Henry Thomas Buckle

“ Her sitter, Louisa, happened to be present, who seconded the motion, and I instantly ran up stairs to the room where I knew she kept her horse. They both followed. Louisa, at the head of the machine, held my hands, while her ladyship, with her usual manoeuvres, exposed what she idolized so much to the rod, and indeed I felt the full force of her jealousy (by ray endeavouring to outdo her in dress) while she exercised the bewitching twigs. In brief, my dear ladies, I think no woman in the whole circle of beauty has it in her power to captivate like this lovely creature ”

“ Her ladyship being a very sat woman, it was next to an impossibility for her to lie across her lap (though that is what she delighted in) , but she commonly rested her hands on a sofa or chair, but oftener would have herself whipped in bed for not getting up early, which I take of all others to be the pleasantest way, as we can then bounce and plunge about, struggle and caper under the rod, and prolong the felicity for a considerable time.
No youth, though ever so enraptured with his charmer, could idolize her more than her ladyship did this woman. ”

“ A country gentleman, of large fortune, had been married for many years to a very beautiful, and seemingly fruitful, woman. The want of children was the only thing that made them unhappy. When the lady arrived in London a few winters ago, me patronized a very sensible and beautiful opera-dancer, to whom, in a private conversation, me expressed her uneasiness about her fertility, or her husband's incapacity. ”

“ To see a vulgar woman, when provoked by her children, seize them as a tyger would a lamb, rudely expose their posteriors, and correct them with an open hand, or a rod more like a broom than a neat collection of twigs elegantly tied together ; while a well-bred lady coolly and deliberately brings her child or pupil to task ; and when in error, so as to deserve punishment, commands the incorrigible Miss to bring her the rod, go on her knees, and beg, with uplifted hands, an excellent whipping; which ceremony gone through, she commands her to lye across her lap, or to mount on her maid's moulders ”

“ Come, Miss, said Lady Caroline ; come here to me this minute, till you and I settle accounts. It is some days since you tailed a rod from my hands ; and, I remember, you then promised me you would not deserve a whipping as long as you'd live. Horse her this moment, Mademoiselle ; and, I am sure, this good lady will take a particular pleasure in holding up the clothes of so bold a girl.
O, Mamma ! O, Mademoiselle ! my dear, dear Mademoiselle, don't horse me ! Upon my honour, I'll be a good girl in future, said Flirtilla, repeatedly. Keep her up tight, Mademoiselle, said Lady Caroline ”

“ She instantly, by desire, assumed the character of Flirtilla's Governess, and having stretched her, with some seeming reluctant struggles on the part of Flirtilla, on the bed, she uncovered to the waist the plumpest, fairest, and most beautiful posteriors that ever charmed mankind. Clarissa herself stood entranced at the lovely view, and suspended the rod, till Flirtilla, impatient for the delightful combat, cried out like a terrified child, O, my dear, lovely Governess, forgive me! Don't whip me this time, pray don't! you'll find me an excellent girl in suture ”

“ It is an undoubted fact, that that woman who uses the rod with most severity, keeps her culprits down, and every way treat them as tho they were in fact bold children, not only gives the most pleasure, but makes such an impression, that they have the highest veneration for them ; and ladies who have exercised the rod mod, like a severe mother, governess, stepmother, &c., have retained their lovers as long as they have possessed any charms of face or person ”

“ Upon my honour, Miss B., said I, you must then have been one of her first favourites, for you are not only blessed with one of the most bewitching persons, and the sweetest expression of feature, but you may challenge the female world, and come off the victor, in exhibiting your snowy hand and arm, and the plump beauties of your bosom ! ”

“ I remember she told me a remarkable story of a lady she was intimate with, who was an excellent hand at exercising a birch-rod.
The late Lord L., when very young, was so pleased with the exercise of the rod, that he courted the felicity from the hands of his mother's maid repeatedly. This giddy girl happened to mention this circumstance to a baronet's lady (her late mistress) , who was of so avaricious a disposition, that she instantly conceived a notion of adding something considerable to her purse, by taking proper notice of this secret. ”

“ Some people even look upon them as great a provocative as birch itself ; and that, not only physicians on the continent, but many in this country, prescribe for sterile [3] men and women. Indeed, a certain doctor assured the world, that in order to get beautiful children, men should enjoy women in their full dress, or any dress they liked best, or as they were when they fell in love with them ; not forgetting to have them highly perfumed, and with large bouquets of the most odoriferous flowers in their bosom their secret influence being astonishing. ”

“ He used to send out of it to his female acquaintance large bouquets that he might have the pleasure to see them dress well at the public places where he knew he would meet with them ; to tie himself a nosegay for the bosom of a lady was a delight to him. His seeing one day a lady at the Pantheon, the beautiful Miss W., with a most enormous side-bouquet, whose pretty face could scarce be seen among the flowers, he fell in love with her, and married her about a month after ; she was but fourteen then, and just out of school.
On the continent, where whipping is so fashionable,. ”

“ You are a fine showy girl ; and I think this lovely hand of yours would do honour to the rod ! Come, my dear Clarissa, don't refuse me.
I am afraid I shall be a bungler, said the blushing charmer ; I never whipped any one in my life.
Come, then, said Flirtilla, you shall turn up ; and from the specimen you taste.from my hands, you will know how to act.
O fie ! said Clarissa, upon my honour you shall not list my clothes indeed, said the fair one struggling, you shall not. For Heaven's sake, Flirtilla, let me alone ! I won't be whipped, upon my honour. ”

“ She has declared to me when me was in Jamaica, me used to amuse herself almost every day with whipping pretty young negroes of both sexes. She has ever given the preference to whipping boys under eight years old. I remember an anecdote of this lady that made me laugh heartily at the time, One day, while she was at her brother's country house, a beggar woman came into the yard with two children, who solicited her charity. ”

“ Wearing them in the centre, as some ladies do, is very inelegant ; but on one side, as the French do, gives not only a grand but a voluptuous air to the wearer ; and it is looked on now in the fashionable world as one of the greatest incentives to the joys of Venus. ”

“ She put herself in the greatest passion imaginable stamped, and called to one of the ladies for the instrument with which she was to wreak her vengeance. I had taken notice while I whipped her, that she bawled and roared with very little intermission during the whole time, which led me to suppose it eased in some measure the smart, which she convinced roe of in a few minutes, for she whipped with great severity, throwing herself into the most wanton attitudes I ever beheld. ”

“ I have heard her ladyship declare no school-mistress. upon earth could exercise the rod with more bewitching severity than this woman. It was her ladyship's whim to be whipped by her in the neat habiliments of an upper servant. ”

“ Her French woman was ordered to bring an excellent rod, which she had no sooner done, than she proceeded to exercise it ; but she found the boy too strong for her. The maid instantly whips off her garters, and, with the assistance of her mistress, ties his hands behind him ; and then they found him manageable enough. They instantly unbuttoned his breeches, and let them down to his knees ; and, having placed him across his mother's lap, and the woman holding his legs, his mother whipped him till the twigs flew about the room. ”

“ I have been told that a great many men do the same, their pleasure being much heightened by it.
Miss L., another votary to birch-discipline, was the daughter of a clergyman, who kept a school at -----. Her mother dying when she was about thirteen, her father, as she was very clever, and very tall for her age, gave her the care of her sitters ; as they were very giddy, she got leave from her father to whip them. She grew so fond of the birch, that she sound means to get other young girls to instruct:, and on whom she administered, very often, the rod. ”

“ D. -conducted her to the shrubbery, where there were several birch trees. She immediately made two excellent rods, and of a large size ; for she was very fond (as many ladies are) to whip with large rods, as they make a greater sound on the b - , a sound very pleasing to the votaries of whipping, and gives a woman a severe air j besides large rods don't hurt so much as small ones that cut shockingly. As soon as she came to the house, she went to the working-room, and calling the young culprit to her, a girl about thirteen, Here is, Miss, shaking her big rod, something that will make you good ! ”

“ Upon this gentleman, though verging on forty, she fixed her affections, and being a woman of ungovernable spirit, she was happy to find him an easy pusillanimous creature. The ***rnatch was scarcely mentioned when it was concluded on, and in a sew days, after, she sound herself in the seat of empire in his house. She had six little subjects to govern, three of which were then at school in Herefordshire, which were instantly ordered home, as she said she would undertake to finish their education, which, indeed, was in her power, for she was a very sensible woman ”

“ Here ends the anecdotes of this lady, which many will think written with spirit and elegance: this, with their originality, will secure them a distinguished reception among those who idolize, with a degree of religious enthusiasm, the beautiful back settlements of Venus.
Original footnotes ↑ We hope the authoress will excuse us, but we cannot mention real titles or names throughout this work. ”