Lewis Carroll

“ Who would be free, themselves must strike the blow!
Let each that wears a beard, and each that shaves,
Join in the cry 'We never will be slaves!'
'But can the University afford
To be a slave to any kind of board? ”

“ Thus, in the centre of a hall-door we usually place an umbrella-stand——in the midst of a wicket-gate, a milestone——what place so suited for a watch-box as the centre of a narrow bridge?——Yea, and in the most crowded thoroughfare, where the living tide flows thickest, there, in the midst of all, the true ideal architect doth ever plant an obelisk! ”

“ Sir, if I look, I cannot miss seeing that there be three such shafts already cut short by doorways: so that it hath fair ensample to follow.
Tutor. Then will I take other ground, Sir, and affirm (for I trust I have not learned Logic in vain) that to cut short the shaft were a common and vulgar thing to do. But indeed a single arch, where folk might smoothly enter in, were wholly adverse to Nature, who formeth never a mouth without setting a tongue as an obstacle in the midst thereof. ”

“ The hollow-sounding bat now guards the wicket;
Sunk are thy mounds in shapeless level all,
Lest aught impede the swiftly rolling ball;
And trembling, shrinking from the fatal blow,
Far, far away thy hapless children go.
Ill fares the place, to luxury a prey,
Where wealth accumulates, and minds decay;
Athletic sports may flourish or may fade,
Fashion may make them, even as it has made ”

“ And yet, Sir, if a cheese-scoop were your guide, these cavities must needs be circular.
Lun. They were so at the first—but, like the fickle Moon, my guardian satellite, I change as I go on. Oh, the rapture, Sir, of that wild moment! And did I reveal the Mighty Secret! Never, never! Day by day, week by week, behind a wooden screen, I wrought out that vision of beauty. The world came and went, and knew not of it. Oh, the ecstasy, when yesterday the Screen was swept away, and the Vision was a Reality! ”

“ Ask our men of science: they will tell you that any German book must needs surpass an English one. Aye, and even an English book, worth naught in this its native dress, shall become, when rendered into German, a valuable contribution to Science. ”

“ And all the evils that it brings behind,
These pestilential coils must be untwined—
These party-coils, that clog the march of Mind—
Choked in whose meshes Oxford, slowly wise,
Has lain for three disastrous centuries [28] . ”

“ But shall they bottle us and caucus too?
See the 'fell unity of purpose' now
With which Obstructives plunge into the row [9] !
'Factious Minorities,' we used to sigh—
'Factious Majorities!' is now the cry.
'Votes—ninety-two'—no combination here:
'Votes—ninety-three'—conspiracy, 'tis clear [10] !
You urge ''Tis but a unit.' I reply
That in that unit lurks their 'unity.'
Our voters often bolt, and often baulk us,
But then they never, never go to caucus! ”

“ Mark me. 'Tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round! Society goes round of itself. In circles. Military society in military circles. Circles must needs have centres. Military circles military centres. ”

“ But, Sir, I will by your favour ask you one other thing, as to that unseemly box that blots the fair heavens above. Wherefore, in this grand old City, and in so conspicuous a place, do men set so hideous a thing? ”

“ It is entirely unwholesome. I never ask for it without reluctance: I never take a second spoonful without a feeling of apprehension on the subject of possible night-mare [1] . This naturally brings me to the subject of Mathematics, and of the accommodation provided by the University for carrying on the calculations necessary in that important branch of Science. ”

“ So marvellous clear, good Master, and withal so brief in compass, that methinks, if any fish of a reasonable bigness were therein, we must perforce espy it. I fear me there is none.
Pisc. The less the fish, dear Scholar, the greater the skill in catching of it. Come, let's sit down, and, while we unpack the fishing-gear, I'll deliver a few remarks, both as to the fish to be met with hereabouts, and the properest method of fishing. ”

“ THE NEW METHOD OF EVALUATION
AS APPLIED TO π.
The problem of evaluating π, which has engaged the attention of mathematicians from the earliest ages, had, down to our own time, been considered as purely arithmetical. It was reserved for this generation to make the discovery that it is in reality a dynamical problem: and the true value of π, which appeared an 'ignis fatuus' to our forefathers, has been at last obtained under pressure. ”

“ Had those twin archways been greater, they would but have matched those at the corners of the Quadrangle—had they been less, they would but have copied, with an abject servility, the doorways around them. In such things, it is only a vulgar mind that thinks of a match. The subject is lowe. We seek the Unique, the Eccentric! We glory in this two-fold excavation, which scoffers speak of as 'the Tunnel.'
Ven. Come, Sir, let me ask you a pleasant question. Why doth the Governing Body chuse for motto so trite a saying? ”

“ Again, it is often impossible for students to carry on accurate mathematical calculations in close contiguity to one another, owing to their mutual interference, and a tendency to general conversation: consequently these processes require different rooms in which irrepressible conversationists, who are found to occur in every branch of Society, might be carefully and permanently fixed. ”

“ I will now say somewhat of the Nobler kinds, and chiefly of the Gold-fish, which is a species highly thought of, and much sought after in these parts, not only by men, but by divers birds, as for example the King-fishers: and note that wheresoever you shall see those birds assemble, and but few insects about, there shall you ever find the Gold-fish most lively and richest in flavour; but wheresoever you perceive swarms of a certain gray fly, called the Dun-fly, there the Gold-fish are ever poorer in quality, and the King-fishers seldom seen. ”

“ No learned man doth now talk, or even so much as cough, save only in German. The time has been, I doubt not, when an honest English 'Hem!' was held enough, both to clear the voice and rouse the attention of the company, but now-a-days no man of Science, that setteth any store by his good name, will cough otherwise than thus, Ach! ”

“ Sir, do you tell me that the block of masonry, between the gateways, was left there of set purpose, to hinder those that would enter in?
Tutor. Trust me, it was even so; for firstly, we may thereby more easily controul the entering crowds ('divide et impera' say the Ancients) , and secondly, in this matter a wise man will ever follow Nature. ”

“ The votes of Michell, Liddon, Wall, and Mansel!
Then, then shall Oxford be herself again,
Neglect the heart, and cultivate the brain—
Then this shall be the burden of our song,
'All change is good—whatever is, is wrong'—
Then Intellect's proud flag shall be unfurled,
And Brain, and Brain alone, shall rule the world!
↑ Dr. Wynter, President of St. John's, one of the recently elected Conservative members of Council. ”

“ Mathematicians had already investigated the locus of HPL, and had introduced this function into the calculation, but without effecting the desired evaluation, even when HPL was transferred to the opposite side of the equation, with a change of sign. The process we are about to describe consists chiefly in the substitution of G for P, and the application of pressure.
Let the function φ (HGL) be developed into a series, and let the sum of this be assumed as a perfectly rigid body, moving in a fixed line: let 'μ' be the coefficient of moral obligation, and 'e' the expediency. ”

“ He is a learned man, and methinks there is much that is sound in his reasoning.
Ven. It is all sound, as it seems to me. But how say you? Shall I read you one of these ballads? Here is one called 'The Wandering Burgess,' which (being forsooth a dumpish ditty) may well suit the ears of us whose eyes are oppressed with so dire a spectacle. ”

“ Ven. In good sooth I hope it. Yet for the time being it doth not, in that it is not permanent, the less disgrace the place. Drunkenness, Sir, is not permanent, and yet is held in no good esteem.
Tutor. 'Tis an apt simile.
Ven. And for these matchless arches (as you do most truly call them) would it not savour of more wholesome Art, had they matched the doorways, or the gateways? ”

“ Some advocates of the process would have preferred that J should be eliminated 'in toto.' The classical scholar need hardly be reminded that 'toto' is the ablative of 'tumtum,' and that this beautiful and expressive phrase embodied the wish that J should be eliminated by a compulsory religious examination. ”

“ Here is a great political and theological party .... labouring under perfect discipline and with fell unity of purpose, to hold the University in subjection, and fill her government with its nominees.' ↑ At a recent election to Council, the Liberals mustered ninety-two votes, and the Conservatives ninety-three ”