A. A. Milne

“ If Chum could see all the good little London dogs, who at home sit languidly on their mistress's lap, and abroad take their view of life through a muff much bigger than themselves; if he could see the big obedient dogs, who walk solemnly through the Park carrying their master's stick, never pausing in their impressive march unless it be to plunge into the Serpentine and rescue a drowning child, he would know what I mean. He would admit that a dog who cannot answer to his own name and pays but little more attention to "Down, idiot," and "Come here, fool," is not every place's dog. ”

“ I know a fool of a dog who pretends that he is a Cocker Spaniel, and is convinced that the world revolves round him wonderingly. The sun rises so it may shine on his glossy morning coat; it sets so his master may know that it is time for the evening biscuit; if the rain falls it is that a fool of a dog may wipe on his mistress's skirts his muddy boots. His day is always exciting, always full of the same good thing ”

“ For eighteen years Gwendolen French had been the daughter of John French of Primrose Farm. Endowed by Nature with a beauty that is seldom seen outside this sort of story, she was yet as modest and as good a girl as was to be found in the county. Many a fine lady would have given all her Parisian diamonds for the peach-like complexion which bloomed on the fair face of Gwendolen. But the gifts of Nature are not to be bought and sold. ”

“ So Jack was blindfolded, the needle hid, and Muriel took his hand.
"Now is your mind a perfect blank?" said Simms to Jack.
"It always is," said Jack.
"Very well then. You ought soon to feel in a dreamy state, as though you were in another world. Miss Muriel, you must think only of the needle."
Jack held her hand tight, and looked most idiotically peaceful. After three minutes Simms spoke again.
"Well?" he said, eagerly.
"I've got the dreamy, other-world state perfectly," said Jack, and then he gave at the knees, just for the look of the thing. ”

“ The Giant was sitting in front of the fire, his great spiked club between his knees. At Charming's entry he turned round, gave a start of surprise, bent forward eagerly a moment, and then leant back chuckling. Like most over-grown men he was naturally kind-hearted and had a simple humour, but he could be stubborn when he liked. ”

“ It is good that children should be encouraged to take an interest in the affairs of the day, but I do think that a little girl might be taught by its father (or if more convenient, mother) which part of a newspaper to read. Had Margery asked me the difference between a bunker and a banker, had she demanded an explanation of "ultimatum" or "guillotine," I could have done something with it; but to let a child of six fill her head with ideas as to the firmness or otherwise of Home Rails is hardly nice. ”

“ Roger (missing the point rather) . Nay, if I die, let me die like a man, not like a puling girl. Yet, sweetheart——
Enter Lord Carey by ordinary door.
Carey (forgetting himself in his confusion) . Odds my zounds, dod sink me! What murrain is this?
Roger (seizing Sir Thomas's sword, which had been accidentally left behind on the table, as I ought to have said before, and advancing threateningly) . It means, my lord, that a villain's time has come. Wilt say a prayer?
(They fight, and Carey is disarmed before they can hurt each other.)
Carey (dying game) . Strike, Master Dale! ”

“ James, why don't you prune more? Prune now—I should like to watch you. [Pg 193] Where's your pruning-hook? You can't possibly do it with a rake."
James spends most of his day with a rake—sometimes leaning on it, sometimes working with it. The beds are always beautifully kept. Only the most hardy annual would dare to poke his head up and spoil the smooth appearance of the soil. For those who like circles and rectangles of unrelieved brown, James is undoubtedly the man.
As I stood in the sun I had a brilliant idea.
"James," I said, "we'll cut the croquet lawn this afternoon." ”

“ Gwendolen curtsied.
"This is Primrose Farm, Sir," she said.
"I fear," he replied with a smile, "it has been my misfortune never to have heard so charming a name before. I am Lord Beltravers of Beltravers Castle, Beltravers. Having returned last night from India I came out for an early stroll this morning, and I fear that I have wandered out of my direction."
"Why," cried Gwendolen, "your lordship is miles from Beltravers Castle. How tired and hungry you must be." She removed a lettuce from the kitchen-chair, dusted it, and offered it to him. ”

“ London is always glad to welcome such people as Lionel Norwood. In no other city is it so simple for a man of easy conscience to earn a living by his wits. If Lionel ever had any scruples (which, after a perusal of the above account of his early days, it may be permitted one to doubt) they were removed by an accident to his solicitor, who was run over in the Argentine on the very day that he arrived there with what was left of Lionel's money. ”

“ By a bit of luck, James, my gardener, whom I pay half-a-crown a week for combing the beds, knows nothing about them either; so my ignorance remains undiscovered. But in other people's gardens I have to make something of an effort to keep up appearances. Without flattering myself I may say that I have acquired a certain manner; I give the impression of the garden lover, or the man with shares in a seed-company, or—or something.
For instance, at Creek Cottage, Mrs. Atherley will say to me, "That's an Amphilobertus Gemini," pointing to something which I hadn't noticed behind a rake. ”

“ No rich man is ever ruined politically. Or socially." She patted his hand gently. "You'll do it?" [Pg 396]
He got up slowly. "You'll see next week," he said.
It is not meet that we should watch the unhappy Rupert through the long-drawn hours of the night, as he wrestled with the terrible problem. A moment's sudden madness on that May afternoon had brought him to the cross-roads. On the one hand, reputation, wealth, the girl that he loved; on the other, his own honour and—so, at least, he had said several times on the platform—the safety of England. ”

“ That was Chum's last day of freedom. He keeps inside the front gate now. But he is still a happy dog; there is plenty doing in the garden. There are beds to walk over, there are blackbirds in the apple-tree to bark at. The world is still full of wonderful things. "Why only last Wednesday," he will tell you, "the fishmonger left his basket in the drive. There was a haddock in it, if you'll believe me, for Master's breakfast, so of course I saved it for him. ”

“ IV. THE ART OF CONVERSATION
"In conversation," said somebody (I think it was my grandfather) , "there should always be a give and take. The ball must be kept rolling." If he had ever had a niece two years old, I don't think he would have bothered.
"What's 'at?" said Margery, pointing suddenly.
"That," I said, stroking it, "is dear uncle's nose."
"What's 'at?"
"Take your finger away. Ah, yes, that is dear uncle's eye. The left one."
"Dear uncle's left one," said Margery thoughtfully. "What's it doing?"
"Thinking."
"What's finking?"
"What dear uncle does every afternoon after lunch." ”

“ I've got the anatomy of a tortoise, I've got the very delicate inside of a tortoise, but I don't think like one, stupid. Else I shouldn't mind being one."
"I never thought of that."
"No one does, except me. And I can think of nothing else." He paused and added confidently. "We're trying rum omelettes just now. Somehow I don't think tortoises really like them. However, we shall see. I suppose you've never heard anything definite against them?"
"You needn't bother about that," said Charming briskly. "By to-night you will be a man again." ”

“ This was twenty years ago. Let us to-day take a walk through the galleries of Mr. Adrian Plimsoll's charming residence which, as the world knows, overlooks the park. Any friend of mine is always welcome at Number Fifteen. We will start with the North Gallery; I fear that I shall only have time to point out a few of the choicest gems.
This is a Pontesiori sword of the thirteenth century—the only example of the master's art without any notches. ”

“ The theme—as one guessed from the title, even before the curtain rose—was the wooing of Winifred. In the First Act Dick proposed to Winifred and was refused by her, not from lack of love, but for fear lest she might spoil his career, he being one of those big-hearted men with a hip-pocket to whom the open spaces of the world call loudly. Whereupon Mr. Levinski took Winifred on one side and told the audience how, when he had been a young man, some good woman had refused him for a similar reason and had been miserable ever since. ”

“ I took my pencil out and began to think. I know it sounds an easy game to you now, as you sit at your desk surrounded by dictionaries; but when you are squeezed on to the edge of a sofa, given a very blunt pencil and a thin piece of paper, and challenged to write in five minutes (on your knees) all the words you can think of beginning with a certain letter—well, it is another matter altogether. ”

“ As the curtain goes up two ladies are discovered in the morning-room of Honeysuckle Lodge engaged in work of a feminine nature. Miss Alice Prendergast is doing something delicate with a crochet-hook, but it is obvious that her thoughts are far away. She sighs at intervals and occasionally lays down her work and presses both hands to her heart. A sympathetic audience will have no difficulty in guessing that she is in love. On the other hand, her elder sister, Miss Prendergast, is completely wrapped up in a sock for one of the poorer classes, over which she frowns formidably. ”

“ Isobel. Don't go, George!
George. My dear, I love you! But when I heard that you were another's, honour compelled me——
Isobel (sitting up quickly) . What do you mean by another's?
George. You said you were engaged!
Isobel (suddenly realising how the dreadful misunderstanding arose which nearly wrecked two lives) . But I only meant I was engaged to play tennis with Lady Carbrook! [Pg 318]
George. What a fool I have been! (He hurries on before the audience can assent.) Then, Isobel, you will be mine?
Isobel. Yes, George. And you won't go and shoot nasty bears, will you, dear? ”

“ I have often threatened to begin the treatment on my very next visit, but somehow it has been put off; the occasion of his birthday offers a last opportunity.
It is rather absurd, though, to talk of birthdays in connection with Chum, for he has been no more than three months old since we have had him. He is a black spaniel who has never grown up. He has a beautiful astrachan coat which gleams when the sun is on it; but he stands so low in the water that the front of it is always getting dirty, and his ears and the ends of his trousers trail in the mud. ”

“ I said at the tenth tee, "and no bisques left."
"Thank Heaven for that," sighed Henry.
"But I have only to halve one hole out of nine," I pointed out. "Technically I am on what is known as velvet."
"Oh, shut up and drive."
I am a bad golfer, but even bad golfers do holes in bogey now and then. In the ordinary way I was pretty certain to halve one of the nine holes with Henry, and so win the match. Both the eleventh and the seventeenth, for instance, are favourites of mine. ”

“ But Miss Power was firm. She gave me the poker. I pressed it hard on the floor, said good-bye to them all, and dived. I got half-way round, and was supporting myself upside down by one toe and the slippery end of the poker, when it suddenly occurred to me that the earth was revolving at an incredible speed on its own axis, and that, in addition, we were hurtling at thousands of miles a minute round the sun. ”

“ He was a pale, enthusiastic young man of the name of Simms; and he held forth to us at great length about his latest hobby.
"Now I'll just show you a little experiment," he wound up, "one that I have never known to fail. First of all I want you to hide a needle somewhere, while I am out of the room. You must stick it where it can be seen—on a chair—or on the floor if you like. Then I shall come back blindfolded and find it."
"Oh, Mr. Simms!" we all said.
"Now, which one of you has the strongest will?"
We pushed Jack forward. Jack is at any rate a big man. ”

“ He found to his surprise that airy banter still came easy to him.
"To what," he continued, "do I owe the honour of this meeting?"
"I came downstairs for my dolly," said Elsie. "The one you sent me this morning, do you remember?"
"Of course I do, my dear."
"And what have you bwought me now, Father Kwistmas?"
Robert started. If he was to play the rôle successfully he must find something to give her now. The remains of the turkey, a pair of finger-bowls, his old hat—all these came hastily into his mind, and were dismissed. He had nothing of value on him. All had been pawned long ago. ”