George H. Sandison

“ If anything sends you home longing for a life of thrilling adventure, for love that takes poison or shoots itself, for moonlight adventures and hair-breadth escapes, you may depend upon it you are the sacrificed victim of unsanctified pleasure. Our recreations are intended to build us up, and if they pull us down, as to our moral or as to our physical strength, you may come to the conclusion that they are obnoxious. ”

“ Sometimes a young lady, costumed prettily as a vivandiere sits or stands by the tea-urn as its presiding genius; but these picturesque additions to an ordinary afternoon reception are not to be considered in the light of customs, but simply as pretty caprices, calculated to give vivacity to the entertainment, which any lady may adopt. Not a few leaders in society choose the “kettle-drum” because they dislike general gatherings, or are too absorbed to assist in entertaining evening guests. ”

“ No matter how rich, or how agreeable to those he may wish to please, he is to be avoided by a wise host or hostess.
If a young girl comes from a secluded circle, and sees some handsome, well dressed woman much courted, and observes in her what seems to be insolent pretence, unkindness, frivolity, and superciliousness, let her inquire and wait before she accepts her acquaintance. Good society is the bringing together of the best men and women in a pleasant and proper way. ”

“ There is something in the sound of lively music to evoke the movement of the hand and foot, whether cultured or uncultured. Passing down the street we unconsciously keep step to the sound of the brass band, while the Christian in church with his foot beats time while his soul rises upon some great harmony. ”

“ But to go to the opera, or a dinner, or a party, before six months have elapsed, is considered heartless and disrespectful. If one choose, as some do, to wear no mourning, then he can go, unchallenged, to any place of amusement, but if he put on mourning he must respect its etiquette.
A woman may wear mourning all her life if she choose, but it is a question whether in so doing she does not injure the welfare and happiness of the living. ”

“ If the home is brightened with the sunshine of love, its radiance is reflected in all around us, and the whole world appears to us only as one family,—full of kind thoughts, tender sympathies, gentle ministrations and noble deeds. ”

“ I have said often, modesty must be an act of the will, and yet it always implies self-denial, for if a man has a desire to do what is laudable for him to perform, and from an unmanly bashfulness shrinks away and lets his merit languish in silence, he ought not to be angry with the world that a more unskillful actor succeeds in his part, because he has not confidence to come upon the stage himself. ”

“ A pretty girl, in simple outdoor costume, standing sideways to the spectators, with downcast eyes, and a half-smiling, half-frightened expression. The fortune-teller faces her, and holds the young lady’s [159] right hand in her left, while her own right holds a coin with which she is apparently tracing the lines of the young lady’s palm, at the same time gazing with an arch expression into her face, as though to note the effect of her predictions. The fortune-teller should be in gipsy costume, a short, dark skirt, and a hood of some brighter material thrown carelessly over her head. ”

“ Occupations that are inviting and pleasurable, whether they be called work or play, are helpful to human development, longevity, and efficiency. Diversion, recreation, pleasure, are demanded as an antidote to our feelings of depression and fatigue, a stimulant to our courage, a basis for satisfaction with life. All must have recreation and amusement in order to thrive well, but in seeking them it is easy to find and to follow those which, though apparently, and perhaps temporarily healthful, are finally destructive of things good and satisfying. ”

“ Neglect and inattention to the small externals of dress should be carefully guarded against.
Enjoy Your Youth.
Youth comes to us but once; it is the season of golden hopes, of overflowing spirits and of joyous anticipations, and so it demands surroundings suited to these emotions. You may require no recreation but such as your business and daily toil supply; your mind may be absorbed in your plans and schemes, which appear to you of almost as much importance as the affairs of an empire, and with this you are satisfied ”

“ We often forget that the priceless charm which will secure to us all these desirable gifts is within our reach. It is the charm of a sunny temper,—a talisman more potent than station, more precious than gold, more to be desired than fine rubies. ”

“ Here, ladies have been known to go into deepest mourning for their own relatives or those of their husbands, or for people, perhaps, whom they have never seen, and have remained for seven or ten years, constantly in black; then, on losing a child or a relative dearly loved, they have no extremity of dress left to express the real grief. ”

“ If the home life is sour, gloomy and unhappy, then we see the whole world through the same atmosphere of misery and discontent; and it is to us only a dull, dismal prison, crowded with selfish souls, whose petty strifes and base actions cause perpetual turmoils and unhappiness. ”

“ The complete word, “Windfall,” may be represented by a young man sitting alone, leaning his elbows on his hands, and having every appearance of being in the last stage of impecuniosity. To produce this effect, he may go through a pantomime of examining his purse and showing it empty, searching his pockets, and turning them one by one inside out, shaking his head mournfully, and sitting down again, throwing into [286] his expression as much despair as he conveniently can. A letter carrier’s whistle is heard; a servant enters with a legal-looking letter. ”

“ The capable hostess will give her instructions for the details of the entertainment so explicitly that on the arrival of the guests she need have no other care than their pleasure. If she is nervous, or shows constraint, it affects the ease of her guests. Upon the demeanor of the hosts the success of the occasion largely depends. Much tact may be shown in placing the right people together at the table. If one is a great talker let the other be a good listener; if one is dogmatic let the other be without positive views, and so on; for every one is happiest when appearing well. ”

“ The dance must be classed with the wine-cup as the insidious enemy of a pure, upright, wholesome society. Pleasant and fascinating at first, it lures its victims to sacrifice after sacrifice until the end is reached. ”

“ Social custom, both here and in Europe, has fixed the time for a girl’s formal introduction to society as between the ages of seventeen and twenty. Abroad, the daughter’s début means much more than with ourselves, and the launching of a clever and prepossessing young girl into the fitful sea of social life is quite an important function. ”

“ The etiquette of the parlor, the assembly chamber, the street, the social function, is something all should know, since to be ignorant concerning such matters is to class one’s self as uninformed on many things that go to make up the sum total of everyday life, and to know and practice which adds greatly to the pleasure of living. The well-bred man or woman is always welcomed, whereas the person who has no acquaintance with even the most ordinary social rules is quite differently regarded by the majority of people. ”

“ Hand-shaking is falling into disuse in ordinary visits.
A lady should never accompany a gentleman to the door of the drawing-room, much less to the vestibule, unless she entertains a special regard for him. She introduces him to no one, unless there be some reason why this formality should take place; and he talks with her other guests just as if he had met them before. No after recognition is warranted between gentlemen, or between ladies. If the parties desire to be presented to each other, the hostess should not refuse this formality if asked to perform it. ”

“ Bad manners are apt to prove the concomitant of a mind and disposition that are none too good, and the woman who slights and wounds people because they cannot minister to her ambitions, challenges criticism of her own shortcomings. A girl who is impertinent or careless in her demeanor to her mother or her mother’s friends; who talks slang; who is careless in her bearing toward young men; who accepts the attentions of a man of bad character or dissipated habits; who is loud in dress or manner—such a girl must be classed as ill-bred and undesirable in good society. ”

“ If it were possible for us to invoke the aid of some powerful genii, who, as we passed through life, could summon troops of loving friends around us, and make our pathway radiant with their smiles and blessings, we should think no labor too arduous, no sacrifice too great to procure such inestimable happiness. ”

“ With many life is a masquerade ball, and as at such entertainments gentlemen and ladies put on the garb of kings and queens or mountebanks or clowns and at the close put off the disguise, so a great many pass their whole life in a mask, taking off the mask at death. ”

“ When detected, as it always is by accomplished people of the world, it creates, at first sight, a feeling of aversion which it is not easy to eradicate. This posing for effect is so old a trick, and so easy of detection, that it is surprising any person who has reached the years of discretion should attempt to play it. ”

“ As many paces as a man makes in dancing, so many paces does he make to hell.’ Elsewhere the old dogmas declared this: ‘The woman that singeth in the dance is the princess of the devil, and those that answer are her clerks, and the beholders are his friends, and the music is his bellows, and the fiddlers are the ministers of the devil. ”

“ A man’s hat should be fashionable, and his jewelry should be good and simple. False jewelry is vulgar. A watch, to be thoroughly in good taste, should never be very large, nor very thick, nor elaborately chased, nor should it have a hunting-case unless his business or pleasure renders him liable to break a crystal, when he is out of the easy reach of a jeweler to replace it. The watch chain should always be small and the pattern plain. Indeed, the young man who wears a big elaborate [25] chain and attaches it in one of the lower button-holes of his vest has made an egregious blunder. ”

“ Consider the significance of Silence; it is boundless,—never by meditating to be exhausted; unspeakably profitable to thee! Cease that chaotic hub-bub wherein thy own soul runs to waste, to confused suicidal dislocation and stupor; out of silence comes strength. ”

“ Next to a wedding, there is probably no social duty that taxes to a larger extent the cleverness and originality of the mistress of a modern household than a fashionable dinner. As a preliminary step to such an event, she is careful to catalogue all the names of those to whom she desires to extend the hospitalities of her house. From all these she selects and groups those who will affect each other pleasantly. The differences in social conditions often go far toward deciding upon the groups, and the combinations of guests may be based upon mental accomplishments, or family connection. ”

“ A lady should not accept valuable gifts from a gentleman unless his relationship to her warrants it. Trifling tokens of friendship or gallantry—a book, a bouquet, or a basket of bonbons—are not amiss; but a lady should not be under obligation to a man for presents that plainly represent a considerable money value. When a gift is accepted, the recipient should not make too obvious haste to return the compliment, lest he or she seem unwilling to rest under obligation. ”

“ When a honeymoon follows, the old customs are still maintained. The father, mother and intimate friends kiss the bride, and, as the happy pair drive off, a shower of satin slippers and rice [55] follows them. If one slipper alights on the top of the carriage, luck is assured to them forever.
Many brides nowadays prefer to be married in traveling dress and hat, and leave immediately without congratulations.
Wedding-cake is no longer sent about. It is neatly packed in boxes; each guest takes one, if she likes, on leaving the house. ”

“ On a dark night and in a dangerous place, where the footing is insecure, a lantern in the hand is worth a dozen stars. It is well to look beyond the present into the future, and in the season of strength and prosperity, to make provision for a time when misfortune and old age may overtake us. ”