Thomas Nelson Page

“ George vowed that no reward could induce him to be guilty of such an enormity, and followed it up by so skilful an allusion to the progressing youth of his master that the latter swore he was right, and that he could dance better than he could at thirty, and to prove it executed, with extraordinary agility for a man who rode at twenty stone, a pas seul which made the floor rock and set the windows and ornaments to rattling as if there had been an earthquake. ”

“ The ocular demonstration of a man’s arm around a girl’s waist is difficult to explain on more than one hypothesis.
After this Margaret treated Jeff with a rigor which came near destroying the friendship of a lifetime; and Jeff became so desperate that inside of a week he had had his first quarrel with Lawrence, who had begun to pay very devoted attention to Margaret, and as that young man was in no mood to lay balm on a bruised wound, mischief might have been done had not the Major arrived opportunely on the scene just as the quarrel came to a white-heat. ”

“ As soon as George Washington recognized that the voice was not supernatural, he recovered his courage and at once disarmed the Major, who, watch in hand, was demanding if he supposed he had nothing else to do than to wait for him all night, by falling into his vein and acquiescing in all that he said in abuse of the yet absent duellists, or at least of one of them. ”

“ His beaver hat was cocked on the side of his head, with an air supposed to be impressive. He wore the Major’s coat and flowered velvet waistcoat respecting which he had won so signal a victory in the morning, and he flaunted a large bandanna handkerchief, the ownership of which he had transferred still more recently. The Major’s orders to George Washington were to convey the box to the garden in a secret manner, but George Washington was far too much impressed with the importance of the part he bore in the affair to lose the opportunity of impressing the other servants. ”

“ Like his master, he had a natural antipathy to “old women,” and as the Major’s threat for years had varied between “setting him free next morning” and giving him “a mistress to make him walk straight,” George Washington felt that prudence demanded some vigilance on his part.
One day, under cover of the hilarity incident to the presence at dinner of Jeff and of his guest, Mr. Lawrence, Miss Jemima had pushed her inquisition even further than usual. ”

“ Oh, Marster! de devil is ‘bout heah, sho’! Marse Nat, you fling it up, suh. I ain’ nuttin but a po’ sinful nigger. Oh, Lordy!” And handing over the quarter tremulously, George Washington flung himself flat on the ground and, as a sort of religious incantation, began to chant in a wild, quavering tone the funeral hymn:
“Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound.”
The Major tossed up and posted the duellists, and with much solemnity handed them the pistols, which both the two young men received quietly. They were pale, but perfectly steady. The Major then asked them, “Gentlemen, are you ready?” ”

“ Jeff suggested that perhaps she might be impregnable, but the old fellow affirmed that no woman was this; that no fortress was too strong to be carried; that it all depended on the assailant and the vehemence of the assault; and if one did not succeed, another would. The young man brightened. His mentor, however, dashed his rising hopes by saying: “But mark this, sir, no coward can succeed. Women are rank cowards themselves, and they demand courage in their conquerors. ”

“ Are you getting deaf-drunk as well as blind-drunk?” he asked, still writing industriously.
George Washington gazed up at his old master in the picture on the wall, and shook his head sadly.
“Nor, suh, Marse Nat. You know I ain’ drink none to git drunk. I is a member o’ de church. I is full of de sperit.”
The Major, as he blotted his paper, assured him that he knew he was much fuller of it than were his decanters, and George Washington was protesting further, when his master rose, and addressing Jeff as the challenger, began to read. ”

“ The Major, with an objurgation at him for stepping “as if he had on seven league boots,” stepped off the distance himself, explaining to Lawrence that ten paces was about the best distance, as it was sufficiently distant to “avoid the unpleasantness of letting a gentleman feel that he was within touching distance,” and yet “near enough to avoid useless mutilation.”
Taking out a coin, he announced that he would toss up for the choice of position, or rather would make a “disinterested person” do so, and, holding out his hand, he called George Washington to toss it up. ”

“ George Washington positively started. He took in several of the family in his glance of warning.
“Well, I declare, marm, I don’t know,” he began; then it occurring to him that the honor of the family was somehow at stake and must be upheld, he added, “A leetle mo’ ‘n a hundred thousan’, marm.” His exactness was convincing. Miss Jemima threw up her hands:
“Prodigious! How many nee—— how many persons of the African blood are there on this vast domain?” she inquired, getting nearer to her point. ”

“ Next thing they’ll be wanting to abolish hell!”
The Major was so impressed with his peril that when Jeff, who had galloped over “for a little while,” entered, announced with great ceremony by George Washington, he poured out all his apprehensions into his sympathetic ear, and it was only when he began to rally Jeff on the chance of his becoming a victim to Miss Endicott’s charms, that Margaret interfered so far as to say, that Rose had any number of lovers, and one of them was “an awfully nice fellow, handsome and rich and all that.” ”

“ George Washington took a step towards him. “Oh! goodness! Marse Nat, you ain’ gwine do nuttin like dat, is you!” His jaw had fallen, and when the Major bowed with deep solemnity and replied, “Yes, sir, and you can shoot at me,” he burst out.
“Marse Nat, I don’ warn’ shoot at you. What I warn’ shoot at you for? I ain’ got nuttin ‘ginst you on de fatal uth. You been good master to me all my days an’——” The Major cut short this sincere tribute to his virtues, by saying: “Very well, you can shoot or not as you please. ”

“ Of all the places in the county “The Towers” was the favorite with the young people. There even before Margaret was installed the Major kept open house with his major domo and factotum “George Washington”; and when Margaret came from school, of course it was popular. Only one class of persons was excluded.
There were few people in the county who did not know of the Major’s antipathy to “old women,” as he called them. ”

“ She wished “some one” would invite him down to pay a visit in the neighborhood, for she was “afraid Rose would find it dreadfully dull in the country.” The Major announced that he would himself make love to her; but both Margaret and Jeff declared that Providence manifestly intended him for Miss Jemima. He then suggested that Miss Endicott’s friend be invited to come with her, but Margaret did not think that would do.
“What is the name of this Paragon?” inquired Jeff.
Margaret gave his name. “Mr. Lawrence—Pickering Lawrence.” ”

“ Jeff with dignity informed him that an affair was then brewing, and Lawrence intimated that they were both interested, when the Major declared that he would “advise the young lady to discard both and accept a soberer and a wiser man.” ”

“ I know the very woman for you—she’ll make you walk chalk!”
For thirty years this had been his threat, so George was no more alarmed than he was at the promise of being sold, or turned loose upon the world as a free man. He therefore inquired solemnly,
“Marse Nat, le’ me ax you one thing—you ain’ thinkin’ ‘bout givin’ me that ole one for a mistis is you?”
“What old one, fool?” The Major stopped panting. George Washington denoted the side of his head where Miss Jemima’s thin curls nestled. ”

“ He rose from his knees at the hearth, and looking the old gentleman over the piano squarely in the face, asserted, “She got her mine sot on bein’ my mistis, dat’s what ‘tis!” This relieved him so that he returned to his occupation of “chunking” the fire, adding, “When women sets de mines on a thing, you jes’ well gin up!”
So intent was he on relieving himself of the burden on his mind that he did not hear the door softly open, and did not know any one had entered until an enthusiastic voice behind him exclaimed:
“Oh! what a profound observation!” George Washington started in much confusion ”

“ Do you think a woman will marry a man who trembles before her? By Jove, sir! He must make her tremble!”
Jeff admitted dubiously that this sounded like wisdom. The Major burst out, “Wisdom, sir! It is the wisdom of Solomon, who had a thousand wives!”
From this time the Major constituted himself Jeff’s ally, and was ready to take the field on his behalf against any and all comers. Therefore, when he came into the hall one day when Rose was at the piano, running her fingers idly over the keys, whilst Lawrence was leaning over her talking, he exclaimed:
“Hello! ”

“ George Washington evidently knew the way to soothe him—“Who ever heah de beat of dat!” he said in a tone of mild complaint, partly to the young men and partly to his old master in the ruffles and velvet over the piano, “Marse Nat, you reckon I ain’ got no better manners ‘n to teck you bes’’ coat and weskit! Dis heah coat and weskit nuver did you no favor anyways—I hear Miss Marg’ret talkin’ ‘bout it de fust time you ever put ‘em on. ”

“ In the discussion which followed, the Major took the lead, and suggested sunset that afternoon as a suitable time, and the grass-plat between the garden and the graveyard as a convenient and secluded spot. This also was agreed to, though Lawrence’s face wore a soberer expression than had before appeared upon it. ”

“ Jeff sprang up, his face very red.
Lawyers know that the actions of a man on being charged with a crime are by no means infallible evidence of his guilt,—but it is hard to satisfy juries of this fact. If the juries were composed of women perhaps it would be impossible. ”

“ What you want to shoot me for? Po’ ole good-for-nuttin George Washington, whar ain’ nuver done you no harm” (the Major’s eye glanced over his blue coat and flowered vest; George saw it) , “but jes steal you’ whiskey an’ you’ clo’es an’—Marse Nat, ef you le’ me off dis time I oon nuver steal no mo’ o’ you’ clo’es, er you’ whiskey, er nuttin. Marse Nat, you wouldn’ shoot po’ ole good-for-nuttin George Washington, whar fotch’ up wid you?” ”

“ At the report a series of shrieks rang out from the shrubbery towards the house, whilst George Washington gave a wild yell and began to kick like a wounded bull, bellowing that he was “killed—killed.”
The Major had just walked up to the duellists, and, relieving them of their weapons, had with a comprehensive wave of the hand congratulated them on their courage and urged them to shake hands, which they were in the act of doing, when the shrubbery parted and Margaret, followed closely by Rose and by Miss Jemima panting behind, rushed in upon them, crying at the tops of their voices, “Stop! ”

“ The rule is, the second takes the place of his non-appearing principal.”
“In cose dat’s de rule,” declared George Washington as if it were his own suggestion; “de secon’ tecks de place o’ de non-repearin’ sprinciple, and dat’s what mecks me say what I does, dat man is done run away, suh, dat’s what’s de motter wid him. He’s jes’ nat-chelly skeered. He couldn’ face dem things, suh.” He nodded towards the pistols, his thumbs stuck in the armholes of his flowered velvet vest. ”

“ Lawrence was a stranger and as it was desirable to have the affair conducted with as much secrecy and dispatch as possible, it might be well for them to meet as soon as convenient, and he would attend rather as a witness than as a second. The young men assented to this, and the Major, now thoroughly in earnest, with much solemnity, offered the use of his pistols, which was accepted. ”

“ She had therefore not been at the Towers a week before she was in the possession of facts furnished by the Major which might have staggered credulity itself.
One of the many entries in her journal was to the effect that, according to Major B——, it was the custom on many plantations to shoot a slave every year, on the ground that such a sacrifice was generally salutary ”

“ I ixpec’ I is mos ninety years ole, I reckon I’se ol’er ‘n you is—I reckon I is.”
“Oh!” exclaimed Miss Jemima with a little start as if she had pricked her finger with a needle.
“Marse Nat kin tell you,” continued George; “if you don’t know how ole you is, all you got to do is to ax him, an’ he kin tell you—he got it all set down in a book—he kin tell how ole you is to a day.” ”