinitely delicate machinery of woman's organization with a thousand safeguards, but for all that, the delicacy remains; and it is because so many women are forced to neglect their duties to their ownselves, that so many thousands walk the streets of our great cities, living martyrs. ”

“ There man, once more partaking of the nature of his surroundings, yields as slowly to the impulses of his passions as does the ice-bound earth to the slanting rays of the summer sun. Maturity, so quick to come, so swift to leave in the torrid heats, arrives, chilled by the long winters, to the girls of Lapland, Norway, and Siberia, only when they are eighteen and nineteen years of age. But, in return for this, they retain their vigor and good looks to a green old age. ”

“ These windows of the soul betray to the close observer the novel emotions which are arising in the mind within.
The voice, too, shares in the transformation. The piping, slender articulation of the child gives way to the rich, melodious, soft voice of woman—the sweetest music man ever hears. To the student of humanity, to the observant physician, nothing is more symbolical of the whole nature than the voice. ”

“ It is rooted in that unconscious law of life which bids us perpetuate our kind; which guards over the conservation of life; which enforces, with ceaseless admonition, that first precept which God gave to man before the gates of Eden had been closed upon him: 'Be thou fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.' Nothing but a spurious delicacy, or an ignorance of facts, can prevent our full recognition that love looks to marriage, and marriage to offspring, as a natural sequence. ”

“ Man is man for a longer time than woman is woman. With him it is a lifetime matter; with her it is but for a score of years or so. Her child-bearing period is less than half her life. Within this time she passes through all the phases of that experience which is peculiarly her own.
And these phases, what are they? Nature herself defines them. They are three in number,—the Maiden, the Wife, and the Mother. In one and then another of this triad, her life passes. Each has its own duties and dangers; each demands its own precautions; each must be studied by itself. ”

“ Marriages are usual at twelve or fourteen years of age. Puberty comes to both sexes as early as at ten and eleven years. We even read in the life of Mohammed, that one of his wives, when but ten years of age, bore him a son. Let another dozen years pass, and these blooming maidens have been metamorphosed into wrinkled, faded old women. The beauty of their precocious youth has withered almost literally like a flower which is plucked. ”

“ Rest assured that the man who scoffs at Christianity, who neglects its precepts and violates its laws, runs a terrible risk of bringing upon himself, his wife, and his children, the vengeance of nature, which knows justice but not mercy. Rest assured that the man who respects the maxims of that religion, and abstains from all uncleanness, is the only man who is worthy the full and confiding love of an honorable woman. ”

“ With all the resources of clubs, billiard-rooms, saloons, narcotics, and stimulants, single men make but a mock show of satisfaction. At heart every one of them envies his married friends. How much more monotonous and more readily exhausted are the resources of woman's single life! No matter what 'sphere' she is in, no matter in what 'circle' she moves, no matter what 'mission' she invents, it will soon pall on her. Would you see the result? We invoke once more those dry volumes, full of lines and figures, on vital statistics. Stupid as they look, they are full of the strangest stories ”

“ That life which is devoid of love is incomplete, sterile, unsatisfactory. It fails of its chiefest end. Nature, in anger, blots it out sooner, and it passes like the shadow of a cloud, leaving no trace behind. Admirable as it may be in other respects, to the [Pg 53] eye of the statesman, the physician, the lover of his species, it remains but a fragment, a torso.
Love is one thing to a woman, another to a man. ”

“ There is a poison in crowds, and it acts in a thousand unseen ways. With the ceaseless noise, the broken sleep, the late hours, the impure air, and the nervous tension which all these produce, it requires no strength of imagination to perceive that the city is not the best place for the delicate girl. ”

“ It is yet to be seen whether ill-assorted marriages produce those impressions we have mentioned. They may, indeed, on the body, while the mind is free. One must remember, also, that the exigencies of social life must be consulted. If a woman cannot love two men equally,—and she cannot,—other motives, worthy of all respect, justify her in entering the marriage life a second time. Then, the higher refinements of the emotions are not given to all alike, nor do they come at the same age to all. True love may first dawn upon a woman after one or two husbands have left her a widow. ”

“ It is enough to say, that the woman who finds herself afflicted by manifold aches and pains, without obvious cause; who suffers with her head and her stomach and her nerves; who discovers that, in spite of the precepts of religion and the efforts of will, she is becoming irritable, impatient, dissatisfied with her friends, her family, and herself; who is, in short, unable any longer to perceive anything of beauty and of pleasure in this world, and hardly anything to hope for in the next,—this woman, in all probability, is suffering from a displacement or an ulceration of the uterus. ”

“ The epoch of puberty comes to a boy at about the same age as it does to a girl,—fourteen or fifteen years. And an even greater period passes between this epoch and the age it is proper for a man to marry,—his age of nubility.
Not only has he a more complete education to obtain, not only a profession or trade to learn, and some property to accumulate, some position to acquire, ere he is ready to take a wife, but his physical powers ripen more slowly than those of woman. He is more tardy in completing his growth, and early indulgence more readily saps his constitution. ”

“ The first seven years of life should be one grand holiday for all sports and amusements which will bring into play the muscles, and divert at the same time the mind. Time cannot be more usefully employed than in thus laying the foundation of health, upon which alone can rest the physical, mental, and moral well-being of after-life.
No greater mistake can be made by parents than to deprive the young of the innocent pleasures of childhood. ”

“ Late hours, children's parties, sensational novels, 'flashy' papers, love stories, the drama, the ball-room, talk of beaux, love, and marriage,—that atmosphere of riper years which is so often and so injudiciously thrown around childhood,—all hasten the event which transforms the girl into the woman. ”

“ That not only degrades their physical nature, but it lowers their tastes, and places them in æsthetics on a level with the Indian squaw who flattens her head and bores her nose, and with the Chinese woman who gilds her teeth, and compresses her foot into a shapeless mass. True beauty is ever synonymous with health; and the woman who, out of subservience to the demands of fashion, for years squeezes her waist and flattens her breast, will live to rue it when she becomes a mother. Away, then, with tight corsets and all similar contrivances. ”

“ In the early part of this work we quoted some authorities to show that those women who choose single life as their portion do not escape the ills of existence, nor do they protract their days, but, on the contrary, as shown by extensive statistics, are more prone to affections of the mind, and die earlier. While, therefore, nature thus rewards those who fulfil the functions of their being, by taking part in the mysterious processes of reproduction, and perpetuating the drama of existence, it is true also that she associates these privileges with certain deprivations and suffering. ”

“ It is impossible for us here to rehearse all the minute symptoms, each almost trifling in itself, which warn the practised physician of the approach of one of these fearful foes in time to allow him to make a defence. We can do little more than iterate the warning, that whenever, at this momentous epoch, any disquieting change appears, be it physical or mental, let not a day be lost in summoning skilled, competent medical advice. ”

“ The two years which change the girl to the woman often seal for ever the happiness or the hopeless misery of her whole life. They decide whether she is to become a healthy, helpful, cheerful wife and mother, or a languid, complaining invalid, to whom marriage is a curse, children an affliction, and life itself a burden. ”

“ There are, indeed, certain signs and marks which such diseases leave with which physicians are conversant. As if nature intended them as warnings, they are imprinted on the most visible and public parts of the body. The skin, the hair, the nose, the voice, the lines on the face, often divulge to the trained observer, more indubitably than the confessional, a lewd and sensual life. ”

“ A foolish mother sometimes goes to sleep while allowing her child to continue sucking. The unconscious babe, after a time, loses the nipple, and buries his head in the bed-clothes. She awakes in the morning, finding, to her horror, a corpse by her side! A mother ought therefore never to go to sleep until her child has ceased sucking.'
When a couple of months have elapsed, the child, if a healthy one, may sleep alone. What the child sleeps in is not a matter of great moment, provided it has a sufficiency of clothing, and be not exposed to currents of air. ”

“ It is absurd for physicians or theologians to insist that it is either the physical or moral duty of the female to have [Pg 121] as many children as she possibly can have. It is time that such an injurious prejudice was discarded, and the truth recognised, that while marriage looks to offspring as its natural sequence, there should be inculcated such a thing as marital continence, and that excess here as elsewhere is repugnant to morality, and is visited by the laws of physiology with certain and severe punishment on parent and child. ”

“ Admitted, by our calling, to the sacred precincts of many houses in the trying hours of sickness and death, we speak advisedly, and know that this is the prevailing meaning of love in domestic life.
A warm, rich affection blesses the one who gives and the one who receives. Character developes [Pg 57] under it as the plant beneath the sunlight. Happiness is an unknown word without it. Love and marriage are the only normal conditions of life. Without them, both man and woman for ever miss the best part of themselves. They suffer more, they sin more, they perish sooner. ”

“ In treating of pregnancy we have pointed out that it was a healthy and happy condition to most women. The exceptional cases are mainly those in which the health is injured by mental trouble or anxiety. Thus the young and delicate girl newly married is full of vague alarms in regard to the pains and dangers of her untried path to maternity. She frets herself and embitters her life during those months in which tranquility is of the utmost importance. Is it surprising, then, that her health should be disordered, and that she should suffer from some of the diseases incident to the pregnant state? ”

“ Better, far better, to bear a child every year for twenty years than to resort to such a wicked and injurious step; better to die, if needs be, in the pangs of childbirth, than to live with such a weight of sin on the conscience.
There is no need of either. By the moderation we have mentioned, it is in the power of any woman to avoid the evils of an excessive family, without injury and without criminality. ”

“ We could never exhaust this phase of world-history. Everywhere we see the unexpected hand of Love moulding, fashioning all things. The fortunes of the individual, the fate of nations, the destinies of races, are guided by this invisible thread. ”

“ This deep, all-absorbing, single, wondrous love of woman, is something that man cannot understand. This sea of unfathomed depth is to him a mystery. The shallow mind sees of it nothing but the rippling waves, the unstable foam-crests dashing hither and thither, the playful ripples of the surface, and, blind to the still and measureless waters beneath, calls woman capricious, uncertain,—varium et mutabile. ”

“ The changes constantly going on in the physical, intellectual, and emotional states of the parents, produce a corresponding alteration in offspring conceived at successive intervals. Twins generally resemble each other very closely in every respect.
Inasmuch, therefore, as the moment of generation is of much more importance than is commonly believed in its effect upon the moral and physical life of the future being, it is to be wished that parents would pay some attention to this subject. It is the moment of creation,—that in which the first vital power is communicated to the new creature. ”

“ Previous to the twenty-third year, many a man is incapable of producing healthy children. If he does not destroy his health by premature indulgence, he may destroy his happiness by witnessing his children a prey to debility and deformity. An old German proverb says, 'Give a boy a wife, and a child a bird, and death will soon knock at the door.' Even an author so old as Aristotle warns young men against early marriage, under penalty of disease and puny offspring. ”

“ To avoid the tendency to debilitated frames and chronic diseases, woman should therefore learn not only the laws of her own physical life, but the relations in which she stands to the other sex. Thus she can guard her own health, and preserve her offspring from degeneracy. It is only by enlightenment, and the extension of knowledge on the topics relating to soundness of body and mind, that we can found rational hopes of a permanent and wide-spread improvement of the race. ”

“ Closing his life at an age when most professional men are but beginning theirs, he had already studied broadly, had traveled widely over two continents, had gained credit and fame by the sword and the pen, and had amassed a fund of erudition and experience which the more lethargic lives of most men fail to approach after twice his length of days. ”

“ We are not blind to the fact, that often from the first interview the maiden feels an undefined spell thrown around her by him who will become her husband. She feels differently in his presence; she watches him with other eyes than she has for the rest of men. ”