George Bernard Shaw

“ I told you you were getting the worst of it, Saranoff.
SERGIUS. Tiger cat!
RAINA (running excitedly to Bluntschli) . You hear this man calling me names, Captain Bluntschli?
BLUNTSCHLI. What else can he do, dear lady? He must defend himself somehow. Come (very persuasively) , don't quarrel. What good does it do? (Raina, with a gasp, sits down on the ottoman, and after a vain effort to look vexedly at Bluntschli, she falls a victim to her sense of humor, and is attacked with a disposition to laugh.)
SERGIUS. Engaged to Nicola! (He rises.) Ha! ha! ”

“ I've often thought that if Raina were out of the way, and you just a little less of a fool and Sergius just a little more of one, you might come to be one of my grandest customers, instead of only being my wife and costing me money.
LOUKA. I believe you would rather be my servant than my husband. You would make more out of me. Oh, I know that soul of yours.
NICOLA (going up close to her for greater emphasis) . Never you mind my soul; but just listen to my advice. If you want to be a lady, your present behaviour to me won't do at all, unless when we're alone. It's too sharp and imprudent ”

“ The way to get on as a lady is the same as the way to get on as a servant: you've got to know your place; that's the secret of it. And you may depend on me to know my place if you get promoted. Think over it, my girl. I'll stand by you: one servant should always stand by another.
LOUKA (rising impatiently) . Oh, I must behave in my own way. You take all the courage out of me with your cold-blooded wisdom. Go and put those logs on the fire: that's the sort of thing you understand. (Before Nicola can retort, Sergius comes in. He checks himself a moment on seeing Louka; then goes to the stove.) ”

“ I fight when I have to, and am very glad to get out of it when I haven't to. You're only an amateur: you think fighting's an amusement.
SERGIUS. You shall hear the reason all the same, my professional. The reason is that it takes two men—real men—men of heart, blood and honor—to make a genuine combat. I could no more fight with you than I could make love to an ugly woman. ”

“ You've no magnetism: you're not a man, you're a machine.
BLUNTSCHLI (apologetically) . Quite true, quite true. I always was that sort of chap. I'm very sorry. But now that you've found that life isn't a farce, but something quite sensible and serious, what further obstacle is there to your happiness?
RAINA (riling) . You are very solicitous about my happiness and his. Do you forget his new love—Louka? It is not you that he must fight now, but his rival, Nicola.
SERGIUS. Rival!! (Striking his forehead.)
RAINA. Did you not know that they are engaged?
SERGIUS. Nicola! Are fresh abysses opening! ”

“ If I loved you, and I were the Czar himself, I would set you on the throne by my side. You know that I love another woman, a woman as high above you as heaven is above earth. And you are jealous of her. ”

“ RAINA (succumbing with a shy smile) . To my chocolate cream soldier!
BLUNTSCHLI (with a boyish laugh of delight) . That'll do. Thank you. (Looks at his watch and suddenly becomes businesslike.) Time's up, Major. You've managed those regiments so well that you are sure to be asked to get rid of some of the Infantry of the Teemok division. Send them home by way of Lom Palanka. Saranoff: don't get married until I come back: I shall be here punctually at five in the evening on Tuesday fortnight. Gracious ladies—good evening. (He makes them a military bow, and goes.)
SERGIUS. What a man! ”

“ Why, look at our ages! I'm thirty-four: I don't suppose the young lady is much over seventeen. (This estimate produces a marked sensation, all the rest turning and staring at one another. He proceeds innocently.) All that adventure which was life or death to me, was only a schoolgirl's game to her—chocolate creams and hide and seek. Here's the proof! (He takes the photograph from the table.) Now, I ask you, would a woman who took the affair seriously have sent me this and written on it: "Raina, to her chocolate cream soldier—a souvenir"? ”

“ Come: do you think I don't see it all? (Goes to Sergius, and slaps him on the shoulder.) Sergius: you're the chocolate cream soldier, aren't you?
SERGIUS (starting up) . I! a chocolate cream soldier! Certainly not.
PETKOFF. Not! (He looks at them. They are all very serious and very conscious.) Do you mean to tell me that Raina sends photographic souvenirs to other men?
SERGIUS (enigmatically) . The world is not such an innocent place as we used to think, Petkoff.
BLUNTSCHLI (rising) . It's all right, Major. I'm the chocolate cream soldier. (Petkoff and Sergius are equally astonished.) ”

“ I've some good news for you. (He takes out some paper money. Louka, with an eager gleam in her eyes, comes close to look at it.) See, a twenty leva bill! Sergius gave me that out of pure swagger. A fool and his money are soon parted. There's ten levas more. The Swiss gave me that for backing up the mistress's and Raina's lies about him. He's no fool, he isn't. You should have heard old Catherine downstairs as polite as you please to me, telling me not to mind the Major being a little impatient; for they knew what a good servant I was—after making a fool and a liar of me before them all! ”

“ BLUNTSCHLI. Hotels! Nonsense. If you only knew!—oh, it's too ridiculous! Excuse me: I must give my fellow orders about starting. (He leaves the room hastily, with the documents in his hand.)
LOUKA (tauntingly) . He has not much heart, that Swiss, though he is so fond of the Servians. He has not a word of grief for his poor father.
RAINA (bitterly) . Grief!—a man who has been doing nothing but killing people for years! What does he care? What does any soldier care? (She goes to the door, evidently restraining her tears with difficulty.)
LOUKA. Major Saranoff has been fighting, too ”

“ It cost you nothing: it cost me a lie!—a lie!! (She sits down on the ottoman, looking straight before her with her hands clasped on her knee. Bluntschli, quite touched, goes to the ottoman with a particularly reassuring and considerate air, and sits down beside her.)
BLUNTSCHLI. My dear young lady, don't let this worry you. Remember: I'm a soldier. Now what are the two things that happen to a soldier so often that he comes to think nothing of them? One is hearing people tell lies (Raina recoils) : the other is getting his life saved in all sorts of ways by all sorts of people. ”

“ Saranoff and I will manage it.
SERGIUS (grimly) . Yes: we'll manage it. He finds out what to do; draws up the orders; and I sign 'em. Division of labour, Major. (Bluntschli passes him a paper.) Another one? Thank you. (He plants the papers squarely before him; sets his chair carefully parallel to them; and signs with the air of a man resolutely performing a difficult and dangerous feat.) This hand is more accustomed to the sword than to the pen.
PETKOFF. It's very good of you, Bluntschli, it is indeed, to let yourself be put upon in this way. ”

“ you're not a man, you're a machine. ”

“ The major is comfortably established on the ottoman, with a newspaper in his hand and the tube of the hookah within his reach. Catherine sits at the stove, with her back to them, embroidering. Raina, reclining on the divan under the left hand window, is gazing in a daydream out at the Balkan landscape, with a neglected novel in her lap. The door is on the left. The button of the electric bell is between the door and the fireplace. PETKOFF (looking up from his paper to watch how they are getting on at the table) . Are you sure I can't help you in any way, Bluntschli? ”

“ PETKOFF (excited by the prospect of a gamble) . Come: here's an opportunity for some sport. Who'll bet on it? Bluntschli: I'll give you six to one.
BLUNTSCHLI (imperturbably) . It would be robbing you, Major. Madame is sure to be right. (Without looking up, he passes another batch of papers to Sergius.)
SERGIUS (also excited) . Bravo, Switzerland! Major: I bet my best charger against an Arab mare for Raina that Nicola finds the coat in the blue closet.
PETKOFF (eagerly) . Your best char—
CATHERINE (hastily interrupting him) . Don't be foolish, Paul. An Arabian mare will cost you 50,000 levas. ”

“ You have a low, shopkeeping mind. You think of things that would never come into a gentleman's head.
BLUNTSCHLI (phlegmatically) . That's the Swiss national character, dear lady.
RAINA. Oh, I wish I had never met you. (She flounces away and sits at the window fuming.)
(Louka comes in with a heap of letters and telegrams on her salver, and crosses, with her bold, free gait, to the table. Her left sleeve is looped up to the shoulder with a brooch, shewing her naked arm, with a broad gilt bracelet covering the bruise.) LOUKA (to Bluntschli) . For you. ”

“ In the left hand corner, a square earthenware stove, a perfect tower of colored pottery, rises nearly to the ceiling and guarantees plenty of warmth. The ottoman in the middle is a circular bank of decorated cushions, and the window seats are well upholstered divans. Little Turkish tables, one of them with an elaborate hookah on it, and a screen to match them, complete the handsome effect of the furnishing. There is one object, however, which is hopelessly out of keeping with its surroundings. ”